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LYLE KEPT HIS FACE blank as he left the gigantic stone building where the rulers of Nox held their frequent meetings. He was curious about what was in the box and what the letter said, but he wasn’t stupid enough to open either of them. Lord Dallinar had seemed sober for once. He could have placed a spell on the items that would notify him if anyone other than the Guardian of Nox opened them.
It wasn’t going to be easy to find Xiara in the vast city. Lyle came to a stop at the curb, wondering how he was going to track her down. A carriage stopped to let some passengers out, then rolled over to him. The skeleton turned to look down at him expectantly, somehow knowing he had urgent business.
“Can you take me to Xiara Evora?” Lyle asked.
The carriage driver nodded and hiked its bony thumb at the back seat, urging him to climb inside. The agent entered the vehicle, then slicked his wet hair back with one hand as the carriage lurched into motion.
His chauffeur turned the carriage southward and crossed the bridge to the Night Cursed District. Lyle thought Xiara must have been having a rare night off at first, but the vehicle kept going west. The skeleton took a bridge to the Vampire District and wended its way through the narrow, twisting streets.
They intercepted another carriage and cut it off. “What the hell?” an irate and familiar female voice called out as Lyle climbed out of the vehicle. Xiara poked her head out of the window of the other carriage. Her scowl changed to surprise when she recognized him. Her gaze moved past him and Wrath’s already white glow intensified. “Look out!” the huntress shouted in warning.
Lyle turned and smoothly drew his gun when he saw a kiss of starving vampires racing towards him. He fired six shots, aiming for their foreheads. Hissing in pain, the leeches reeled away as he continued to fire at them. His bullets weren’t made of silver, so his shots weren’t deadly. He was allowed to defend himself even though he would regenerate tomorrow night if they drained him to death.
Xiara burst out of the carriage and sprinted over to her friend as the bloodsuckers rallied. She swung her staff and shield at them to keep them at bay as Lyle reloaded his weapon. The package and letter were tucked beneath his arm as the pair backed towards Xiara’s carriage. The vehicle that had dropped the FBI agent off was already vanishing into the distance.
The pair managed to climb into the carriage without being mauled. Their driver took off, leaving the weakened leeches behind. “That was a close call,” Xiara said to her friend. “Why were you looking for me?” she asked. Her shield shrank back down to a brooch again and blended in against the darkness of her black jacket.
“I was instructed to give you these,” Lyle said and handed her the soggy letter and parcel.
“It’s ruined,” the Guardian of Nox said when she examined the envelope. It was soaked through and the letter would be impossible to read.
“The magic of Nox will fix them both,” Lyle said confidently. He was right, of course. The water that soaked both passengers evaporated after they’d driven a few blocks. The letter and box also became dry.
“Who are they from?” the executioner asked.
“I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise,” Lyle said with a tiny smirk.
Xiara tore the letter open and read the message. “Oh, boy,” she said and handed it to Lyle to read. “What has the purple-haired wonder been up to this time?” she asked. She picked the box up and shook it. Something rattled around inside.
“He wants you to take the box to someone who can fix magical devices,” the agent recited. The letter vanished along with the envelope, which meant Lord Dallinar wanted this mission to be kept a secret.
Xiara opened the box as their chauffeur randomly drove them around the Vampire District. Lyle leaned over to peer into the package as they both tried to make out what the broken object was. “Any ideas?” Xiara asked.
“None,” Lyle replied. “I’d best be heading back to the headquarters so I can advise Lord Dallinar I handed the letter and parcel to you.”
The skeleton picked up on the new destination where its passengers wanted to go. It automatically turned the carriage towards the city center without needing to be told.
“I don’t know anyone who can fix magical items,” Xiara said doubtfully, still trying to figure out what it was.
“Maybe Quilla can give you some insight,” Lyle suggested.
“Good idea,” the huntress said, mood brightening at his brainstorm. The carriage lumbered through the rain and the darkness to the City Square. It stopped in front of Madam Quilla’s boutique to let Xiara out. Lyle saluted her through the window, then the skeleton set the vehicle into motion again.
No one was with her friend, so Xiara stepped into the store. “Hey, bestie,” she said in greeting.
Quilla stopped shuffling her tarot cards and her eyes locked on the box in Xiara’s hands. “Is that a gift for me?” she asked eagerly.
“If by ‘gift’ you mean ‘object that I need you to identify for me’, then sure,” the executioner said with a grin.
Quilla rolled her eyes and shoved the cards into her pocket. “You only ever visit me when you want something from me,” she said grouchily.
“You’re the font of knowledge about all things fae and magical,” the huntress said in a wheedling tone.
“Give it to me,” the mystic said in resignation and held her hands out for the box. Xiara handed it to her and she put it on the table, then looked inside. “What happened to it?” she asked in amusement when she saw several broken pieces of flexible metal and a strange rubbery looking hose-like item.
“I was hoping you could tell me,” her bestie confessed. “Lord Dallinar gave it to Lyle and ordered him to take it to me. It came with a letter instructing me to get someone who can fix magical items to put it back together.”
“Hmm,” Quilla said and picked up one of the pieces to cup it in her hand. A vision flashed through her mind and she dropped it. “Ew!” she exclaimed and wiped her hand on her dress in disgust.
“What did you see?” Xiara asked as she took a seat across from the gypsy. “What is that thing?”
“It’s a magical dildo!” Quilla said.
Xiara’s mouth dropped open, then they broke into hysterical laughter. “I can’t believe Lord Dallinar is resorting to using magical dongs to have sex with women!” she said when her laughter finally petered out. “How does it work exactly?” she asked.
“It fits over his shlong and balls like a glove,” Quilla explained. “He infuses it with magic and it makes him hard. In the vision I saw, he had to practice with it over and over until he finally managed to climax.”
“Why did he break it if it can get him off?” Xiara asked in puzzlement.
“He forgot to take it off last night and he got stinking drunk and passed out,” the seer said. “When he woke up, he had to yank it off. It took his skin with it.”
“Gross,” the huntress said, but snickered at the same time. Thankfully, the skin had disappeared and wasn’t still stuck inside the device.
“One of those green-eyed crows was sitting on his windowsill, watching him,” Quilla went on. “It cawed at him and he thought it was laughing at him, so he threw the dildo at it. He missed the bird and it broke when it landed on the ground.”
“What a moron,” Xiara said, shaking her head at the fairy’s stupidity. “He broke the only thing that can make him get it up and now he wants me to find someone to fix it.” They broke into fresh giggles, delighted by their ruler’s bad fortune. “Do you know anyone who can repair it?” the Guardian of Nox asked.
Another vision came to Quilla and she smiled nastily. “Yeah, a warlock has a store a couple of blocks from here,” she said. “Take the dildo to him and he’ll fix it right up for you.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” Xiara asked suspiciously at the spite she saw in her bestie’s eyes.
“Remember the potion Gertrude and Fiona made for Lord Dallinar to enhance his performance in bed?” the mystic asked.
“As if I’ll ever forget it,” the huntress said with a smirk. The fairy’s erection had lasted for a couple of weeks before the potion had finally worn off.
“The warlock is going to make that look like one of Crowmon’s petty pranks by the time he’s done repairing the dong,” Quilla predicted.
Xiara uttered a laugh that was one step up from being pure evil. “I can’t wait to see the fallout from this,” she said and picked up the box.
“Neither can I,” Madam Quilla said. She rubbed her hands together in anticipation as her best friend let herself out of her store.
