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Bree
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I FELT LIKE I HAD BEEN hit by a truck. I was sure I slept exactly five minutes last night and not all at once time. I had always battled insomnia. The therapist I had talked with after my mother died said it was the trauma. She said it would get better one day. It had. She had been right, but now it was back. I didn’t want to blame Charlene, but damn she had given me a lot to think about.
She made me reexamine my life and I wasn’t entirely sure I liked who I was before the accident. She had referred to me as pampered. She insisted it wasn’t meant to be rude, but it had been an insult. I got the feeling she didn’t like me. I wasn’t going to tell Luke how I felt about his mother. That was not the way to win a man over. I would not insult her, and I would not say anything bad about her, but I was hoping I didn’t have to spend the day with her again.
I would tell Luke to take the day off. I would tell him I was taking a spa day or hanging out with Mel. Anything to avoid a repeat of yesterday. I didn’t have the strength to deal with the backhanded compliments.
It was strange, but my eyes felt gritty. I don’t know why I felt like I shouldn’t be able to feel pain in my eyes. They didn’t work so why could they cause me discomfort? I closed my eyes, hoping like hell I could go back to sleep. My brain felt like it was on a hamster wheel. I couldn’t get off. It just kept going and going and going.
“Dammit,” I groaned. I wanted to sleep. Maybe some chamomile tea would help. I got up and very slowly meandered into the kitchen.
I heard movement and froze. “Hello?” I called out.
“Hey, you’re up—” Luke stopped talked. “Bree, are you okay?”
I reached up to smooth my hair down. I wasn’t expecting him to be in the kitchen so damn early. “What are you doing here?”
“I dropped my mom off at the airport early and figured I would come over and get the coffee going.”
“You took your mom to the airport? Already?”
“Yes. It was a quick visit.”
Relief washed over me. “Oh.”
He chuckled. “You can say it.”
“Say what?” I asked in a voice much higher than normal.
“She was pretty obnoxious. I’m sorry you had to deal with her.”
“She was fine,” I said, forcing a smile.
“No, she wasn’t, but thank you for being nice.”
I sighed. “You’re welcome.”
“Do you want some coffee?” he asked.
I bit my lower lip. “Actually, I was just coming in on the hunt for some chamomile tea.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I didn’t sleep well, and I was hoping to try and sleep a couple hours.”
I heard, more like felt him come towards me. His hand touched my face. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yes, I just couldn’t sleep. It isn’t that abnormal for me. I’ve dealt with insomnia most of my life.”
“Do you take anything for it?” he asked, and I could hear the concern in his voice.
I blew out a breath. “I have before but I don’t think I’m there yet. I don’t like taking the meds. I have horrible nightmares and feel like shit in general.”
“Okay, let’s start with tea. Is there anything else I can do to help you sleep?”
He was such a sensitive man. “No, I’ll be okay.”
“Alright, let me get your tea going.”
He stepped away from me. I immediately felt the void. I listened to him filling the pot. “How come your mom went home so soon?”
He didn’t immediately answer. “My mom and I have a strained relationship. Her visit was a surprise and not a welcome one. I know that sounds bad, but things are kind of, I don’t know, weird. Unconventional. Not traditional.”
I nodded. “I understand.”
“Anyway, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about those surprise visits anymore.”
“She wasn’t bad,” I quickly said. “I did enjoy talking to her. I just got the feeling she didn’t really care for me.”
“She doesn’t care for anyone.”
“Does she know about us?” I asked him.
“I haven’t told her, but Lisa probably did. I don’t talk to my mother about things like that.”
I slowly nodded. It was a problem I didn’t have the energy to solve. If and when Luke and I declared we were an item, I would deal with Charlene. I would charm her and show her I was the best woman for her son. The moment I had the thought, I questioned it. What if I was permanently blind? How could I convince Charlene I was worthy of her son when I was technically considered disabled? He would be forced to take care of me. I would be a burden.
“You know,” I started. “I think I’ll just go to bed.”
“You don’t want your tea?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m just going to lay down.”
“Would you like me to sit with you?”
I was going to say no and then changed my mind. “I would like that.”
“I’ll bring the tea, just in case you change your mind.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you want me to get the meds? I’m assuming you’re taking Ambien?”
I smiled, forgetting he was an actual nurse with actual medical knowledge. “Yes. I don’t like it though. I really don’t.”
“I’ve had other patients tell me the same thing. We’ll try it the old-fashioned way first.”
I nodded, already knowing it wouldn’t work, but I was damn well going to try. I knew how this little ride ended. I would be stuck in a horrible limbo of not sleeping for days. I would feel drained and cranky and then sad. I wouldn’t want to eat, and it would just turn very ugly.
“Works for me.”
A minute later, his hand was on my elbow, guiding me back to my room. I was glad I didn’t have to be anywhere. I was glad I couldn’t see the sunlight pouring through the bank of windows facing the backyard. I was glad I could stay in my sweats and crawl into bed for the day.
“Do you want a sip or two of tea before you get back into bed?”
“Sure, since you made it and all.”
He laughed, taking my hand and placing my hand on it. I took a tentative sip and sighed with delight.
“Good?” he asked.
“Very good.”
I took a few more drinks before handing him the cup. He helped me into bed, pulling the blanket over me. It reminded me of being tucked in when I was a little girl. I hoped the feeling of contentment would help lull me to sleep.
“I could rub your shoulders, brush your hair, sing,” he teased.
“You just being close is enough,” I told him.
“Alright. I’ll be quiet as a mouse. Close your eyes.”
I did what he said.
“Slow your breathing,” he instructed. “In through your nose and slowly release it through your pursed lips. Think about your toes. Are you thinking about your toes?”
I giggled. “I am now.”
“Good. Relax your toes. Imagine you are sliding into a hot bath. Flex every muscle and then relax it. Calves. Thighs. Fingers. Arms. Neck. Face.” His voice grew quieter with each word.
I could feel my body sinking into the imaginary bath. My muscles relaxed slowly one by one. I could hear his quiet breathing behind me. It was oddly soothing. I focused on his breathing until I felt myself slipping into the peaceful oblivion I craved.
The peacefulness was short lived.
“Luke can’t we go to the museum?” I said with frustration.
His back was to me and it was making me crazy. He promised a trip to the art museum and now he wanted to go golfing. Golfing! Who golfed!
“Just one trip around the course,” he answered, still not looking at me.
I stomped a foot. “Fine. One trip and then we go to the museum. That new artist I told you about is being featured. It’s a big deal.”
He finally turned to look at me. I bit back a yelp. It wasn’t Luke. It was Nate. I shook my head, trying to see Luke. He took my hand in his and I knew it was Luke, but it was Nate’s face. Nate’s face on Luke’s body.
“Let’s go,” he said, leading me across a parking lot. He pushed the button the key fob, the sound echoing in my head.
“You’ll like the artist,” I started to tell him.
He opened the car door. My car. “We’ll see. Get in.”
I shook my head, fighting back panic. “No. No. I can’t.”
“Bree get in the car,” he growled.
“I can’t. No.”
“Bree, get in the car. We’re late.”
I stared at my car. I loved my car. The car that I had almost died in. I couldn’t get in the car. I had a sense of doom. I began to violently shake. There was a scream locked in my throat. Terror tore through me. “No,” I tried to say, but the words were stuck in my throat.
“Bree, it’s okay,” I heard Luke say.
I turned to look into Nate’s eyes. “No,” I tried to say again.
“Bree.”
“No!” I screamed, finally finding my voice.
I was suddenly awake. The car was gone. I was awake and back in my dark prison. My heart was pounding in my chest. I nearly jumped off the bed when I felt a hand on my arm. “Bree, it’s me. It’s Luke. You’re okay.”
I struggled to catch my breath. “I’m okay,” I whispered.
“You were having a nightmare,” he soothed.
“How long was I asleep?”
“Not even an hour. Do you want to talk about the dream?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“They say if you talk about a recurring nightmare, it won’t come back.”
I wasn’t going to tell him I was dreaming about him. Especially since it wasn’t him, but Nate I saw. I was sure I saw Nate because I couldn’t see Luke. I had no idea what Luke looked like. “It was silly. It made no sense.”
“Dreams rarely do.”
“It was my car,” I blurted out. “I was getting into my old car. I didn’t want to get in. It was like I knew what was going to happen. Is it weird I have sight in my dreams?”
“I don’t think it’s weird at all. You had sight your entire life.”
“I guess.”
“Do you feel any better after getting some sleep?” he asked.
“No. Not really, but I don’t want to try to sleep again. I need to walk around. I need to shake off the gross feeling of the nightmare.”
“That should help. We’ll get you outside, get some sun and maybe you’ll be able to take a nap out there.”
“I hope so. I hate these rounds of insomnia.”
“How long do they usually last?”
I took a deep breath. “Sometimes a few days, sometimes weeks.”
“Okay, let’s take this one day at a time. It was one bad night. We’ll go for a short walk. Today we relax. Yesterday taxed you. I’m sorry about that.”
“No, it wasn’t that. It’s just part of who I am. I got insomnia before the accident and I’m sure I’ll have it years down the road.”
His arm went around me as he pulled me against him. “I’ll be there to work through it with you.”
I smiled up at him, already feeling better about it all. Like he said, it was just one bad night.
