Mom, Why Did You Drink So Much?

I wanted to feel like a butterfly.

  Or

  My teeth hurt. 
  
  Or

  Paul loves me.
  
 Or

  He doesn’t.

Payday Lending

 When Mom can’t pay the loan, they’ll take the car.
Then how are we supposed to get home?

I mean home,
to Blue Way, Wisconsin.
To the lake, the woods?

  But rent, Zekers, she says.

  Rent.

My Mom Is Beautiful But

  her breath stinks.

  Her cheek is red, hot, and puffy. 
  I bring ice.

  She drinks rum. Says,
  My tooth hurts.

  No money to go to the dentist. 
  Not my problem, says Paul.

Losing the Car Is One Thing

 Losing a tooth is another.
Mom went to the dentist instead.
Didn’t pay on her loan.

She lost a car to lose a tooth.
Now she hides her smile.
Covers her mouth with her hand.

We’re watching
Say Yes to the Dress.
Some of those brides are so beautiful,
like butterflies.

Mom’s voice is muffled.
She talks behind her
hand, takes the bus to work.

Money Honey

  I bring Mom tissues,
  ice, rum.

You’re so helpful,
Mom says. She
wipes her eyes,
smiles behind her hand.

Now.
Say it
now:
Mom, why don’t we just move back to Wisconsin?

She says,
It’s the money, honey

HELP WANTED

  My heart pounds
like I’ve spotted a deer.

Breathe in,
smell pizza.
Breathe out,
phones are ringing.
Will that be for pickup or delivery?


Breathe in,
What would you like on that?
Breathe out,
try not to be
invisible.

Say:

Hey, I saw your sign outside.
You guys hiring?

The Manager’s Office

  is not fancy.
Ripped up old chairs,
papers everywhere,
pizza sauce fingerprints
all over the light switch.


The manager’s mouth
hides behind his beard.
He pinches a banana pepper
between his fingers.
Shoves it into all that beard.
Crunches.
Wipes his hand on his pants.


Hi, I’m Scott.

Job Interview

My mouth
is moving.
I’m saying
something.

But I can’t hear it.
My voice is soft.
My stomach is growling.
(I’m always starving after school.)

Today
my hunger is louder
than my voice.

First Day at Work

Hi, I’m Olivia. I’ll give you the tour.
She spreads her arms wide,
spins around.
Her red hair is like flames around her face.

I pretend to understand what she’s saying.

Dry storage.

Dumpster.

Prep area.

We stand in the walk-in freezer.
I can see my breath,
but I could never be cold around Olivia.

Fire Girl

  Olivia
sticks a long hook into the ovens,
pops the bubbles
rising
in the pizza crusts.

Wild red hair
like a prairie fire.
But a mouth
like a rosebud
that blooms
when she smiles.

She says,
Zeke, huh?
You look more like a Zekers.


My heart melts
like cheese on a pizza.

She called me Zekers.

Paul’s Apartment Is Cold and Dark

 Heat broke.

Landlord
isn’t answering his phone.
Plus, the power
got cut off.

Britch, you were supposed to pay the bill.

They’re fighting,
wearing hats and coats,
using phone flashlights
like candles.
The light makes their faces
look blue.

Mom, Guess What, I Got a Job

  is what I want to say.

But Paul’s got his hands
in Mom’s coat pockets
looking for change.

Mom squirms,
tries out a normal voice.
Zeke, you’re home late today.
Everything OK?

I lie:
Sorry.
Got detention.

I’m Going to Get Paid

  And I’m not going to let Paul
take my money.
I’m going to hide it.

I stand on my bed,
reach up and
slide apart
the ceiling tiles.

I’ll cash my checks and
hide the bills up here.

Then one day
I’ll open the ceiling.
It’ll rain money on Mom and me.

We Need a Car

if we’re going to move back
to Blue Way.

A car to get there.
A car to get around in.
There are no buses out there.

In study hall I look online
for something cheap but reliable.

About $3,000 will do it.

Also we need first month’s rent.
Security deposit.

Say, $2,000.

We Need $5,000

I will make $7.25 an hour
and work 18 hours a week.

In 38.31 weeks
I will have $5,000.

Math is easy
when you want
something.

First Day at Casa de Pizza

They’ll take the cost of my
green uniform
out of my first check.

So now I’ll have to work even longer.
Just to get to $5,000.

I think about what a year
looks like while
folding pizza boxes.

Christmas lights.
Easter eggs.
Fireworks.
Jack-o’-lanterns.
Thanksgiving turkeys.

Did you know
you can get paper cuts
from cardboard?

Check the Schedule

 Dylan trains me.

Double-bag the trash
so it doesn’t leak.
Drop a germ-killing
tablet in the sink.

Dylan is a senior at my school.
He has a tiny beard.
He shows me how to check the work schedule.

I won’t work with Olivia again for a week.

Scott Is on a Diet

 He used to eat pizza,
Dylan says.
Now he eats banana peppers.

Two yellow peppers
go in a corner
of each box.
I check to make sure
before each pizza goes out.

You know Scott’s
standing behind you
watching you
because you hear him crunching.

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH

 What, kid, did you get your period?

Scott is crunching and laughing.
He points at the floor.

The trash bag has burst and
I’m dragging a red line
of tomato sauce
all across the floor.

Olivia, look. Kid got his first period.

I turn as red as the sauce.

First Paycheck

 It’s less than I thought.
Taxes. Social security.
Plus the check-cashing place
takes a cut.

I slide five twenties
into an old envelope.
Slip it into my hiding spot
in the ceiling.

That’s when I hear the

SLAP.

It Doesn’t Leave a Mark

My mom’s face looks fine.
But the sound of the slap,
my mom’s gasp.
Those sounds
left a mark in my mind.

It’s OK.
I’ll get us home.
I just need to make money faster.

Olivia Has a History Final

 on a day she’s
supposed to work.

That’s how I learn
she’s in college.

She’s arguing with Scott.

I asked off, she says.

Crunch. Crunch.
Not my problem, he says.

Does she know I’m still in high school?
Yesterday she threw an olive and
I caught it in my mouth.

She said,
Zekers for the win!

Pizza Prep

Dylan showed me
how to refill plastic
Cambro containers
with chopped
mushrooms and
peppers.

But now Mary
who isn’t even a manager—
just THINKS she is—
told me I was cutting the
peppers
mushrooms
onions
wrong.

When she ducked out to smoke,
I thought about locking the door.

This School Has Open Campus Lunch

We have 50 minutes.
We can go anywhere we want.
It’s amazing.

Most kids
go across the street
to Taco Bell
or KFC.

I go to the park,
vanish
into the trees.

I climb
to the top
of a tall
pine and
eat.

Everything is green,
fresh, and crisp.
Except my Cheetos,
which are orange.

Bud, the Pizza Delivery Driver

 looks like a sea captain
with a long
white beard.

Probably about 100 years old,
he smokes a pipe
in his old Honda
when he’s not
out on delivery runs.

Olivia says Bud looks like Santa.
But Dylan says
Bud used to be a doctor.
Until he got fired
for keeping
dead bodies
in his freezer
at home.

Today Mary Hit Me in the Face

 with her ponytail.

Her long brown hair
goes all the way to her butt.

When we get slammed
with lots of pizza orders
she whips around fast,
her ponytail smacking into people.

She hollers,
LET’S SHOW SOME HUSTLE, PEOPLE.

Bud won’t hustle.
When Mary yells,
he says,
Bud don’t budge, baby.

Scott Hides in His Office

 whenever we get slammed.

Dylan complains about it.

Mary says, I’m going to tell Scott you said that.

When she leaves, Dylan says,
Mary’s a thirty-five-year-old tattletale.

Olivia says,
Be kind—
she has a hard life.

Dylan says,
Easy for you to say, Olivia.

Olivia gasps
like he’s slapped her.

I Like Working with Timothy

He’s older than Mary
and he’s black.
There aren’t many black people
back in Blue Way,
so at first I was nervous:
What if I said
the wrong thing?

But right away
we get in a rhythm.
Me sprinkling cheese.
Him doing toppings.
It’s nice, quiet.

I wonder if he knows
what Dylan said and why
it hurt Olivia’s feelings.

Yesterday Dylan High-Fived Me

in the hall at school.
His beard
is thin and his teeth are big
and when he smiles,
everyone looks.
It’s like a light
just came on.

Now
guys I don’t even know
nod at me
in the hall.

I worry
I’ll nod
wrong, somehow.

So I walk looking up,
counting
the ceiling tiles.

I Like Making Mistakes at Work

because I get to eat them.

Whenever I get hungry,
I wait for someone to order
a plain cheese pizza.
Then I put pepperoni and olives on it
as if by mistake.

I hide behind the folded pizza boxes
stacked to the ceiling.

It’s like I’m invisible.

No one notices me eating
slice after slice.

Lying to Mom Is Easy

because she has a second
job now.

She’s a waitress
at an old folks’ home.
She’s too tired
to ask questions
about Nature Club,
which is good
because Nature Club
doesn’t exist.
It’s where I tell her I go
instead of work.

She doesn’t ask me any questions at all.

She’s busy
using a fine-tooth comb
to scratch gunk
off Paul’s scalp
while he makes
monkey noises.