Chapter 30

 

Joey’s name showed up on the call display and Carol’s lungs unlocked. “Hello?”

“Did you get some sleep?” His voice warmed her spirit.

“A bit. How about you?”

“Short but sweet. I’m on my way home from church. Do you need me to pick anything up at the store to feed the crew?”

Carol had already pulled extra meat out of the freezer. “We’re okay, but why don’t you join us? I’m about to start brunch.”

“Hey, don’t have to ask me twice. If you’re sure you want to add to the crowd.”

“Are you kidding? I need reinforcements.”

Joey laughed. “See you in about forty-five minutes.”

As she hung up, Paul asked, “Did I hear brunch?”

Did I hear band? But Carol couldn’t let that out now, not in front of Amber. “Brunch. Yes. Joey’s coming, too.”

Amber pushed limp hair back from her face. “Would it be okay if I had a shower?”

Paul nodded. “Sure. Tara-Lynn’s in there now but she said she’d be quick.”

Carol eyed Amber’s slight frame. “If we can find something to fit you, I’ll throw your stuff in the washer.”

“I’ve been enough trouble already.” Amber brushed at the wrinkles in her shirt.

By the time Joey arrived with a fruit tray and some orange juice, Carol had bacon and sausages keeping warm in the oven. Amber and Tara-Lynn, each in borrowed sweats, set the table while Paul took his turn in the shower. He wouldn’t be long. There couldn’t be much hot water left.

Joey set his offerings on the counter and hugged each occupant of the kitchen. “Ladies, thanks for taking pity on a starving bachelor.”

Carol grinned at him. “I’ll bet you’re a fine cook.”

“Try me some day. Microwave dinners, my specialty.”

Amber stirred the hash browns. “I think these are ready.”

Eggs sizzled in the frying pan while Tara-Lynn buttered toast. Before long they all sat in the living room with plates of food, laughing at Joey’s and Paul’s bad jokes.

After the food disappeared, Joey touched Carol’s arm. “Want to take a walk? I imagine you feel a bit crowded.”

“You got up for church this morning. Don’t you want to nap?”

“I’ll sleep later. Right now I want to make sure you’re okay.” The care on his face brought a lump to Carol’s throat.

Behind Joey, Paul said, “Go on, Mom. We’ll clean up and finish the laundry. We owe you one.”

The girls nodded.

“Okay, thanks.” Carol would probably have to clean the kitchen again after them, but if it made them feel better, a walk with Joey sounded fine.

On the way out the door, Carol snatched her glasses off the counter.

Joey glanced at her. “Your brother’s enemies already found you.”

“So I don’t need paparazzi too.”

He shrugged. “It’s old news.”

“It was only June. There are probably still trial proceedings. I try not to keep up.” And Garraway said Harry’s drug information would come out eventually.

Carol opened the door. “Murphy’s law — when I decide it’s safe to stop hiding, Harry’s enemies will off him in prison and the whole media circus will blow up in my face.”

Chance bounded across the kitchen, toenails skittering on the floor. Joey laughed. “Here’s another kind of circus.”

“There’s a park a couple of blocks away. Or did you want to drive somewhere?”

“Your guard dog wants some air, so let’s walk.”

In the park, Carol lengthened Chance’s retractable leash. She and Joey wandered paths while the dog orbited, poking his nose into the vegetation. Chance ignored the joggers, but Carol pulled in the leash whenever they met another dog.

Crisp autumn smells and the painter’s palette of leaves soothed Carol’s mind. She filled her lungs and let out a deep sigh. “Thanks, Joey. I needed this.”

“Me too.”

Eventually they settled on a bench, Chance content for the moment to lie at their feet. Carol tipped her face to the sun and closed her eyes. “I wouldn’t have made it without you last night.”

Joey laced his fingers through hers. “That’s what friends are for. I’m glad everything turned out okay. It was scary, though.”

“I heard what you said about God, but I’m not ready. If I can’t trust people, how can I risk trusting Him?”

Joey’s fingers moved on the back of Carol’s hand. “I know you’ve had some bad experiences, but if you can trust someone’s heart... Paul’s, maybe mine, especially God’s... it’s okay to let them choose how to act, even if it’s not what you want.”

“God let my mother, my unborn daughter, and my son die.” Carol twitched Chance’s leash to get him up. “Let’s walk.”

Joey kept hold of her hand as they stepped back onto the path. The silence between them weighed on Carol’s spirit like a sack full of wet laundry. She picked up a stick and tossed it out of the way. Chance retrieved it and she sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You don’t need all my baggage.”

Joey stopped and faced her, his eyes haunted. “Carol, if it’s tearing me up to think of all the pain in your life, imagine what God feels. He didn’t cause it, and He loves you more than you can imagine.”

“He’s got a funny way of showing it.” Carol tugged the stick away from Chance and threw it out of reach. “Come on, you crazy mutt.”

The dog raced after the stick until the leash brought him up short. He looked from his quarry to Carol and back again. When she didn’t give him more line, he tossed a defiant bark at the stick and trotted to her side.

Joey laughed. “Well, there’s one guy who’ll always do what you want.”

They kept walking, the sun warm on their backs. Joey picked up a fallen maple leaf and twirled it by its stem. “Whatever you think of God and me, your son has his head screwed on right. He’s a fine young man. You should take time to get to know him. Find out who he really is.”

Carol stopped on the path. “You mean let him go his own way. Even if it’s not what I want for him.”

“He’s growing up. Last night was a blip, but his heart was in the right place. He’ll choose differently than you would. He’s a different person. He’ll turn out okay.”

“I wish I could believe you.”

Joey’s moustache twitched. “So do I.”

 

~~~

 

“Amber told me about the band.” Carol intercepted her son when he arrived home Sunday night, the first chance she’d had to get him alone. The girls had stayed all day, and the trio went to Tara-Lynn’s church for the evening service to let Amber meet the pastor.

Paul looked slowly skyward and let out a sigh. He locked the door, hung up his leather jacket, and turned to face her. “It was our first gig. I wanted to wait until we’d been playing a while, so you’d see it hadn’t changed me.”

He stepped closer. “Look, I’m sorry I kept it a secret. But when I play, I’m alive, energized. Happy. Don’t ask me to give it up, because I can’t.”

The longing in his face and voice made Carol think of a little boy begging to keep a stray puppy. Except this puppy could grow up to savage the hand that nurtured it. “Music took over your father’s life, and we paid for it.”

“Don’t you think Dad had some responsibility for that? Donnie Leyland said to serve the gift, and he’s right. But that doesn’t mean to obsess over it or let it replace common sense.”

Thoughts of Donnie brought a half smile. Carol tugged it into a frown. “Where did you get a guitar? Or learn to play well enough to perform?”

“A friend in Calgary showed me. His teacher gave me some contacts here. Mr. Morelli’s a musical genius. And he gave me a job to pay for lessons. I use one of Barry’s guitars in the band.”

“So hanging out at Barry’s has been cover for band practice?”

“We hang out while we practice. Barry’s parents have this huge house and he’s the only kid.” Paul rolled his eyes. “His mom’s in this losing battle to turn him posh. His name’s really Thaddeus Barrington, but don’t tell him I spilled it. His mom calls him TB. Says it makes him sound important.”

Now Paul’s grin turned into a snort. “His girlfriend says TB is for Teddy Bear. Poor guy.”

Carol rubbed the back of her neck. Did she feel a migraine coming on? Too many emotions churned in her heart. “Don’t try to change the subject. Music is an unstable career, and it demands your whole life. Skip wasn’t the only musician to neglect his family.”

“I’ll pay what it costs before I start a family. And if I can’t make it, there’s always Wal-Mart.”

Carol opened her mouth but Paul held up a hand. “I’m kidding. But now’s the time to pay my dues. Get myself started. If I don’t have what it takes, I’ll find out young enough to choose a different path.”

“Amber said you’re good.”

Paul lifted an eyebrow. “Thanks. Donnie said I have potential, too.”

Surprised pride jostled with a surge of anxiety in Carol’s heart. “He’d know what he was talking about. He was there last night?”

“No, he came into the store that one time and we played for a bit. Is he ever something.”

“The band wasn’t the same without him.” Carol avoided Paul’s eyes.

“Donnie said Dad wanted the lifestyle more than the music. You know that’s not me. I like my space. When it’s time, I think coming home to a family will be the best balance to life on stage.”

Paul flashed her a grin. “Now that I don’t have to hide what I’m doing, coming home here will be better, too.”

“What if I forbid you to play? You’re still under my authority, and I don’t want you ruining your life.” Carol’s whole body ached. It felt like trying to hold back a flood with her bare hands — Paul’s dreams, his life, pushing through her fingers.

Paul’s shoulder dropped into his defensive, guitar-player stance. “I’m old enough to choose for myself, and if that includes leaving home, I will. We’ve had this conversation.”

Carol’s heart broke at the determined edge to his words. Now she knew why he’d been so adamant not to move again. He’d do it, choose the music over his own mother. The desperation in Paul’s eyes said loving her wouldn’t stop him. She touched his shoulder. “Stay.”

Paul pulled her into a rib-cracking hug. “I promise I’ll keep my head.”

When he let go, he said, “Music will be first when I’m playing, but I won’t forget the people I love. Tara-Lynn puts God first all the time, and it doesn’t mean the people around her get left out. I think it helps her see them better. Look how she’s been with Amber.”

“You’ve both been wonderful to Amber. True friends.”

“Then won’t you let me prove I can play music and not neglect my friends?”

Carol swallowed her tears. “You haven’t left me much choice.”

 

~~~

 

The school corridors rang with laughter, raised voices, and banging locker doors. Monday mornings might start in irritable silence, but by day’s end the thought of escape lightened the mood. Paul and Barry forged through the throng.

A hand slapped Paul in the middle of the back. “Hey, buddy, hear you got some action Saturday night. Way to go.”

Scowling, Paul hunched his shoulders and kept walking. Losing his temper again would only make things worse.

He glared at a boy who looked up from a nearby locker, jerked his own open and thrust his stuff into his backpack. The other boy walked away and Barry leaned toward him.

“Lighten up, buddy. They’re just trying to welcome you into their world.”

Paul straightened. “I don’t want to be in their sick little world. And nothing happened. Tara-Lynn hugged me after we came off-stage, and somebody saw me helping Amber to the car later. Suddenly I’m the star of a threesome.”

Barry shrugged. “Wish they’d want to welcome me.”

“Amber’s got enough trouble without this crap, and Tara-Lynn’s a Christian, for Pete’s sake. She wouldn’t be doing stuff like that. How’s it going to make her feel?”

Paul rammed his arms into the sleeves of his leather jacket and pulled it on. “Tara-Lynn wouldn’t even look at me in math class. Maybe she’ll never talk to me again.”

“And that matters why, Mr. I-don’t-have-time-for-a-girlfriend?”

Heat washed Paul’s face. “You heard?”

“Half the school heard you rip into those guys. Maybe that’s why she’s mad.”

Something in Paul went quiet. He faced his friend. “What do you mean?”

Barry lifted a shoulder. “A lot of guys look at Tara-Lynn, but she only looks at you. She’d be worth making time for.”

Paul blew out a long sigh. “I know. But I don’t have time for music and a relationship. I can’t deny the music, so I’ve gotta stay single. Tara-Lynn deserves better than time-sharing anyway.”

He zipped his jacket and hefted his backpack. “At least helping her with Amber we got to hang around together a bit. Until those jerks had to ruin it.”

He slammed his locker door, sending a chain of vibration all along the hall.