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Evan’s phone went silent as he entered Jeremy’s bedroom and flipped on the light. After a moment, the phone began vibrating again, and he sucked in a deep breath and held it for a second as he swiped his thumb across the screen to answer the call.
“Hello?” He pushed the door partially shut behind him.
“Evan!” His mom sounded like she’d been crying, but that was what she’d spent most of his life doing. “Evan, honey, are you okay?”
“Yeah. Why are you calling, Mom?”
“I’ve been so worried about you.”
“It’s been more than six months, and this is the first time you’ve tried to call,” he snapped, surprised to realize how angry it made him. Hearing her voice was an abrupt reminder.
He heard her quick, indrawn breath. “Well, your father ... your father wouldn’t let me.”
“So why is he letting you now?” he asked, feeling doubtful.
“I—I talked him into it.”
Evan frowned. She had never once done anything to upset his father. She’d spent Evan’s whole life doing whatever made her husband happy, no matter what it did to Evan. He felt bad for her most of the time because Jimmie Harris treated his son and his wife as if they were beneath him.
“Okay?” He didn’t know what else to say.
“So, how are you, honey?”
“I’m fine.” He was confused though. She’d never called him honey before. That was weird. Hell, most of the time she didn’t seem to know he existed. She usually floated along in her own miserable little world, trying to keep his father happy.
“Where are you living now?”
He hesitated. “I found a place in Atlanta.”
“Atlanta. Yeah, you always did talk about movin’ to the big city.”
He was surprised she remembered and felt a tiny sliver of hope begin to open up in his chest that she was sincere. “Yeah, I got a job here, made some friends.”
“That’s so good. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks,” he whispered, soaking in the words he’d wanted to hear for so long.
“I miss you, honey,” she said.
He closed his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he could say the same, but it was good to hear. “Thanks, Mom.”
She sighed. “It’s lonely here without you, Evan.” He’d never expected to hear that. But it was true; she was pretty alone. She didn’t have many friends, and her sister, Evan’s Aunt Myrna, never spoke to her. She hadn’t paid much attention to Evan, but his dad had spent all his time putting them both down, and without Evan around, she was surely taking the brunt of it. “I wish you’d come home.”
“To visit?”
“It would be so good to see you,” she said. “And maybe you could move back home eventually.”
Puzzled, he frowned. “But I have a job here. I’m ... I’m happy here.” He was shocked to realize it was true. Yeah, he was lonely sometimes, but it was still so much better. Evan heard a fresh wave of crying in his ear, and he softened a little, wondering if she meant it. Maybe she had worried about him. Missed him.
“Mom?” he asked tentatively. “I could maybe come home for a visit, but I’m not moving back. I’m sorry if you’re sad with me gone, but I like it here. I don’t ever want to live in Putnam again.”
She sniffled. “We’re just havin’ a real hard time with you gone, Evan.”
“Yeah?” Doubt crept back in, and he felt a sickening lurch of apprehension in his stomach.
“Without your paycheck, we’re gonna lose the house. We’ve been behind for a long time but your paychecks were keepin’ us afloat. Now the bank wants to take it.” Numbly, Evan listened, closing his eyes as she got to the real reason for her call. “Do you ... do you think you could send us some money? Just to tide us over until your dad gets a job. He’s workin’ so hard at it.”
So that was why she’d called then. To get money from him. The growing sympathy he’d had for her shattered and disintegrated, and he lashed out. “He hasn’t worked at getting a job since he lost the one at the plant!”
“It’s a bad economy,” she whined.
Evan scoffed. “Yeah, but he hasn’t even tried. When was the last time he applied anywhere? I think I was in middle school!”
She didn’t answer.
“Look, I’m sorry to hear about how bad things are, but it’s not my fault, and it’s definitely not my problem any more. He drinks and gambles away all the money you make! He doesn’t care about me or you or anyone but himself. He’s a selfish asshole!”
“Don’t talk about your father that way,” she cried.
“Why are you with him, Mom?” Evan asked. “He knocked you up twenty-two years ago, and he’s been treating you like shit ever since. He doesn’t love you. He sponges off you and makes you feel like crap.” Hot, angry tears stung his eyes.
“He’s my husband. And your father!”
“He’s never cared about me except for the paycheck I brought in! I was an annoying inconvenience until I could help pay the bills. I could have been dead or living out on the streets this whole time, and he wouldn’t have given a shit. The only reason you’re pretending he gives a shit now is because you need money, and you know it!” Evan yelled.
“We’re going to be homeless, Evan! How can you do that to your own mother?”
“I don’t know, maybe the way you did it to me? You threw me out on the street! I had no job, no home, nothing but my car and some clothes. All of which I paid for myself!”
“We were trying to teach you a lesson, honey. Make you understand we don’t approve of what you did with that man.”
“I didn’t do anything, and you know what? I don’t care if you approve of me being gay or not. Uncle Waylon and Aunt Myrna, Dad, you ... none of you are going to change who I am.”
She cried harder, and when he continued, his voice shook and his whole body trembled. “Tell me the truth, Mom—” he spat out the word “—do either of you actually care about me, or did he convince you to call me and beg for money? I want to hear you tell me you miss me. Tell me you love me and want what’s best for me.”
There was silence on the other end punctuated only by her sniffles. Tears spilled, hot and angry down his cheeks. “You can’t,” he continued. “Because neither of you care about anyone but yourselves.” He sucked in another deep breath. “Lose the house; I don’t care! At least, you have some warning it’s about to happen. I barely had time to pack my bags. I’m done with both of you. Don’t call me again.”
He ended the call with shaking fingers and tossed the phone on the bed.
“You all right?” Jeremy asked quietly, so close behind him Evan jumped because he hadn’t heard him come in the room.
Evan shook his head, not trusting his voice. The feel of warm, strong arms wrapping around him made him let out a shaky breath. Jeremy rested his chin on Evan’s shoulder, pulling him tighter against his body. The feel of someone holding him close, of someone caring, was too much, and he had to scrunch his eyes up to keep from crying again.
“Shh, it’s going to be okay,” Jeremy said. Evan felt a weird trembling inside him as he fought to hold himself together. Jeremy squeezed tighter as Evan’s whole body began to shake. He felt like he’d fly apart without Jeremy there.
“They ... she ...” Evan gulped, unable to continue.
“I’m sorry, kid.” Jeremy whispered. “I know how much it hurts.”
“My mom,” he finally managed. “She made me think she wanted to see me. That she missed me and she cared about me, but all she wanted was money.”
“Shit.” Jeremy squeezed so tight Evan could barely breathe, but it still wasn’t enough. “Your parents suck, kid, and I am so goddamn sorry.”
Evan let out a weird little gasping laugh and nodded, feeling the brush of Jeremy’s cheek against his. “I thought maybe—just this one time—I thought they might care. I hoped maybe my being gone made them see me differently, but no. They’re going to lose the house without my paycheck, and she tried to guilt me into coming home or sending them money.”
“Don’t you dare.” Evan’s head whirled as Jeremy let go and grasped Evan’s shoulders, spinning him so they were looking each other in the eye. His hand landed against Jeremy’s chest as he steadied himself. “They don’t deserve anything from you.”
Evan sniffled, wondering how ridiculous he looked with red eyes and a snotty nose. He reached up and wiped his nose with his forearm. “I’m not giving them anything.”
“Good.” Jeremy’s voice was firm. “’Cause they don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve you, kid.”
Evan’s shoulders sagged, and he couldn’t look Jeremy in the eye any more. “It hurts, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” Jeremy’s voice was soft, and Evan remembered Jeremy’s own parents had treated him worse than Evan’s had.
Jeremy wrapped a hand around the back of Evan’s neck, warm and solid, anchoring him. “I can’t say it enough, Evan. It sucks. It’s shitty, and it hurts like hell, but take it from someone who’s been there, it has nothing to do with you. It’s them. It’s all them, okay?”
“Okay.” Evan nodded.
Smiling faintly, Jeremy squeezed his neck again. “Do you really believe it, or are you saying it to make me feel better?”
Evan shrugged. “I—I’m trying to believe it.”
“That’s a good start.”
He struggled to put into words how he felt. “It hurts everywhere, but at the same time, I feel all ... hollow inside. Like I’m going to break into a bunch of tiny pieces.”
Jeremy sighed, and for a moment, Evan could see his own pain echoed on Jeremy’s face as he pulled away. “I know the feeling.”
Evan wrapped his arms around his waist, trying to make the feeling go away. It was worse now that Jeremy wasn’t touching him.
To his surprise, Jeremy pointed at the bed. “Lie down. You look like you’re going to fall over.”
Evan didn’t argue. He felt like he might. As he sat on the edge, he had a holy shit moment where he realized he was in Jeremy’s bed before he realized Jeremy was walking away. “Don’t go,” he blurted out then realized how ridiculous he sounded. “I ...” He didn’t know how to ask for what he needed.
Jeremy clicked out the light and turned back to him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
To his surprise, Jeremy went around the far side of the bed and lay down. He reached up, grasping Evan’s shoulder and tugging him back. “C’mere.” Jeremy pulled Evan down onto the bed and tucked him against his right side. “Better?”
Evan nodded against his shoulder. When Jeremy spoke again it was so soft, Evan had to strain to hear him. “I had similar nights in rehab. I’d lay there shaking until I felt like I was going to fall apart.”
“How’d you make it go away?” Evan asked.
Jeremy’s laugh sounded a little bitter. “I didn’t. And there was no one there to make it better so ... I think I just got used to it.”
Evan buried his head against Jeremy’s chest. “I’m sorry.”
“We both got dealt a pretty shitty hand when it comes to parents.” He brushed the back of Evan’s neck with his fingertips, playing with the hair there.
“Yeah.”
“I wish I could tell you it gets better or easier, but I can’t. All I can tell you is that you can learn to live with the fact they’re not a part of your life any more. And you’re better off without them.”
“I know.” Evan fidgeted with the soft fabric of Jeremy’s shirt. “I don’t know why I thought she meant it.”
“Because you didn’t want to believe your parents are that awful, and neither did I.” For a moment, Evan would swear he felt Jeremy’s lips against his hair. “But you’re not alone. You have people who care about you. I care.”
Evan closed his eyes and buried his face against Jeremy’s chest, the warmth of Jeremy’s body seeping into his and taking away some of the cold, hollow feeling inside him. Evan breathed in Jeremy’s scent until the brush of Jeremy’s fingertips on the back of his neck lulled him to sleep.