He calls the waiter and orders another Eiswein. He needs more wine. Really, he should have started eating long ago. His body is crying out for sugar.
‘Would the gentleman like to see the menu now?’
‘Give me another minute,’ he says, even if he suspects he’ll be on his own today. She’s more than an hour late.
He doesn’t know why she’s stood him up, but he’s sure it must be something important. She wouldn’t just leave him in the lurch. He knows by now she’s swallowed the bait. No reason to change his plans, she’ll be there for filming tomorrow.
Where has the waiter got to? He must have more wine!
Will he ever get used to the fact that sugar can save his life?
You’ll get used to it.
Mother’s smile.
You’ll have to.
He gazes at the wine glass in disbelief. May I?
You must.
I must.
He takes a careful sip and tastes the sweetness, feels it running down his throat.
Eiswein. Sweet Eiswein.
A dream he has dreamed for years becomes reality. He and his mother are sitting in the restaurant in honour of the occasion. The first jab. The first time he has administered it himself after days at the clinic. After all those attempts with insulin.
Alive again. After all those years waiting for death.
His second birth.
The waiters arrive and place the crystal glasses on the white tablecloth.
Mother’s smile. Eat, my child.
He cannot eat, the tears are flowing. He sobs uncontrollably, sees her dismay through the veil of tears.
She strokes his hand but he pulls away. He cannot bear her touch. He is wary of her love. He doesn’t understand it. Doesn’t believe it is real.
It’s over now. I’ll make it up to you. Everything. You’re still my boy.
He dries his tears, takes the fork and bites carefully. His tongue tastes fresh crab, dill, the sweetness of tomatoes. The sweetness overwhelms him, flows through his body.
Mother smiles, and picks at her food without eating. She just smiles and picks and stares at him, as he lifts the second forkful to his mouth and then the third. She shouldn’t stare at him. He isn’t a funfair sensation, an elephant man, a monster, a natural wonder.
You’ll be able to live like everyone else. Live with other people.
Finally, she, too, takes a bite.
They eat in silence and a waiter refills their glasses. She dabs her mouth with the serviette and raises her glass. To life!
To life.
They drink Eiswein, sweet Eiswein.
What will you do now?
I’ll study.
That’s good.
Study medicine.
Again she tries to grasp his hand, but breaks off before contact, withdraws once more. Sadness in her eyes. My boy, my darling boy!
The waiters arrive with the next course, removing the silver covers from the plates at the same time.
He still can’t believe it. His first proper meal. His first proper meal after years of starvation.
It’s over. Everything will be all right.
He really believed that.
Back then.
He was wrong. So wrong.
He glances at the time. No, she won’t be coming. He shouldn’t hold it against her, can’t hold it against her. It’s the price he pays for their secret meetings. If something crops up, she has no way of letting him know. It doesn’t really matter.
What matters is that no one learns of their plans.
What matters is that she is there for filming tomorrow.
What matters is that her destiny be fulfilled.
At last, the waiter brings the wine.