Chapter 36

 

Paul spread peanut butter on two pieces of toast while his mother finished making his lunch. Most of his buddies bagged their own lunches, except Barry, who always bought his. Paul smiled. There were definite pluses to having a parent who said “I love you” by what she did for him.

His mom put his lunch bag beside his backpack at the kitchen door and carried her tea to the table. When she sat facing him, the circles under her eyes made him frown.

“Mom, are you feeling all right?”

A pale smile lifted her features. “I’m okay. I had a rough night, that’s all.”

Worrying about him? Paul chewed some toast to keep from scowling. This was why he hadn’t wanted to tell her about the band. Her fears wouldn’t keep him from playing, but they could add a load of guilt.

Mom touched his hand. “I want to tell you — I made a decision earlier this week.”

He braced for it.

She looked away. “You think I worry too much. Try too hard to control things. I’m taking Joey’s advice and letting God lead.”

Paul blinked. This couldn’t be the next round in their music battle, unless she thought God agreed with her.

Mom’s breath came out in a nervous laugh. “It’s a little scary, and it’s going to take time, but things’ll get better.”

“Hey, that’s great. I’ve been thinking a bit about this faith stuff, too. And if God’s really in control, that should make it easier for you not to... worry.” He’d almost repeated control.

“Joey said he’ll introduce me to some people at his church. And maybe I can go with you and Tara-Lynn sometimes.”

“Maybe.” Tara-Lynn wouldn’t invite Paul back to church — or anywhere — after the way she’d stormed out on him at the library. His heart twisted. He’d deserved it.

Mom’s gaze sharpened. “Trouble?”

“Just life. It’ll work out. Joey’s a good guy. Are you two an item now?”

A bit of colour came into her face. “We’re friends.”

“Well, if it grows, I’m cool with that. Just saying. Gotta go.” Paul crammed the rest of the toast into his mouth, gave her a one-armed hug, and headed for the door.

“Slick diversion.”

“Mmfh?” Still chewing, he put on his running shoes.

“Tara-Lynn.”

Paul turned to stare as he shrugged into his jacket.

Mom came to stand by the door. “You were right. Your father didn’t choose music over family, he chose himself. Maybe you can make music and still make a relationship work. If you really want them both.”

“I don’t —”

“Besides, high school sweethearts are a long way from married with kids.”

Paul shook his head, grinning, and planted a kiss on her cheek before he picked up his things. When Mom talked about Dad, which wasn’t often, she didn’t dwell on the negatives. But what she’d said now about a selfish choice matched Donnie Leyland’s words at the store.

Paul ran for the bus, and his thoughts kept pace.

He saw Tara-Lynn in the hallway before class, chatting with her friends. She wouldn’t look his way. If she wanted it like that, fine.

But as Paul walked away it felt like part of him stayed behind. What if he could have it both ways? He reached his locker, stowed his jacket and backpack, and gathered his books for English. If he couldn’t keep up with a girlfriend, he’d know not to hope for a family.

The thought tied a knot in his stomach. What if he ended up single for life?

For now, he missed Tara-Lynn. Better take a shot. At least find out how she felt about him. He dodged back through the milling students, but Tara-Lynn had gone.

She wasn’t in math class, and he couldn’t find her at lunch. The longer Paul prowled the corridors, the fainter his nerve grew.

He spotted Amber walking out of a washroom, and ducked into a side corridor. “This is crazy.” It took all his willpower to step into the open and catch up to her.

“Hi, Amber.”

Amber stopped and shot him a don’t-waste-my-time look, but she didn’t turn away.

Paul swallowed hard. “I messed up on Monday. I was too angry to think straight. I’m sorry.”

Her eyes narrowed.

Heat crept up his neck. “Things have quieted down. Are you okay?”

A bit more silent treatment, then Amber shrugged. “I’ll be all right. So will Tara-Lynn, no thanks to you.”

“Hey, I didn’t start the rumours!”

Amber let out an explosive sigh that ruffled her bangs. “Forget the rumours. Think about announcing to the entire school how little we meant to you. Fine way to be a friend, Paul.”

“I said I’m sorry. I was angry, and all I could think was how upset you two were, and would you think I was the sort of jerk to actually spread stuff like that...”

“Never been a rumour tidbit before, huh?”

Paul stared at her. Duh. His uncle’s arrest, his brother’s death, yeah he’d kept the gossips in business for months. Then this one broadsided him and he forgot all he’d learned about keeping his mouth shut.

He offered a sheepish smile. “Guess I knew better. I just blew it. You were just starting to get off drugs, and Tara-Lynn...”

“Paul, she’s a good girl. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt by you or any other self-absorbed idiot. She thought you were different. I did, too.”

A few students milled around in the hallway, but none paid them any attention. Paul stepped closer. “When you say ‘hurt’... she’s not just mad at me? I tried to talk to her, and she walked out. I haven’t seen her since this morning.”

Amber studied him. “She said she had a doctor’s appointment today. Come to the pizza and bowling party at her church tonight and try again. If you do care, do something about it.”

“I have band practice, and —”

Amber’s glare gutted his excuse. “She’s better off without you.”

She whirled away from him and Paul ran to catch up. “Amber, this is new to me. I’ve never asked a girl out before.”

When she slowed to let him walk beside her, he said, “I really do have practice. And she might not want to talk to me, especially in a group. Maybe I can phone her, or send her flowers, or something.”

Amber held his gaze for a long moment. “Paul, you were really good to me Saturday night, and that means a lot. But if you mess her around, I know people who can hurt you.”