Chapter Thirty-One

If only. Billy pulled his hand out from under Angela’s. Her touch made him want the things he shouldn’t. Coming here had been a mistake. But after walking the boats all afternoon, he’d needed to see her tonight with the same intensity he’d needed air to breathe. He couldn’t explain why she’d become so important to him in such a short time, but she had.

Pushing to his feet, he grabbed his dish and hers and carried the two plates to the sink. “I need to get with the guys.”

If he were being honest, he didn’t need to see them. Didn’t even need to talk to them. When it came right down to it, he probably hadn’t even needed to call them in the first place. This entire scenario was so unlikely, even if the drug cartels were a part of the Deluca crash, he and Nick could have handled covering the kids. But he had called them. And they had come.

Angela sidled up beside him, placing her empty drinking glass in the sink. “Do you have time for coffee?”

Yes, he had time. But that would mean sitting in the living room with her to drink it. Probably on the sofa beside her. Maybe with her head leaning against his shoulder. His arm draped around her. Her warmth seeping through his skin, making every nerve ending come to life with wanting. “I should get going.”

She nodded, her smile less than sincere.

The need to kiss her bloomed in his gut and forced him to walk more quickly before he changed his mind and stayed. And stayed. Halfway across the entry, he turned and almost smacked into her. “I’ll talk to you soon. Let me know how your charting is coming along.”

Her cheeks flushed that pretty dark rose, and the need to lean over and kiss her grew even stronger. Instead he spun around and started down the stairs.

“Billy?”

Looking over his shoulder, he stopped at the top step. “Yeah?”

“Think on something for me?”

The intensity in her gaze made him retract a step closer. “What?”

“When we have our child…”

He bobbed his head, ignoring the lump in his throat.

“Who’s going to teach him or her to swim and play in the ocean?”

He didn’t say a word. Turning his attention back to the stairs, he put one foot in front of the other until he was seated behind the wheel of his car. His mind filled with a myriad of memories. Joe suited up and walking toward the stranded robot. Plumes of fire and smoke overhead. Jim struggling with the beam crushing Billy’s leg. Doug, Matt, and Brent scrambling to keep Jim from burning alive. Flames everywhere. Debris falling around them. Slipping in and out of consciousness. Briefly coming to on the chopper, knowing he’d lose a leg and Jim might lose his life.

In the end Joe was the only one to die. The sick feeling in his gut burst through him with the same speed as the exploding device that had shattered Joe’s life. Joe’s dreams.

Giving up the mistress.

Angela had been dead to rights on that. He and Joe had shared the same mistress. They all did. Unwilling to give up the ocean, Nick had almost lost the woman he loved. Almost. For Billy after the mission, giving her up had seemed the right thing to do. What he had to do.

Driving without direction, he realized he was going toward the gym. The one place that before Angela had offered him relief. Working out until his muscles screamed from exhaustion had been his only respite. But now his pretty brunette had worked her way under his skin.

Off in the distance the full moon cast a silver light across the water that drew a path out to open seas. Once upon a time he’d have followed that lead wherever it took him.

Claire’s voice echoed between his ears. What if you were already married? Would you call up another one of the team?

Angela’s words pushed past Claire’s. Who’s going to teach his child to swim?

He honestly hadn’t thought that far ahead. A sledgehammer banged at the inside of his skull. Memories, wants, and needs collided with violent force. Nothing made sense anymore. But damn it, how he wanted.

* * *

Angela wanted desperately to chase after Billy. Talk to him. Reassure him. Do something. Anything. But if living with three brothers had taught her one thing, it was not to interfere with a man when he had a decision to work through.

So instead she mindlessly made her way through client files. Sorting, organizing, and accomplishing nothing. Every few minutes she’d glance up at the wall clock and resist the urge to call Billy. Then she’d pick up her phone to call Lexie and put it back down.

What was the point? She couldn’t talk to her about any of this. And then they’d wind up as they had this morning and again this afternoon with Lexie fussing and Angela reassuring her she was fine with Kara and Nick having a baby. The damndest thing was, she really was okay.

Not once during the conversation had she felt the envy that had cloaked her the night before. Even the desperate need to hurry and get pregnant seemed to have taken a backseat to how absolutely and totally and wonderfully marvelous and achy in all the right places she’d felt all day.

Reaching for the remote control, she did what any normal, intelligent, modern-day woman would do. She found a sappy movie on TV and sat down with a big bowl of baked potato chips and ranch dip. Somewhere out there was an answer to this mess. All she had to do was figure it out. 

* * *

For two days Billy had worked not to think. He’d personally handled every aspect of trading in the Island Girl for her forty-eight foot replacement. This included placing ads for additional personnel and purchasing the needed equipment for the extra capacity. He’d made lists of his lists and notes on his notes.

When he wasn’t signing papers or placing orders, he was checking up on Adam and Bethany. Not that his presence was needed. His four former team members rotated shifts, each one responsible for one kid since they often went in separate directions, Bethany and Maggie frequently scavenging the local shopping scene and Adam remaining behind. Twice Adam had opted to come by the shop, yesterday helping Lexie categorize new inventory and now helping Billy pick out new books and accessories for customers closer to his age. Sitting at Nick’s desk, the kid sorted through catalogue after catalogue with the intensity of a poor man searching for the winning lottery numbers.

Across the room Jim Borden, his assigned body guard for the day, sat reading a magazine. Except every time Billy glanced up, Jim had his eye on his charge and his surroundings. A few times he’d stood and walked the shop or the parking lot, but in two hours he’d yet to turn the page.

“If you keep watching me, you’re never going to finish all that busywork you’ve had your nose in,” Jim spoke without looking up from the magazine.

Billy looked over at Adam and back to Jim.

“It’s not busywork. It’s running a business.” “Mm-hm.” Jim nodded.

Just then Adam jumped up from his seat. “I’ll be right back.”

“Where you going?” Billy asked.

“Bathroom.”

Billy nodded. Jim stood and moved to the doorway. They both watched Adam hesitate as he walked past the glass doors leading to the pool where Nick was leading a small group of eight-year-olds. “He wants to do it,” Jim said, his eyes never leaving Adam.

“Yeah. I don’t know what to do. Maggie won’t let him see a therapist. She wants to wait for his mother to make that call. I’m not comfortable overriding her.”

“She thinks he’ll get over it.”

Billy bobbed his head. “I thought she was smarter than that.”

“To her credit, she’s more worried than she lets on. She doesn’t sleep through the night. Though she’d probably prefer we believe she has a bladder the size of a thimble.”

Pushing away from the desk, Billy stood and crossed the room, stopped beside Jim. “Brooklyn called. Said the big investment meeting over Deluca’s company came off without a hitch. The price for the stock has been set. Two more days and the whole thing will be a done deal.”

“That might eliminate the need for his security detachment.” Jim tore his eyes away from the boy watching the dive class to face Billy. “But.” He waved his thumb over his shoulder at the pool. “It’s not going to solve that problem.”

“No. No, it’s not.”

The two former team members kept silent watch over the boy who wasn’t advancing to the bathroom but stood hypnotized by the laughter and fun coming from the outside pool.

“We all knew.” Jim spoke softly, keeping his eyes ahead.

Billy said nothing.

“I was the only officer on the team. If anyone should have ordered Joe to stand down, it should have been me.”

“You didn’t bunk with him. I knew. I just couldn’t face it.”

“Bullshit.” Jim snapped his head around. “We worked day in and day out for over six months, side by side. Some weeks the days and nights bled together. None of us thought that mission would be any different than the week before or the week before that. Joe always came through.”

That much Billy could agree on. Joe had never let the team down. It was Billy who had blown it.

“Don’t you dare go down that path,” Jim snarled as though reading his mind. “You think I didn’t see his hands shaking before he suited up? Did you think maybe Doug missed it? Or maybe Matt didn’t see Joe pop the last pill that finally steadied his hands?

“Damn it, Billy. Shit happens. Kids die. Good kids. Kids who should be worrying about copping their next feel, not whether or not the pregnant lady across the way is really having a baby or hiding a bomb!”

Billy whirled around, guilt and anger clawing over each other. “I know shit happens! But this shit wouldn’t have happened if he weren’t on the damn pills. Pills he got hooked on saving me!”

“And what about these?” Jim lifted the edge of his T-shirt, revealing a scar from his hip bone around to his back. “Is this your fault too?”

Unable to look, Billy turned his eyes back to the shop. His jaw tense, words struggled to come out. “It should have been me.”

“Well think again, asshole.” Jim tugged his shirt back down in one swift, hard stroke. “Ten months ago I let a scared driver stay behind with the Humvee while we checked out an abandoned vehicle for IEDs. This is what I got when the driver door blew off the safe Humvee and flew across, nearly slicing me in two. Or do you still want to take the blame? Because if you’d like, you can have that scared kid’s head on your conscience. I’m tired of carrying him on mine.”

Billy stared. It was like Walter Reed all over again. Only instead of his hospital roommate’s pissed off fiancée, he had a fuming lieutenant putting him in his place.

“Joe wasn’t your fault.” Jim’s tone lowered. “Any one of us could have been killed if we’d been the one to go after the robot. And given another chance, every one of us would save your sorry ass no matter the cost.” Pulling away from the doorjamb, he stepped back. “It doesn’t look like Adam has to use the restroom after all.” Jim had made it two feet into the hall when he turned around, his thumb pointing at Adam. “When you’re done realizing you don’t have to be a martyr, you may want to do something about him.”