“I’M A FOOL. I got exactly what I deserved.”
Kitty wiped a tear from her cheek as Jennifer handed her the box of tissues.
“You need to stop being so hard on yourself.” Jennifer returned to pulling boxes down from the storeroom shelves as Kitty sat useless at the dinette table, feeling sorry for herself and watching her friend work. “It’s not your fault that things turned out the way they did.”
“Yes, it is.” Kitty blew her nose then tossed the tissue in the trash. “I was greedy. My mother always warned me about being greedy. I had the bird in the hand, but first I wanted to play around with the bird in the bush, too. And what happened? I lost them both. I deserve everything I got.”
“Come on, Kitty. Howard barely dated for ten years. Who would have thought the man would find a girlfriend two weeks before you went after him?”
Kitty only shrugged, not daring to admit to her friend that what had her so upset wasn’t losing Howard. It was ending things with Josh. In all honesty, once the shock had worn off, a side of her had breathed a sigh of relief when she’d walked out of Hollies Paints. As nice as Howard was, she really wasn’t interested in the man. And having him rendered unavailable excused her from having to go down that path.
No, what had her in tears and kicking herself was that she’d idiotically broken it off with Josh when in the end she hadn’t needed to. There she’d been, enjoying some of the most wonderful times of her life with the dreamiest man she’d ever encountered and she’d ruined it for nothing.
Yes, so the relationship was going nowhere. Yes, she might have gone along with it indefinitely, wondering if he might change his mind about commitment. Who knew for sure? Maybe given enough time, Josh might have come around. Maybe if she’d only given them the chance he might have started feeling about her the way she felt about—
She groaned and buried her face in her hands.
Listen to her. Maybe Josh would have come around? How many times did she have to get burned by that kind of thinking before she wised up? Josh wasn’t going to come around. He’d made that clear from the first day. So instead of moaning over the loss of their relationship, she should be thankful she’d got out when she had.
She only wished it didn’t hurt so much.
“I hate my life,” she said, not liking the pitiful words or tone but too exhausted to care. Besides, it was the only way to sum up the gut-wrenching sadness that had started as soon as she’d admitted she was in love with Josh Beeker and had culminated at this very point. Her life sucked. There was no way to sugar-coat it.
Jennifer sighed. “Try not to be so down. I know this seems bad, but try to accept the fact that you and Howard simply weren’t meant to be.”
“I’m not meant to be with anyone. That’s the problem.”
“Oh, of course you are. Somewhere out there is the perfect man for you. You just have to try to stay positive and believe that he exists. He’s out there.”
“Out where?”
“How about right here?”
The sound of Josh’s voice in the doorway gave them both a start and Jennifer yelped and placed a hand to her chest.
“Sorry, ladies,” he said. He held his eyes on Kitty’s. “You must not have heard the bell.”
Kitty blinked. “Josh, you’re—”
For a split second, she wondered if he was a wishful figment of her imagination. After all, he was dressed exactly as she’d left him in his chef’s whites and jeans.
She glanced at Jennifer, who tossed her gaze between Josh and Kitty. “Then again,” Jennifer said, “maybe the perfect man is the one both of us least expected.” She cleared her throat and glanced at her watch. “Oh, look, it’s closing time. I’ve got to get going.” Brushing by Josh on her way out of the storeroom, she added, “Don’t worry about closing up. I’ll get the lights and lock the door on my way out.”
And before Kitty could even process what was going on, the showroom went dark, she heard the jingle of keys and the slam of the door.
She stared at Josh. Had he really said what she thought he’d said?
The faint beginnings of a smile curved his lips. “So, you’re in the market for the perfect man, are you?”
She wanted to answer, but her emotions were quickly closing the tight space around her throat. Between the sight of those sizzling green eyes and the seeds of hope sprouting in her chest, it was all she could do to breathe. So she nodded, trying not to let her expectations run away from her before she could fully understand what he was doing here.
“Well, I’m nothing close to perfect,” he said. “But I’d like to apply for the job.”
“You—” The word came out in a whoosh. She sucked in a breath, her heart pounding so fiercely that the blood was rushing from her brain and making her dizzy. Or maybe causing her to hear things?
“I have a prep cook who seems to think you love me,” he went on. “If that’s true, then I should at least have the guts to tell you that I love you back.”
New tears welled in her eyes, except these weren’t tears of despair. They were tears of joy. Okay, she hadn’t misunderstood. Josh had really come after her, he was really standing here, and he’d just said—
“I do,” she managed to utter. “I do love you.”
That half smile broke into a full gleam. “So the old guy was right.”
It took him three steps to bridge the gap between them, to scoop her up and pull her into his arms.
She choked out a sob as his strong arms encased her, wrapping her in the warm embrace she’d thought she’d never feel again. Her body didn’t know whether to melt against him or clutch him hard and hold on tight. She was still in shock, not quite certain where this was going and giddy over the words she’d heard.
Love? Had he really used the word love? And to Josh, what exactly did that mean?
She lost her contemplation when he closed his lips over hers, caressing her cheek with the lush warmth of his breath, tangling her tongue with his and filling her ears with the sweet music of his moans. They kissed and kissed, neither of them willing to break this connection. She craved the taste of him, ached for the heavy feel of his body in hers, and when he finally pulled back and cupped her face in his palms, her body mourned the loss.
He stared into her eyes, studying, searching. “These weeks have been some of my best times ever.” He touched a gentle finger to her cheek. “When I’m with you, I feel I’ve got something special, something good that needs to be held on to and explored. I don’t want to break up.”
“I don’t want to either.”
Ever.
Then taking a small step back, he took her hands in his. “Then you’ll go tell Howard you’ve changed your mind.”
She sniffed. “Howard’s apparently got a girlfriend.”
“That’s convenient. Saves me from the prospect of having to kick his ass.”
She giggled. “You’re not the violent type.”
“Love can drive a man to do all kinds of things.” Then he swallowed and added, “Like marry a woman, if that’s what she wants.”
Her mouth fell open.
“Marry me.”
Was this seriously a marriage proposal? She might believe it if it weren’t for the raw fright she saw in his eyes.
Releasing his grip, she took two steps away, wanting to pull herself together. This was wonderful. It was amazing. It was her most precious dream coming true. But it also wasn’t right.
“Josh, I’m not looking for a marriage proposal,” she said. “I just want to be with someone who’s willing to take that step someday when the time is right.” She didn’t want to ruin this beautiful moment, but still she knew she had to get this straight. “You said you weren’t a relationship kind of guy. It’s not right to force you into something you don’t want.”
Some of the tension in his eyes eased. “Babe, I’ve been holding on to fears that lost their meaning years ago. There was a time when I didn’t want commitments, and over the years it just turned into my way of life. But you made me realize that I’m not that guy anymore.” He took a step closer. “I do want roots, here in this town with my restaurant and with you.”
She touched a hand to her lips. “You really mean that?”
He moved in and pulled her close. “Darlin’, you’re the woman I want. This is what I want. And if you’re going to be telling the grandchildren stories of sordid flings with wanderlust sailors, I plan to be there making sure they hear my side of it.”
She lost her breath, but she didn’t need it. Her blood pumped with life from those sweet words. “Oh, Josh.”
“I’m in love with you, and I’d like to see where we can take this wonderful thing we’ve got going.”
He took her in his arms and lavished her with kisses as reality seeped in and filled her heart. So she hadn’t needed to choose between love and the life she wanted. She’d found a man who both excited her and offered stability all at the same time.
She pulled back and caught her breath. “I only have one condition.”
“Name it.”
“I need a date for Valentine’s Day.”
He grinned. “Darlin’, you’ve got one for the rest of our lives.”