TALK ABOUT shooting herself in the foot!
Not only had Alex been totally aghast at being considered a perfect candidate for sperm donation, he was now going to be grumpy and suspicious every time he saw her talking to an adult male. Like now, when it was Sam’s turn to interview a patient they had been called to see at an airport terminal.
‘And how old are you, Peter?’
‘Forty-two.’ The would-be international traveller was now sitting in the first-aid room adjacent to the departure lounge. He was still pale and it wasn’t the first time he had wiped his palms against his trouser leg. ‘Bit young to be having a heart attack, aren’t I?’
‘Not all chest pain means you’re having a heart attack, Peter,’ Sam reassured him. ‘Do you have any medical history we should know about? Are you taking any regular medication?’
‘No. I’m perfectly healthy.’
And there it was again. A quick glance. Enough to let her know that Alex thought she might be sizing up her new acquaintance as a potential sperm donor. Sam gritted her teeth. What would happen when she asked for the details that would allow her to fill in the spaces for a home address and phone number and next of kin? Did he think she would be pocketing the information for some kind of personal follow-up?
Alex had attached ECG electrodes and turned on the monitor. He turned the life pack so that Sam could see the screen as well. ‘Normal sinus rhythm,’ he said unnecessarily. ‘No ST changes.’
It wasn’t a twelve-lead ECG, though. It was quite possible for damage to heart muscle to be occurring in places that wouldn’t show up in the areas their portable equipment could investigate. Sam was pretty confident that Peter was not suffering a major event, however.
She hadn’t put any oxygen on because he was still breathing far too fast. Hyperventilating, in fact. The way he flexed his fingers, having wiped sweaty palms on his trousers again, was eye-catching.
‘Any funny feelings in your hands?’
‘Yes. Sort of pins and needles. My lips feel a bit numb, too.’
‘You’re still breathing too fast, mate. Try and slow it down,’ Alex suggested.
Sam wrapped the BP cuff around Peter’s upper arm and inflated it. She let it down slowly. ‘One-thirty on eighty-five,’ she noted. ‘No problem there. Still a bit tachycardic, though.’ She glanced at the monitor screen to confirm what she had heard through the stethoscope. ‘Rate’s dropped to 105.’
‘Where are you heading off to?’
Alex’s question seemed irrelevant except that Sam was still watching the ECG trace and saw the quick blip and then increase in speed.
‘Australia,’ Peter said. ‘Sydney.’
‘And you’re OK about flying?’
‘Not really.’ Peter gave an embarrassed and slightly breathless chuckle. ‘Actually, it scares me stiff,’ he admitted. ‘But it’s business and I have to go this time.’
‘Try and slow your breathing down, Peter,’ Sam instructed again. ‘Hyperventilating is what’s giving you the symptoms in your hands and lips. It could well be causing the chest pain you’re experiencing as well. Were you feeling all right earlier today?’
‘Until I got through customs.’ Peter nodded. ‘They said there was a bit of a delay and I thought there might be something wrong with the plane and that was when I started feeling bad. It got worse and worse until the lady in the duty-free shop noticed and called for you guys.’
‘How long ago was that?’
Peter glanced at his watch. ‘Oh, no! It was nearly an hour ago. I’ve missed my flight. Why didn’t someone tell me?’
‘You wouldn’t be allowed to fly if there was any question of you becoming more unwell en route. I’m sure there’ll be a later flight you can catch.’
‘It’ll be too late for me to get to the meeting. There’s no point in going if I miss that.’ Peter checked his watch again, sighed heavily and then shut his eyes. ‘No. There’s no point in even trying now.’
Sam exchanged a glance with Alex. Their patient was visibly relaxing in front of them. His breathing slowed and some colour crept back into his face.
‘You know, I’m feeling a bit better,’ he said a minute later. ‘I think that pain’s gone now.’
A hint of triumph showed in Alex’s face. Was that because he’d been right all along and this call had not required the intervention of paramedics, or was he pleased that Peter might have been deemed totally unsuitable as a potential sperm donor because he could pass on a life-disrupting level of nervousness?
The fact that such an unprofessional notion could even occur to Sam was annoying. It would be easy to blame Alex for creating this undercurrent of tension that was growing ever so slowly but, in all fairness, Sam could understand exactly where her partner was coming from.
They left their patient in the care of airport staff, with instructions to call them back if necessary, and made their way back to their base in the crash-fire hangar. Alex drove their ambulance behind the airport security vehicle with its hazard lights flashing. They had quite a long way to go along the edge of one of the main runways. Alex was keeping an eye out for any approaching planes. Sam was staring through the front windscreen but she wasn’t really looking at anything in particular.
Yes. She could sympathise with Alex right now. They were a team. They had welded themselves into such a tight unit in their time together that their whole lives were intertwined. The hours they worked together were long enough, but it didn’t stop there, did it? They went to the same gym and shared training sessions in other physical disciplines like rock climbing and scuba diving. They’d even psyched each other into sharing an introductory course in sky diving the previous year.
They had the same group of friends and shared social occasions like birthday celebrations and weddings within the circle. Next week there was an engagement party they were both invited to and now that Alex was single again, he’d probably offer Sam a lift because they lived in the same part of town. They even had similar apartments, which were handy to work and low maintenance.
In a way it was like a marriage and Sam’s plan was like flaunting the desire to have an affair in front of Alex. Threatening to change her whole focus and way of life. No wonder he was exuding suspicion and a very uncharacteristic tendency to grumpiness.
Somehow she needed to find a way to reassure him. Admittedly her plan would involve some changes to her lifestyle but she wasn’t about to change her entire focus. Having a child would just be adding a new dimension. Something meaningful that would give her life a direction that could transcend her career.
It wasn’t healthy that she and Alex were such a close partnership anyway. Disruption was inevitable at some point down the track and if Alex was being reasonable, he would see that it could be a good thing to build in some contingency plans. She might be thinking about changes he wouldn’t like in the short term, but in the long run he would thank her for it.
Getting him used to the idea was the obvious first step and the way to do that, Sam decided, was to simply drop casual references to it into their everyday conversation.
Surprisingly, this wasn’t difficult. In fact, over the next few days Sam almost got the impression that it was Alex who kept bringing the subject up.
Like when they got their pay slips that week and Alex noticed the attention Sam was giving it.
‘Worried about how you’re going to afford a kid?’ he suggested. ‘I’m not surprised. They’re expensive little monsters. Trying to cope as a single parent could be a nightmare.’
‘I’ll manage.’ Sam pocketed the slip. ‘I’ve got a bit put away, actually.’
‘Really? How do you manage that with a mortgage? I don’t seem to save much.’
‘I don’t have a mortgage.’
‘What?’ Alex looked taken aback. ‘Are you renting? I thought you owned that flat.’
‘I do.’ Sam had to take pity on Alex. She could almost see the wheels turning and him thinking that he had to be failing in some major way not to be as financially secure as she was. ‘My mother’s parents left an inheritance that went to her children. I got a lump sum when I was twenty-one and my father insisted that it got invested for ten years. I fought it at the time because I wanted to go overseas, but Dad was one of the trustees of Mum’s estate and he won, which was just as well because I would have blown most of it, I expect. Instead, there it was waiting for me and big enough to buy that flat.’
‘So what have you been spending all your money on since then?’
‘I haven’t,’ Sam said smugly. ‘I’ve been saving.’
‘Enough so that you won’t need any kind of child support?’
‘I reckon.’
Alex looked worried now. ‘So you could afford to stop working completely then?’
‘Maybe. But I don’t want to stop working, Alex. I love my job. You know that.’
‘And how’s that going to work when you’ve got a kid?’
‘I’ll use child care. Or get a nanny. I haven’t really worked that out yet.’
‘You’ll still need to stop working when you get pregnant. You’ll be gone for months. Years.’
‘Hey, I didn’t give you a hard time when you had all that time off three years ago.’
‘I broke my back! It wasn’t exactly deliberate, you know. I didn’t go out searching for the right person to break it for me.’
Sam ignored the comparison. ‘You were off work for at least six months.’
‘Not completely. Once I was mobile again, I did all that work in the stockroom. And I did that research paper for management, analysing our case load and making recommendations for new equipment.’
‘That’s just the sort of work I could do while I’m pregnant. And once I’ve had the baby, I could be back at work in about six weeks.’
‘Hmmph,’ was all Alex had to say, but Sam just left the topic. Reminding Alex that she had been without him as a partner for a period of time was a good move. Letting him know that she intended to be back on deck in as short a time as possible was also good. Not that she was going to make any decision about how soon she would want to leave her baby in someone else’s care until the time came. Or even if she would let herself consider that her high-risk job might seem inappropriate once she did actually have a child. Right now Sam just wanted to get Alex on side.
That expression of absolute horror on his face when she’d suggested using him to father the child kept coming back to haunt Sam. She shouldn’t have been that surprised. Alex didn’t do long term with his relationships. He didn’t do anything that smacked of dependency. Having a child would be so long term it would scare him silly. Good grief, the man didn’t even own a cat!
Yes. Sam could see exactly where Alex was coming from all right. And she certainly shouldn’t continue to be so disappointed. Any hope that Alex would want to help had gone completely out the window at that point but it still seemed important that he accept her plan.
And giving him time seemed to be working. The following Wednesday they started their first day shift on their roster and a fat envelope was waiting in the mail for them when they arrived at Base.
‘They’re “thank-you” letters from the kids at that school.’ Sam pulled out sheafs of paper from the oversized envelope. ‘They must have all had to write one.’
‘Hmm.’ Alex was opening a new edition of the Journal of Emergency Medicine. ‘This looks like an interesting article. “Conquering the Difficult Airway”.’
Sam was more interested in the children’s letters. Many of them had pictures at the bottom and some had very detailed frames drawn around the writing. They were works of art. Proud parents were missing out on these. When she started reading some, it wasn’t long before she laughed aloud.
‘Listen to this,’ she commanded Alex. ‘“I liked it when the helicopter landed. It blew my hair away.”’
‘Cute,’ Alex said. ‘Did you know that if the space between the patient’s chin and their thyroid cartilage is less than three finger widths, there’s a potential for a difficult intubation?’
‘It’s the really overweight people that freak me out. The ones that are all neck and no chin to be seen.’ Sam picked up a letter that was surrounded by little red hearts and pink flowers. ‘Oh, this one’s for you,’ she told Alex. ‘“When I grow up I want to marry Alex.”’
‘Nice kid.’
‘Yeah. Watch out for her in about ten years’ time.’
‘What’s her name?’
‘India.’
Alex was finally distracted from his article. ‘What’s with giving a kid the name of a sub-continent?’
‘It’s quite popular. Like Africa.’
The journal appeared forgotten now. ‘What are you planning to call yours?’
Sam tried not to look pleased that the subject had come up again. Her shrug was casual. ‘If it’s a boy, I think maybe Ben.’
‘And if it’s a girl?’ Alex actually sounded interested.
‘I’m tossing up between Charlie and George.’ Sam watched Alex’s expression morph from interest to disapproval. ‘You can’t do that.’
‘Why not?’
‘They’re boys’ names.’
‘Family tradition,’ Sam said mischievously. ‘I’ll put Charlotte or Georgina on the birth certificate but I’ll only ever use the full name if I’m really cross with her.’
‘Is that what happened in your family?’
‘No.’ Sam could feel the faint tug of a poignant smile. ‘After Mum died, I don’t think anyone in my family even remembered that I had a long name. I was just “Sam”.’
Alex wasn’t looking disapproving any more. There was a flash of understanding in his dark eyes that was intense enough to make Sam blink hard suddenly and turn back to the pile of pages covered in wobbly handwriting.
‘Maybe you’re right,’ she said lightly. ‘I might go for something really feminine. Like…um…Antoinette.’
‘She’d end up being Toni.’
‘Well, you think of one, then.’
‘Hannah,’Alex said so promptly that Sam had the curious impression he’d already given the subject some thought. Surely not. But if he had, he deserved encouragement.
‘I quite like that,’ she said warmly. ‘It’s like Anna. My mum’s name was Anne. It’s my middle name, too.’
‘I knew that.’
‘Did you? Can’t say I’ve taken any notice of what your middle name is.’
‘I’m deeply wounded by that.’ Alex grinned.
‘So what is it? Just in case I need back-up for a boy’s name.’
‘James.’
‘Hmm. Not bad.’ Sam tried it out. ‘Jamie,’ she murmured.
‘Now you’re turning a boy’s name into a girl’s name. You got some kind of a gender identification problem or something?’
‘Do you think I have?’ Sam glared at Alex. She’d had enough of this conversation now. She got those kind of jibes wherever she went. Her name, her job, her…
A lazy gaze from Alex was raking Sam from head to foot and she completely lost her train of thought.
‘Don’t think so,’ Alex said, ‘but the suit doesn’t help, does it?’
No. It wasn’t helping. It felt suddenly thick and heavy and was making Sam’s skin itch in a most peculiar fashion.
Weird. The sensation returned to haunt her that evening, too, when Sam had showered and was getting ready to go to that engagement party. It was being held at the pub she and her colleagues normally frequented and her usual attire would have been dressy jeans. But not tonight.
Gender identification problem, huh?
Throwing open the doors of her wardrobe, the first thing to catch Sam’s eye was a pair of long black boots that hadn’t been worn for ages. The high, spiky heels weren’t great for dancing but they were dead sexy—especially teamed with that circular-cut black skirt that clung to her hips and hung in swirly folds.
A skin-tight, deeply scooped neck top showed far more cleavage than Sam would normally be comfortable with but she took a deep breath in front of her mirror and noted the view with both surprise and satisfaction.
No question of her gender there!
In case the statement she was making was a little too loud, Sam layered on another top. This one was silver and would have covered her quite respectably but it was made of a kind of netting fabric with holes that were quite large enough to simply mute rather than disguise the display of femininity underneath.
Perfect. Sam decided to use a bit of that silver eyeliner she had, if it hadn’t dried up completely in the length of time it had been discarded in her bathroom drawer. She put two coats of mascara on as well. And some glossy lipstick.
She’d show Alex Henry that she could be all woman if she chose to. Having been in her boilersuit all day without any make-up, the contrast when he saw her tonight should be enough to make quite an impression.
It was.
Alex was clearly speechless when Sam opened her door to his knock that evening. His jaw dropped and his gaze did that slow raking manoeuvre that had made Sam’s uniform feel curiously itchy only hours earlier. This time there was no itch. The satisfaction Sam encountered from achieving her goal of knocking her partner’s eyes out seemed to ignite nerve endings to a slow and rather pleasant burn.
Yes! Was this how Alex looked at the women he took out for dates? No wonder they were so keen to leap into bed with him!
Alex finally emitted a low, appreciative whistle. ‘Didn’t know you were capable of scrubbing up quite this well, Sam.’ He took another look and then grinned. ‘Or should that be “Samantha”?’
‘“Sam” will do just fine.’ Now that she had proved a point, Sam had no desire to rub Alex’s nose in it. ‘Let’s get going, shall we?’
The Grumpy Toad tavern was bursting at the seams and the newly engaged couple were buried somewhere in the crowd. Dean was a police officer and Sharon a paramedic. They had been together for a long time but had decided to formalise their commitment because Sharon was now five months pregnant. Between them, the couple seemed to have invited everyone in the local emergency services who wasn’t on active duty that night. A marquee had been erected on the grass between the tavern building and the river but that, too, was crowded.
Alex put a hand on Sam’s back to steer her towards the bar.
So much for the extra protection that spider-web top was intended to provide. Sam could feel the imprint of every one of Alex’s fingers as though it were skin on skin. The effect of the touch was even more noticeable than the burning sensation his appreciative look at her outfit had given her.
Had it been anyone else touching her, she would have recognised the feeling as sexual attraction, but this was Alex and that was a ridiculous notion. It had to be the party atmosphere that was exciting her. The buzz of loud conversation and laughter. The music that was loud enough for the bass notes to be vibrating in her bones. Sam hadn’t partied hard for a very long time.
This was going to be fun.
Alex had to raise his voice to be heard above the music when they finally reached the bar.
‘What do you fancy?’
Sam fancied having Alex return his hand to that position on her lower back. In fact, she rather fancied the idea that they had come here as a couple instead of colleagues. That look of amazement and—it had to have been desire, hadn’t it?—on Alex’s face had not just been appreciation of how she looked but a promise of what was to come later. What she really fancied right now was…
‘There’s wine…’ Alex had turned again to get Sam’s request and he must have seen something in her face because his jaw dropped for an instant as though she had stunned him for the second time that evening. Then he seemed to give himself a mental shake. ‘Or beer,’ he added.
‘Wine, thanks.’ Sam followed Alex’s example and gave herself a good inward shake. Good grief! Where had that line of thought come from? What if Alex thought she was trying to prove her femininity by coming on to him? If he thought her excitement was due to his proximity rather than the party atmosphere?
He needed reassurance.
‘Isn’t this great?’ Sam took a drink from her glass and gestured towards the crowd. ‘There must be two hundred people here.’
‘Most of them are guys,’ Alex noted gloomily.
‘Yeah.’ Sam smiled happily. ‘It hadn’t occurred to me just how many men I come into contact with when I go out.’
Alex groaned. ‘Don’t tell me you’re going to use this party to hunt for a donor.’
‘Why not?’ Sam was beaming now. ‘My brothers should be here somewhere and between them they must know a hundred of these guys. I only need one.’ She straightened her back as she turned a more speculative gaze on the nearby partygoers. Realising, too late, that the movement pushed her cleavage into prominence, Sam slumped her shoulders a little. She hoped Alex hadn’t noticed.
Alex had noticed. Sam tried to laugh off the weird clutch at something deep inside her when she saw the direction of his glance. She wasn’t going to allow herself to start imagining the possibility of a relationship with Alex. It was crazy. ‘What do you reckon, Alex? Do you think I can find someone who might be interested?’
‘Is that what you got all dressed up for?’ Was it her imagination or did Alex sound disappointed?
‘No, of course not.’ Not that she was going to fuel Alex’s ego by admitting she had doled herself up to impress him. She took another mouthful of her wine. ‘But it’s a golden opportunity, isn’t it? If I wanted someone who wasn’t totally anonymous but still distant enough for it not to create problems at work, then going for someone my brothers could recommend from the police or fire service seems like a really good idea.’
Alex drained his glass of beer. ‘Think I might have another one,’ he said. He scowled at Sam. ‘So what are you going to do? Tick off boxes until you find a good candidate and then drag him home for the night? I hope you’re not expecting me to be the taxi service for the appointment.’
‘Don’t be disgusting,’ Sam said loftily. ‘I have no intention of having sex with the father of my baby, thank you!’
It was unfortunate that the loud music meant that it was necessary to shout to be heard, even in conversation with the person right beside you. Alex wasn’t the only one to hear Sam’s emphatic statement.
‘Woo-hoo! I knew it was about time I came to say hello.’ A tall, solid man enfolded Sam in a hug. ‘How’re you doing, sis?’
‘Hi, Phil.’ Sam looked up at the youngest of her three older brothers. The burly firefighter was grinning down at her.
‘How much have you had to drink, Sam?’
‘This is my first glass.’
‘So what’s all this about an immaculate conception?’
Sam ignored the question and looked over her shoulder. ‘Are David and Paul here? We could have a little family reunion.’
‘No, they’re both working.’ Phil raised his empty glass towards Alex. ‘G’day, mate. Good to see you again. Can I get you another one of these while I’m at it?’
‘Too right.’
‘Sam?’
‘Sure. Why not?’ Sam finished her last mouthful of wine and handed the glass over. ‘It’s a party, isn’t it?’
Alex went to help Phil collect the drinks. Someone jostled Sam’s elbow and she moved further from the queue at the bar. She should have warned Alex that her plans were still private. Goodness knew what he could be shouting into Phil’s eager ears as they waited their turn for a refill.
Then she gave up worrying. Her family would have to know at some point if she really was serious about this, wouldn’t they? And when Sam turned to see the star of the party, Sharon, happily patting the obvious bump of her tummy as she talked to a guest, the shaft of what felt alarmingly like jealousy told Sam exactly how serious she really was. She actually had to resist the urge to touch her own stomach and allow herself to dream for a moment of what it was going to be like to have a bump like that and know there was a baby growing inside. That it would be only a matter of weeks until it would be possible to hold a real baby and dream of its future. Her future.
When Phil and Alex found her again a few minutes later, after Sam had congratulated Sharon and admired the change in her figure, she didn’t care that the beans had clearly been spilled regarding her plans.
‘Yes,’ she confirmed. ‘I want to have a baby. You got a problem with that, Phil?’
‘Hell, no.’ Phil smirked at Alex. ‘I know better than to have a problem with what Sam wants to do. I might get my shins kicked.’
Alex smirked right back. ‘Yeah. She’s a determined woman, your little sister.’
‘Dad will be thrilled,’ Phil told Sam.
‘Oh, yeah…right! You don’t get a medal for producing a baby, you know.’
‘You might!’ Phil gave a shout of laughter. ‘If you can manage it without having sex with its father.’
‘Oh, come on!’ Alex winked at Sam and gave Phil a knowing nudge. ‘You’ve heard of turkey basters, haven’t you?’
‘What?’
‘You know, those big plastic syringe things with the rubber bulbs on the end.’
‘Oh…Please!’ The idea that Alex had put more thought into the mechanics of donor insemination than she had was very disturbing. Not to mention embarrassing. Sam could feel a level of heat that had nothing to do with the crowd of people around them. ‘Do you boys have to be quite so gross?’
‘Probably.’ Phil wasn’t looking remotely abashed but then he sighed. ‘Sorry, Sam. I’m just having a bit of trouble getting my head around this one. What’s the problem with finding a real father if you want to have a kid so much?’
‘Because then I might have to live with him,’ Sam said shortly. ‘And I had enough of having men trying to control my life when I was growing up.’
‘Hey, we never tried to control you. We just tried to stop you killing yourself.’
‘I had to try and kill myself before Dad ever noticed me.’
Having a conversation at loud volume made it easy to make a joke of something that hurt. Having a drink or two made it easy to confess a hurt that had never been spoken about directly.
Her brother’s mirth faded, though. He had sensed what lay beneath Sam’s joke.
‘You know why he ignored you, don’t you, Sambo?’
The use of a childhood nickname took her back effortlessly.
Back to a time when Sam had felt so isolated it had been unbearable. Phil had been her lifesaver but he was nearly six years older and he’d preferred to try and keep up with his older brothers than spend too much time with a lost and lonely little girl.
The sting of old memories was enough to prick the festive bubble Sam had felt encased in. She nodded her head sadly.
‘He just wasn’t interested in having a girl around. They had it sorted, didn’t they? You came along just after the twins and that was enough. I was a mistake.’
Phil shook his head vehemently. ‘You’ve got it so wrong, Sam. You know what I remember most about the day you were born?’ He leaned closer. ‘Dad cried. Can you believe that?’
‘No.’ Sam hadn’t even seen her father shed a tear at her mother’s funeral. Strong men didn’t do that and nobody was stronger than her father.
‘He didn’t know I saw him and I was too scared to ever say anything.’
‘Maybe he was upset that I was a girl.’
Phil shook his head again. ‘I heard what he said to Mum.’
‘What?’
‘He said, “She looks just like you, Annie. I love her already.”’
Alex had been eavesdropping shamelessly on the conversation Sam was having with her brother.
There wasn’t much point in trying to circulate because of the crush. Besides, Sam was by far the best-looking woman in the place and it never hurt one’s image to stay close to a stunning female.
Alex still couldn’t get over just how stunning she looked. She’d never dressed like this before. He was suspicious that this sudden transformation into sex-on-legs had a lot to do with her current agenda, and that was another reason he didn’t want to leave Sam to have conversations he wasn’t privy to.
If she was out to find a man to father her baby, then Alex wanted a say in who got chosen, despite the fact that it was going to be an immaculate conception.
It had better be an immaculate conception. If there was any question in Sam’s mind, Alex would be happy to provide the turkey baster himself. For some obscure reason, the idea of Sam having sex with some random bloke was extremely disturbing and if word got out in a crowd like this, she’d be fighting off a queue of candidates. Alex knew a lot of the men present tonight. They’d agree to anything the way Sam was looking right now.
Alex shoved the question of why he felt so concerned into a deep recess somewhere in his brain and washed out any airholes with a good slug of his beer. He was just looking out for Sam, that was all. They were partners. Mates. Who wouldn’t feel protective, the way Sam was looking at the moment? Phil’s revelation about her father had made her bottom lip wobble, which was doing something very odd to Alex’s gut. Or maybe it was the quantity of beer in there. Phil put an arm around his sister but Alex stepped closer as well.
He was there for her, too. Whether it was because she was upset by memories of what must have been a tough childhood or because she had some crazy idea of what she wanted to do next with her life.
Besides, he needed to step closer because Phil was speaking more softly now and it was hard to hear. Alex didn’t want to get left out of something that was obviously so important to Sam.
Of anything that was so important to Sam, come to that.
She needed someone looking out for her and whose partner was she, for heaven’s sake?
He had a duty to look out for her.
And Alex Henry had never shirked a duty in his life.