I sighed and peeked over my shoulder. Yup, I saw a carbon bald-headed copy of the man I had just cuffed to the van looming out from the window above.
‘Nuts.’ I spun on my heel and launched myself towards the street.
I heard the brother jump from the window and hit the pavement.
I sprinted down the alley, but I couldn’t help but take one glance over my shoulder and—
‘Oh.’ I skidded to a stop. Well, he wasn’t what I was expecting.
Buddy’s face looked just like his brother’s, but he was short, and kind of skinny. He wasn’t bad looking, and unlike a lot of girls, I liked short guys. They made me feel all tall and supermodelly. I mean, I liked tall guys too—focus, Bremy—but this guy was dressed like his brother and had shaved his head like him too, which kind of made him look a little like a kid dressed up as a thug for Halloween. ‘She thinks she’s some kind of stripper superhero, Dougie,’ the big guy said.
‘I’m not a stripper!’ I snapped. ‘And I never said I was a superhero!’ Although I totally was … almost … or soon to be, once I got my mentor back.
‘She called the cops!’
Dougie and I stood sizing each other up for a moment, before he said, ‘Give me the key.’
‘Um … no?’ I couldn’t let my first successful nabbing of a criminal go so easily. The police were on their way. I just needed to hold him off for a few more minutes.
Dougie made a clicking sound with his tongue before saying, ‘I don’t want to hurt you, lady.’
I snorted. Then I slapped my hand over my nose as my eyes widened in horror at what I had done. Dougie’s big brother gave me a look reserved for the worst sort of people.
I grimaced apologetically before looking back at his brother. I mean, I wanted to arrest him and all, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I knew how sensitive guys could be about size. I cleared my throat then said, ‘With all due respect, I don’t really want to hurt you either.’
He pushed his sleeves up his thin forearms. ‘Oh, you don’t want to hurt me, do you?’
‘No! I mean, I’m sorry. I’m not handling this well.’ I suddenly felt very sweaty. ‘It’s just your brother’s all big,’ I said, making an all-over big shape with my hands, ‘and you’re all—’ I stopped when I realised my hands were now making an itty-bitty shape. I dropped them. They weren’t helping.
‘I don’t normally lay hands on women, but for you, I might just make an exception.’ He rolled his shoulders a few times and stretched his neck. ‘Now, I’m going say it one last time. Give me the key.’
‘I can’t do that,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘This means a lot to me.’
The brothers exchanged confused looks. I was guessing they were baffled about the depth and breadth of my sanity. I was getting a lot of that lately.
Then it was on. The little brother lunged at me. I jumped out of the way, sending him sprawling onto the pavement.
The big man gave me another horrified look.
What do you want me to do? I mouthed back.
‘That’s it!’ The smaller man lunged at me again … and what happened next was shameful.
I swear, I didn’t want to do it—it was just a reflex—but before I even realised what I was doing, my hand shot out, palm landing on his forehead. I was holding him back with the straight-arm as he swung uselessly with his fists. ‘I am so sorry,’ I said, watching the man flail his arms. ‘I am so sorry.’
‘I’ll show you sorry,’ he grunted.
This was not at all how I intended this to go down. I was supposed to be feeling heroic, not like a playground bully. What’s more, I did not want to be here when the cops showed up. I had an identity to keep secret.
‘Look,’ I said. ‘I’m going to drop my arm, and maybe we can work something out.’
The man stopped swinging, and I dropped my arm. Then he dropped to the ground and kicked me in the ankle! ‘Ow!’ I fell onto my hands and knees. Dougie’s foot slammed onto my back, pinning me like a bug. I struggled against the dirty pavement, but I couldn’t get any leverage. Anger simmered in my belly. I had tried being nice, and Dougie had used it against me. Well, two could play that game. I whipped my hand around fast as lightning and slipped my fingers under Dougie’s pant leg. Then, before he even knew what was happening, I pinched a bunch of his leg hair between my fingers and yanked it out.
‘Gah!’Dougie screamed, hopping backwards.
I exploded to my feet, wiping my fingers on my thigh.
We faced off again. ‘Well, what are you gonna do, Stripperella?’ Dougie shouted, throwing his arms wide. What was I going to do? I didn’t want to beat him up. I wasn’t even all that sure I could. But then again, I didn’t want him to beat me up. It turned out we were pretty equally matched. So what did that leave? Of course! I was smarter than I had given myself credit for. I hadn’t come completely unprepared. I reached around slowly with both hands to the back of my belt.
His eyes widened and his hands went up. ‘Don’t shoot.’
I scoffed. ‘Please, I can’t be trusted with a gun. Besides, I’ve got something better.’ A moment passed.
‘What are you fiddling with back there?’
I grunted. ‘Nothing … just give me a … there!’
I whipped my hands back around and flung the piece of lighted flash paper directly at him. The little sheet went up in a brilliant flame between us as I pivoted hard to take off down the alley. It was just the distraction I needed to make my getaway. I would live to fight another day, and really, I would just be happy to live. Suddenly I heard an angry yell that almost sounded a little pained behind me.
I hesitated. The paper shouldn’t have hurt him. It was a magic trick. Kids could use it. Granted, I had made it myself. Maybe I got the chemicals wrong. Maybe I—
‘My eyebrows!’
I stopped and peeked over my shoulder. The man was feeling all over his forehead with his fingertips. ‘You burnt off my eyebrows!’
‘Really?’
‘My brother’s wedding’s tomorrow!’ he yelled. ‘The best man always gets laid!’
‘Oh Dougie,’ I said, sadly shaking my head. ‘Not always. Not always.’ I suddenly brightened. ‘But maybe with a makeover—’
The fury in his eyes snapped my mouth shut. Uh-oh. ‘Now, I’m really going to kill you!’
I spun my head back around and sprinted forward. I had about two hundred yards before I would make it to the opening of the alley. There was no guarantee he would stop there, but running was the only option I had left.
My arms and legs pumped while my heart hammered in my chest.
I was giving it all I had, but I could still hear the outraged screams behind me, and they were getting closer.
Then I heard something else.
My salvation. I stopped and spun towards my attacker.
He jolted back in surprise. Wow, his eyebrows really were gone … and the skin looked a little red. I shuddered. ‘Do you hear that?’ I said, pointing a finger towards the opening of the alley.
His eyes darted about before settling on me with realisation.
‘The cops are almost here.’
He looked back over his shoulder at his brother.
‘Let’s go!’ the big man shouted.
Dougie growled and clenched his fists.
‘Come on!’
Dougie narrowed his eyes at me. ‘This isn’t over.’
‘Really?’ I exhaled a sigh through my nose. ‘Don’t you want it to be over? I want it to be over. I found the whole thing to be kind of … awkward.’
Dougie coughed a laugh. ‘Not as awkward as the idea of you being a stripper.’
My eyes flew wide. ‘Why I oughta! Come here you little—’
He spun on his heel, and I had to fight the urge to grab him by the cuff of his jacket and shake him around.
Then a new happy thought popped into my brain. They couldn’t get away! The big guy was still cuffed to the back of the van. The police would catch them both. And my note was on the ground! This was terrific! This was—
The sight of the big man hopping into the back of the van, leaving one door open, with the cuffed hand curved out around the back of the other door, stomped the happy out of my thoughts. When he saw me looking, he stopped, then gave his hips a sarcastic wiggle, apparently mocking my earlier attempt at striptease.
‘Seriously?’ I shouted back. ‘Seriously!’ He gave me the finger as the van sped away.
I slumped over to a brick wall and collapsed against it, giving myself a second to rest before the cops arrived.
That had not gone well.
In fact, you could say it had gone badly.
I shut my eyes and rocked my head back and forth. Well, at least it was over now. The evening could only get better. I had a date. Well, not a date, technically, but still, an information-sharing dinner with a wonderful, handsome reporter. It was time to lick my wounds. Maybe let him l—
Suddenly my cell phone rang.
I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter.
What were the odds this was good news? Given the few people who had this number, I imagined not great. I pulled the phone from my belt and cracked one eye open to see the number.
Not great at all.
I spun around the corner to the street while I pulled the phone up to my ear.
‘Hey, Mr Pushkin,’ I said, trying to put a smile in my voice. ‘What’s going on?’