Preparations for the showcase are a whirlwind right from the jump. Not only do we have to prepare two stages instead of one, we only have three weeks to prepare, since the final-results broadcast is in a month and the performance broadcast comes a week before. All fifty girl trainees go down to the fifth floor to a giant banquet hall with all the tables cleared away. Managers Kong and Shin and all the junior managers stand next to a board on the wall with the twenty songs that have been cleared for broadcast—ten Girl Crush songs, ten Cute or ballad songs. The atmosphere in the cavernous room is tense; the stakes have never been higher, and song choice is more important than ever.

Because I’ve been chosen by One.J to appear in his video, the managers decided that I also get to choose our final assessment song first for Team Two, which is a huge advantage—it’s also another reason for the other trainees to hate me. At least my teammates and I, surprisingly, were in total agreement. From the Girl Crush column, I snatch “Boombayah” by Blackpink, and under Cute/ballads, I take “Into the New World (Ballad Version)” by Girls’ Generation.

The trainees let out yelps of agony. I blush and bow in apology as I run back to my seat, covering my lap back up with my Modesty Blanket. Every K-pop fan knows these songs. “Boombayah” is the quintessential Girl Crush song; there’s no song that’s more hard-hitting. And “Into the New World (Ballad Version)” might as well be the national anthem for the youth of Korea.

In our Team Two meeting, we once again have to decide on positions. Binna’s chosen as Leader for both Stages, as always. When Manager Kong asks who wants to be Center for “Into the New World,” I shoot my arm up into the air, along with Helena, Aram, and JinJoo. Obviously, I should be Center for this. It’s a ballad that’s all about the vocal, and JinJoo already got to be Center for “Problem.” Then Manager Kong asks who wants to be Center for “Boombayah,” and I keep my hand down as everyone else’s flies up. It’s a rap-heavy, dance-heavy song—I just need to survive this Stage, not be the Center.

“So,” says Manager Kong, “the most obvious choice would be Binna for ‘Boombayah’ and Candace for ‘Into the New World.’ But for an assessment that’s this important, do we really want to do the boring, expected thing?”

We all look at each other as if to say, “Umm, yeah, kinda.”

“Let’s make Candace the Center for ‘Boombayah’ and Binna the Center for ‘Into the New World,’ ” Manager Kong says with a grin. “This will be a TV show, after all. We need to make some storylines. What’s better than seeing two girls face their greatest weaknesses and overcome them?”

Binna and I look at each other, shooketh out of our minds.

Okay, that’s awesome in theory, but what if these storylines don’t have a happy ending?!

It’s already the night before my shoot with One.J, and I know exactly nothing about the plan. What’s the song about? Where are we filming? What will I be doing? All I know is that I’m supposed to be ready to go at three thirty a.m. tomorrow morning.

Everyone’s so frantic about the televised showcase that no one can answer my questions. All I know is that the shoot will be all day—I’ll be losing precious practice time right as everyone’s learning new choreography.

It’s worth it, I know that. I get to be in a freaking One.J MV. Anything involving One.J or SLK gets a billion views on YouTube within a week. I get to be close to him for a day. Millions of girls would kill for this chance. It’s just coming at the most stressful time of my life, and I can’t help but still have this idiotic worry that I’m somehow “cheating” on YoungBae by being in the MV.

I’ll have hair and makeup in the morning, but I’m worried that the stylists will take one look at the dusty witch’s broom on my head and throw their hands in the hair and say, “This girl is a mess! Someone call Aram to take her place!”

So I do the unthinkable. I go over to the Visual table during dinner and ask Helena for help. Her always-perfect strawberry blond locks are proof that she’s an expert in taking care of bleached, color-treated Korean hair.

Helena glares at me like I’m a human-size cockroach, and I can feel Luciana’s gorgeous green-lensed eyes burrowing into me. But much to my relief, she actually agrees.

“Fine,” Helena says, getting up from the table. “I was going to offer anyway. No one should be in a One.J MV looking like that.”

I bow and thank her a million times.

“I’m doing this out of pity,” she says.

Back in the dorm, she changes into a bikini and comes into the bathroom with me. I don’t have a bathing suit, so I just put on a black T-shirt and basketball shorts and sit on the toilet as she turns on the shower to wet my hair, soaking both of us. She puts on gloves over her hands and nails and rubs a harsh-smelling clear liquid all over my scalp, not very gently at all.

“This is to heal your scalp,” she says. “You have a ton of dandruff.”

“No, I don’t,” I say.

I really don’t.

“You know, white-blond isn’t good for you anyway,” says Helena. “You don’t have the bone structure for it.”

She’s doing you a favor, I remind myself.

Helena empties an entire bottle of goop into her hands and rubs it into my brittle locks.

She shuts the shower off and twists my hair into a towel and wraps it on top of my head in a way that won’t come undone—I’ve never known how to actually do that.

“Okay. Just leave it in overnight and it’ll be better by morning.”

“Thank you so much, Helena. I owe you one.”

“Hmm. You do, don’t you?”

Maybe it’s the treatment seeping into my scalp—but later, during our evening Fresh Air Time on the roof, I decide I want to ask Helena to come spend next weekend with me and Umma. I do genuinely feel bad that she never leaves the building, and I’m 100 percent sure Umma would be happy to host a “friend” of mine who doesn’t have anywhere to go. Whether both of us debut or neither, it seems important to me, somehow, that we end our trainee experience on good terms.

Clusters of girls are practicing their showcase routines or meditating or just pacing around—no one’s truly relaxing. Binna, JinJoo, and Aram are practicing “Boombayah” next to the blue hydrangeas.

“Hey, Center, come join us!” calls Binna.

“One second!” I say. I spot Helena and Luciana in the corner by the lilac bushes, leaning on the rail, looking out over the city. I approach cautiously, not wanting to be a creeper. As I get closer, I hear Luciana say in deep, sexy, Brazilian-accented English, “I still can’t believe she was chosen to be in One.J’s MV.”

“We should actually take it as a compliment that we weren’t picked,” says Helena in English. “They probably wanted someone One.J’s fans wouldn’t be too jealous of.”

I freeze. My blood runs cold. There’s something hypnotic about overhearing people talk smack about you. It’s highly upsetting, but at the same time, you have to listen. I ease slowly onto a nearby bench nestled in the lilacs.

“Honestly, let her have this,” says Helena. “It’s not like she’s actually gonna debut.”

“You said she did good in the last assessment.”

Helena scoffs. “The bar is lower for her—she was ‘most improved.’ CEO Sang is just entertained by her because she’s so clueless about everything, but at the end of the day, she doesn’t fit the Concept. This group needs to be fierce—we can’t have Dora the Explorer tagging along and bringing us down.”

Luciana laughs. “ ‘Dora the Explorer.’ Girl, you’re a mess.”

“I mean, think about it,” says Helena. “The group should be you, me, our girl Aram, and Binna—she might not be very pretty, but she’s a good Leader and the top dancer. Imagine Candace Park in that lineup. It’s all wrong. Not to mention, she’s totally fake. JiHoon says his mom sees through the cute, innocent act, too.”

JiHoon’s mom?!

Helena goes on, “JiHoon’s mom told me she saw it from the jump. Candace used banmal with the CEO. She’s selfish and does whatever she can to stand out. Even in the last assessment, she didn’t sing the song she was supposed to. She sang this ridiculous song instead …”

I’ve heard enough. I hear my pulse throb in my temples. It all makes sense now. I remember Madame Jung talking about her youngest son, a “loser” who works at the company—JiHoon is that loser. Helena is “dating” JiHoon to get perks and advantages, a higher chance to debut. Helena’s eviler than I could have imagined. To think I was about to invite her to meet Umma.

Helena has shown me who she is. Now I believe her.

I storm across the roof to where Binna, JinJoo, and Aram are practicing. I join them. The “Boombayah” choreo is harder than anything we’ve done so far, but I channel my fury into slapping each move, holding my towel on my head the whole time. “Yes, Candace!” Binna shouts. Manager Kong’s words echo in my mind:

Practicing ruthlessly is the best revenge.

Actually, I don’t think she ever said that. That’s all my own.