A triple bogey is the least of your problems!
Even if you think your game is under control and you are spending most of your time on the fairway and greens, you’re at risk—the most dangerous sort of risk, because you think you are safe. But a round of golf can turn to nightmare in seconds: a bird suddenly attacks; a cart careens out of control; an alligator claims your ball. Even if you never have to disarm an angry golfer or extinguish a cigar brush fire—never need to stick your hand down a gopher hole, never hit a beehive, and never attempt to scale a fence to retrieve a wayward ball—you may face great peril on the links.
Many of these dangers are physical: every year, one out of two golfers is injured during play. To be sure, most of these injuries are not life-threatening— but the odds of walking off the last green unscathed are about as good as a coin flip. Even worse, think about this fact: you are more likely to get hit by lightning during the round than to hit an absolutely perfect drive off the first tee. (Lee Trevino, the celebrated touring professional, has been hit by lightning twice.) And every year, countless golfers are hit by golf balls traveling up to 130 miles per hour. With more than 100 million golfers around the world each hitting an average of 100 shots per round (97 for men, 114 for women, according to the National Golf Foundation), it’s a wonder more of us haven’t been hit.
Other perils are mental: you might worry about what club to use or which way the green breaks, but the really dangerous thing to worry about is worry itself. If you spend your time on and off the course worrying about your slice or your hook, becoming more and more aggravated over that bad shot and more and more obsessed with your game, you may hurt not only your playing, but your loved ones and livelihood as well— for these are the early signs of a golf addiction.
Even if you manage to avoid the physical and psychological dangers of the game, the rules of golf alone can ensnare you, costing you a match, a tournament, or even worse, a bet.
So we want you to be prepared for the worst golf has in store, no matter what the source.
As in our earlier Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbooks, we have consulted a battalion of experts to help you survive the game, this time including golf pros, doctors, meteorologists, self-defense instructors, zoologists, and professional gamblers. The scenarios in this handbook are arranged into four chapters: playing out of difficult situations, dealing with equipment malfunctions, fending off dangerous creatures, and surviving a variety of other golf crises. We have also explained, throughout the book as well as in the appendix, how the official rules of golf apply to what you might encounter on the course, whether dangerous or just bizarre. The appendix also provides a handy glossary of golf slang, information on an assortment of fashion emergencies, and a guide to some of the more popular ways to wager on the golf course, should you feel lucky.
This book may not help you improve your swing, but it just might keep you physically and mentally healthy enough to come back and play another day. Because you just never know what you will encounter between the tee and the green.
So keep your head down, take a deep breath, and carry this book in your cart or bag. (Or keep it next to you on the couch when you watch golf on TV.)
Forewarned is forearmed.
—The Authors