‘Sam? Is that you?’
Oh crap. Sam had hoped to creep upstairs and change without waking Zennor, but her sister called from her room before she’d even reached the landing. She’d already given up any hope of sleep. After she and Gabe had had sex the first streaks of light were already showing in the sky.
She leaned on the door frame of Zennor’s room. ‘I got your message about Gabe. We had hot chocolate and a long talk and er …’
Zennor pulled up the hood on her unicorn onesie. The padded horn bobbled. She slapped her hands over her ears. ‘Stop. I don’t need to know any more … I don’t suppose you want breakfast if you’ve already had it at Gabe’s,’ she said, loading the words.
‘I didn’t say I’d had any breakfast,’ Sam said warily. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’
Zennor joined her in the kitchen. Gareth and Harry were up, wheeking around their palace, exploring it like they’d not seen it a thousand times before.
While the kettle boiled, Zennor lifted Gareth out and nuzzled him.
‘Are you angry with me for staying with Gabe?’ said Sam.
‘Do you care if I am?’ Zennor kissed Gareth.
‘You know I care, but I didn’t plan on him coming back to Porthmellow or taking part in the festival. I didn’t plan last night or ask for it all to start over again.’
‘Start over again? You were in bits the last time. I was young but I could see the pain you were in. I was hurt too, worried about Ryan, still missing Mum. I still miss her now. No, Samphire, I’m not angry but I am worried. I hope you know what you’re doing. I don’t want to see you hurt like that again.’
Sam flinched. Zennor’s eyes burned with a fierce fire. Backlit by the rising sun, in front of the sink unit, their mother was brought back to life for a few seconds. How could she not have noticed Zennor growing so like her? Sam squashed down the lump that clogged her throat and the voice that came out was scratchy with emotion. ‘That’s what Mum would have said.’
‘Yeah, and she would have been right. Does this mean you’ve forgiven him, then? Just because you have, doesn’t mean I have to.’
‘I don’t expect you to. I won’t try to persuade you to. I don’t know how I feel about him – him and Ryan – myself. It’s more complicated than that …’ She’d managed to separate the Gabe she’d loved and was still drawn to physically and emotionally from the harm he’d done her family. She’d found a key and started to turn it, and seen into his reasoning, his point of view. Last night it had seemed a grown-up thing to do, a mature way to proceed, but now she wasn’t so sure. Had ‘mature’ simply been an excuse for sleeping with him and giving in to her own selfish desires?
‘Samphire?’ Zennor used her name. Such a hesitant, fragile word. Sam knew that her sister wanted comfort, reassurance that Sam hadn’t changed and wasn’t going to leave her, like their mother had done, like Ryan had done. That she wouldn’t abandon her for Gabe. Zennor was grown-up but she was also, still, the kid sister who’d relied on Sam for guidance and support. They’d ended up parenting each other, Sam realised. Love flowed both ways.
‘There comes a time when you have to move on,’ she said. ‘Life is never going to be perfect … Stop looking at me like I just served Harry and Gareth up for dinner.’
Zennor gasped. ‘Cover your ears, Gareth,’ she said to the pig and put him back in his palace where he shot into his shelter to hide. Two eyes peered out at Sam from the shelter. ‘That’s not funny. It’s horrible. I care about you, sis. I love you. We were doing OK. You were doing well and you’d worked hard to build your life, and I don’t want Gabe Mathias to ruin that.’
‘The business was doing well but as for the rest of my life … I know I talk a good talk but I have been lonely, Zen. I’m ashamed to admit it. I’ve missed the buzz of being in love.’
Zennor flew on her and hugged her. ‘Don’t say that.’
‘It’s true. I tried to hide it. I tried to convince you, Gabe, me most of all, that I didn’t miss him and I didn’t care. I was lying because I had to hold this family and myself together.’
‘We knew you were putting on a face. Even Ben did.’ She paused. ‘So you and Gabe. You’re A Thing again? Will you be going public?’
‘No! We’re not a “thing” and we’re not going public. We’re not ready for that. Hell, I don’t know about any of the other stuff myself yet. I don’t know if last night changed the way he feels. Hell, I don’t even know how I feel. Last night might be a one-off.’
Zennor snorted. ‘We both know it won’t be. Look at you.’
Sam laughed. ‘Knackered, like I’ve been dragged through a hedge. I haven’t even changed yet.’
‘I was going to say happy. Happy like a lantern with a candle flickering inside it.’
Sam shook her head, embarrassed at her happiness being so transparent. ‘Don’t be silly.’
‘I’m being honest,’ said Zennor, a mutinous look on her face.
Sam’s phone beeped. Was it Gabe? She read the message in the festival WhatsApp group. It was from Chloe.
Is the marquee still standing? Got up in the night with Ruby and saw lights on top of the cliff and hoped everything was OK.
All OK, she sent back. Speak later.
Sam gave Zennor a quick hug. ‘All I know is that I need a shower, fresh clothes, some breakfast and to somehow find the energy to go straight out of here and into town on an hour’s sleep. You too. For the next forty-eight hours, my love life and our problems don’t matter. We have a festival to put on.’