“How was therapy?” Gigi asks when I climb into her SUV a couple of weeks later.
“Good.”
I’ve been visiting a therapist ever since Gil found me and Brad in the basement. He thought it would help me work through my “trust” issues and come to some sort of happy place with my mom. I think he’s expecting a “Kumbaya” moment. Like that would ever happen. I’ve wasted way too many tears and too much energy on her already. The kid shouldn’t be expected to make things right. If she can’t do it, I’m not, either.
But I still go to therapy. I’m just relieved Gil never suspected the truth between me and Brad. If I need to go to therapy to keep playing along, that’s what I’ll do. It’s really a small price to pay.
“Oh, before I forget—do you want to go to the game in Raleigh on Saturday with us or with your friends?” Gigi asks, looking in her side-view mirror for an opening in traffic.
It’s the regional finals for Brad. If they win, they’ll be in the championship game. I’m sure Brad not only sees the championship, but also his path to Duke since the recruiter said he had to see how Brad finished the season. He’s got a lot riding on these next two games, but you’d never know it by looking at him. He’s calm, cool, and collected, just like always.
The outcome of the game doesn’t mean anything to me because either way, he’s leaving Pinehurst. Whether he moves to Winston-Salem or Durham, there’s a good chance it will be the last I’ll see of him. I’d prefer it if he’d stay right here, but there’s nothing in this town for him. It’s a bad situation—his happiness versus my happiness. It’d be nice if there were an ending to make everyone happy, but that’s not life.
You’d think I’d be an expert on disappointment by now and completely unfazed by it, but I’m not. It still stings. Maybe even more than it used to. I guess that’s my prize for finding people I can count on—more pain when we eventually go our separate ways.
I say, “I’ll probably go to the game with you and just meet up with my friends there.”
“Okay.” She pulls away from the curb, turns off her signal, and says, “Do you mind if we stay in Raleigh for a few hours after the game? I’d like to do some Christmas shopping.” She pauses. “Actually, why don’t you invite Brittany? Then the two of you can hang out at the mall while Gil and I shop.”
“Sure, sounds like fun.”
She changes lanes and then asks, “So, how’s school going?”
“Fine. I got a B-plus on my last geometry test.”
“That’s wonderful. Your grades continue to go up and up. You could probably get into college if you wanted.”
I slowly turn my head to watch her. She’s never talked to me about college before, and I wonder if Brad mentioned it to her.
“You think?” I ask cautiously.
“Yes. Do you want to go?”
“I’m not sure.” It’s the truth. I’ve been thinking about it more and more since Brad and I talked. Part of me has always dreamed of going, but another part of me assumes that’s all it is—a dream.
She pauses while braking for a turning car in front of her, then asks, “What’s your hesitation?”
I shrug. “It just seems like a lot. What if … I can’t handle it?” This is the first time I’ve ever put my fear into words. Chase told me over and over again I couldn’t do it. What if I try and only prove him right?
“You’re scared you’ll fail?”
“Maybe … yes.”
We stop at a light, and she turns to face me. “You should never make important decisions based on fear. Isn’t it better to try and fail than not to try at all? At least then you could say you gave it your best shot. Not that I think you’d fail. You’re doing well in school now.”
“I guess.” Of course, there’s also the issue of all the changes that will hit with my birthday. I probably need to make sure I have a place to live and food to eat before I start thinking about luxuries like college. “It’s just … I’ve got a lot of changes coming up,” I say with a shrug.
“Because you’ll age out of foster care?”
I nod. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
“Honestly?”
She glances over at me. “Yes, honestly.”
Staring out the window, I watch the people walking from one store to another at the strip mall. It’s not easy to tell her what I want because I know it’s asking too much of them. They’ve already given me more than I ever imagined and I’m going to ask for even more? How selfish does that make me?
Gigi reaches over and pats my knee.
With a sigh, I say, “I want to stay with you until graduation, but I know it’s greedy of me.”
“Oh, honey,” she says, squeezing my shoulder, “we just assumed you’d stay here through at least graduation, if not the summer.”
Her one little sentence starts to lift an elephant-sized weight off my chest. Would they actually allow me to stay? “Really?” I ask. “You’d do that for me?”
“Yes, of course.”
“I’ll pick up more chores, and I don’t need an allowance,” I say quickly, before she can change her mind.
An angry honk sounds behind us, drawing Gigi’s attention back to the road. The light’s green, and the whole line of traffic is waiting on us. “Don’t worry about that,” she says, turning left.
“I don’t want to be a freeloader when DSS stops paying.”
“You won’t be a freeloader. We never planned on keeping the checks anyway. We’ve been saving all the money and will give it to you when you turn eighteen, so you’ll have something to help you get started.”
My jaw falls to the ground. Why would they do that? It’s beyond generous. The money is supposed to cover all my expenses. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Hailey, we never did this for the money. We did this because we want to help you. We want you to go to college, but if you choose not to, you can stay here as long as you need to find a job and save up enough money to get a car and a place of your own.”
I stare out the window in shock. I’m just some random girl thrown into their home, but they’re treating me like family. It’s almost like they’re my real parents. Well, normal real parents, not my real, real parents.
The fear that’s been gnawing on my insides for the last few weeks starts to fade. I won’t be spending my eighteenth birthday in a homeless shelter somewhere. And I’ll actually have enough money for a deposit on an apartment whenever I need it. This may not seem like much to Gigi, but it changes everything for me. The corners of my eyes start stinging, and I fight back happy tears.
“Do you mind if we stop at the store?” Gigi asks. “I need to pick up a few last-minute things for Thanksgiving tomorrow.”
I shake my head because I don’t trust my voice. I might actually be able to make all this work and go to college. Me. College. It’s … unbelievable, really. How many times did Chase tell me it wouldn’t happen? How many times did my mom tell me I wouldn’t even finish high school? Enough to make me believe it. But they could both be wrong. I could actually do it. If I can just get my GPA up a little, my application might have a fighting chance.
I pinch myself. The small red mark makes it clear I’m wide awake. Everything is completely real, yet as unbelievable as the craziest dreams I’ve ever had.