Cady squinted in the quickly enveloping darkness. Dammit all, another day gone and she still hadn’t gotten half of the things done that she’d wanted to. It would help if she could work past sunset, but even though Idaho Power had been kind enough to get the rest of the town connected back up to power, their help (understandably) only extended to the front doorstep.
Unfortunately for her, since Watson’s Electric had managed to blow her main breaker box inside of the building past the point of no return, she was now waiting for the only reputable electricians in town, Goldfork Mountains Electrical Service, to make it over. Just like Gage had warned her, they were good, they were expensive, and they were booked. It was going to be at least another week before they could get her up and running again.
She’d tried buying battery-powered lanterns so she could have light in the evenings, but they’d ended up casting just as many shadows as they did light, and the other night, after fifteen minutes of scrubbing at a particularly stubborn spot, she’d realized that it was just a shadow she’d been trying to scrub off the floor.
Whoops.
She’d given up on working past dark after that.
With a groan, she pushed herself to her feet and headed to the sink in the back to wash up. It’d only been three days since the disastrous birthday party, and she’d been quite happy to spend all day Saturday and Sunday hiding in bed, telling herself that this was her rest time. Her therapy time. She’d be back at it on Monday. She wasn’t slipping into a depression again; she was just taking it easy for the weekend.
There was totally a difference.
She didn’t much like to think about how hard it’d been to force herself to actually get back to work that morning. Every bone in her body had begged to sleep one more day. She could tackle the store on Tuesday. People took long weekends all the time. She was entitled after everything she’d been through on Friday night, right?
In the end, it was Skittle meowing piteously to be fed wet cat food that’d forced her out of bed, and once she was standing up, she’d had to go pee, and once she’d made it into the bathroom and used the toilet and washed her face and brushed her teeth…well, she’d ended up feeling a whole lot better. Going into the storefront and cleaning some more hadn’t ended up being such an overwhelming idea after all.
“You may be an atrocious listener and a complete asshole when I try to put a leash on you,” she’d told Skittles after he’d finished his wet cat food and had begun his daily routine of napping for hours in the sun, “but you’re at least good for getting me out of bed.”
One ear had twitched.
She’d taken that as his hearty congratulations on a job well done for not slipping back down that bottomless pit, just as he’d intended it, she was sure.
Now that she’d gotten at least a few things done, and all of her light was quickly disappearing for the night, it was time to head home. Ugh. With a mental sigh, she reviewed what was in her fridge, but from what she could remember, it wasn’t much. Her two-day bender of not getting out of bed except to go pee and stumble to the kitchen to eat some breakfast cereal, hadn’t also miraculously included a trip to the grocery store.
It was definitely one of the major downsides to living out in the middle of Nowhere, Idaho – unlike Boise where she could order her groceries online and they would be delivered automagically to her doorstep, that just wasn’t an option here.
Why did you want to live in Sawyer, Idaho again?
Dammit, she really wasn’t in the mood to cook, but going out to eat by herself was always awkward as hell. Everyone else in a restaurant had someone to talk to; someone to laugh and chat with. It seemed like the waitresses always had a slightly pitying look in their eyes when they served her just by herself. Maybe it was all in her head – God knew so much else was – but still, it took all of the fun out of eating out. Last Friday – when she’d been downright desperate not to cook – that’d been the exception, not the rule. Usually, she hated going out to eat more than she hated cooking, and the lesser of two evils tended to win out in her world.
She was digging her purse out from underneath the back counter so she could find her keys and lock up for the night, when she heard someone loudly open up the front door. “Hi, Cady!” she heard Gage call out, and the panic that’d begun to bubble up inside of her instantly dissipated. It wasn’t lost on her that he was making a big production out of coming in to keep from scaring her in the process. It was damn thoughtful, and honestly more appreciated than any gift he could ever give her.
She swung her purse over her shoulder and headed through the swinging door up to the front. “Hey, Gage,” she said, flashing him a quick smile, fiddling with the strap on her purse, not quite able to meet his eye. She’d spent the weekend in bed, sure, but she’d also spent it thinking over Friday night, so she’d consoled herself with the idea that it hadn’t been a complete waste of time.
And after two days of thinking about almost nothing else, she’d came to the conclusion that as tough as it’d been to talk to Gage, she’d also realized that having him simply listen and not judge her had been a Damn Big Deal in her world.
She wasn’t blind, or ignorant, or stupid. She’d seen all of the online comments on news articles whenever a woman came forward with accusations of rape. She’d heard the unspoken questions in the commentator’s voices when discussing it during the evening news. Had it really happened? Or was the woman just overreacting? And even if it had happened, had the woman somehow brought it on herself through her own actions?
But none of that had been there with Gage. It’d taken her the whole weekend to process that, and to truly realize how much that meant to her.
That hard-on thing, though? It still made her as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, and she was pretty damn sure that wasn’t gonna change anytime soon. Lust and her just didn’t mix.
“I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing today,” he said by way of greeting, pushing a hand wearily through his thick dark blond hair. “I kept meaning to come over earlier, but it was nuts at the bakery. Every person in town wanted to come over and congratulate me on taking Dickwad down,” he sent her a laughing grin at his proud usage of such a terrible nickname, “and to tell me that his dad got him out of jail already.” At that, his smile had disappeared and he looked downright pissed. “He’s out on bail, but everyone thinks the prosecutor is just going to drop the charges.”
“Shit, honestly?!” Cady just stared at him, open-mouthed. “What? Why? Who the hell is his dad? And how could the prosecutor even think about dropping the charges?! That man had a gun! At a birthday party!”
Any semblance of calm that she’d managed to gather over the weekend blew away in the wind. That man was out there still? Just roaming the streets?
What kind of small-town bullshit is this?!
“I forgot you don’t know the Schmidt family,” Gage said thoughtfully. He followed it up with, “His dad is the Long Valley County judge,” as if that was supposed to explain everything.
She just stared at him, totally lost. “His dad is a judge?” she finally prodded him. “So what?”
“No, not a judge. The judge. He’s the only judge in the entire county. Every single court case in the county is heard by him. Now, imagine you’re the county prosecutor, and you’ve pissed off that judge by throwing the book at his only son. His darling, can’t-do-anything-wrong son.”
“Oooohhhhhh…” It was like the air slowly escaping a balloon, her breath just hissing out of her as she stared at Gage wide-eyed.
“Sometimes, small towns suck,” Gage said succinctly, and then chuckled. “Don’t get me wrong – I love it here. But I’m not oblivious to what can happen in a small town. It’s not all Mayberry.”
She nodded slowly, trying – and failing – to push down the seemingly ever-present panic that had begun to well up inside of her. Again. Dammit all, she’d wanted to move to Sawyer because it had looked like Mayberry to her. So quaint and cute and safe.
But this was proof that the safety she was seeking was just an illusion.
Run away, run away, go somewhere safe. You can’t stay here. He could attack you. He’s evil. Out of jail. No one’s going to stand up to him. He’s going to come back. Run! Run! Run!
The world was going black around the edges and she slid down the interior brick wall into a heap on the floor, the world disappearing in a haze around her. She was coming apart – flying into pieces and shards and she couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t be saved.
Someone was talking, but they were far away. She shook her head, pushing the sound away.
Run, run, run, run—
She forced herself to pull in a deep breath, hold it for five seconds, and then slowly exhale it.
Run, run, run, run—
She pulled in another deep breath, held it for five seconds, counting as slowly as she could manage, and then exhaled, letting the self-imposed calm ever-so-slowly creep back in.
After her first panic attack, just a week after the attempted rape, she’d done research online of what to do while in the midst of them. It wasn’t easy – there was a loud and rather opinionated part of her brain that was still chanting run away, run away, he’s evil, get away – so concentrating and making herself focus on calming down was akin to trying to solve a calculus problem while juggling chainsaws, but she forced herself to continue the slow-and-steady breathing technique anyway.
Finally, she was able to force her eyes open…and saw Gage’s face just inches away from hers. She let out a little yelp and he jerked back.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you! I was just worried. Can you hear me now?”
She nodded numbly.
“Thank God,” he said with a heartfelt sigh of relief. “I was really worried there for a minute.”
“Panic attacks,” she said through dry lips. “They’re…not pretty.” She dug around in her purse and pulled out her mostly empty bottle of water, swigging the rest back, wishing she’d thought to bring a second bottle to work that morning.
Gage stroked her hair out of her face. “I’m just glad you’re back,” he said softly. He eased his huge body down onto the floor across from her, sitting cross-legged on the cold tile as if it was the most normal position in the world.
No judgment at all.
What was it like in his world, all calm and sane and rational and shit? She’d never know again, that was for damn sure. She’d known once but that was so long ago, it might as well have been someone el—
“I know you won’t believe me,” he continued on easily, “but I actually came over to invite you to dinner.”
“Dinner?” she squeaked. Dammit. And her heart rate had just started to come back down into normal range. Her hands flew instinctively to the necklace around her neck, playing with the gem, her protection against the men of the world. “I can’t—”
He held up a hand. “Not a date. Just the two of us eating at a restaurant as friends. Nothing more. I realized that inviting you over to my parents’ house for the big birthday party doesn’t help you the next night when you still don’t want to cook, and don’t know where to go out to eat. You can’t just keep showing back up at my parents’ house, especially since Emma went back to Denver. My favorite place is…I don’t know.”
She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Well, if you don’t know, I certainly don’t know,” she felt obliged to point out. “I really don’t know Franklin all that well.”
“C’mon,” he said, ignoring that and extending his hand out to her. After a moment’s hesitation, she clasped her hand in his and they pulled each other up into a standing position. He dropped his hand next to his side, and she found herself missing it, just for a moment. “You can even follow me over in your own car. That way, no one will get the wrong idea. Dates don’t arrive in separate cars, right?”
She let out a little whoosh of relief at that – if she was in her own vehicle and things went sideways on her, she could just drive back home. She had an out. It made her feel a little more secure. A little more willing to say yes.
“Sounds good.” She couldn’t believe her own ears. She sounded so…so normal in that moment. “I’m parked out back – do you need to go lock up?”
“Nope. I already did that before coming over. This way, I could walk with you to the parking lot out back.”
There was a part of her that wanted to inform him she wasn’t some maiden in the Dark Ages, needing an escort everywhere she went, but then she remembered that Dickwad was out on bail and decided she could whip out her women’s lib card some other time.
For now, having an escort felt…nice.
Gage waited quietly as she locked up behind them, and then walked her over to her Jeep, even though the parking lot was small and it was obvious no one else was around. She almost teased him about it, but then decided not to. After all, what if that caused him to stop?
She wasn’t about to say this out loud, but no matter how huge his muscles were and no matter how much the beginnings of that hard-on had scared her, she was also beginning to believe Hannah’s assessment of him.
He’s one of the good guys.
It didn’t make her less jumpy around him, but it did mean she was able to relax faster after jumping, and that was some sort of an improvement, right?
After she’d unlocked her Jeep and had gotten inside without a problem, Gage hurried to his truck and they caravanned out of the parking lot, her once again following his tail lights.
An uneventful thirty minutes later, and they were pulling into the parking lot of a diner. I Don’t Know was flashing in a brilliant neon above the front door. She was laughing as she got out of her Jeep. “Really? The name of this place is I Don’t Know?” she called out to Gage as he swung down from his truck.
He flashed her a wide grin as he walked over. “I asked the owners – they said that everyone seems to say ‘I don’t know’ when asked where they want to eat for dinner. So, they figured they’d be I Don’t Know, and get all of that business.”
“Makes sense to me,” Cady said admiringly. She followed him up to the front door, which he held open for her. A gentleman, through and through. “I’ve been toying around with names for my business, and I haven’t found quite the right one yet.”
Just then, the waitress hurried over to seat them, and they fell silent as she escorted them to a booth. After promising to return with their drinks, she disappeared as Gage and Cady perused their menu. From what she could tell, the diner specialized in burgers and had combos on the menu that she never would’ve dreamed to put together. Who thought that peanut butter was a good idea on a burger?
But some of the more normal options looked appealing, and she finally forced herself to make a choice.
“So, what names have you come up with so far?” Gage asked after the waitress took their order and disappeared into the back again.
“What? Oh, right. Ummm…” She began ticking them off on her fingers in no particular order. “The Banana Blender, Smoothie Time!, The Juice Box, The Smoothie Stop…I’m sure there’s more but I left my list at home.” Alphabetized, of course, with stars next to her favorites. She’d almost rewritten the list in order from shortest to longest – a name that was too long would be a pain to fit onto a logo or a sign, after all – but at the last moment, she’d managed to stop herself.
He nodded thoughtfully as he pondered her list. “As I already told you, I renamed the Muffin Man after I bought it from my grandparents. It took me forever to find just the right name but I’d known for years that I was going to take it over, so I had a lot of time to make my choice. Hey,” he said, brightening, “you could be the Smoothie Queen!”
She laughed, and, clearly emboldened, he added, “Or the Hippie Chick Smoothies…Hmmm...I’m not sure how much you want to emphasize being a hippie in Sawyer, though.”
“Smoothie Queen,” she murmured to herself, testing out the name, ignoring his second suggestion, a clearly horrendous one. She already knew that she was pushing it by putting a smoothie and health food store in Sawyer. She didn’t need to make things worse by choosing a name with ‘Hippie Chick’ in it. “A play on Dairy Queen. Huh. I actually like it.”
He beamed at her and she blinked. Twice. Having the full strength of Gage’s smile turned on her was…
Wow.
A clearly inappropriate reaction. They were just friends, only friends, and never to be anything but friends. No matter how much wattage his smile put out.
The waitress showed up just then with their food, saving Cady from having to come up with something intelligent to say. After laying out enough food to feed at least three or four people, the waitress headed off to go help another table, leaving Cady behind, staring at the massive amounts of food with an open mouth.
“Have I mentioned that they dish up generous servings here?” Gage asked, laughing at her expression. “Just one of the many reasons to love this place.”
As they dug in, they began chatting, first about small town life and then about Gage’s family and then they drifted to Hannah…the conversation just seemed to flow between them, something Cady tried very hard not to think about too much, and thus ruin it all by freezing up. Gage was a naturally outgoing person, and when they weren’t discussing the worst day of Cady’s life, she found his questions easy to answer. Thankfully, he seemed to have decided that that was a verboten topic, and also steered clear of any mention of football or BSU.
Finally, they both sat back with a happy sigh, and Cady eyed the remains dubiously. Somehow, Gage had managed to eat a double-patty burger with cheese and bacon, a serving of french fries, jalapeño poppers, and onion rings, and she honestly thought he’d be up for more if the opportunity presented itself.
How is this man not 400 pounds of flabby fat?
It really wasn’t fair.
“Ice cream time!” he announced, and waved the waitress over.
“Ice cream?” Cady wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry. “Where on God’s green earth am I supposed to fit ice cream?” She may not have eaten quite as much as Gage, but she’d certainly eaten more than she normally did, and felt stuffed to the gills.
“There’s always room for ice cream,” Gage said seriously, and then turned to the waiting waitress, flashing one of his charming grins at her. She patted her hair and smiled flirtatiously in return, clearly in possession of eyeballs and thus could see how handsome Gage was.
Cady did her best to tamp down her glare. She had no claim on Gage, of course, but still. It wasn’t professional to flirt with the customers. Everyone knew that.
Or, at least, should know that.
“What kind of ice cream are you wantin’, darlin’?” the waitress asked, addressing the question only to Gage, not even seeming to remember that Cady was sitting right there.
Cady fought back the urge to “accidentally” kick the woman in the shins, but only barely.
“A scoop of mint chocolate and another of pralines and cream,” he told her. “Waffle cone. What about you, Cady?”
The waitress reluctantly turned towards Cady, clearly remembering only then that someone else was at the table besides Gage.
Cady worked really, really hard to tamp down her irritation. “I don’t need any, honestly,” she said tightly. “I’m full to the brim.”
“Just some for me then,” Gage said, and the waitress scurried off to dish it up for him, ignoring the next table over that was trying to catch her attention to get refills on their drinks.
Cady just shook her head. “Do all women respond to you like that?” she asked. She felt embarrassed for her female comrades of the world. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
“Uh…” He was clearly caught off guard by the question, and not sure how to answer it. Finally, “Most women seem to like me.” He shrugged, one massive, muscle-bound shoulder moving under his thin t-shirt.
Shockingly enough – at least in her opinion – she was able to quell her panic at the sight instead of letting it overtake her and smother her alive. Yeah, Gage had way more muscles than she really cared for, but the more time she spent around him, the more she was beginning to realize that he was just a gentle giant.
At least so far.
“I’m a people person,” he said, when she didn’t say anything else. “I like being around people, and figuring out what makes them tick.”
She tilted her head to the side at that, staring at him, trying to decide how to take that statement. “It sounds like you study the rest of us under a microscope,” she said slowly, not liking that idea. She wasn’t some strange specimen to be dissected, even if it was just figuratively.
He laughed. “Wow, then that came out wrong,” he said dryly. “It’s not that, promise. Humanity is just interesting to me. Everyone has their own motivations for why they do things and how they perceive the world around them. I find that fascinating. Two people can see the same exact situation and interpret it in completely different ways. The power of perception…” He shrugged again, those damn muscles rippling again, but before he could say anything else, the waitress showed up with his ice cream cone and the check.
Cady pulled her wallet out of her purse to pay her half but Gage waved her away. “This is my welcome-to-Sawyer gift to you,” he said. “You can catch dinner some other time.” She wanted to argue but even as she opened her mouth to do so, she let out a sigh of resignation instead. She somehow knew it would be a futile move. Signing the credit card receipt with one hand while licking at the cone in the other, he pushed to his feet. “Ready?”
She nodded, but instead of heading back to their vehicles like she’d expected, Gage led her around the side of the parking lot, through a patch of pine trees with the only spotty lighting filtering through from the street lamps and the half moon, until they came out on the other side and onto the shoreline of a lake.
“Wolf Bends Lake,” Gage said, between long licks of his cone. He held the cone out to her and she shook her head. With a shrug, he continued. She tried not to stare. He seemed awfully…dexterous with his tongue.
She absolutely, positively was not going to imagine what else he could do with it.
“When fall hits,” he continued, oblivious to her wandering thoughts, “I Don’t Know serves up hot cocoa or coffee in to-go cups, and then people walk along this beach, drinking it to keep warm while listening to the waves, until the lake freezes over, of course. Then people walk along this beach and laugh at the people trying to ice skate but who spend more time on their ass than on their feet.”
Cady laughed at that, imagining the scene. “I’ve never been ice skating,” she said after a moment’s reflection. Gage looked at her, surprised, and she just shrugged. “I love watching the ice skating in the Winter Olympics – it’s by far my favorite sport. It never occurred to me to try doing it myself, though.”
“We’ll have to go this winter,” Gage said. “As just friends, of course,” he added quickly. “But there’s an ice skating rink over on that side of town,” he pointed away from the lake, “that some regional skating stars like to practice on. I like to skate – there’s something about gliding over the ice that is just soothing, I suppose – and I’ve had a couple of women ask me to be their skating partner because I could lift them up in the air without a problem. But I have the bakery to run, so…no time. It’s a nice way to pass a free day, though.”
She looked furtively at his bulging shoulders, so wide they looked like they could take on the world, and didn’t doubt his story for a second. A guy who looked like that who could also stay upright with a pair of ice skates on? He probably had women lined up down the block to skate with someone like him.
She moved her eyes up past his shoulders and up to his brilliant blue eyes – or at least eyes that she knew were a brilliant blue, but in the late spring evening with very little light, she couldn’t see much past the glinting off his glasses.
“Why do you wear glasses?” she asked suddenly. At his puzzled look, she added, “Most people wear contacts nowadays. It isn’t that you don’t look good in glasses, because…” She stumbled to a verbal stop, wishing for the sands of the lake shore to open up and swallow her whole, but Gage took pity on her and answered her question, sidestepping her almost-a-compliment comment.
“I used to wear contacts,” he said, “but after the fire, my eyes were really irritated from all of the smoke and dust, and then reconstruction started on the bakery which caused even more dust, and…well, I got into the habit of wearing glasses and after a while, I just forgot to go back to contacts. It’s nice not to be trying to wake up at four in the morning by stabbing myself in the eyeball with my finger. I don’t miss contacts, honestly.”
Cady almost got sidetracked by the “four in the morning” comment – who woke up at four in the morning voluntarily?! – but managed by sheer dint of will to focus on an even more shocking statement: This fire he mentioned so casually.
“What fire?” she asked.
“What?” he murmured, distracted by a trail of melting ice cream down the side of the waffle cone and managing to catch it with his tongue before it dropped to the sand beneath their feet.
You have a very nice tongue…is what she almost said, but she managed to stop herself at the last moment. She really would have to be swallowed up whole by the sand beneath her feet if she made a ridiculous statement like that.
“You mentioned a fire. What fire?”
“Oh! Right. Shit, I keep forgetting that you haven’t been living here for forever. Last April – the 10th, to be exact – the chimney in my bakery caught fire. I stayed too long trying to put the fire out, and tripped over something in all of the smoke. Hit my head on the way down, and completely knocked me out. We have an excellent fire crew here, though, and Jaxson, Sugar’s husband, found me and got me out. Saved my life, and Sugar’s too. Didn’t you wonder where all of that black smoke on the wall of your store came from?”
He drew to a stop, looking out over the gently lapping lake, eating the last bites of his cone, offering her the last crunchy bite of the base of the cone but she shook her head. She’d managed to say no this long; she could continue holding out. He popped the rest into his mouth with a shrug.
“Huh,” she said thoughtfully, turning to also look out over the lake. It was a safer view. “I saw that, of course, but thought that there’d been some sort of electrical fire from an outlet or something that had caused it. It was that and the knob-and-tube wiring that caused me to call Watson’s.”
Gage shook his head ruefully. “Let’s just all be glad that he only knocked out the power to the whole town,” he said with a dry chuckle. “He could’ve actually tried to wire something up for you, and then you really would’ve had an electrical fire. No, all of that smoke damage was actually from the fire in the bakery. The previous owner of your building had had that damn place for sale for what seemed like years but no one was interested. Too many problems and the price was too high. After the fire, he came over to the bakery to complain about the smoke damage. I told him to file a complaint with my insurance company, and gave him the info. He never did. I think he just liked to hear the sound of his own voice, preferably complaining.”
They grew silent then, looking out over the moonlit lake. The ripples meant that the half-moon’s reflection was distorted and ever moving, and Cady stared at that, feeling like it had more significance than most would ever realize.
Distorted, moving and restless, but still pretty in its own way.
Yeah, that could definitely be an analogy for her life.
“You ready to head back?” Gage asked quietly, breaking into her thoughts.
She nodded, not meaning it but knowing that she should. If Gage was getting up at four in the morning, she’d already kept him up past his bedtime, and as his friend, she should be focused on his well-being.
Friend.
When was the last time she’d had a male friend?
Dad. She had been closest to her mom, but her dad was a damn close second. He’d cared about her.
When they’d died…
She tried to push down the pain of that memory, and instead think back to the last male friend she’d had who wasn’t related to her. Elementary school, probably. Back before boys got cooties. Back before boys became monsters without provocation.
“You okay?” Gage asked, breaking into her thoughts. She realized with a start that they were standing next to her Jeep. He must’ve decided to walk her to it, but instead of climbing inside when they got there, she’d gotten lost in her painful history.
“Oh yeah, I’m good. See you tomorrow?” she asked rhetorically, and her voice was too loud and forcefully happy and she knew it wasn’t believable but she ignored that and climbed into her Jeep, starting it and letting the quiet rumble of the engine soothe her as she tried to breathe again.
Despite her mental meanderings, she reflected as she drove home (this time Gage following her, waiting in her landlord’s driveway until she’d made it safely inside of her basement apartment and he could drive away) tonight had been fun. More fun than she’d had in a long time. Maybe years, even.
Maybe, just maybe, Gage was the perfect friend – attentive, thoughtful, protective without being overbearing, and really, what guy would dare even think about touching her with him hulking just behind her? He was like a human-sized bottle of mace, at the ready at a moment’s notice to take down any asshole who dared to step inside her personal space.
Yeah, she could get used to this. As long as his dick stayed zipped up and out of sight, this could work just fine.