• • • Production History • • •

The play was first produced August 21–September 5, 2010, as part of a production of one-acts titled EIGHTudes at the Empire Theatre in Santa Ana, California. Produced by the New Voices Playwrights Theatre, it was directed by Paul Millet and starred John T. Cogan and Gwendolyn Edwards.

Characters

JAKE, male, late 20s to mid-30s, a singer/songwriter

EMMY, female, late 20s to mid-30s, a singer

Setting

The den of a small house in Venice, California.

• • •

[It is late night. EMMY is in her robe, playing a sweet, haunting melody at the piano. JAKE enters, dressed in his robe, and listens off to one side before he interrupts.]

JAKE You disappeared.

EMMY I had to come up for air.

JAKE That was very intense.

EMMY It was nice.

JAKE I checked in on Sam. He slept through it all. I was afraid I was making too much noise.

EMMY When you’re four, you can sleep through anything.

JAKE That’s true. You remember that song?

EMMY Of course, I remember the song. How many women have a song written for them by the immortal Jake Legend? I remember, it was the first time we got together, and you played it for me and swept me off my feet. I felt like that again tonight. It’s been a while, and it’s nice to feel that way again. Thanks, Jake.

JAKE For what?

EMMY For going with me to marriage counseling.

JAKE I’m not going with you. We go together, Emmy.

EMMY I really think Madeleine has helped us a lot. Getting us to be honest with one another and really listening to each other, it’s made a lot of difference. Every time you went out on tour, I was going nuts with jealousy, but I feel like that is all in the past. Do you feel the same?

JAKE Yeah, I do.

EMMY I think we’ve reached the point where we don’t need to go to counseling anymore. What do you think?

JAKE We just have to be honest. And listen too. Yes, I think we are to that point.

EMMY Being really honest with one another is something we really hadn’t been doing for a long time.

JAKE That is so true.

EMMY And I think we’re really at that point where we can be open and truthful and not jump to anger but listen to each other.

JAKE Yeah, well...

EMMY Don’t you agree?

JAKE Yes, well...

EMMY I love you, Jake.

JAKE Yeah, well...uh...this is hard, but...but I should be honest... Well, I guess I should tell you.

EMMY Tell me what?

JAKE If we are going to be open and honest with one another, I should be truthful, even about stuff in the past, right?

EMMY I think that is what Madeleine wants us to do.

JAKE Then I guess I should come right out and tell you.

EMMY Just say it, Jake. Tell me what?

JAKE I didn’t really write that song for you.

EMMY [Hurt.] My song? You didn’t write my song for me?

JAKE Emmy, you need to understand. It was the first time we were together, and I really, really wanted to seduce you in the worst way. And I’m sitting down at the piano and playing the song, and you asked me what it was...so I lied. I said I had written it for you, and I thought it might help me get you in bed, and it did.

EMMY My song is not my song.

JAKE It is your song now. But if we are going to be honest with one another, I thought I should tell you the truth.

EMMY [Hurt and starting to anger.] But that was my song. How could you not have told me? All of this time, and you never bothered to tell me?

JAKE I know it was wrong. I’m sorry. But it’s best that I’m finally honest now, isn’t it? Isn’t that what Madeleine wants us to do?

EMMY [Hurt and really angry.] Yes, you’re right. You’re right. But that was my song, Jake. It was special, really special to have.

JAKE Look at it this way. I seduced you and we got together and now we’ve been married five years. We have a beautiful four-year-old son. Something great came from all of it.

EMMY You’re right. I guess I should be honest myself and tell you.

JAKE Tell me what?

EMMY About Oscar.

JAKE What about Oscar?

EMMY I should be honest and tell you about him?

JAKE What do you mean him?

EMMY Oscar was my lover before I met you.

JAKE [Shocked.] You’re telling me that the pet name you use for my cock is the name of the guy you were screwing before you met me?

EMMY Well, it all happened rather innocently.

JAKE [Getting angry.] What could be innocent about calling my pecker by the name of your previous lover?

EMMY Now don’t get angry.

JAKE [Exasperated.] Don’t get angry?

EMMY Don’t you remember, we were pretty drunk when we got together that first time, and we were making love and when I first saw your erection I accidentally blurted out, “Oh my, Oscar, look at you!” You asked me what I was saying, and I just quickly covered by saying I was referring to your penis as Oscar. I think I mumbled something like it was a little golden statuette. Well, after that, it was you that kept referring to it as Oscar, saying things like “Oscar wants attention.” And “Oscar’s feeling lonely tonight.” And “Emmy’s going to get the Oscar tonight.” I couldn’t stop you, you just kept on going on about Oscar this and Oscar that.

JAKE [Really angry.] And every time I was saying the name of your lover before me.

EMMY Yes.

JAKE That is like so wrong in so many ways.

EMMY It just happened, Jake. But look at it this way. We spent that night together and every night after. And we’ve been married for five years and have a beautiful son together. It really worked out for the best, didn’t it?

JAKE Yeah, you’re right. I mean, really, what’s in a name. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

EMMY Well, it doesn’t really smell that sweet.

JAKE You know what I’m saying.

[Pause.]

Jessica was her name.

EMMY Whose name?

JAKE The girl I wrote the song for.

EMMY You not only didn’t write the song for me, but you wrote it for another girlfriend?

JAKE She wasn’t a girlfriend.

EMMY You wrote a song for a girl that wasn’t even a girlfriend?

JAKE She was just this groupie who would ride on the bus with us when we were on tour before I knew you, and she would go from one guy to the next, giving us head.

EMMY You wrote the song for a whore.

JAKE She wasn’t a whore. We never paid her. She just wanted to blow any guy that had the slightest chance of becoming a famous rock and roller.

EMMY Oh, great. The song I thought you wrote for me wasn’t written for a whore, but a giant slut instead. That is so much better. I’m supposed to trust you whenever you are on tour and you’re dragging along the world’s greatest slut.

JAKE That was back then, Emmy. It’s not like that now.

EMMY You don’t have any sluts riding around with you now?

JAKE Well, there are groupies, but I don’t have anything to do with them.

EMMY Like I’m supposed to believe that.

JAKE Yes, you’re supposed to believe that. But what about you? I’m supposed to believe you’re living the life of a nun while I’m gone. I’m sure there are guys lined up for the chance to be with the great Emmy B. Sweet. You think I don’t read the tabloids?

EMMY You know the tabloids are full of shit.

JAKE Do I?

EMMY You know damn well they are.

JAKE Well, maybe sometimes they hit upon some truth.

EMMY Well, then I’d better be perfectly honest and tell you about Sam before the tabloids spill the beans.

JAKE Tell me about Sam? Oh no. Oh no! You sick, sick....You’re telling me that...that...Sam isn’t my son.

EMMY Jake...

JAKE Do you know who the real father is?

EMMY Jake...

JAKE Or has there been such a long procession of guys you’ve screwed when I’m out of town that you don’t even know for sure.

EMMY Jake, listen...

JAKE Well, isn’t this great. You’ve ruined our lives you hateful, hateful...

EMMY Damnit, Jake, listen. You’re Sam’s father.

JAKE I am.

EMMY Of course you are. I was just going to say that I know you have this rule about refined sugar, but when you’re out of town, I let Sam have candy. That’s what I was going to say. Candy!

JAKE Candy?

EMMY Yes, candy. And you go off on this weird paranoia trip, thinking you’re not Sam’s father. Is that all you think of me?

JAKE Well, candy’s not good either. So all this time when Sam kept asking if I was going out on tour, it wasn’t because he was going to miss me. Instead he wanted me to leave so he could have candy. Something is really wrong.

EMMY I don’t know, Jake. Maybe we’re not meant to be together.

JAKE No, that’s not it. Maybe we’re just doing it wrong.

EMMY Doing what wrong?

JAKE What Madeleine asked us to do. If we were doing it right, we wouldn’t feel this bad, right?

EMMY Right! Definitely right! We must be doing it wrong, that’s all.

JAKE I’ll go call and leave a message for her. Maybe we could get an appointment to see her tomorrow.

EMMY Yes! Yes! We’re just doing it wrong. That’s all.

[JAKE exits to make a call. EMMY absentmindedly starts to play the song again, realizes what she is doing, and slams her arms down on the piano.]

• • •