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Evan stared after Jeremy, head swimming, lips still tingling from the kiss. Oh, God, the kiss. The kind of first kiss he’d always imagined. He stood staring after the figure limping away from him long after Jeremy disappeared from sight. It wasn’t until he heard a siren in the distance that he jerked in surprise and reached for the doorknob.
His head spun as he stumbled into the apartment building and up the steps to his place. He didn’t turn on the light in his apartment, just threw the keys in the general direction of the table by the door and collapsed on the bed. He could still feel Jeremy’s lips on his, the wet warmth of his mouth, and strong arms around his waist, holding him close. It had all been so perfect, and he’d let himself believe Jeremy wanted him, not just for one kiss, but for more.
Evan’ss head swam as he rolled onto his back and fumbled for the zipper of his jeans. He shoved his shirt up under his armpits and wrapped a hand around his cock. All it took was a few hard jerks and the memory of Jeremy’s kiss before he came everywhere in huge, messy spurts that left him panting and lightheaded. He closed his eyes and lay there, aware of the come cooling on his belly and the crushing disappointment of Jeremy’s rejection.
***
Evan awoke the next morning, sticky and miserable. His head throbbed, and he rolled onto his stomach with a groan, burying his head in the pillow as he tried to convince himself it had all been a dream. He screamed into the pillow in frustration. As amazing as the kiss had been, he couldn’t forget the way Jeremy had walked away. What if he’d ruined everything? He rolled onto his back again and stared up at the ceiling. What in the hell should he do now?
A shower, some painkillers, and a cup of coffee made him feel a bit better and finally led him to the conclusion he should talk to Russ about things. It was a Sunday, so he knew Russ had the day off work. He seemed vaguely confused when Evan called, especially when he said he didn’t have a car and asked if he could take Evan to where it was parked before they met for lunch. Russ agreed without hesitating, and before Evan knew what he was doing, he was seated at a table and spilling his heart out to his friend.
“So, um, I kind of kissed Jeremy last night.” Evan stared across the table at Russ, waiting for his reaction. He hadn’t mentioned anything about what was going on with Jeremy to Russ before—not even that they were friends—and he expected the look of surprise and confusion on Russ’ face.
Russ blinked a couple of times and cleared his throat. “Stephen’s ex, Jeremy?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow. Okay.” He frowned and cleared his throat again. “I didn’t realize you knew him.”
“We met at the engagement party.”
“Oh.” Russ took a sip of his water. “So that’s good, right? You’re meeting guys and going on dates.”
Evan slumped back in his seat and stirred his sweet tea. Coke made him think of Jeremy because it was pretty much all he drank so he’d ordered tea instead. “I guess. Sort of.” He sighed. “Things are weird between us.”
“Weird how?”
“We get along really well, and he was upfront about wanting to be friends, but we’ve been hanging out a lot. Last night, I had a couple drinks, and he didn’t want me to drive home, so I left my car over there.” Evan flapped his hand toward the other side of the parking lot where his car was parked. “We took the bus, then he walked me home, and we kissed. He said it was good, but he couldn’t give me what I wanted, and I should find someone else who could. Then he walked away, and I don’t know what the hell to do now.”
Russ raised an eyebrow at him and shrugged. “Look, I’m not the most objective person when it comes to Jeremy. He’s my fiancé’s ex, and he kind of pissed me off for a while. I got jealous of Stephen spending time with him. I do think he’s been through a hell of a lot, though, and I can understand why he might not feel like he’s interested in a relationship.”
Evan sighed. “So I should give up?”
“I think if he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, maybe he’s not the best choice, yeah. It’s not like in the movies, Evan. He’s probably not going to magically change his mind. You’re a great guy, and you should be with someone who cares about you and wants to be with you, not someone you have to convince to be with you.”
“But I really care about him.”
Russ winced. “Then you’re going to have to make a choice. If you go after him, you risk losing him as a friend. Which is more important to you?”
Evan made a face but nodded. Russ was right. He didn’t want to lose Jeremy as a friend, but that didn’t make it any easier. He couldn’t get the feel of the stupid kiss out of his head. “Thanks,” he said, grateful for the advice.
“Sure, any time,” Russ said with an easy smile, and Evan changed the subject to Russ and Stephen’s wedding.
After lunch, he went back to his apartment and watched TV until he worked up the courage to text Jeremy. When he did, he realized he already had a missed text from him.
I’m headed to work. If you want me to go with you to get your car, let me know. I’ll be out of work at 10.
Nothing about last night, but he couldn’t blame Jeremy for ignoring the awkward moment.
Russ and I grabbed lunch, and he drove me to pick it up. Evan replied. He chewed at his lip before he addressed what had happened. Sorry if things got weird. Thanks for humoring me last night.
He didn’t get a response for hours, but when he did, it was more confusing than helpful. Wasn’t humoring you, but I meant what I said. Being friends is all I can handle.
Okay, he answered, but he didn’t know what to say after. Apparently, Jeremy didn’t either because his phone was silent for the rest of the night.
Evan heated a frozen pizza for dinner and watched a movie, trying to convince himself he wasn’t the biggest loser on the planet.
He failed.