Conclusion

Everyone’s personality affects his or her intimate relationships, regardless of whether personality is defined as a set of specific traits that describe us, as a manifestation of the parental relationship, or as a reflection of the internal working models of attachment arising from contact with caregivers during childhood. We may not necessarily see all these influences at work, either in ourselves or in a partner, yet the evidence is clear that personality is operating “behind the scenes,” affecting our inclination to enter relationships, the way we feel at any given moment, the generosity of our thoughts, and our willingness to be open, forgiving, and caring.

Clive Wearing may not have much of a memory, but according to his wife, Deborah, he has a warm and friendly personality, a playful sense of humor, and a gentle spirit—and it’s easy to see why she remains so committed to him. Only she can create new memories within their relationship, and in a practical sense she has to devote more time and energy to caring for him than he does for her. Deborah acknowledges that the dynamics of their relationship are different because of Clive’s amnesia, yet she chooses to focus not on what she has lost, but on what Clive has gained: “Clive’s at-homeness in music and in his love for me are where he transcends amnesia and finds continuum—not the linear fusion of moment after moment, nor based on any framework of autobiographical information, but where Clive, and any of us, are finally, where we are who we are” (Wearing, 2005, p. 213). Clive’s personality comes into sharper definition now, and becomes more of who he really is, because of Deborah’s affection, allowing them to weave their new identities into a partnership that works for both of them.