Help Wanted: National Czar on Intimate Relationships
Imagine you have become a member of the Cabinet of the U.S. president, serving as the new Secretary of Health and Human Services. Your job encompasses a broad range of issues, all with the goal of protecting and promoting the welfare of the American people, especially those least able to help themselves. You were appointed by a president who campaigned hard on the importance of two-parent families, the significance of stable relationships to the social fabric of the country, and the enduring value of nurturing the development of happy, healthy children (Figure 15.1). Congratulations! Your primary responsibility now is to realize the president’s vision.
FIGURE 15.1 Promoting healthy relationships. In the United States, the Secretary of Health and Human Services oversees a wide range of agencies and resources that affect couples and families. In 2014, the Secretary of Health and Human Services was Kathleen Sebelius, shown here with former President Barack Obama.
During your first months on the job, you commissioned surveys, read dozens of reports, reviewed all the leading programs and therapies, and organized conferences with experts. Tomorrow you will brief the president on how you propose to proceed. Mentally reviewing your five-point plan, you drift off to sleep, only to awaken several hours later with nagging doubts about each recommendation:
1. Abolish no-fault divorce laws to make it harder to divorce, and impose a 6-month waiting period before a divorce is issued so couples can have counseling and reconsider. This is sure to lower divorce rates. But what if it keeps unhealthy relationships going? Exposure to conflict is bad for children; this will just set some of them up to perpetuate the problem in future generations, right? What if people simply abandon their partners and children, without divorcing?
2. Make relationship education mandatory for adolescents in school. But won’t relationship education detract from learning in other areas? Can we really teach teenagers things now that will help them have better relationships later on? And if we promote abstinence, kids might tune out and teachers might resist. If we promote safe sex, parents will be outraged. Doesn’t that amount to tacit approval for teens to have sex?
3. Require all couples to learn a specific set of skills before getting married. Many people will like this idea. But if we make it harder to get married, fewer people will do it. Is that okay, or does it mean more children having unmarried parents? Even if this proposal went forward, how would such a program be implemented? Does it assume poor communication skills are the reason people have bad relationships? Is this true? What if unhealthy relationships are caused by low wages, poverty, poor health care, stressful working conditions, and inadequate childcare?
4. Encourage workplace reform, so people will have higher wages, safer working conditions, access to good childcare, and better health care for themselves and their children. Do I really want to meddle with the private sector? Would this plan lead to companies offering fewer jobs? Is there evidence that changes in the workplace have specific payoffs for couples and families? Won’t I have to extend these benefits to all people, even if they don’t have kids? How expensive will this be?
5. Require insurance companies to help cover the cost for couples and families to have counseling. Sounds good, but employers and couples will have to pay more for insurance under this plan. Besides, do enough people even go to couples therapy for this proposal to make a difference in the divorce rate? Does couples therapy really work?
Your alarm clock reads 3:57 a.m. Your meeting is in 6 hours. You turn on your laptop, start looking at your presentation again, and wonder what to propose and how the president will respond.