• • • Production History • • •

Eleanor’s Passing was one of eight winners of the Heartland Theatre Company’s 2011 Annual Ten-Minute Play Festival in Normal, Illinois. It opened on Thursday, June 9, 2011, with the following cast:

MOE , Larry Eggan

GUS, Dave Lemmon

TALL GLASS , Kevin Woodard

The production was directed by Christopher Gray.

Setting

Present day, MOE’s back porch in Southeast Louisiana.

Characters

MOE , in his 70s

GUS , in his 70s

TALL GLASS , in his 70s

Synopsis

Now that MOE’s wife, Eleanor, has passed away, his old friends GUS and TALL GLASS stop by to cheer him up. Share a beer. Help him out with his house. And his garden. Move in. With a dog. Friends gotta stick together, y’know?

• • •

[Lights up. A back porch. Two rocking chairs with a table in between. It is late evening in the late autumn in Southwest Louisiana. The lighting is dim. MOE enters with a small electric lantern. He is dressed mostly in black. He walks with a little bit of a limp. He sets it down between the chairs. He turns and looks at the chairs. A moment. He sits in one. He looks over at the other one. GUS enters. GUS, also an old-timer, is carrying a hunting magazine. He is holding a Bud Light. He looks at MOE and at the other rocking chair. MOE looks up at him. Then away. GUS continues to look at him, drinking his beer.]

MOE You going to keep on staring at me, or are you fixin’ to take her chair?

GUS I wouldn’t ask it of you.

MOE Go ahead.

GUS I’d say yes, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I like to think we’re close, but not that close.

[MOE chuckles.]

Bud Light?

MOE If I start at this point, I doubt I’d stop. Ever.

GUS Right.

MOE How long we know each other, Gus?

GUS Too long.

MOE Thought so.

GUS You want me to...I don’t know...do something?

MOE Like what?

GUS It’s what I keep asking myself. You know. What can I do? I want to do something. All I got is beer.

[Pause.]

I got a dog too.

[MOE gives him a severe look.]

Now you think of how I regard Wallace before you start looking at me like that.

MOE [Chuckles.] I’m sure Eleanor wouldn’t approve.

GUS Why not?

MOE The dog has a prettier name than me. She wouldn’t abide that.

GUS Sure she would.

MOE It might tear through her garden. How could I have something that would dig up her garden? That’s all I...

[Slight pause.]

GUS What do you think is going to happen?

MOE I don’t know. Do something, I guess.

GUS Guess so.

MOE Wait for my turn.

GUS Yes, sir. You could do that.

[Beat.]

While waiting for God, I enjoy a Bud Light. You sure you don’t want one? I know the kids these days drink Purple Haze. Named after a sixties rock-and-roll song.

MOE I know the song.

GUS Tourist shit, you ask me. Come down here. Show off their boobies if you throw them beads. Me? I like Bud Light. It’s unpretentious. The common denominator, you know? You can go into any store from here to Santa Fe, and you’ll find Bud Light.

MOE Any store in America.

GUS That’s right. Any store in America.

[Beat.]

I’m going to miss Eleanor, Moe.

[Pause.]

MOE She didn’t look that old. You know? I look like hell. She still skipped. She had an actual skip in her step. Her cheeks were like...big plums, you know? Just ripe. And that smile. Lord...that smile.

GUS Yessir. She really looked good. Kept the house looking good too. And that garden. Gorgeous.

[Pause.]

The thing is, I...well, what I mean is...what are you going to do with the house?

MOE What do you mean?

GUS The house, Moe. What are you going to do with it?

MOE I don’t know. Nothing, I suppose.

GUS Nothing?

MOE Why? What you want me to do with it?

GUS I was just thinking. With the two rooms upstairs. The divide between the kitchen and the backroom. You could really fix it up.

MOE And what? Sell it?

GUS Sell it? What you want to sell it for?

MOE Well, you’re getting all these ideas about my house.

GUS It’s a beautiful house!

[Beat.]

Moe, you’re broke.

[MOE turns away.]

Been broke for years. Me and Tall Glass. Well, we’ve been thinking.

MOE That’d be a first for you two.

GUS Hell, he’s better at saying it than me anyway.

[TALL GLASS enters.]

TALL GLASS Hey, young-timers.

[TALL GLASS sits in the other rocking chair without a thought. MOE and GUS look at him.]

GUS That’s my chair.

TALL GLASS I didn’t see the brass plaque.

GUS That’s my chair!

TALL GLASS Were you sitting in it?

GUS I was fixin’ to!

TALL GLASS You shouldn’t take so much time fixin’ to.

GUS It’s still my chair.

TALL GLASS Moe, what does he mean this is his chair?

MOE Last time I checked it was my chair. I’m sitting in Eleanor’s.

GUS You’re sitting in Eleanor’s?

MOE Yes, sir.

GUS And you let me just stand here!

MOE You were having some kind of crisis. I figured I should just leave you alone.

GUS [To MOE.] Look here, I’m his best friend. Best friends sit together!

[TALL GLASS reaches over and puts his hand on MOE’s. GUS looks annoyed.]

MOE [Wryly.] Thanks for coming over and making me feel better, boys.

GUS Oh, wait—

TALL GLASS We shouldn’t be behaving this way, it’s just...

MOE It’s just what?

TALL GLASS Well, we’ve both been eyeing this spot.

MOE Eyeing this spot?

[The moment is tense.]

TALL GLASS Sure. For the, for the plan. When we all move in with you.

MOE Who all is moving where?

TALL GLASS We all is...moving...that is, we are...us. That’s why...

[To GUS.]

...you never got around to talking to him about it?

GUS I was fixin’ to.

TALL GLASS That’s you, Gus. Always fixin’ to, never doing. A true Texan.

GUS Now, you take it easy on that Texas stuff! You might have the Tigers, but we have the Longhorns, you hear? Let your Tigers go pro and see what happens!

MOE You want to move in? With me?

TALL GLASS No, no.

GUS [Beat.] Yes.

MOE Why?

GUS It’s just that...well...

TALL GLASS We ain’t getting any younger.

GUS That’s the truth.

TALL GLASS And between your gout and my back pain, and Gus’s chronic “fixin’ to” condition...

GUS We thought that three heads would be better than one.

MOE Three heads?

TALL GLASS That is, we all need a little looking after.

[Beat.]

When’s the last time the kids come down?

MOE They’re here enough. Too much.

TALL GLASS Christmas.

MOE Yeah. Christmas.

TALL GLASS And they’ll be here again?

MOE They were just here.

GUS And they’ll be here again when?

[Beat.]

They’re like what we call the C and E’s over at the church. The Christmas and Easter Christians. Show up on the two big holidays, and forget about the big guy the rest of the year.

[Pause.]

TALL GLASS I could take the upstairs guest room.

MOE That’s Millie’s room.

TALL GLASS On Christmas, I can duck out.

MOE What’s wrong with your place?

TALL GLASS Not sure how much longer I’m going to keep it. The pawn shop is doing terrible. And all those stairs.

MOE How are my stairs different?

GUS When he hollers, he’ll have a couple of fools to laugh at him.

TALL GLASS It’s true. The sound of hollering to yourself. It’s not the way I want to go.

GUS Me neither.

[Pause.]

Eleanor wouldn’t want you to be alone either, Moe.

[Pause. MOE stands up and exits.]

TALL GLASS [To GUS.] You were supposed to talk to him!

GUS I was—

TALL GLASS Fixin’ to, fixin’ to. We sound like damn fools!

GUS Maybe I should tell him.

TALL GLASS Tell him what?

GUS I’m losing my house. The kids want to ship me off in an old folk’s home.

TALL GLASS How’d you find out?

GUS Just speculating.

[Beat.]

It’s what I wanted to do with my folks!

[MOE enters. He is holding a third rocking chair with a small cooler on it. He sets it down, opens the cooler, revealing more Bud Light.]

MOE Just one rule. I want three years of peace.

TALL GLASS [Beat.] Where you plan on going in three years?

MOE Nowhere. Three years of peace just sound nice, doesn’t it?

[The men chuckle. MOE takes a Bud Light; hands a fresh one to GUS and one to TALL GLASS. They pop them open.]

TALL GLASS Eleanor started a garden.

MOE She did.

GUS You know, I’m good with my hands. I’m fixin’ to...

[Beat. The men look at him.]

Drink my beer.

[They all sit on their chairs. It gets later. Stage goes dark.]

• • •