Lesson 7

Choose Hope Over Optimism

We must accept finite disappointment but not lose infinite hope.

Martin Luther King Jr.

When we speak with ubuntu in mind, the words we choose to utter are important. My grandfather once said the word “hope” is far more powerful than “optimism.” Let’s look at the definitions of the two.

“Hope” means “the feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen and a feeling of trust” whereas the meaning of “optimism” is “hopefulness and confidence about the future or success of something.”

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu

“Hope” requires trust and having faith. In this context, faith doesn’t necessarily have to be of the religious kind. We can have faith in other people or our own abilities; in loved ones, ourselves, our doctors or our colleagues. Hope means that we haven’t given up. It’s a sensibility, an energy within that informs our lives. We live in hope and hold on to it. Often, when people lose hope it means they have given up completely.

Optimism, on the other hand, is a feeling, and feelings come and go. Optimism can change into pessimism when the going gets tough because it is based on circumstances. We don’t say “where there is life, there is optimism,” we say “where there is life, there is hope.”

My grandfather had hope during the worst of the struggle against apartheid. Optimism is more likely to leave a person when they’re in the darkest of places, whereas hope is a light that burns bright and keeps us going in the face of adversity.

We say “don’t give up hope” even in the most desperate of situations because we’ve all heard stories of defying the odds. We’ve all seen it happen. It could have been a loved one overcoming a terminal diagnosis or a previously infertile friend conceiving a baby. We’ve all watched documentaries of incredible feats of human endurance where survivors refused to give up, or people battled for justice.

Ubuntu recognizes that life isn’t always easy. More realistically, it tells us that even when we’re suffering in the darkness, and times are really tough, we are still human and still deserving of light. Whoever we are. And if we seek inspiration elsewhere and open our hearts to others, we’re much more likely to find it.

THE STRENGTH IN HOPE

During many political processes, especially those involved in trying to broker peace deals, hope is something everyone needs to agree to believe in. Often at the beginning of the process, when warring parties appear to have nothing in common, that is all there is. A hope that this too shall pass.

Lord Peter Hain told me that during the Northern Ireland peace process, the then prime minister, Tony Blair, held an “absolutely unshakeable belief” it could be and had to be resolved. Blair made finding peace in Northern Ireland a priority right from his very first day in office in May 1997. Without a doubt, this hope played a big part in the eventual success of the Good Friday Agreement.

On a smaller scale, ordinary people vocalizing their hope can inspire others to persist in trying to create a future worth having. In 1992, during the Balkan conflict, Scottish brothers Magnus and Fergus MacFarlane-Barrow had the idea to organize an appeal for blankets and food to help the people of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Magnus and various volunteers drove the supplies to Medjugorje, the region in need. When he returned home to Argyll, donations kept flooding in. Unexpectedly, Magnus never went back to his job as a fish farmer. Instead, his work providing aid to different parts of the world grew.

In 2002, Magnus met a family in Malawi whose own hopes and dreams set in motion an opportunity to change thousands of lives. In a hut, sitting on the ground, Magnus met Emma, a mother who was dying of AIDS as her six children sat round her. Magnus asked her eldest son, Edward, what his hopes were in life. Edward replied, “To have enough to eat and to go to school one day.”

These “hopes” stayed in Magnus’s mind. He didn’t give up his own hope to make a better life for the people he had met, because they hadn’t given up on themselves. Two hundred children in Malawi began to receive a nutritious daily school lunch later that year, thanks to Magnus and his work. Now, seventeen years later, Mary’s Meals is a global charity, providing daily school meals for more than 1.4 million children in eighteen different countries.¹

During the worst of times, hope is often the only thing left and can be the difference between life and death. Nelson Mandela spent twenty-seven years in jail as a political prisoner on the notorious Robben Island in abysmal conditions. While he was incarcerated, his mother died and his son was killed in a car crash. He wasn’t permitted to attend either funeral. He lived day to day in a cramped, eight-by-seven-foot cell and was only allowed outside to carry out hard labor quarrying limestone. He was bullied by guards and suffered damage to his eyesight from the glare of the sun against the rocks. And yet he never gave up hope.

Mandela is remembered for many things but hope is one of his defining characteristics. In letters to his wife, Winnie, Mandela talked about his feelings on the matter: “Remember that hope is a powerful weapon even when all else is lost.” After Mandela’s death in 2013, Barack Obama said that he had given him “a sense of what human beings can do when they are guided by their hopes and not their fears.”

Whoever we are and whatever we want to achieve in life, we’re going to have a better experience if we follow our hopes (and dreams) rather than be hindered by fear.

NURTURE HOPE IN YOUR LIFE

Hope will follow once we invite ubuntu into our lives. We will err toward a hopeful stance because others will inspire us to seek out the positive. It is a fundamental and natural part of human nature. Everywhere we look there are everyday examples of hope in action. We get married because we believe in love and have the hope it will work out. We have children in the hope they will survive and reach adulthood and live happily. If we choose to do charitable work, we do so hoping to make a difference in the world.

Making an effort to nurture our human inclination to hope is a powerful way to help achieve our ambitions in life. As with every goal we aim for, there will be a challenge. Nobody’s path runs smoothly. It’s during these times our resolve is tested, but if we believe in hope we gain a sense of resilience.

Dr. Valerie Maholmes, from the Yale Child Study Center, revealed poor children who managed to succeed in life all had one factor in common: hope.² Success in the study included academic achievement or overcoming economic, social and health barriers, such as finding gainful employment, staying out of gangs or managing health problems. She discovered if children used strategies such as learning to cope with difficult emotions and used talking therapies, they were more likely to thrive and succeed in adulthood. We are more likely to seek and find a solution if we have hope. It drives us forward even when we might feel like giving up, and as we hope for something better, that propels us to achieve.

As Mandela recognized from his own experience, hope works in the face of extreme conditions too. It might be the loss of a loved one or a job, the illness of a child, or even the loss of our way of life and our liberty.

In 1985, Anthony Ray Hinton was arrested for multiple murders and robberies in Birmingham, Alabama. He’d been set up by the police. At his trial, evidence was withheld and he was imprisoned and placed in solitary confinement on death row for thirty years, despite being an innocent man.

Hinton described the Alabama prison that became his home as a hell on earth. Men shared cells with rats and cockroaches, were given very little to eat, and were only allowed out of their cells for fifteen minutes each day. From down the corridor, they heard the sounds of death, and smelled it too as their neighbors or cellmates, one by one, were burned alive on the electric chair.

It was a place where many men quickly lost all hope. Suicides were common or men gave up and succumbed to mental health problems. Hinton clung on. Helped by a friend who never failed to visit him once a week, and a belief that one day the truth would prevail, he never lost hope.

Thirty years after he was wrongly imprisoned and placed on death row, Hinton was exonerated. He was released on April 3, 2015. Hope and justice did prevail. In his memoir published soon after his release, he wrote, “Despair was a choice. Hatred was a choice. Anger was a choice. I still had choices and that knowledge rocked me . . . I could choose to give up or to hang on. Hope was a choice. Faith was a choice. And more than anything love was a choice.”³

POSSIBILITIES IN PROJECTION

Whatever our circumstances we can always choose hope. Hope for a better future can help our present difficulties to appear temporary.

This ability to project into the future is a key component of the power of hope. If there is nothing else you can do to improve your situation, you can at least allow yourself to imagine things working out for you. This positive energy can then begin to alleviate the turmoil. Allowing yourself to imagine the best-case scenario, rather than the worst, provides relief. Hope grows if you pay attention to it but it can die if you suppress it with negative thoughts or cynicism.

Bryan Stevenson is a US lawyer who works tirelessly for prisoners via his not-for-profit charity, Equal Justice Initiative. In his book Just Mercy he talks about the importance of hope against great odds.⁴ He says he often mentions Václav Havel, the Czech leader who said “hope” was what people who struggled in Eastern Europe during the Soviet era needed. Havel mentioned that people wanted things such as independence, money and support from the outside world, but hope was what they had and that’s what made all the difference.

“Not that pie in the sky stuff,” Stevenson writes. “Not a preference for optimism over pessimism, but rather an ‘orientation of the spirit.’ The kind of hope that creates a willingness to position oneself in a hopeless place and be a witness, that allows one to believe in a better future, even in the face of abusive power. The kind of hope that makes one strong.”

Ubuntu teaches us that the power of hope is contagious too. If our families or friends are suffering, we can talk positively from a place of hope to help them. It’s more than simply looking on the bright side; it’s assuring them that we have faith that things will improve.

Hope is there for us all to find, if we look for it.

What to do if all hope feels lost. Life tests us, sometimes beyond our resolve. Especially if we are tired, hungry, unwell or feeling alone, problems can feel overwhelming. Surviving these lows is about finding hope again and reaching out to embrace concepts of ubuntu. Here are some ideas for when a sense of hopelessness has taken over.

Accept the situation. This is the way you’re feeling, so honor it – cry and release your emotions. Ubuntu tells us that we need to take care of ourselves and be honest about our feelings. This helps to identify why you’re feeling hopeless. Is it because of a recent upset? Or is it a long-term struggle? Whatever it is, naming the reasons for your feelings will help you to release them.
Take action. Some call it “wallowing” but hopelessness can easily feel like a spiral into which you’re sucked and out of which it is impossible to pull yourself. You feel lethargic, unmotivated and in despair. Listen to your internal dialogue. It might contain phrases such as, “but I can’t,” “there’s no point” or “I’ve already tried.” The first step is turning those words around and changing every negative into a positive. Say these new phrases out loud – “I can,” “I won’t give up” and “I’ll try again” all send a powerful message to our subconscious.
Live in the present moment. Do something to make yourself feel better physically, even if you’re struggling mentally – the two are linked. A long brisk walk, calling a positive friend, eating wholesome food. These are all small things we can do to help change our immediate concerns. Worrying is wishing for what you don’t want to happen, so don’t agonize over the future. Focus on the present. Do anything that takes you out of yourself, even if it’s just for a few moments.
Write a gratitude list. Ubuntu shows us that we all have something for which to be grateful, so now is the time to examine the good stuff in detail. You might be thankful for your physical health, your family, caring friends, the delicious cup of coffee you’re drinking. Name the things you feel good about right now. It’s an exercise that will shift your mood, energetically and quickly.
Set goals. If you’ve reached a place of desperate hopelessness, you need to put in work each day to overcome the feeling. Get going by setting yourself new goals, and begin with very small ones – incremental and easy-to-achieve steps.
If you’ve lost your job, start by reaching out to trusted contacts for advice, then build up to looking at job ads before applying for positions. If you’ve been ditched by a partner, give yourself time to grieve and talk things through with a counselor or friend. Allow yourself space to heal before even thinking about dating again. If you’re in despair because you’ve gained weight, find a simple exercise app to inspire you, build up the amount of exercise you do every day, find a workout buddy, then look at food plans to help you make a bigger transformation. Small steps help hope to gather momentum.
Find your faith. This could be a long-term goal that evolves over time. It doesn’t have to be a religious faith, but having faith in something you can trust is something everyone needs. It could be faith in your abilities or your choices. You could put your faith in going for a daily run to improve your mental health or in eating nutritious food so that you have energy for the day.

Build some of these hopeful ideas into a new daily routine. They’ll bolster you and give you an inner strength and hope on which to rely when things become difficult.