A loud, persistent knocking at the front door broke through Emily’s heavy sleep. When she tried to open her eyes they felt as if the lids were weighed down by an invisible force. Her head too ached abominably, and her tongue felt as if it were glued to the roof of her mouth. When she tried to move from the confines of the armchair, she found herself as weak as a kitten.
When the knocking became more frantic, she summoned all her strength and, with her hands gripping the sides of the chair for support, rose unsteadily to her feet. As she stood, a heavy overcoat slipped from her body to the floor and, as she stared down at the dark grey garment, recollections of the previous night came flooding back. So it hadn’t been a dream after all. Oh, dear God, how could she have allowed such a thing to happen?
Still in a daze, she walked slowly to the door and opened it, wincing and screwing up her eyes against the glare of the sudden daylight.
‘Bleeding hell, Em, yer had me worried. I was just about ter get some help ter break down the door. I’ve been knocking fer ages.’ Doris swept past the bemused Emily and into the house. ‘I thought fer a minute yer old man had come back home and…’ She stopped in mid-sentence, her eyes going to the empty brandy bottle and the two glasses lying in the hearth. But it was the overcoat that claimed her attention, an overcoat just like the one Tommy had been wearing last night, and which was now lying in a heap on Emily’s parlour floor. The implication caused her heart to race and brought a tightness to her throat.
Steady on, girl, she warned herself silently. There’s probably a simple explanation, don’t go jumping to the wrong conclusions. Striving to keep her voice normal, she bent down, picked up the brandy bottle and gave a shaky laugh.
‘Been having a party, Em? Yer might have invited me. After all, I am yer best mate.’
Still standing by the door, Emily opened her mouth to speak, but no words were forthcoming. She couldn’t tell Doris what had happened, she just couldn’t. If Doris hadn’t confided how she felt about Tommy, then Emily would have been glad to share the burden of guilt and shame that she was now experiencing. But not now. How would it look to Doris, if she found out that only hours after telling her life-long friend about her true feelings for Tommy Carter, that same friend had slept with the man she loved? Suddenly Emily’s head cleared. Doris must never know what had happened between her and Tommy. It hadn’t been planned. If that driver hadn’t given Tommy the bottle of brandy, they would have been content with a cup of tea before Tommy left. As it was, they had both needed comforting, – she because of her worry about her mother, and Tommy because of his fear of what lay in store for him in France.
‘Well! Cat got yer tongue, Em?’ Doris was staring at her, her grey eyes mirroring her uncertainty.
Emily, sensing her friend’s pain, pulled herself together, saying hoarsely, ‘Be a pal, Doris, and put the kettle on. I’m dying for a cup of tea. You wait until I see that Tommy Carter. He said the brandy was for medicinal purposes, but he failed to mention the after-effects.’ As she talked Emily came slowly over to where Doris was standing and held her hands over the dying embers in the grate. ‘We managed to get a lift home from a man on his way to Spitalfields, and you know what it’s like these days, people only have to see a man in uniform and he’s immediately a hero in their eyes. When he dropped us off, he gave Tommy that brandy. Lord, if I’d have known I’d feel this bad, I would never have touched the stuff. But, well, Tommy was feeling a bit low, the same as me, but for different reasons, and I didn’t like to chuck him out, not after he’d stayed with me at the hospital. I don’t remember much after the second glass, until you woke me up by knocking seven bells out of the front door. Still, at least he had the decency to cover me up with his coat before he left, otherwise I’d probably have had a stinking cold as well as a hangover.’
With each word Emily uttered, a dull pain pulled at the very heart of her. She didn’t like lying, for any reason, and she had never lied to Doris before. But what good would it do to tell the truth? What had happened here last night would never happen again, so why cause Doris unnecessary pain, when there was nothing to be gained by it?
Standing close to Emily, Doris felt her body slump with relief.
There yer are, yer silly cow, she silently berated herself. Fancy thinking a thing like that about Emily. Oh, there was more than a few names she could mention who would have been only too pleased to offer their services to a man like Tommy, but not her Em. Why, she’d probably never even kissed a man, let alone…! Feeling guilty about her earlier uncharitable thoughts, Doris immediately became all bustling solicitation.
‘Here, don’t stand around like a fart in a trance. Sit yerself back down while I make that tea.’
Emily let herself be guided into the armchair, making no protest when Tommy’s coat was laid back over her shivering body. While Doris was busy in the scullery, Emily let her mind drift back to the early hours of the morning:
After it was over, they had both held each other and cried. Of the two of them, Tommy had been the most upset, blaming himself and calling himself names that Emily had never heard before, asking her over and over again to forgive him. When they had both calmed down, they had dressed silently and shyly, avoiding each other’s gaze as they performed that simple, private act. Before he’d left Tommy had settled her in the armchair by the fire and covered her up with his overcoat, kissed her softly on the forehead and let himself silently out of the house. She didn’t know how long she had sat there, unable to move, or even to think straight, before falling into a troubled sleep until Doris had arrived.
‘Here yer are, girl, get that down yer.’ Doris had appeared by her side, a steaming mug of tea held out to Emily. Gratefully taking the hot beverage, she sipped at it, careful not to burn her mouth. ‘Shall I get the fire going again, Em?’ Doris was hovering over her, anxious to be of help.
Emily shook her head, then winced as a shaft of pain shot across her forehead.
‘Ooh, my head hurts something dreadful,’ she groaned.
‘I’ll never, ever get drunk again… And no, don’t bother with the fire. I’ll be going up to see my mum as soon as I’ve washed and changed my clothes. What time is it anyway?’ Craning her neck gingerly, she looked at the mantel clock and gasped. ‘Ten o’clock, goodness, I can’t have slept that long.’
Doris laughed. ‘Well, yer have, so you’d best get yer arse up out of that chair and get a move on. Yer mum will be wondering what’s happened ter yer.’
Twenty minutes later, her head still throbbing painfully, Emily left the house with Doris by her side.
‘Maybe they’ll give yer something at the hospital fer yer head,’ Doris said gaily. Then, looking across the street she added, ‘Look, there’s Tommy. He’s probably come looking fer his coat.’
Emily felt a moment of panic. Please, please, God, don’t let him say anything about last night, she prayed silently. Her stomach churning nervously, she turned and smiled weakly at the approaching figure.
‘Good morning, Tommy,’ she managed to say calmly. ‘Have you come for your coat? I was going to bring it over after I’d been to the hospital.’
Tommy looked from Emily to the smiling Doris, and back to Emily once more. Although she was smiling, her eyes were clearly pleading with him not to mention what had happened between them. As if he would, in front of Doris… or anyone else for that matter. He felt bad enough about his actions as it was.
‘Here, give me the key and I’ll fetch it fer yer.’ Doris held out her hand to Emily for the key.
When she’d gone, both Tommy and Emily looked awkwardly at each other, neither knowing what to say. Emily could feel her face burning with embarrassment at the memory of them together. Here now, in the cold light of day, what had happened seemed sordid, even dirty, and nothing like the warm, comforting feeling that had led to them finding solace in each other’s arms in the rosy glow of the blazing fire.
Shuffling his boots uneasily, Tommy said awkwardly, ‘Look, Em, about last night, I…’
‘No, Tommy, don’t… don’t say anything, please. We were both drunk, and I was just as much to blame as you.’ Behind her she heard her front door being pulled shut and said quickly, ‘It never happened, Tommy. Do you understand? Last night never happened. I don’t ever want any reference to it again.’
‘Here yer are, Tommy,’ Doris said cheerfully, holding out the overcoat to the bewildered young man. Giving him a none too gentle nudge, she added slyly, ‘And the next time yer feel like getting a woman drunk, come and knock on my door. I’ll be more than willing ter drink yer under the table.’
‘Look, I don’t want to appear rude, Tommy, but I’m anxious to get to the hospital.’
‘Oh, oh, all right, Em.’ Tommy was busily donning his coat, glad of something to do to hide his tortured emotions as the two women walked away.
‘Here, yer was a bit short with Tommy,’ Doris said, a hint of suspicion once again rearing its ugly head.
Quick to realise her mistake, Emily shrugged. ‘Was I? I didn’t mean to be. To tell the truth, Doris, I’ve still not recovered from last night and, like I said, I’m anxious to see my mum. I’ll see Tommy later and apologise for being so abrupt.’
Doris was only too happy to take Emily at her word and when, some twenty minutes later, they entered the ward, they were chatting easily together.
Nellie was waiting for them, propped up on what seemed a mountain of pillows. She managed a crooked smile at the two young women as they made their way down the aisle of the ward. Seated in a chair by the bedside was Dot Button, her normally cheerful face subdued, and sporting a livid bruise beneath her left eye.
Sighting Emily and Doris, the stout woman rose awkwardly to her feet.
‘Well, I’ll be off then, Nellie,’ she said quietly, averting her eyes from Emily’s gaze.
‘Oh, all right, Dot, it was good of you to come and see me. I should be home in a few days, God willing.’
Dot buttoned up her coat and tied a plaid scarf over her head, tying it in a knot under her chin. God willing! That was a good one. Where had Nellie’s God been last night, when that swine of a man had nearly beaten the life out of her?
‘Oh, don’t go on our account, Mrs Button,’ Emily said hastily.
Dot, all bustling motion, picked up her shabby handbag from the bed and nervously fidgeted with the brass clasp.
‘No, it’s all right, Emily, I was about ter go anyway.’ Giving up her chair to Doris, Dot came round the side of the bed and stood in front of Emily, her eyes filled with guilt. Keeping her voice low so that Nellie couldn’t hear what was said, she muttered, ‘I was only gone a few minutes, love, I swear it. Yer know I wouldn’t leave yer mum on her own, not after yer’d told me what’d happened. But yer mum said she’d like a cup of cocoa, only she didn’t ’ave any, so I popped next door to get some of mine. Then I stopped ter visit the lav, an’ when I got back, ’e was already laying into yer mum. He must ’ave been watching the ‘ouse an’ seen me leave. I tried ter stop ’im, love, ‘onest, an’ I gave ’im a good clout round the ’ead with the coal shovel, but the bastard just kept…’ A sob caught in Dot’s throat, and the sight of the robust, indomitable woman in such distress cut Emily to the quick.
‘Oh, don’t, Mrs Button, don’t,’ Emily cried, placing an arm round the broad shoulders.
‘Dot, what is it, what’s wrong?’ Nellie was watching them through the narrow slits of her bruised eyes.
Hearing the agitation in her friend’s voice, Dot pulled away from Emily. Like all cockneys, she wasn’t one for demonstrative behaviour. Briskly now, she turned towards the bed.
‘Nothing’s the matter, Nellie Ford. Now yer just take it easy, an’ do what them doctors tells yer to. An’ don’t let them nurses boss yer about. Right little tin gods they are. One of them tried ter throw me out,’ she nodded at Emily. ‘She did, the little madam. Well, I soon told her where ter go, didn’t I, Nellie?’
‘You did that, Dot,’ Nellie smiled affectionately at the indignant woman. Even Emily, as worried as she was about her mother, couldn’t help smiling at the image of the nurse trying to force her authority on Dot.
‘Yes, well, I’ll be off now, Nellie, but I’ll be back later.’
“Thanks again for all your help, Dot, and don’t tell Lenny anything just yet. Emily can see to him later, there’s no point in worrying the poor boy.’
At the mention of her brother, Emily raised enquiring eyes to Dot, and when the woman gave an imperceptible shake of her head, Emily remained silent.
She waited until the bulky figure reached the end of the ward, then, with an exclamation of annoyance, she said, ‘Oh, dear, I meant to ask Mrs Button to get some milk for me, only the milkman will have finished his rounds by the time I get home.’
Dot was waiting for Emily outside in the corridor.
‘Right, love, I won’t waste time,’ she started abruptly.
‘The truth of it is that nobody’s seen ‘ide nor hair of young Lenny since yesterday, but I couldn’t tell yer mother that, could I? She’s enough on ’er plate as it is. Anyway, I told ’er he’d rolled up outside me ‘ouse this morning, an’ I told ’im she’d got a day’s cleaning work. Gawd knows where he really is.’ Hitching up her ample breasts a notch further, she added grimly. ‘I’ll tell yer something else, while I’m at it. I’m off down the Hackney nick to press charges, I think that’s what it’s called, against yer old man. The way I see it, yer mum’ll never do it, so I’m gonna make it me business to see he gets banged up. And if I can’t get ’im on an assault charge, then I’ll shop ’im fer being a conchie, so don’t try an’ stop me, Em, ’cos me mind’s made up.’^-^
‘I’ve no intention of trying to stop you, Mrs Button,’ Emily said, her voice ominously quiet. ‘I’d planned to do the same thing myself. If they don’t take any notice of you at the station, then I’ll come with you later.’
‘Oh, don’t you fear, love, they’ll take notice of me, I promise yer that. But if I do get any malarkey from the coppers, then I’ll get the whole bloody street up there, ’cos the lot of them are just waiting fer a chance ter put yer dad away… And I’m sorry if that offends yer, love, but yer know me well enough ter know I don’t mince me words – but the truth of it is, yer dad ain’t liked round our part of the world. So, anyway, like I said, I’m off ter the cop shop, but I’ll keep a look-out fer young Lenny, an’ if I find him, I’ll take him home with me till you can fetch him.’
‘Thank you again, Mrs Button. My mum’s very fortunate to have a friend like you… And I’m truly sorry you were hurt in trying to defend her.’
Dot gave a short laugh and pointed to the rapidly closing mauve eye.
‘What this – pshaw! That’s nothing compared ter the wallop I gave him. It’s just a pity I didn’t hit the bastard a damn sight harder. I might ’ave saved yer mum from…’
Emily waited while Dot pulled a none too clean handkerchief from her coat pocket and gave her nose a resounding blow, to cover up what she saw as a sign of weakness. Emily had the strongest inclination to throw herself into the redoubtable woman’s arms, but she resisted the temptation. Like her neighbour, she too wasn’t one for demonstrative behaviour.
Besides, she couldn’t afford to waste time in self-indulgence, nor could she weaken in regard to her father. If she had her way, Alfie Ford was going to go away for a very long time.
‘I’ll stay with Mum for as long as I can, Mrs Button, and I’ll come and see you as soon as I get home, to find out how you got on at the station.’
Dot was about to say something further, then stopped. The steeliness in Emily’s blue eyes for a moment sent a chill up the older woman’s spine. Nodding at the silent young woman, Dot turned and hurriedly left the hospital.
Behind her Emily took a deep breath and retraced her steps down the ward, and the nearer she came to her mother’s bed, the faster her heart began to thud against her ribcage. For in the harsh, October sunlight her mother’s injuries looked much worse than they had done last night.
Keeping a tight smile glued to her lips, she bent over and kissed her mother’s forehead, saying softly, ‘Sorry about that. How are you, Mum?’
‘Oh, I’m fine, love, I’m fine,’ Nellie answered, her gaze kept firmly on her daughter. She was very fond of Doris, but she wished that Emily had come by herself.
She hadn’t minded Dot coming to see her – she was a comfort, was Dot – but she felt embarrassed and ashamed to be seen by anyone else, even though she knew what had happened to her wasn’t her own fault. Oh, she knew well enough that some would argue that point, saying that if she’d stood up to her husband, instead of letting herself be used like a doormat all these years, then she wouldn’t be lying here now. But it was easy to be judgmental when you were standing comfortably on the outside looking in.
Turning her head carefully, she looked at Emily, who was putting a small bunch of flowers into a vase on the bedside locker, taking her time over the simple task in order to get her emotions in check.
Dear Lord! How could he have done such a thing to a small, defenceless woman? All Emily’s worst fears had been realised last night when she’d found her mother in a bloodied heap on the parlour floor. Oh, why had she gone out with Doris and the Carter twins? The whole evening had ended in disaster. She deliberately shied away from the memory of Tommy Carter. That episode in her life was over and done with. What she had to do now was look after her mother and make sure that her father never again had the opportunity to harm her mother. Pulling the visitor’s chair out from under the bed, Emily sat down and took her mother’s cold hands in hers. Under the shapeless hospital nightdress Emily could see a mass of bruising on her mother’s arms and above her chest. Some bruises were faded, but most of them were the result of last night. She was afraid to look too long at Nellie’s face, not because the bruised eyes and split lips upset her – she’d got over that shock last night, and had wept enough tears then, and again later on in the early hours of the morning; she doubted she had any tears left to shed. No, the reason she didn’t want to dwell on her mother’s injuries was because she was afraid. Afraid of the murderous feeling that kept sweeping over her; that hatred, so overpowering that it frightened her. She had never realised until this moment that she was capable of such intense, white-hot rage, especially against her own father. May he rot in hell, wherever he was.
On the other side of the bed, Doris stared at mother and daughter, her face filled with angry indignation.
‘Fine! How can yer say yer fine, Mrs Ford? Bleeding hell, yer look a right state.’
‘Doris!’ Emily protested, but Doris was determined to have her say. ‘Don’t Doris me, Emily. Look at the pair of yer, tap-dancing round each other, pretending everything’s all right. I mean, Gawd help us, I’ve seen boxers down the Mile End gym after twelve rounds look in better nick than yer mum does.’
Bristling with outrage, Doris was about to say more when a nurse appeared by the bed.
‘I’m sorry, but morning visiting hours are over, you’ll have to go, I’m afraid.’ The nurse, the same one who had tried to get Dot to leave, stood her ground now, determined not to have her authority flaunted again, especially by two girls who were clearly much younger than she.
‘Says who?’ Doris looked up aggressively at the starchily dressed figure.
‘Doris, please, don’t cause a fuss, dear,’ Nellie spoke wearily. She felt so tired, she just wanted to sleep, and sleep. Summoning up a semblance of a smile, she reached out and patted Doris’s hand fondly. ‘I’m very tired, Doris. Please don’t think me ungrateful, but I’d like to get some rest.’
As Doris rose to leave, the nurse visibly relaxed, glad to have been spared another confrontation. Not that she would have backed down, not again. Even so, she stepped smartly out of the way of the girl with the bright orange fringe, which was visible beneath her gaudy scarf, and the yellow-tinged skin, which signified her trade as a munitions worker. Everyone knew they were a rough bunch.
‘I’ll catch up with you outside, Doris. I just want a quick word with my mum.’
When they were alone, Emily again took hold of Nellie’s hands and asked softly, ‘Why, Mum? What set him off this time? Or have things got so bad that he no longer needs an excuse?’
‘Oh, don’t, love, not now,’ Nellie pleaded weakly, her hands beginning to tremble in Emily’s tight grip.
‘All right, don’t get yourself into a state,’ Emily said hurriedly, cursing herself for being so insensitive. But, as she made to leave, Nellie, a sudden worrying thought coming to her, pulled herself painfully up on the pillows and grabbed at Emily’s arm.
‘He was after your wages… He knew you were getting a month’s wages. Lenny let it slip. I would never have told him.’ Her voice was becoming weaker as she valiantly tried to say what was troubling her. ‘If… if he comes back, give the money to him, Emily. Please, don’t try and keep it, he’ll only get…’
‘Hush, Mum, don’t upset yourself. And don’t worry about me, I’m not that brave. If he comes back, I’ll let him have it, I promise.’
Satisfied that her daughter was in no danger, Nellie slipped back into a fitful sleep.
‘Really, Miss, you’ll have to leave.’ The nurse had returned, grimly prepared to assert her authority, but Emily appeared not to have heard.
Her eyes hard, she swept past the surprised nurse and walked purposefully down the long ward, the heels of her patent boots tapping out a staccato beat on the polished floor.
Oh, she’d let her father have it, all right. Just let him show his face – she was ready for him, more than ready.