Chapter Thirty

With Doug riding shotgun and Adam in the back seat, Billy pulled into the parking lot for Sunny’s Boats and Yachts. Buying and selling new and used boats for generations, it was where Billy’s dad had purchased the original Island Girl years back. Now with the dive shop having to turn clients away, the time had come to trade the old girl in for a bigger forty-six footer like the Kona Queen.

“We’ll check out what’s in the showroom first then find out what’s available in used.” Billy pointed to the metal building that bore a striking resemblance to an airport hangar.

Adam bobbed his head, keeping step with Billy. Doug followed behind, his Ray-Bans hiding a watchful eye. The guy looked like a jet jock. All he needed was gold wings pinned on his chest. When they approached the first boat, Doug ran his hand across the bow and gave a curt nod of approval. “Not bad.”

There had been no discussion of their personal affairs since Billy’s former team had arrived on the island last night, and Billy had done little to keep up with them since that fatal day that changed his life. Other than knowing Doug was no longer active duty, Billy had no idea what he did in civilian life. “If you’re looking for a change, we can use a good diver.”

Doug said nothing, continuing to eye the fifty-foot beauty.

“Wow.” Adam sprinted ahead to an eighty footer much larger than they could possibly ever use decked out with showers, bunks, and a hot tub. The kid ran full speed ahead and then came to a screeching halt at the foot of the ladder.

“Go ahead,” Billy called, hoping the boy would climb up without him. No such luck. Adam’s feet remained glued to the concrete floor.

When Billy reached Adam’s side, all the air in his lungs evaporated. What little oxygen remained in his system wasn’t enough to keep the objects in his line of sight from swirling about.

Rooted to the floor as well, it was Doug’s voice saying “You okay, man?” that had Billy gulping in a fresh breath of air.

Doug hadn’t removed the sunglasses, but Billy knew he was being carefully evaluated with the one good eye the guy had left. “Yeah, fine. Let’s take a look.”

Adam’s eyes rounded with what looked painfully like fear.

“Think of this as a boat show. Landlubbers everywhere climb around these babies with no intention of ever setting sail. Come on.” The pep talk was as much for his own benefit as Adam’s. Forcing one foot in front of the other, he tried not to flinch at the feel of the side rails under his sweaty palms. It had been so long. Self-discipline had been every EOD’s middle name from the day they signed their enlistment papers. Another step. One more. Last one. On deck Billy turned to see Adam still standing below, Doug in place behind him.

“Your turn, champ.” Doug lifted his chin in Billy’s direction.

For a very long moment, Billy thought the boy was going to turn and walk away. Just as Billy was about to spout some other platitude about mind over matter, Adam grabbed onto the rails and pulled himself onto
the first step. Billy exhaled a relieved breath. They’d done it.

After three years, he was standing on a boat again. Adam reached the top, and Billy slid his arm around the kid’s shoulder, needing the reassurance as much as the boy did.

Now all he had to do was keep moving.

* * *

What a day. Construction done, the sign for Angela’s Heights listing was in the yard, she’d had to reschedule the closing for the Blake’s new condo, and for the better part of the afternoon she’d battled back and forth with a listing agent over an offer she’d sent yesterday for one of her most difficult clients. They were so close to coming to an agreement. If the fates were on her side, she’d have the deal signed, sealed, and executed by bedtime.

Fridge door open, she stared into the chilled cave of leftovers. Nothing appealed. Shifting a few Styrofoam containers about, she settled for the stuffed French toast from Splashers and grabbed the carton of eggs. A fried egg for protein and she’d have her comfort food for the night. Frying pan in hand, she startled at the sound of the doorbell. Who the…?

Quickly, she peered over the lanai, her heart somersaulting at the sight of Billy’s SUV. She called for him to come up and rushed back inside.

“I should have called.” He reached the top step. “But I was afraid you might say no.”

The somersault shifted to a double backflip and she nearly put her hand to her chest to steady the now-erratic rhythm. Even with the crazy day, Billy Everrett had been slipping in and out of her thoughts with the regularity of a school bell sounding off between classes. Only by three o’clock, she hadn’t stopped thinking of him. The idea that he’d thought of her too made her giddy with delight.

She waved him in. “I was just warming up some leftovers. I probably have enough. Have you eaten?”

Shaking his head, he glanced at the kitchen. “I thought I might convince you to join me for dinner.”

“How do you feel about stuffed French toast?”

A brow lifted along with one corner of his mouth. “From Splashers?”

“The one and only.” She turned for the kitchen. “I stopped by for lunch and then got called away by a contractor, so I took it to go. Haven’t touched a bite.”

“You’ve twisted my arm.”

“Eggs?”

He nodded and moved beside her, taking out dishes and silverware. When she paused to watch him, surprised by how at home he was in her kitchen, he shrugged at her. “From when I heated up Kara’s dinner for you.”

There was something about a man in her kitchen that made her want to grin from ear to ear. No, there was something about Billy Everrett in her kitchen that made her want to burst out in song. Something sappy and cheery and bound to create a sugar overload. She needed to get a grip.

“So.” She cracked an egg over the frying pan, trying for a casual tone of voice. “What brings you this way?”

His hand halfway to the napkin package, he stopped and turned to her. “I got on a boat today. Several actually.”

She didn’t say anything. Just listened.

“Adam lit up like a Christmas tree when he spotted the eighty-foot rig, but the moment he was close enough to climb up, he froze.” Billy set the napkins on the table. “Getting on the first boat was hard for him. Even though the rest got easier, when I mentioned snorkeling with his sister, he refused again. I think he’s going to need real help before this behavior of avoidance becomes bigger than he is.”

Having warmed up the French toast, she slid two fried eggs on the bigger plate and one on the serving for herself, then carried them over to where Billy stood by the table. Two different thoughts crossed her mind. Suggesting Kenneth The Boring to see Adam and perhaps getting Billy to take more steps himself with Adam toward the life he once loved.

“I offered Doug a job, too.”

Now that was a surprise. “Really?”

“I don’t know what he’s doing with himself for work, but the way he looked at the first boat, you’d have thought she was his long-lost lover.”

That made her laugh.

“Seriously.” Billy smiled. “The gentle way his hand caressed her bow. He could have made love to her.”

And that only made her nerve endings light up at the sensory memories from last night. Which made her want him all over again. Blast.

“I threw out the offer. Just in case. He didn’t say anything.”

“So what are you going to do about Adam?” She slipped a piece of bread into her mouth and almost hummed at the burst of flavor.

“Call Ken Shepherd.” He dipped the sweet bread in the fried egg before taking a bite.

“Adam seems to look up to you quite a bit.” She swallowed hard. “Have you given any thought to taking him in the water yourself?”

“I don’t go in the water anymore.”

“You don’t get on boats either, but you did that today.”

He nodded, his hand still, his focus lingering on some morsel on his plate. She didn’t know what he was thinking, but she doubted it had anything to do with the single piece of French toast dangling from his fork. After a long, unsettling silence, he set his silverware side by side on the dish and slowly lifted his gaze to meet hers. “It’s my fault.”

“What?”

Pain swam in his eyes. He cleared his throat and sent his Adam’s apple bobbing with a long, hard swallow. “Joe. The others.”

She fought to keep a blank expression. There had to be more, so she waited.

“Almost five years ago the team was in Iraq. We’d been working round the clock for weeks. Nobody was getting enough sleep. I made a minor miscalculation. Got blown on my ass. Knocked out cold. When all hell broke loose, Joe had to carry me to safety.

“We’re all in top shape. Always. But moving with six-foot-two me on his back slowed Joe down. He took a bullet in the back.”

Angela drew in a sharp breath. Her hand flew to cover her open mouth.

“He didn’t stop running till we were behind cover. I came out of it without a scratch. They got the bullet out but had to fuse part of Joe’s back. Four months later he was back on rotation and hooked on pain pills.”

Now she understood his concern with her meds.

“We all knew it. The doc kept prescribing them like candy. The doses stronger and stronger.” “Why would they do that?” The idea of allowing a sailor to continue taking an addictive drug seemed at cross-purposes with common sense.

“The nature of the business. They hand out caffeine pills to pilots the same way. We can’t put the war on hold while we catch a nap or recover from an injury. We keep pushing, and docs give us the tools to do it.”

“That’s insane.”

He shook his head. “That’s just the way it is.” “Well you certainly can’t blame yourself for that.”

“Don’t you see?” Agitation in his voice, he pushed away from the table. “If I hadn’t miscalculated, been knocked out, Joe wouldn’t have had to save my ass. There would have been no bullet in the back. No surgery. No addiction and no effing explosion three years ago!”

“You can’t know that. Is Joe the only EOD tech to be killed?”

“Of course not.” Eyes closed he ran his fingers across his forehead. Almost as though he could brush away the memories.

Reaching out, she grabbed his free hand. “Was every explosives guy killed in the navy hooked on drugs?”

“Angela…”

“You can’t blame yourself for what happens in wartime, Billy. You just can’t.”

Blowing out a slow breath, his hand fell away from his brow and landed heavily on the table. “I could have stopped him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“All I had to do was report him to my CO. He’d have been pulled for medical eval. I’d have done the mission. My hands were steady. I wasn’t jumpy from too low a dose of my stash. If I had been the one going in to check on the robot failure instead of Joe, he would still be alive. Jim wouldn’t have tried to get me out from under a burning beam and spent months in a burn unit, nor would Doug have been covering Jim only to be caught in a secondary explosion. It’s the domino affect at its worst.”

“Do they all feel this way?” She squeezed his hand. “Blame you?”

“Of course.” He yanked his hand away from her.

For some reason she hadn’t expected that response but should have. “Then why are they here?”

“For the kids.”

“The kids.” He no doubt believed that, but she was willing to bet a bigger part of him doubted it. “I saw an awful lot of back slapping and smiling for a bunch of guys who blame you for what happened.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No.” She shook her head and grabbed for her fork, stabbing at the cold, soggy toast. “I guess I don’t.”

She forced herself to take a bite. Billy picked up his fork but made no effort to eat. The air hung heavy with thought, and yet there was no tension between them. If anything, what she felt coming from Billy was more like heartache. She could feel his pain. Her chest actually hurt, much like she’d imagine she’d feel if a small elephant were to sit on her ribcage. She so very much wanted to do something. But what?

“Have I told you about Claire?” Billy’s gaze lifted to meet hers.

“Not much.”

“She’s Joe’s wife. Widow. I spent a few months with her and the kids after rehab. Fixing gutters and mowing the lawn. The sort of thing Joe would have done if he’d been home.”

Envy swirled in her mouth like bad wine.

“Joe was a crazy pain in the ass.” Billy chuckled. “Every day of his rotation, he’d bitch and moan about wanting to be back home with Claire and the kids. Talked about teaching JJ to play baseball and once Susie was born about warning off the boys when she’d start dating. But damned if every time we’d talk when he was on leave if he wasn’t wanting to get back to sea. The man loved the navy as much as anyone.”

“Which do you think he loved more?”

“He loved them both. Claire was his wife. The navy his mistress. He’d have hated giving up either… He didn’t have to.”

She didn’t need to hear the words to know what Billy was thinking. Joe didn’t have to choose between his wife and the navy because to Billy, he’d taken both away from Joe. How did someone live with that kind of guilt? “Tell me something.”

Finished with any pretense of eating, Billy set his fork down. “Sure.”

“If the mission hadn’t gone bad. If you’d all walked away to blow something up another day. And when another day came and you lost a leg and Joe got to go home to his wife and kids on his next leave. Would you still stay away from the boats and water?”

Billy didn’t respond. His eyes locked onto hers, and for all the effort she gave, she didn’t have a clue what thoughts were dashing about behind the calm facade. Stretching her arm across the table and daring to settle her hand over his again, she gave a light squeeze. “Giving up the ocean you and Joe both loved, giving up his mistress, isn’t going to bring him back.”