Foreword

I’ll never forget seeing the play Fake It ’Til You Make It at the lovely Theatre Works in St Kilda, a beachside suburb in Melbourne, Australia.

I didn’t know what to expect. It was hilarious. I cried my eyes out.

Tim and Bryony’s story is deeply personal and absolutely unique to them, but there are many elements of their story that would be part of so many other lives too.

Depression and anxiety are common and don’t discriminate: In Australia they affect three million of us a year. Seven Australians die by suicide every day – double the number of people killed on our roads – and five of them will be men. Every person’s mental health struggles, every suicide, has a ripple effect on partners, lovers, families, mates and work colleagues.

The prevalence of depression and anxiety is similar in the UK. In any year, nearly one person in five in England has depression, anxiety or both. The suicide rate in the UK is slightly higher than Australia, and because the population in the UK is larger, this equates to seventeen people dying by suicide every day.

In the fifteen years beyondblue has been working in Australia, we’ve increased understanding of and action on these conditions. We now work actively to prevent suicide. Australians are starting to understand that mental health problems touch every family, every workplace and every group of friends. We realize that if we don’t have good mental health, everything is compromised. We’ve come a long way in raising awareness, increasing action and breaking down stigma and discrimination.

However, while most of us now screen for and act early on breast or bowel cancer, high blood pressure or diabetes, still only half identify mental health issues early and seek the support and treatment which will aid recovery and keep work, relationships and quality of life intact.

beyondblue does a great deal of work with men. We know that it is incredibly common for them to internalize their mental health issues, ignore and mask the signs and symptoms, and be embarrassed to admit they’re struggling.

Our core message is that strong men take action and ask for help. Strong men talk about their feelings with other strong men, their partner, and their doctor. Just as Tim did.

Our work reaches out not only to men, but to the people who love them, who may not realize what that person is experiencing, or fail to understand the reasons why they might struggle to be open and honest about what they are feeling.

I know many partners have been in Bryony’s situation. Faced with a revelation, either willingly or in Tim’s case unwillingly, of a ‘secret’ mental illness, loved ones feel helpless and search for answers. This is so perfectly encapsulated in Bryony’s reaction, as she asks ‘How do I rescue you?’

What Bryony and Tim discover is that it’s not that simple and there is no ‘quick fix’ to ‘rescue’ someone from mental illness. Through real-life recordings of intimate conversations, we hear their raw emotions and feelings as they face Tim’s illness together.

We do have a clear understanding of why people feel pressured to hide their illnesses. We regularly survey the Australian community to track awareness, attitudes and behaviour surrounding depression and anxiety. While attitudes have improved significantly since the first survey in 2004, it is deeply concerning that in 2012, 29 per cent of respondents said they wouldn’t be happy for a person with depression or anxiety to marry into their family. On average, one in seven people also said they believe those with severe depression are weak-willed and one in four believes they should just ‘pull themselves together’.

I think you’ll find that Tim is neither ‘weak-willed’ or needs to ‘snap out of it’. And I reckon he’d be a catch for any family.

These findings are evidence that stigma and discrimination are stubbornly present. And let’s not forget that the definition of stigma is a stain on one’s character.

Mental illness has nothing to do with Tim’s character – any more than diabetes or skin cancer has. And mental illness can be just as life threatening.

More and more we must understand we need to look after body, mind and spirit. Organizations like beyondblue can lay out the facts, influence and support, but there is nothing more powerful than when people speak up and put talent, creativity and raw honesty into the mix. Tim and Bryony’s story cuts through because it’s funny, sad, breaks your heart and then lifts you up again.

Their generosity of wanting to start a social movement, to protect others, to show that no one should try to hide what’s happening to them – and that it will be OK – is inspiring.

Tim now embraces and manages his condition. Bryony supports him to do so. They are honest in saying it’s not easy, but Tim’s condition is now part of who they are and what they will be as a family when their baby comes along.

For anyone who has seen the play or who reads this book, you may want to help or get involved. In Australia, we encourage people to visit our website www.beyondblue.org.au to learn more about how you can help someone who is struggling or at risk of suicide and to get involved with beyondblue.

Check in with your loved ones today, ask each other how you’re doing, and be honest if you are struggling. As Tim and Bryony have shown us, if we understand mental health problems can happen to any of us, and if we embrace them and support each other, we fly.

You are in for a treat.

Georgie Harman
CEO beyondblue