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Jeremy awoke to a hand on his shoulder, and the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Evan’s face. He felt a sense of relief and familiarity that surprised him.
“We’re here.”
Blinking, Jeremy scrubbed his face with his hands as he tried to put the pieces together. Evan sat back, and the sight of the steering wheel finally made it all come together. “Shit, sorry.” Jeremy’s voice came out raspy, and he winced when he stretched. If riding in cars was bad, sleeping in them was worse.
Evan reached for the door handle, and Jeremy did the same, looking around as he hoisted himself out of the car and trying not to let his knee buckle from the pain. He gritted his teeth until it went away, then limped over to Evan, who stood by the trunk of the car. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”
Shrugging, Evan opened the trunk. “I was surprised you felt safe enough with me driving to sleep.”
“I trust you, Evan.” There was a weird intensity in his voice, and he had to clear his throat. Evan glanced up, one hand frozen on the suitcase handle.
He blinked at Jeremy for a moment before his mouth turned up at the corners in a small smile. “That means a lot to me.” They stared at each other for a long moment before Evan looked down, yanking the suitcase out of the trunk. “How’s your leg?”
“Sore,” Jeremy admitted. “But nothing to worry about. Thanks.”
They wheeled their suitcases from the parking area up to the entrance of the hotel. Rather than the massive resort Jeremy had expected, it was smaller, cozier. The lobby had gleaming wood floors and little clusters of chairs and couches, one of which sat in front of a fireplace. Although far from ostentatious, Jeremy knew it was well out of his budget, as well as Evan’s. He doubted either of them could afford a night there, maybe an hour or two at most.
Leave it to Stephen to pay for an all-inclusive destination wedding for all the people he cared about. Jeremy found it funny to be included in that group after so long, but he appreciated that Stephen did care and wanted him to be a part of such an important day. He was glad he’d changed his mind about coming and not just because he was trying to win Evan back. Stephen was a good man. He deserved to find happiness with Russ.
Jeremy reached the check-in desk first, and Evan hung back a little as the hotel clerk welcomed them.
“We’re here for the Parker-Bishop wedding,” Jeremy said.
He assumed Stephen had vetted the place pretty thoroughly to be sure they were gay-friendly, but he had wondered if everyone who worked here would treat them well. Thankfully, this clerk was nothing but smiles. “Welcome! Can I get your name please?”
“Jeremy Lewis.”
She typed his name into the computer and handed a keycard to him. “You’ll be staying in room 209. One of the grooms’ credit cards is on file for both the room fees and any incidental costs. He asked me to assure you not to hesitate to charge something to the room if it was needed.”
Jeremy nearly rolled his eyes, but he nodded at her and took the key and hotel brochure she handed him.
Evan stepped forward. “Evan Harris. I’m here for the same wedding.”
She checked his name and handed over another keycard and brochure. “And that’s room 203 for you.”
She went through a brief spiel about the resort that Jeremy only half-listened to, then directed them to the elevators.
“There’s no way in hell I could have afforded this place,” Evan admitted as they walked away from the desk.
“Yeah, me either. I never did get used to how generous Stephen is with his money. Then again, I’m not sure anyone ever gets used to it,” Jeremy said, smiling.
“Except Russ,” Evan commented.
Jeremy laughed. “One would hope so.”
“Do you know when they’re supposed to get here?” Evan asked as the elevator whisked them up to the second floor.
“Yesterday, I think.”
Evan’s room was near the elevator, and Jeremy paused outside his door. “I don’t think we have to be anywhere until dinner tonight. Do you want to check out the island together?” Evan blinked at him, and Jeremy hurried to explain. “The only people I’m going to know here, apart from the grooms, are a couple of Stephen’s poker buddies. I met them years ago, but I can hardly say I know them. I’m afraid it’ll be pretty awkward. I figured you won’t really know anyone here either, so I thought maybe you’d want to do some stuff together.”
“Oh, sure. Sounds good.”
“I’ll get settled into my room then meet you back here, okay?”
“Okay.”
Christ, why is this so awkward? Jeremy wondered. Oh, right. He’d made it that way. If he hadn’t, maybe he and Evan would be sharing a room. He could be in bed with Evan right now. But he’d royally fucked up. He resisted the urge to bang his head against the nearest flat surface in frustration. One head injury was enough.
Jeremy’s room was a few doors down from Evan’s. He swiped the keycard and wrestled his suitcase through the doorway. With a massive wooden bed and dresser, decorative pillows that coordinated with the drapes, and a mattress that actually looked comfortable, it looked more like someone’s professionally decorated guest room than a hotel. He let the door close behind him and lifted his suitcase onto the bench at the end of the bed. He unzipped it and unclipped a hanger from the compartment inside. His suit was wrinkled as hell, but he figured he’d give the steam from a shower a chance to smooth it out. If it didn’t, he’d bet the hotel could take care of it. At Stephen’s expense of course, but Jeremy had given up on feeling uncomfortable about the money. Stephen was determined to have him there, and Jeremy wasn’t exactly complaining about a free vacation.
He hung the suit on the back of the bathroom door and looked around the surprisingly roomy space. Not only was there a generously sized shower, but there was a giant soaking tub he was tempted to check out later too. Of course, the resort also had pool and a hot tub, and he was only going to be here for a few days. He couldn’t use them all.
Jeremy took a moment to take out a few of his belongings and changed his shirt. He fired off a quick text to Stephen, who replied that he and Russ were dealing with wedding planning and they’d see him and Evan at dinner that evening. He tucked his phone back in his pocket and grabbed his keycard before he returned to Evan’s room.
Evan opened the door immediately at his hesitant knock. “Hey. Come in.”
Jeremy walked in, jamming his hands in his jeans’ pockets as he looked around. “Ready to head out?”
“I’ll only be a sec.” Evan had unpacked completely; his suit was hanging in the closet, and he was folding his clothes and putting them in the dresser drawers. Jeremy smiled at the sight, and Evan gave him a sheepish smile back. “I’m weird, right?”
“A little.” Jeremy didn’t know anyone actually bothered to unpack unless they were staying for a week or more. There was something endearing about it though. He crossed the room to the comfortable wingback chair by the window and took a seat, grabbing the leather binder with the resort information. “What do you want to do?” he asked as he flipped through it. “There’s golf, tennis, horseback riding ...” Jeremy sighed. “I’m afraid if you want to do most of the physical activities, I won’t be able to join you, but I can find a way to keep myself occupied if that’s what interests you.”
Evan snorted and turned to face him. “Yeah, Jeremy, because I’m such a sporty guy.”
Jeremy chuckled, but there wasn’t anything particularly amusing about it. “I used to be.”
“That must have been difficult.” Evan’s expression was sympathetic, but as always, there was no pity. Just concern. Understanding.
“Yeah, it was one of the most difficult things.” He looked down at the brochure full of glossy images where people with perfect, fit bodies did things he could never hope to do. “I used to run and bike. In college, I was on an intramural Ultimate Frisbee team and played basketball with some of the guys in the dorm. I was always active, but now walking and swimming are my best bets.” He’d been grieving the loss for years. He swam every day and lifted weights, but he resented the way he’d been forced to give up the rest. A nagging voice that sounded an awful lot like Dr. Fuller reminded him there were probably ways he could still do some of it at least. If he didn’t let his leg hold him back. Yeah, he needed to work on that too.
His self-improvement to-do list was never-ending.
“So why don’t we do that?” Evan asked. “Swim and walk, I mean. I looked at the resort’s website before we left. There’s a forest preserve I kinda want to check out, and I want to see the beach. We could swim in the pool later too, if we want.”
He glanced up. “I don’t want to hold you back, Evan.”
“How are you holding me back, Jeremy? I have no desire to go make an idiot of myself with a golf club or tennis racket, so even if you could play, I’d be staying here in my room reading.” Evan sounded vaguely annoyed.
“Sorry.”
“I’m tired of you making assumptions about what I want and what’s best for me.” Evan crossed his arms and scowled.
Wincing, Jeremy wondered if Evan was talking about more than their recreational activities while they were in Hilton Head. “I’ll work on that.”
Was that where the root of the problem between them started? With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Jeremy had a feeling he’d figured out another of the issues he was going to have to fix.
If only he knew how.
***
Afraid he’d made things awkward between them again, Evan remained quiet as he and Jeremy left the hotel. They decided to check out the forest preserve trails and, armed with a map from the front desk, Evan drove to the trailhead. There were a number of trails and boardwalks that wound through the wooded area and marshland, but they mapped out a mile route Jeremy assured him he could handle. The day was hot and a little sticky as they set out. Even in late September, it was eighty degrees, but Evan had slathered on sunscreen and much of the walk was in the shade.
There were birds everywhere, twittering and chirping in the trees and flying up and away in a loud flutter of wings as Evan and Jeremy approached. There was also a yellow-bellied turtle sunning itself on the path. It looked warily at them before retreating into its shell. Sometimes, Evan felt a bit like the turtle although he wished he had as hard of a protective layer. Instead, he was soft and vulnerable everywhere, which was why it hurt so much to walk beside Jeremy. He wanted Jeremy as much as he ever had, but now he knew how much it hurt when Jeremy rejected him. If he weren’t careful, he’d never make it through the weekend. But he didn’t want to be cruel to Jeremy either. He had to find a way to protect himself without making the situation worse.
Sweat gathered under his arms and trickled down his forehead while they walked in silence. As the path through the wooded area became a boardwalk over a marshy area, Evan finally spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“What do you have to be sorry for?” Jeremy’s tone was quiet as he glanced over.
Evan couldn’t meet his gaze so he stared at the trail ahead of him. “I feel like I keep making things worse between us, and I don’t mean to.” So much for them not talking about what happened between them.
Gently, Jeremy grabbed his arm and turned Evan to face him. It hurt to look at Jeremy, to see the man he wanted nothing more than to touch and be with and know that was never going to happen.
“I know you don’t, Evan, and I’m the one who should be sorry. I screwed up. The last few months I’ve been hanging out with you have been the best I’ve had since the damn accident.”
“They were good for me too,” Evan admitted. It was Jeremy’s back and forth that had driven him crazy. He couldn’t take any more. “But like I said, I want to enjoy this weekend and not let our ... issues get in the way of Russ and Stephen’s wedding. I just wanted to apologize for my earlier comment.”
"Look, Evan, I know you don’t want to talk about what happened between us, but I have to ask you about this Chris guy. Are you dating him or what?” The words tumbled out of Jeremy’s mouth, and Evan turned to look at him. Why did Jeremy even care?
Evan hesitated. “We went on two dates. They were fun, and he’s a nice guy, but I told him I just wanted to be friends. I have some things I have to get figured out first.” Evan looked away again. Like how I’m going to get over you, he thought.
“Oh.” Jeremy let go of his arm. “Oh,” he said again, more softly.
They began to walk again. Their pace was easy, and Evan finally began to relax. Their talk might not have solved anything, but at least it made some of the awkwardness go away. He kept a close eye on Jeremy, noticing that although he was quiet, he walked with no more than the usual hitch in his step. At least, his leg didn’t seem to be bothering him. There was even a faint smile on his face.
As they crossed a marshy area on the boardwalk, Evan spotted something on the planks far ahead of them. He squinted at it. “Is that a log up there?”
Jeremy shook his head. “I think it’s an alligator.”
Evan stopped in his tracks. “What?” He tried to keep the panic out of his voice but didn’t succeed.
Chuckling, Jeremy kept walking. “It’s just a little one. Maybe three feet long.”
“That’s long enough!”
Jeremy grinned over his shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little bitty alligator.”
“My uncle embalmed a guy who got eaten by one!” Evan shuddered at the memory of the missing chunks of flesh on the guy’s body.
Stopping, Jeremy grew serious. “Well, I guarantee you it was a lot bigger than this one. Trust me; the minute we get closer, it’ll disappear. They like to sun themselves to get warm.”
“Who died and made you park ranger?” Evan grumbled, but he reluctantly moved forward a few feet.
They were still at least twenty feet away when the alligator ambled toward the edge of the boardwalk and slid into the water with a surprisingly graceful splash.
“Told you,” Jeremy said. He hooked an arm around Evan’s shoulders and pulled him close. “I promise I’ll protect you from the wildlife here. Wouldn’t want to let any of the vicious deer on the island get you.”
Evan laughed and wiggled free. The warm feeling that swept over him had nothing to do with the hot, sticky air.