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Since Sirens didn’t need sleep it was no problem for five people to stay in a two-bedroom house. Melissa and I skyped with Claire daily to figure out a plan for our visit to Europe. She said she had exciting news about the leader of PaNacea. Themba, who found a job as a security guard within PaNacea, would gather some more information until we came. We’d meet her in four days’ time. Until then, Luke feverishly searched the internet for any info about Dr. Palmer and PaNacea that could be useful, and we’d missed so far. On our spreadsheet on the living room wall we wrote down the cities with PaNacea's biggest offices, the organigram and what products they were known for. Also, we collected newspaper articles and links leading to interviews with Dr. Palmer. Still, we couldn’t make a connection as to why they had such a huge knowledge about magical creatures and who was controlling Dr. Palmer from behind the scene.
In order not to feel trapped in our own four walls we got out as much as possible. Alex stayed within the proximity of the house and the others and me anywhere on the north and south American continent.
On the third day, Luke, Rey, and I were somewhere at a river in Canada fishing for salmon for Alex.
“Alex would love to be here,” I remarked into the tranquility of nature. In moments like these, it was hard to believe that hardly anyone on earth could appreciate such beauty due to the current circumstances.
“Why isn’t he a Siren?” Rey asked.
“We used to only change people who would have died otherwise,” Luke replied. “We can assume everyone would turn out as well as you now, but we can’t know for sure. It’s still very risky.”
“I turned out well, hm?” Rey pursed his lips. “How would you feel if you couldn’t even remember your own name and everything you thought you knew is entirely different?” He threw his fishing rod to the ground. “I don’t feel like a whole person. I need a purpose other than not drawing attention to myself.”
I joined him next to the river. “I get your frustration. I feel tied to a heavy rock at the bottom of a lake as well.” I combed my open hair with my fingers. “I mean, the Orbiters have given me a task and the world is a mess. I really want to end this as fast as possible, but I can’t do it alone and somehow everything moves so slowly.” I sighed. “The only thing I can tell you is that perhaps it’s not important who you once were. You were a very kind man who loved his wife and created amazing things out of glass. They even put up one of your pieces in the Rockefeller Center. But you didn’t like a lot of commotion. Especially after your wife had to stay in the hospital permanently, you became pretty much a loner. I have never seen you with anybody else. I even think I was the only person who spent time with you and we had nice conversations. But what does it matter who you were before? You have this chance for an amazing new life and you already have four people who care about you.”
“No offense but would you simply go along with everything the only four people say who aren’t in cages apart from the guys who destroyed my ‘house’?” He put the word in quotation marks with his fingers. "You were even the ones who said you did this to me. It’s easy for you to speak.”
I squatted down and drew a cross in the dirt with a stick. “I want to make it easier for you. I wished you could remember as well. Then you’d remember that we are friends.”
Rey sat down next to me and picked up the rod to cast it back into the water. Not even the salmon were biting. It was as if they much rather wanted to keep their distance to us as well. Unfortunately for Alex, he’d have to go with potatoes and vegetables once more.
On our way back, Rey noticeably ran slower than when we came. I worried that perhaps he was thinking about running away like I had so many times in my first year with the Sirens. Luke and I exchanged silent communication about what it could mean but the only thing we could do was slowing down with Rey.
“It will take us days if we run so slow,” I remarked when we got down to about triple the speed of a human sprinter.
“Maybe we went a little far today.” Rey puffed like a grampus. My body feels kind of heavy”.
“No, we didn’t. You went further yesterday.” Luke narrowed his eyes, pondering while continuing to zap past the trees. “You must be hungry after all. How does a juicy human heart sound now?”
Rey grimaced and slowed down even more until he came to a halt in the Canadian forest. “I think I need a break.” He placed his hand against a tree trunk.
“In that case, you need the serum,” Luke said.
“Or else what?”
“You’d die, Rey,” I said.
“I’m not even a real person. There’s not much to die.”
“You are a person!” I insisted. “Let’s move on to get you to the serum.”
“No, I’m not jamming some kind of weird magical solution into my body and you can’t force me to take it.” Rey defensively held his hands in front of him.
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. You can’t be serious. I thought you liked the fast running as well.”
“I do but having to take a serum to stay alive reeks of something being wrong. Normal people eat or even you need actual hearts. I’m an experiment which can live thanks to science.”
I shook my head. “Thanks to science and magic. Alex and Cathy created the serum out of human adrenaline mixed with pure Siren adrenaline. We hoped with the new serum, future Sirens would have it easier around humans. The fact that you don’t need hearts is something we could only wish for. You are the improved version of us. Or do you think I like it to have to see at least one dead person a month to be able to stay alive?”
“She definitely has a point.” Luke supported me.
Rey slid to the ground. “So, without the serum, I’d have to be a killer?”
“We try to only take a heart of someone who would die because of an accident anyway. Sometimes we can even help them.” Luke said.
“Rey, let’s go, you have to take the serum.” I pushed again, cursing myself that we didn’t bring the serum with us. We should have known Rey would need more of it. I started biting my nails, suddenly aware of the degree of danger of this situation. During my first visit to the magical library, I read a text in a beautiful ancient book that the Siren’s biggest enemy were our bad mood swings. Apparently, many Sirens committed suicide because our feelings were much stronger than those of humans.
Rey laughed quietly. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. I can’t even get up anymore.” He closed his blue eyes. “I guess this is the end of my short existence.”
“No, get up.” I pulled on his arms and Luke helped me. We dragged him along for a few meters and even then, he stumbled over his own legs a couple of times. I didn’t take him to be such a good actor and stage his weakness in order to escape from us later. We dropped him to the soft forest ground, covered in dead leaves. He simply lay on his stomach, the left side of his face covered by the leaves. I whipped around, panicking, trying to find a solution in the trees. Really, all I could see were trees. It would be hard to find my way back here again, even if I went to get help. I didn’t know how much time we had.
“You stay here, and I’ll get the serum”, Luke proposed, nevertheless.
“But it’s getting dark soon. How will you find your way back?”
“I was a boy scout in a time without GPS and I used to be a police officer. My sense of direction is better than average.” He said with pride in his voice.
“Okay. Hurry.” I shoved him away. No time for praise now.
Luke was gone, and Rey lay on his side on the cold ground. The leaves around us rustled due to the wind and I became aware of how alone we were. I had never been good around sick people. Already as a child, if someone in my family had the flu, I felt so awful because of it that I had to go stay at a friend’s house. I was not qualified to help suffering people. I felt the urge to run, leave him to Melissa who was a nurse and surely knew how to react in such a situation, but there was no one else here but me.
I swallowed. “Let’s get you to a tree, so you can sit.” How hard could it be to get him to a sitting position if the next tree trunk was only a few meters away? Very hard, when I realized he wasn’t able to contribute any of his strength.
“Nothing hurts, I’m just tired.” Rey slurred. “Is this what dying feels like?”
I dragged him along the soil as well as I could, having to drop him to the ground several times and take a rest until he was propped up against a tree. I glanced into the darkening forest, checking for signs of Luke although that was unrealistic since he’d only just left.
“Luke will be back soon, you stay with me now,” I said, nevertheless. Because, if I lost hope, in what shape would his moral be?
“Why care? I have nothing to lose.” I saw the pain in his face and knew he really felt this way.
“But we do. And you don’t know what you’d miss.” My throat was tight with tears.
“What I don't know won't hurt me.” He gave a raspy cough intensifying my state of feeling ill at ease.
“You are not thinking straight.” I tried to talk some sense into him. I wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him until he showed me any sign of vitality and joy. “With the serum, your perspective might be more positive again,” I said instead.
He didn’t answer but stared ahead, pursing his lips. Thinking the conversation might further wear him out, I gave him a break. However, sitting next to him in silence, hoping he wouldn’t die and hoping Luke would finally come back was very unnerving. I was too restless to stay seated. I strode up and down in front of Rey, my breathing too short. If he died, it was my fault. If he lived but would never be happy again it would be my fault as well.
Dusk had begun to fall, and the forest appeared more and more threatening. I listened to the animal hearts of which I now, that no humans were around, was very much aware. I couldn’t tell the difference between the varying rhythms of animal hearts but surely, I’d realize if a bear was approaching? Only, what would I do with Rey?
To take my mind of such thoughts and mark the presence of humans I put on some music on my phone.
“I don’t like that new stuff,” Rey said quietly. “There’s no skill in pushing a few buttons on a computer.”
I was glad he was awake. I hadn’t been sure for a while. “At least you have feelings and opinions about what is happening now even if you don’t remember what you once thought.” I scrolled for something older and clicked on it.
“Mhh, better. Pearl Jam.” Rey said.
“Eddie Vedder actually.” We listened to his soft and low voice in silence as I listened to the woods for anything that might be a danger to us.
“Eddie would be a good name for me, don’t you think?”
“Above all, if that means you stay alive.” Some weight lifted off my shoulders. “So, Eddie it is?” I asked after a while.
Silence. Rey had his eyes closed and I couldn’t make out whether his chest was still moving up and down.
“Rey!” I shook him. He mumbled something unintelligible. Too weak to form clear words. “Damned. Luke, where are you?” I said out loud. “Rey, come on, move your fingers or something. Stay awake. It can’t be much longer.”
“Nathalie,” I heard Luke’s voice to my huge relief.
“Over here” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “Hurry, he can’t even talk anymore.” I waved the flashlight of my phone.
He retrieved the syringe but paused.
“What are you waiting for?” My voice had a note of hysteria in it.
“We don’t know if giving him the serum a second time will keep him alive or whether it will do something else.”
“It’s too late to have a professional clinical trial. Give him the serum or he will die either way!” I grabbed the syringe from him and jammed it into Rey’s chest.
For a moment, we both stared at Rey expectantly, holding our breaths. Then, Rey took a sudden deep breath and opened his eyes which shone like a fluorescent blue in the light of my phone.
“So, you made it back in time,” he said to Luke and sat up straighter.
“At least, this time, you remember what happened before your shot.” I laughed, relieved.
Rey got up and brushed the dirt off his clothes. “I guess I’ll take another month to make up my mind.”
“Next month we will be prepared, and it won’t come to such a chokepoint,” Luke said.
“He wants to be called Eddie,” I said.
“Welcome, Eddie.” Luke held out his hand and Rey tilted his head.
“You people play weird games. I had gotten used to Rey. But if you say it’s necessary.” Rey took Luke’s hand.
We commenced our journey back. With every step, I managed to shake off some of the fear that had crept into my bones like a sickness before. “Eddie, do you think you will be okay at the Cape if I go to Europe? It’s important that I check in with Claire and Themba,” I said.
“I believe I am older than you and so you don’t need to treat me like a child.”
I frowned. The other Sirens had always made me feel like the only child in the room as well.
“Why can’t I come to Europe with you? Instead of spending my days fishing and exploring the US. I could perhaps make a better use of my time.” He suggested.
I smiled. “I’m glad to hear you are looking for a perspective. Another time would be great. However, your eyes are a bit of an eye-catcher at the moment. We can’t risk that anyone of us is detected or a lot of lives will be lost.” Plus, who knew whether he’d change his mind again. I was very unreliable as well, in my first few months as a Siren.
“Another time then.” He nodded with tight lips.