Stella listened as the organ soared, the music seeming to swirl above the heads of the packed congregation in St Peter’s church in Balbriggan. It was the Sunday morning of the memorial mass for her grandfather, and Mr Tardelli’s playing of ‘Nearer My God to Thee’ was impassioned and moving. But Stella had cried all the tears she had in her, and now she simply squeezed back when Dad squeezed her hand in support.
Once the priest left the altar, Stella genuflected and stepped out into the aisle, followed by her father. Looking around, it seemed that every person she knew in Balbriggan was here. Alice and her mother were in the pew behind with many of the staff from the Mill Hotel, there were dozens of girls and teachers from her convent, the well-known local surgeon Dr Foley, and his son Robert, nodded to her, and her friends from the chess club and the town band were present in large numbers.
Stella wished that her mother could be here. Mom, however, had had to stay in Canada to wind up Granddad’s affairs and wouldn’t be back in Ireland for another couple of weeks. And even if Mom had been here, nothing could change the fact that Stella and her grandfather would never again share a joke, or have pancakes with maple syrup, or listen to his scratchy records.
There was a finality to his departure that Stella found frightening, and she was glad when she emerged from the church into bright October sunshine. She stood in the churchyard with her father, accepting condolences as the Sunday morning mass-goers milled about. She was touched by how many people took the trouble to offer their sympathies, even though some of them were republicans who opposed the British in the war of independence. She saw that some people were looking at her appraisingly as they offered their condolences and she suspected that they were surprised that she wasn’t in tears. Could they not understand that she was really sad to lose her grandfather, but that by now she felt cried out?
She stood there for several minutes as adults and children alike mingled in the church yard, their demeanour lightening in many cases once they had offered their sympathy. Her father was chatting to Dr Foley, and she wondered how long more they would have to stay here when she heard a familiar voice.
‘Hello, Stella.’
She turned around, and to her amazement saw Johnny Dunne. He had written her a lovely letter offering his condolence and apologising for the fact that he wouldn’t be able to make it to Balbriggan for the mass. Yet now he was here.
‘Johnny,’ she said. ‘I…I thought you…’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘But I had to be here.’
Stella swallowed hard. She knew that Johnny had left Balbriggan in a hurry and that coming back was a risk for him. She knew too that he was more involved than ever with the rebels and was meant to be lying low while carrying out some secret mission. But he had put all of that aside to be with her in her time of need.
‘Oh, Johnny,’ she said. ‘I…I can’t believe you came.’
‘I couldn’t not come,’ he said simply.
‘It’s so good to see you. It…it means so much.’ Stella looked at him, and suddenly, and to her surprise, her eyes welled up with tears.
* * *
Alice was shocked to see Johnny. She knew that the authorities weren’t specifically looking for him – there had been too much chaos for the departure of a fourteen-year-old boots to attract much attention – but he was still taking a chance by showing up again. Alice tried to stand in her mother’s line of sight, but Mam was too alert, and she suddenly stiffened.
She raised a hand to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight. ‘Is that…is that Johnny Dunne?’
Alice looked over as though she had just noticed her friend. ‘Yes. Yes, he must have travelled all this way to sympathise with Stella.’ She hoped that by casting Johnny’s visit in a positive light Mam might overlook her anger at Johnny for leaving his job at short notice.
‘He’s got a cheek showing up like this.’
‘Mam…’
‘Well, he has. Not a word from him since he left. And now he just turns up. If he expects to be welcomed back with open arms he’s much mistaken.’
‘Some hope!’ Alice sounded sharper than she had intended and she raised her hand apologetically. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. But I’m sure coming back had nothing to do with his job. It’s hard for Stella being so far from Canada. I’m sure he just wanted to support her.’
Her mother shrugged. ‘Maybe…’
‘Please, Mam. I know you’re annoyed at him. But don’t say anything. Today isn’t about you, or Johnny – it’s about Stella’s granddad.’
Her mother paused for a moment, then nodded. ‘You’re right.’
‘Thanks, Mam. You don’t mind if I go over and have a word with him?’
‘I suppose not. I need to get back and check arrangements for the reception. Don’t be too long, Alice, I could do with a hand.’
‘All right.’ Alice watched her mother go, then she crossed to where Johnny was chatting with Stella and Commander Radcliffe.
‘Johnny,’ she said, offering her hand as if they hadn’t met since his departure. ‘Good to see you again.’
‘You too, Alice,’ he said, shaking hands.
‘Johnny was telling us about travelling up from Tipperary,’ said Commander Radcliffe.
‘Really?’ said Alice. ‘Good journey?’
‘Yes, got the early train,’ answered Johnny.
‘Whereabouts are you working in Tipperary?’ asked Commander Radcliffe.
‘Thurles,’ said Johnny.
‘Thurles, eh? Do you like your new job?’
‘Eh…yes, sir. Yes, it’s fine.’
‘And what exactly is your role?’
‘Dad!’ admonished Stella. ‘You sound like you’re cross-examining, Johnny.’
‘Sorry, Johnny,’ he said with a rueful smile. ‘Occupational hazard for a commanding officer. Always asking questions.’
‘It’s grand,’ said Johnny.
‘Why don’t I borrow Johnny, and let yourself and Stella mingle?’ suggested Alice, feeling that she needed to get Johnny away from Stella’s father. His enquiries were well-intentioned, but he was still a British officer, and Johnny would need to watch his every word to make sure he didn’t give himself away.
‘Thank you, Alice,’ said Commander Radcliffe, ‘a rock of sense, as ever. Nice to see you again, Johnny.’
‘You too, Commander.’
‘And good luck in the new job.’
All three friends exchanged a quick look, then Johnny nodded. ‘Thank you. I’ll see you before I leave, Stella,’ he added as Alice led him away.
‘OK.’
‘Thanks for that,’ said Johnny when they found a quiet spot near the far wall of the churchyard.
‘I figured it might get tricky,’ said Alice. ‘So, you came in the end.’
‘I had to. You and Stella have been brilliant friends. I couldn’t stay away when she’s lost her granddad.’
‘It will mean a lot to her, Johnny.’ Alice looked at him quizzically. ‘Will you get in trouble with the people…the people you’re working for?’
‘They’d have a fit if they knew I was here. But I’m off on Sundays and they think I’m gone to a football match.’
‘Right. And eh…any word from Athlone?’
Johnny shook his head. ‘No. I’m…I’m not sure what to do next.’
‘Well, it’s only…what, about a week since you wrote?’
‘It’s a week exactly.’
‘I’d wait a while.’
‘And if she doesn’t answer me?’
Alice could see the anxiety in Johnny’s face and she kept her tone upbeat. ‘If you hear nothing it doesn’t mean she’s not answering. She might have moved to another address.’
‘I’ve no way of knowing that.’
‘Well…you could always go to Athlone. It’s on a train line from Dublin.’
‘And do what? Check the house?’
‘If it comes to that. But I bet it won’t. I think she’ll answer.’
‘Maybe she’ll answer that she doesn’t want to see me. Maybe she’s made a new life and won’t want me showing up.’
‘Maybe,’ conceded Alice. ‘But I doubt it. I just…I just feel it in my bones that it’ll work out. And usually when I feel something in my bones, I’m right.’
‘I really hope so, Alice.’
‘Fingers crossed, then.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Would you like to come back to the Mill?’ said Alice. ‘Maybe we could play some music, and we’re doing food and drink for all the mourners.’ She knew that Mam wouldn’t be happy about this, but she wanted Johnny to feel wanted.
‘Thanks, Alice,’ he said, ‘but I’m already breaking all sorts of rules by showing my face here at all. Going to the hotel would be pushing my luck.’
‘I miss the three of us making music, Johnny, and chatting and…and everything..’
‘I do too. Badly, sometimes…’
‘Are you sure you won’t come back? You’d be really welcome.’
‘Thanks. Alice, but I’d better just have a few words with Stella, and then get back to Dublin. Safer that way.’
‘OK then. And talking of safety – be careful, Johnny. Please.’
‘I will. Honestly.’
He said it reassuringly, but Alice feared that mightn’t be possible, and that what he was doing was always going to be risky. ‘I’ll pray that you hear from Athlone,’ she said. ‘Let me know how you get on.’
‘I will.’ Suddenly he reached out and touched her arm. ‘You’re the best, Alice, you really are.’
Alice felt a lump in her throat. ‘Johnny…’
‘I mean it. I’ll see you when I can.’ He nodded in farewell, then crossed the churchyard towards Stella.
Alice stood unmoving, touched by Johnny’s admission that he badly missed herself and Stella. It must be really hard for him, she thought, all alone in Dublin. Even though she sometimes argued with Mam, she knew she could always count on her support, just as Stella could count on her father. Johnny, though, had no such support, and Alice hoped that her prayers would come true and that Johnny’s mother would answer his letter. Meanwhile she would continue to pray for his safety. It was all she could do for now and, watching him from across the churchyard, she hoped against hope that it would be enough.