CHAPTER TEN

Caledonia’s chambers were one level below the observatory, a suite with one window in a curved wall overlooking the cliffs. The bedroom itself was larger than anything she’d ever had on a ship, with space for a mattress of dense foam that resisted the chill of the stone beneath.

Tossing her jacket on the foot of the bed, she lit the trio of candles on her low end table and went to scrub her face of the day’s grime in her private bathing chamber.

A knock sounded at her door. Three firm raps of a knuckle told her who was behind it.

“Come in,” she called, dragging a towel over her cheeks.

Oran stepped inside, pushing the door closed behind him. He was freshly washed, and water clung to the ends of his black hair, making them shine in the dim light. A simple long-sleeved shirt stretched comfortably across his chest and shoulders in a warm shade of brown just darker than his skin. The ends of the shirt were untucked, draping low over pants that hugged his thighs.

Without a word, Oran took three slow steps in her direction. His eyes locked on hers and didn’t let go. Caledonia felt a knot in her stomach relax just as the beat of her heart sped up.

When he was only a few inches away, he paused.

Caledonia leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Oran’s hands slid along her waist, thumbs efficiently freeing her shirt from her pants. The chill in her skin zipped over every part of her as he pulled her body against his, flattening warm palms against her bare back.

She kissed him slowly as he walked her backward toward the bed. She pulled his bottom lip between her teeth as he lowered her to the slim mattress and gasped as his fingers slid along her ribs.

These were the only moments when Caledonia’s mind released her problems and uncertainties. Cloudbreak demanded more of her than her crew ever had, but when Oran slipped into her chambers at night, she could put it all aside for a short time. These were moments when she made demands for herself, when Oran was the only person she allowed to take up space in her mind.

Later, when they were both flushed and out of breath, Caledonia slipped out of bed to prepare the bitter tea that would prevent her from conceiving a child. The drink warmed her insides even as her skin cooled. When she’d drained her cup, she slid beneath the blanket once more and pillowed her cheek against Oran’s shoulder, enjoying the feeling of his arms wrapped around her and his fingers toying with her hair until they stilled suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing.” Her answer was too immediate. She knew it as soon as she’d said it, but it was too late to take it back.

“All right, nothing’s wrong.” He caught her hand in his, holding it against his scarred chest. “Then tell me what you’re thinking about.”

“Everything,” she admitted with a long sigh. “I keep coming back to the Fivesons. Lir took out his competition, but he also thinned his own ranks, risking gaps in loyalty at best and sowing dissention at worst. Why take that risk? Is the power play, the symbolism, really worth it?”

Oran was quiet while she spoke, letting his fingers drift lazily up and down her forearm. The tickling sensation made it difficult to think clearly.

“They—we—were dangerous to him,” Oran said at last. “Aric may have called us sons, and we may have called each other brother, but we were the furthest thing from it. Maybe Venn and Decker would have been loyal for a while, but Tassos? He hated Lir more than anyone.”

“More than me?” The words were out of Caledonia’s mouth before she could stop them.

Oran’s fingers stilled in their path along her skin, then he pulled her closer. “Differently.”

Caledonia hated to ask him these questions. Whenever she did, she watched him drift into the past, where he was forced to confront the terrible deeds that had made him a Fiveson. It left him dimmed for hours, sometimes days, after.

“How many different ways are there to hate Lir?” she asked with a teasing smile, but Oran’s expression only darkened.

“Tassos was a threat for more than one reason, though,” Oran continued. “And I suspect Lir killed the others because he needed Tassos out of the picture. Easier to take out all three at once rather than kill one and let Decker and Venn grow resentful or paranoid.”

“What do you mean?” Caledonia asked, pressing two fingers against Oran’s jaw to tip his face toward her. “Why was Tassos more of a threat than the others?”

“Because Tassos controlled the Net, and the Net isn’t only there to prevent people from fleeing the Bullet Seas. It’s there to protect what’s behind it.”

Caledonia was instantly alert. She’d heard stories of what was on the other side of the Net, but growing up, they’d all been about escaping the Bullet Seas. Nearly every tale she’d heard told of boundless seas and arable lands, but every so often there was talk of something else, too. Something Aric protected at all costs because without it, there was no Silt.

“There’s a rig in the South Seas, a massive structure drilled directly into the seabed that Lir has to control if he wants to keep the loyalty of his Bullets,” Oran added.

“What so special about it?” Even as she asked, Caledonia felt that she knew. That the stories she’d heard whispered as a child had contained more truth than she’d realized.

Oran’s lips bowed into a small frown. “The first thing Aric did when he learned how to produce the drug was to compartmentalize its production. The rig is where all harvested bale-flowers are sent to be ground into Silt and pressed into pills. With Tassos in control of the Net, he stood between Lir and Silt. Even if Lir had the blossoms, it would take more time than he had to build his own factory and produce his own Silt.” Oran drew in a deep breath as he considered all the possibilities. “If we’re right and he had started thinning Silt rations already, he had to kill Tassos.”

There was a chilling sort of finality to the way Oran said those words. He understood Lir’s motivation entirely. And the frightening thing was, Caledonia did, too. This made perfect sense to her. So much that she could almost imagine coming to a similar conclusion.

Caledonia shook the dark thoughts from her mind. She pressed her face against Oran’s chest and gave a small growl of disgust.

“I want to sail now. Attack the Holster, take Lir out, and end this for good.”

Oran sat up, resting his back against the cold stone and fixing stern eyes on her. “This fight is bigger than Lir, Caledonia, you know that. You’re the one who showed us.”

“My fight is with Lir.” Anger bubbled through her veins. Everything inside her cried out for Lir’s blood. She wanted him dead. For her parents. For Pi’s parents. For Redtooth and Lace and Triple. And for Donnally, who he’d stolen from her. Twice.

“We both know that isn’t true,” Oran said with a humorless smile. “I think you have a habit of convincing yourself your goals are smaller than they are. This fight didn’t end with Aric and it certainly won’t end with Lir. Not if your goal isn’t the person but the system they’ve created.”

That was nearly impossible to believe. There might be other threats, but no one would ever supplant Lir in Caledonia’s mind. Not even Aric had loomed as large. Lir would always be the burning core of her anger. “No one matters as much as Lir.”

At this, Oran shook his head lightly. “Maybe that’s what it feels like. Anger can do that. Rage can do that. Make you feel small when you are anything but. You, Caledonia, are bigger than your anger.”

She wasn’t sure that she was. For five turns, she’d kept her anger close and bright. It was like smoldering embers, a constant, quiet pain buried deep in her heart. Most of the time, she kept it under control, but sometimes it burned too hot and all she could think about was Lir.

“I don’t know how long that’s going to last,” she said sadly.

Oran leaned in to cup her face between his palms, bending close to whisper, “I know you. And you will make it last long enough to get this done. Just—just make sure there’s something left for after.”

Her cheeks warmed and she felt the constant pressure of her worries becoming less under his touch. “You mean something left for you?”

“Yes.” He tipped forward and caught her bottom lip between his teeth, lightly kissing before pulling away. He kissed her again and Caledonia let him lure her from the swift current of her anger.

“How do you know you’ll still want whatever that is?” she asked with a teasing smile.

“Because I love you.”

The words seemed to surprise them both. Caledonia pulled away sharply.

Oran watched her with a steady, unflinching gaze. Expectant and somehow also resigned to whatever she said next. As if now that he’d said the words, he knew their truth and was ready to accept whatever she said in return.

“Oran,” she said and then there were no more words. Her heart beat a hasty, incomprehensible rhythm in her chest and her mind refused to settle on any single thought. Did she love him? How did he love her? Why had he chosen this moment to say it? When she was unprepared. Had considered no course, no strategy, no possible means of response.

“Oran,” she repeated in a desperate attempt to trick her mind into finding an answer when all she wanted to do was ask her command crew for options.

The skin around his eyes tightened and he opened his mouth to speak when there was a pounding at the door.

“Captain!” Pine’s voice filled the silence behind the pounding. “We’ve got news.”