Brent followed Chaya through the club and up to his apartment on shaky legs.
He’d lost control.
He’d lost control, and he’d let emotion take over, had devoured, glutted on it until he was nothing but sex and need. He’d dropped his barriers, leaving him vulnerable. Like he had back then. If Chaya hadn’t been able to bring him back…
Chaya’s had slipped into his, shaking him from his thoughts as they reached his apartment door. He realized she’d been talking to him the whole time, tone soft, soothing, but he couldn’t hear her past the blood pounding through his skull.
What she must think of him.
Shit, he didn’t need to hear the words to know she was trying to comfort him. While he’d fucked into her fist, he’d been lost to the lust pounding through his body, controlling his mind.
He’d never let himself lose control like that, not in the playrooms. He thought he was safe there. But then he’d always played the Dom.
Twisting the door handle to his apartment, she shoved it open, and led him straight to his bedroom. “Lie down,” she said.
Numbly, he did what she asked.
His mind swam, overloaded with so many thoughts and feelings. He couldn’t remember what he’d done, what he’d said. His mind had been utterly blank, silent, while she worked him. There had been no roar in his mind. All he’d been able to do was feel what she was doing to him, and it had been perfect. She’d been perfect.
The peace he’d felt after he’d come in her arms…
She slid his shirt off his shoulders, inspecting his skin. “Did I hurt you?” she asked softly.
“No, Chaya. God, no.”
Tonight he’d let his emotions get the better of him, and the incubus in him had been there, ready and waiting to take the reins. He’d let his fear and anger rule him.
His stomach churned as he gently pushed her long dark hair over one shoulder and ran his fingers over the bare skin of her shoulder. “I don’t know what to say, Chay. I don’t know how to make this right…”
“Brent.” She sat down on the bed beside him. “What is this all about? What do you think you did?”
He swallowed audibly.
She lifted her hand to cup his face. “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying pain with your pleasure. Not one damned thing. But you know that already.”
He shot to his feet and started pacing around the small room.
“Jesus, would you stop this and talk to me?” she said, dark eyes following him.
“I lost control down there. Fuck, Chaya, I lost control. That can’t happen. That can’t ever happen.”
Standing, she moved to him and slid her arms around his waist, looking up at him. “You didn’t. Not once.” She gave him a gentle squeeze. “You were right there with me.”
He shoved his hands in his hair. “You don’t understand…”
“Then tell me. Please, would you just tell me what’s going on? Does this have something to do with what happened tonight? With Victor?”
“Don’t!” The word exploded from him. He clenched and unclenched his fists against the adrenaline, the emotion pumping through his veins. “Don’t say that fucker’s name. Not ever again.”
Her gaze sharpened and she narrowed her eyes. “You’re keeping something from me, something I need to know, and I want you to tell me. Now.”
He stared at her, heart racing, gut churning, sweat sliding down his spine. He had to tell her all the details of his sordid past. Garrett had made sure of that. He wanted to be sick.
She stared at him for several seconds, those dark exotic eyes seeing so much more than he ever realized.
Brent swallowed past the lump in his throat, gently set her back from him, and paced to the other side of the room. He turned back to her. “When I was about to go through my transition, right when my incubus side was about to come forward, someone sensed it in me. It’d already been affecting me. I was having these blackouts, waking up with random strangers, not sure how I got there, feeling like I was hungover when I knew I hadn’t been drinking. I had no idea what was going on. And a…a demon recognized that in me, and before I could hit the knights’ radar, he came for me.”
Chaya froze, all color washing from her face. “What?” She took a step closer.
He shook his head, stopping her, asking her without words to stay where she was or he couldn’t get through this.
He shoved his fingers through his hair. “He took me to a place…there were demons and demi mainly, occasionally others as well. I was afraid, but he made it impossible to resist. He was sex and seduction, and the budding demon in me wanted what he had to offer in that place. A short time later, I went through my transition and I had no control over any part of it. I gorged on the emotions around me. I was…drunk on it. And I let them…use me. I begged for it, Chaya.” He curled his fingers into fists to stop his hands from shaking. “Begged for it.”
Chaya’s eyes filled with pain. “Brent…”
“That’s how Lazarus found me. Two months later. Naked and drunk on emotion, fucking…submitting, to anyone and everyone…letting them fuck me. I hadn’t been eating, didn’t know what day it was, how long I’d been there. I had lost myself completely.” He shook his head. “Beating the demon inside me, fighting against what it wanted all the time, and regaining my control, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. That’s why I play the Dom, Chaya. It forces me to maintain that control. And that was why I resisted you. Because I wanted you—want you—like I’ve wanted nothing else in my life. The taste of your emotions, they’re like a fucking ambrosia to me, and the hunger I feel in the pit of my stomach every time I see you, the soul deep ache, the desperate need to sink inside you and stay there, threatens that control. I have to fight it every moment I’m with you. And tonight, it won.” He was breathing heavily when he finished.
She stared at him, eyes bright, and shook her head. “No. It didn’t win. I saw you. You were right there with me the whole time. Deep inside you know. You know, Brent.” Her eyes gentled. “You didn’t lose control…baby, you finally let go.”
Brent froze. He thought again about the stillness, the peace, the feeling of being…loved. Is that what happened?
She moved to the bed, sat on the side, and lifted her arms. “Come here.”
He was helpless to resist and moved toward her. Kicking off his shoes, he climbed onto the bed. They lay down and she wrapped her arms around him.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, pressing kisses to his throat, his jaw. “What he did to you. I’m so sorry.”
“There’s more, Chay,” he rasped. “That photo you were looking at when I came for you tonight. That male…”
She stilled in his arms. “That was you?”
“Yes,” he said hollowly. “That’s why I freaked out. Victor, he has something to do with that time in my life. He targeted you because of me. I’ve been hunting them, taking down those I recognized, the ones who used us, seduced us. They want me to back off and they’re using you to get to me.”
Chaya cursed, clinging to him tighter. “They’ll pay for what they did to you.”
He tilted her head back and pressed his lips to hers. “I just want to keep you safe. I need to know you’re safe. Will you let me do that?”
Her chin was stubborn, but her eyes were soft, full of fear for him. “Whatever you need I’ll give it to you. You know that, don’t you?” she said.
“Yeah, sweetheart, I know,” he said.
“Good. Because right now I want to take care of you. Roll onto your belly for me.”
He did as she asked, because he knew they both needed it.
She straddled his upper thighs and massaged the back of his neck before leaning in and kissing him there. He should leave her alone, send her away, but he couldn’t. Being parted from her was something he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to do again.
Her fingers gently ran over his skin and he moaned in pleasure.
“You’re sure I didn’t hurt you?”
“You didn’t hurt me.” He rolled to his back and she came down onto the bed beside him. He lifted up on his elbow and looked down at her. “I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life. Somehow you smashed through all my barriers and flayed me wide open.”
“I just want to bring you out of the darkness. I want you here with me.”
Fuck, she destroyed him. All he wanted to do right then was serve her. He lowered his eyes before he spoke next. “May I touch you, Mistress?” he asked, because he needed to more than anything else at that moment. “May I kiss you?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He leaned in and kissed her beautiful mouth. “Let me take care of you. Please, I want to make you come.”
“I want that, too,” she said.
She was half on her stomach, and he gently maneuvered her onto her belly. After loosening the laces on her corset, he removed it and dropped it to the floor. He kissed his way down her spine, and she wriggled and let out a sigh. He dragged her skirt down next, removed her boots, and sliding his fingers in the sides of her panties, dragged them down her legs.
He couldn’t stop from pressing more kisses to her lush ass. “Will you open your legs a little for me, Mistress?”
She complied and he growled at the sight of her, bare and slick.
The scent of her arousal drifted up and surrounded him. His cock hardened instantly, but he ignored it, ignored his desire to take her.
She wriggled. “Brent?” The need in her voice was unmistakable and his chest squeezed in response.
He could do this for her, could pleasure her. He didn’t need to take for himself. Making her feel good was all he wanted to do.
He moved one of her legs, bending it at the knee and lifting it up beside her so she was open for him. He kissed her ass again, sliding his tongue along the cleft of her soft cheeks, then moved his hand under her mound, lifting her slightly, using his palm to massage her clit.
She gasped and moved her hips against the hold. He kept her suspended there so he could slide his tongue farther down to the soft folds of her pussy, her tight opening.
She whimpered and moved against his palm more urgently. He’d barely touched her and already she was close to coming apart against his mouth, still worked up after what they’d done downstairs. Both hands were busy holding her where he wanted her, so he penetrated her with his tongue, sucking, kissing her soft damp flesh while she writhed against his hand.
“That’s it,” she said. “Oh God, that’s it.” She stilled abruptly, then cried out, contracting against his mouth, letting him taste her orgasm.
He groaned as he watched her body’s response to his touch, tasted it, felt it. “So beautiful, Chaya.”
When she collapsed against the mattress, he tried to move back, to give her space, but she reached out and grabbed his wrist. “Don’t you dare walk away from me. Don’t you dare, not after that. Not after tonight.”
She wanted him. Needed him. Maybe almost as much as he needed her right then. Even after everything. Everything he’d told her. She still wanted him.
Her grip on him tightened and she rolled to her side. “Come here,” she whispered.
He was powerless to fight it. Could do nothing but crawl up beside her. She placed her hand on his shoulder and pushed him to his back. His cock was straining, hard against his stomach. He lay there mesmerized, bewitched.
Leaning forward, the curtain of her silky dark hair fell around them, surrounded them. She brushed her lips across his. “I can’t get enough of you.”
Her tongue swiped across his lower lip and he kissed her in reply, burying his hand in her hair as she slanted that perfect mouth so she could deepen the kiss. Perfection. Chaya was perfection.
When she pulled away, he had to fight not to drag her lips back to his, to keep tasting that delectable mouth. She straddled his hips. “You’re so beautiful,” she said. “All of you.”
He couldn’t speak, could only watch her, the way her mouth moved, parted slightly as she licked her lower lip. He stared in wonder at the exquisite beauty of her dark eyes as they ate him up. He’d hadn’t given control in bed to anyone since he had been freed from Garrett, only for Chaya.
But lying beneath this female, desperate for her touch, near panting with the need to have her hands on his bare skin, felt so damn right. Everything they did felt right.
Please stay.
He never wanted this to come to an end. He lifted up seeking her mouth, and she pushed him back down and trailed her hands over his chest, down over his ridged abs.
“You okay?” she asked, sounding breathless and turned on, but he could see in her eyes that, after his admission, she wanted to make sure he was there with her and that the shadows of the past weren’t.
“Yeah. More than okay.”
Her teeth sank into her bottom lip, and his female—his mind stuttered over the word his. But he couldn’t deny it, didn’t want to fight it, not then. His feisty, headstrong, sexy female blew him away. A gentle smile curled her lips. “All you have to do is say stop and I’ll back off.”
His belly flipped at that smile. “I’d tackle you and drag you back to bed if you tried.”
She chuckled. “Trying to earn yourself another punishment, I see?” Her hands moved to the top of his pants and she popped the button then slid the zip down. Taking him in her hand, she stroked him gently.
His hips surged of their own accord. “It’s kind of hard to see anything with my eyes rolled to the back of my head.”
She scooted back a little more, and without any warning, leaned in and dragged her tongue across the head of his cock then drew it past her lips and sucked hard. He bucked beneath her and she lifted her head, a wicked grin curving her lips. “Like that, did you?” Before he could croak out an answer, she did it again.
She was driving him crazy. Both her hands were wrapped around his shaft, working him while her mouth paid undivided attention to the swollen head of his cock. It was so hard not to thrust up and make her take all of him. Those full lips worked their way around the ridge, licking and sucking the sensitive underside until he was close to begging.
She worshiped his cock with her beautiful mouth. Then her hands were gone and she sucked him in deep, taking him all the way to the back of her throat. A deep groan rumbled from his chest, and her hands went to his balls, massaging his sac while she moved up and down his dick, her tongue swirling around the head on every upswing. His balls drew tight and he knew she felt it when she upped the suction.
Still, it wasn’t going to happen, not without pain, not when he was still in his own head.
Fuck.
“Chay…baby,” he choked. “Please.”
Her eyes lifted to him, and he watched as she slowly drew those swollen pink lips up his cock, sucking hard on the tip, making him curse and hiss before releasing him with a pop. Crawling up his body, she trailed tiny wet kisses along his jaw around to his ear. “You want inside me?”
“Fuck yes.”
She was amazing, still worried about him. He could see it in her eyes. He hated that he had to tell her about his past, but he loved that she knew him better than anyone ever had in his entire life.
He cupped her face, and she came down for a slow, deep kiss. “I want you to ride me so bad I can barely breathe,” he said against her lips.
She leaned over him and grabbed a condom from the nightstand, tore it open, and rolled it down his achingly hard cock. Lifting up slightly, she sank down, taking him all the way.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her: her soft, curvy body bared to him completely; her full breasts bouncing as she moved; the way her lips parted when she sank down; how every damn time she took him deep her tight pussy grasped his dick; the way her eyes were glazed with desire.
Sliding his hands up her thighs, he massaged her hips then placed one hand around the base of his cock so he could feel her as she came down, feel her taking him inside her. Her hair was wild around her face and shoulders, her color high. Her breathing quickened, and when she sank down again, grinding against him, she placed her hands on his shoulders so she could lean forward to increase the friction. He added his thumb, circling her clit.
She increased the pace, getting herself off, using his body to take what she needed, and he loved every second of it, watching mesmerized as she came apart. Her mouth dropped open, her breasts and throat flushed. Then she screamed, her inner walls clamping down on him so tight for a moment he though he actually might come without pain.
Chaya dropped against his chest, her panted breaths hot against his damp skin. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close as she continued to move against him. Wave after wave of emotion pounded into him, hers and his own, and he was helpless to fight it, fight the depth of his feelings for this female.
She pressed her face against his throat, kissed his jaw, and lifted up, looking down at him. “Give it to me,” she whispered, and he felt her take it—literally, take it from him. She knew what he needed. She knew. It had been impossible to hold it all back, and what had escaped, the twisted confusing emotions that fucked him up, the need to punish himself for what had happened back then, vanished. For that moment, she took it all. And he was free.
“Let go, baby,” she gasped out. “I’ve got you.”
Staring up into her eyes, he did exactly what she asked. His cock swelled inside her, and his balls grew unbearably tight.
She ground down against him harder. “I’ve got you,” she said again against his mouth.
And she did. So he let go.
That’s when his body took over, hips slamming up into her. Spine torquing as he totally lost it. He shook, mindless, as he bucked jerkily without rhythm beneath her, into her. Ass clenched, toes curled, he gasped as his orgasm hit, shot through his balls, out of his pulsing cock. He pumped his hips, riding it out, roaring through it. Swept up in the euphoria, the sheer joy of what was happening. Of what Chaya had given him.
Collapsing back, trembling, he struggled to pull it together. She wrapped herself around him and spoke softly, kissed him, and ran her hands over his fevered skin. Soothing him…loving him.
Helpless against the emotions bombarding him, the way he felt about Chaya, he gave in and couldn’t fight them anymore. And just like that, the walls crumpled down around him, nothing but dust at his feet. He didn’t have the strength to rebuild them, not then, not with Chaya so trusting, so beautiful and giving in his arms.
In that moment, he was completely and utterly lost to her.