Eleven

Dennis couldn’t hold back a yawn. It wasn’t that late, but the atmosphere of the cabin was cozy. Sitting side-by-side with Adelle and cuddling a baby was comforting in a way he never would have foreseen. Not only that, but the heat from the woodstove was making him drowsy. From what little experience he had gained in the past few days, he thought Raymond was sleepy, too. It appeared Rachel was already asleep.

He turned to Adelle. “Do you think it’s bedtime?”

She nodded. “Rachel probably needs changing, but I’m not going to wake her up to do it. How about if you change Raymond, and then I’ll take care of him.”

He liked the delicate way she said that. Dennis smiled. “Great.”

As he touched the diaper bag, the lack of bulk reminded him that it only contained the wipes and powder. Everything else was used up, including his supply of sleepers.

He laid Raymond down on the changing quilt, and waited while Adelle tucked Rachel into the playpen for the night. He opened his mouth to apologize for needing more from her, but snapped it shut. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to extend his apologies or thanks as she continued to help him, both with Raymond and his own need of food and shelter. He’d never felt more helpless in his life, nor had he been so dependent on anyone since childhood. He wondered if there was a reason he needed to be taught to accept help gracefully, as well as to receive instructions. Usually he was the one who gave the orders and people depended on him for their needs, not the other way around. He wasn’t sure he liked it this way.

Dennis gritted his teeth, and forced himself to smile nicely. “I hate to ask you this, but can I borrow a sleeper?” It nearly killed him, but he bit his lip and didn’t apologize.

Her answering smile told him his efforts at self-control had been worth it. “Sure.” She reached into her diaper bag and pulled out a clean sleeper.

It was pink.

Dennis dressed his little boy, who was already wearing a pink diaper, in a pink sleeper. At least he still had a neutral yellow receiving blanket to tuck around Raymond, although he was sure it was also ready for the laundry. When it did go into the hamper, he had a feeling his little boy would also be wrapped in a pink blanket.

While Adelle was busy in the bedroom with Raymond, he carefully carried the candle to the kitchen, washed the few dishes, and placed another pot of water on the woodstove to warm. When she returned with Raymond, Dennis suspected that Adelle would want to go to sleep for the night, knowing what kind of schedule lay ahead of her. After a full day of baby care he knew she was tired and regretted that she wouldn’t get much of a break. Her night would consist of a series of naps rather than a good, sound sleep.

Somehow, he wanted to show her that he appreciated her and tell her how much what she was doing meant to him. Already whatever was between them had grown into a friendship beyond that of a host and caregiver.

For one of the rare times in his life, he had no words to express himself. He wanted simply to be with her with no responsibilities or distractions for a couple of hours, but to keep her from what little sleep she would get would be selfish.

Raymond was asleep in her arms when she emerged from the bedroom, and Adelle was trying to stifle a yawn. She looked so sweet he wanted to kiss her again, but he didn’t have that right. It had been a mistake to kiss her the first time because now he wanted to do it again. Given their circumstances, it was neither right nor proper to do so.

Instead, he merely smiled politely at the memory of how good it had been as he took Raymond from her. “If you want to go to bed, that’s fine with me. I’m tired, too.”

She smiled, and the puffy circles underneath her drowsy eyes twisted his heart. “Thanks. I think I’ll do that. Good night, Dennis.” With those few words, she returned to the bedroom, and the door clicked shut.

Dennis pulled the couch mattress out to make up the bed; changed into the same clothes he had worn at night previously, and crawled into bed, but by the time he lay down all the tiredness left him.

The fire in the woodstove cast its amber glow in the otherwise complete black of the night, reflecting on the little tree nearby, making it the only thing he could see with any clarity.

It was, indeed, a very special little tree, not by its components, but because of the experience of its creation—the process of assembling it with someone special. The broken branches, ragged sponges, and badly colored popcorn wouldn’t be beautiful to anyone else but him. And tomorrow, they would celebrate the reason for assembling the tree.

In the morning, it would be Christmas, the celebration of the birth of the One who would become the Savior for a world fallen into sin.

A piece of wood popped in the fire, illuminating the shiny wrapping paper of the one small present for Raymond with its brief flare of light.

Dennis rolled over onto his back on the lumpy bed. His eyes burned and he squeezed them shut, but a few tears managed to push their way out. He gave up and let them flow. Now he was alone, and it didn’t matter. No one could see him, and he could allow himself to grieve the loss of his brother. Tonight, he didn’t have to be the strong one in the crowd as others wept around him. He also didn’t have to worry about looking like a loser in front of Adelle, although he knew she would never feel that way.

As much as the loss of his brother and sister-in-law left a gaping hole in his heart, he knew they were now with Jesus in Heaven. The knowledge gave him comfort and the strength to carry on and be a parent to Raymond for them.

Dennis rolled over and buried his face in the pillow. Nothing was going to stop him from adopting his nephew and making him a son. He prayed for help until he knew what he was doing, for guidance as Raymond grew up, and that they could be a happy family.

Sleep continued to elude him. When baby noises emanated from the playpen, he picked up the fussing infant and blinked a few times before discerning that this baby dressed in pink was Rachel.

He sat on the edge of the mattress to wait for Adelle to appear, but she didn’t. It took a few minutes to figure out that since he had picked Rachel up so quickly, there hadn’t been enough noise to awaken Adelle.

Dennis glanced toward the closed bedroom door. He had two choices. He could wait until Rachel got so hungry that she started screaming in his arms, or, he could tap on the door loud enough to awaken Adelle and, hopefully, not wake Raymond.

He didn’t want to invade Adelle’s privacy while she was sleeping. But neither did he want Rachel’s poor little tummy to hurt from hunger.

Rachel began to whimper again, indicating it wouldn’t be long before she started wailing.

Dennis stood and Rachel quieted as soon as he took his first step. Even with his limited experience, he knew the quiet was temporary. He tapped gently on the bedroom door. “Adelle?” he whispered as loud as he dared.

He put his ear to the door and thought he heard a slight creak of the bed moving, but not enough to indicate that she had actually gotten up.

He tapped again, louder this time. “Adelle? I’ve got Rachel. . .”

This time, he didn’t hear a thing, but he couldn’t be absolutely certain because Rachel was starting to whimper.

Rather than let Rachel scream, Dennis sucked in a deep breath, opened the door, and poked his head in. “Adelle? Rachel wants you.”

The room was in total blackness, and it caught him off guard since he was accustomed to the muted glow coming from the woodstove. A gasp sounded from what he assumed was the direction of the bed.

“It’s only me. I’ve got Rachel. She started to fuss. She wants you.”

The bed creaked, and Adelle’s voice came from a bit closer. “Here. I’ll take her. Thank you.”

He couldn’t see her, but suddenly the weight of Rachel was lifted out of his arms.

Quickly, he backed up a step, closed the door behind him, and hustled back to his own bed. He lay down, but his heart pounded in his chest. He’d only had the best of intentions, but he knew he had crossed some kind of personal line, and the guilt roared through him. For a married couple to hand a baby back and forth in the bedroom was a different set of rules. He wondered what it would be like to be so familiar and so comfortable with someone that such things were commonplace.

By the time Adelle returned with Rachel, he still wasn’t sleeping, but he didn’t move so she would think he was. She changed the baby with such tender care that Rachel didn’t wake up. Then delicately, Adelle lowered the infant into the playpen. Before she returned to the bedroom, she ran her fingers along the top of Raymond’s fuzzy little head, straightened the blanket he’d used to prop Raymond up on his side, and covered him up again.

“Goodnight, little darlings,” she whispered.

Dennis imagined she’d spoken the same gentle endearment to him and he felt himself drifting into sleep as her bedroom door closed.

❧

This time, Dennis didn’t try to roll over and go back to sleep when Adelle disappeared with Rachel. Raymond was wide-awake, and not because of hunger. It was daylight. He tried to ignore the squawking while he folded the bed back into the sofa. When he was finally done, he picked Raymond up and waited on the couch.

He stood when she returned. “Merry Christmas.”

She smiled back. “And a Merry Christmas to you.”

Heaven help him, he wanted to kiss her. He didn’t need a gift under the tree. A kiss from Adelle would have been present enough.

Dennis tried to push the thought aside as he squatted beside the tree and rested Raymond into the car seat. “It’s a man’s job to hand out Christmas presents.”

Adelle nodded and sat cross-legged beside Raymond with Rachel nestled in her lap. “That must be true. My dad hands out the presents when he’s here, and when he isn’t, Uncle Bob does it.”

He picked up the soft, squishy, cylindrical gift with a name-tag for Rachel. It had a hard lump near the top and the contents divided from a single mass into two long portions about two thirds of the way down. When he squeezed it, the contents giggled and said, “I love you.” Dennis grinned and shook his head in mock disbelief. “She’ll never be able to tell what this is, Adelle.”

She laughed, and it was a wonderful sound. “Never mind. It didn’t come in a box, and I didn’t have one that size.”

She held out her hands, but Dennis suspended the gift in the air over his head. “This isn’t for you to open. It’s for Rachel.” He held it in the air in front of Rachel. Rachel gurgled and kicked her little legs.

Adelle harumphed and held out one hand, palm up. “Get real.”

“Listen. Can’t you hear her? She’s asking for my help to open it.”

Adelle rolled her eyes and sighed.

Very gently, Dennis pressed the present against Rachel’s tummy to tickle her. She squealed and waved her arms, smacking the gift a few times.

Dennis very slowly ripped a piece of paper from it.

Adelle reached for the package, but Dennis yanked it away, again holding it over his head. “Patience is a virtue.”

“I give up. Do it your way. Take your time. It’s not like there are dozens of gifts. I only bought her one this year because I knew she wouldn’t know the difference to open anything. Besides, when I did my shopping, I wasn’t sure how much room I’d have in the car.”

He took his time pulling off the paper, then gently laid the teddy bear on Rachel’s tummy. She swatted it with her jerky movements, the same as before he’d unwrapped it.

“I think she likes it. After all, every girl needs a pink teddy bear.”

Adelle’s eyes narrowed. “Are you making fun of my selection? There were tons of Christmas bears with hats and scarves, and lots that said “Baby’s First Christmas” on them, but I liked the pink one best.”

“It’s cute. Really. I’ve just never seen a pink bear before.”

Before he realized what she was doing, she grabbed Raymond’s present out from under the tree.

She grinned. “Turnabout is fair play.”

Just as he had done, she held out the present in front of Raymond until he managed to touch it with his jerky movements. He didn’t know it was possible, but Adelle picked the paper off even more slowly than he had.

Dennis groaned. “Why do women do that? They always pick off the tape. It’s not like you’re ever going to re-use the paper.”

“It’s a law of nature—the way life was meant to be.”

She laid a tiny pacifier with a candy cane pictured on it in Raymond’s lap. “This is really cute. I’ve never seen one like this before. But then, we don’t have as big a selection as the bigger cities.”

They both looked at the last present under the tree, the one for her aunt and uncle.

“I guess I’ll take it home when I can get out of here and just give it to them later. I suppose your presents are all at home, too.”

“Yes. I thought I’d be home on Christmas morning. What about presents for you and Rachel from your parents and your brother? Don’t you exchange gifts?”

“Yes, we do. But since I knew I’d be lugging so much baby stuff up here this year, all those presents were at Aunt Min and Uncle Bob’s house, and they were going to bring them. I think half my little car was filled with just diapers.

Dennis gritted his teeth. Pink diapers. Diapers which he was now going to be using up. “I wish I had a gift for you under the tree.” All he had to give was the money in his wallet, which was useless at the moment. Worse than being useless for any of his current needs, he knew that if he attempted to give her money, she’d be terribly insulted.

“Don’t be silly, Dennis. I’m just glad you’re here with me. I didn’t know it at the time I picked you up, but if you hadn’t been there, I would have had a very lonely and probably a very scary Christmas here all by myself. Your presence and friendship for this Christmas has been a lovely gift. And after having said that, I wish I had a gift for you, too.”

She smiled so sweetly that if he hadn’t been a man, he might have choked up.

Dennis swallowed hard. “What you’ve done for me and Raymond is a gift beyond any material thing that could have been wrapped and put under a tree. I know you told me not to thank you, but there’s no way I’ll ever be able to repay you for this.”

“Well, then isn’t that the best gift of all? A gift isn’t meant to be repaid. It’s simply a gift. Just like the gift of God’s Son, which is what we’re celebrating today.”

Now he really felt all choked up, and he couldn’t stop it this time. He forced himself to smile politely. “Yeah. You’re right,” he said in a monotone. He stood and walked to the window, not that he needed to see what was going on outside, but because he didn’t want her to see his face until he got himself under control.

She joined him at the window, which wasn’t exactly what he wanted. She held Rachel cradled against her, along with the new teddy bear. “It looks like the snow is starting to lighten up, like the forecast said.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“I wonder how much snow has fallen in town, if it’s as much as here.”

“I dunno.”

“I doubt they’ll call the snowplows out today except for the major roads and highways, but tomorrow they should be able to start digging everything out.”

“Probably.”

“You might even be able to go home by the day after tomorrow, if all goes well. That’s assuming the phone comes back sometime soon. Then you can make arrangements to have someone come and get you.”

“I guess.” Strangely, he didn’t want to go. He knew it was unrealistic to want to stay. They only had a limited supply of food and diapers. Even when the power came back, which eventually it would, they still wouldn’t really have anything to do without television and only one radio station up here in the middle of nowhere. Yet even with the lack of things to amuse them, he hadn’t been bored for a single moment.

He turned to watch Adelle as she stared at the snow out the window and he realized that the main reason he wasn’t ready to go home was because he might never see her again.

She spoke, but continued to gaze out the window. “One thing I always love about being here is when it snows. A pure layer of white covers all the tracks and dirt and bad things. It’s so clean and beautiful. Especially at Christmas.” She turned her head and smiled. “Merry Christmas, Dennis.”

He was going to wish her a Merry Christmas as well, but the words caught in his throat. Her smile warmed his heart and made it pound at the same time. Her eyes radiated the same inner beauty that had hit him the day before, when he kissed her. He longed to kiss her again. Only this time, he knew what would happen and how good it would be.

And this time it would be harder to stop.

Rachel made a little squeal, reminding him that the woman he wanted to kiss had a baby in her arms. The baby was as effective as any shield—he wasn’t going to kiss a woman over the top of a baby’s head. In the circumstances in which they found themselves, he shouldn’t be kissing her at all.

He’d crossed the line twice already. Once by kissing her the first time and the other by walking in on her when she was sleeping. Both times his reaction had caught him off guard. This time he knew what would happen, and it scared him. His heart was getting too involved with a wonderful woman with whom there could be no future.

He wanted to kiss her, but he knew he shouldn’t start something he couldn’t finish.

She was still looking up at him, with the same dreamy expression.

“Merry Christmas, Adelle. I’m starving. What’s for breakfast?”

In a split second, he turned on his heel and strode into the kitchen.