“Tom! Welcome back!” Theo boomed. “How’d the drop off go?”
“Fine,” Tom said tersely. “Sorry I’m late.”
“Not to worry. Ana and I made good use of the time,” Theo replied. “I wanted to ask how your homework went. Anything to share?”
“Well, yesterday afternoon, I kept thinking about that story I shared about my old boss, Pierre. At first, it was on my mind because I regretted bringing it up. It’s not my finest career moment. But then I was thinking about how I let a personal grudge hurt a project that my team had put time and effort into. They deserved better, no matter how arrogant or difficult I thought Pierre was.
“And, after talking to Kate yesterday, I realized that I owed Pierre an apology. Kate challenged me to call him up, so I did.”
“What did you say?” Ana asked
“I felt clumsy and was pretty direct about it.” Tom laughed. “I don’t think he knew what to think. The conversation didn’t last very long at all, and I thought it was a bit of a dud, actually. But this morning, I had an email from him thanking me for the call and wishing me success.”
“How do you feel about it?” Theo asked.
“Better,” Tom said. “Lighter, even. I didn’t realize I’d been carrying it around. But then this morning, I picked up my daughter, and…anyway.”
Tom stopped, hesitant to go into what had happened that morning with Becca.
“You’re among friends,” Theo encouraged.
“Well, it was a pretty rocky car ride,” Tom began and told the others what happened.
After Tom finished, Theo asked, “Where do you think the conflict or negative experience with Becca started, Tom?”
“It felt like she was ready for a fight before the car started moving. And even though I tried to connect and not see her as a challenge, it really didn’t pan out.”
“Where do you think you contributed to how things went? Was there any way you were seeing her that might’ve had an influence?”
Tom felt himself start to get defensive, then he paused. I don’t think Theo is attacking or judging me right now. “I was definitely feeling inconvenienced, and I didn’t even try to hide it. I’m sure Becca didn’t want to be late either, but my own day and plans felt more pressing to me than hers.”
“That’s good awareness,” Theo said. “It’s not easy to try something new. And we often build patterns of interaction that resist change, especially in our closest relationships.”
“You know, actually,” Tom said, “even though it’s true that she could’ve taken the bus, I had said I’d pick her up today and forgot. I think I should’ve just owned that from the beginning, and it would’ve probably made things go better. I was pretty defensive from the get-go. I’ve clearly got work to do.”
“Join the club!” Ana said, surprised by Tom’s honesty.