He slammed the door hard as he left. In the empty silence of my apartment, I crumpled to the floor in a sobbing heap. Why had he said he loved me? That was so very cruel. I'd felt that way about him for such a long time but had pushed the feelings aside, afraid to voice them in case he bolted. Especially considering the way our intense but strange relationship had occurred and fizzled, and all the drama that had happened during the short time we were seeing each other. Yet when he'd said the words to me that I'd longed to hear, I'd gotten scared. Scared and filled with crushing doubt all over again.
My mom had always told me never to trust a man who tells you he loves you as he's about to come. It's the oldest cliché in the book, she said. But I had desperately wanted to believe that he could love me. Or that I could love him enough for both of us. But when the chips were down he couldn't fight for me. Instead he did what I had expected and pierced my heart with his hurtful words. But after what I had said in response to his confession maybe I deserved his venom.
It was almost three in the morning and my body was so tired in spite of the barrage of emotion whirring around my head. I needed to give in and sleep.
♥♥♥
I awoke to the sound of my cell ringing. In my foggy, sleep mussed state, I picked it up and answered without checking the caller ID.
“Yeah?”
“Hey sugar lips, it's me...Zak.”
I sat bolt upright and guilt niggled at me. “Oh...hey...hi, Zak. What's up?”
“Well if you remember, I said I'd take you out for lunch today. You said you had a day off? Have you...have you changed your mind?”
“Oh gosh, I'd completely forgotten. But...No that would be lovely.” I glanced at my clock and realized it was almost eleven in the morning. Shit! “Um...I need to shower and get ready so where should I meet you?”
“Well... I hope you don't mind but I've taken the liberty of packing a picnic and I thought we could take a ride out of town to a beautiful little spot I know.”
I sighed deeply. “Look...Zak...I should be honest with you. I'm... I'm kind of getting over someone and I—”
“Chloe, are you dumping me before we even get started?” The disappointment in his voice tugged at my insides.
“No...not exactly...but... Look this is hard for me to say and so I'll just say it. My... my ex turned up after you'd gone last night... and we...”
A deep, disappointed sigh resonated across the airwaves. “Shit, you slept with him after I'd gone?”
I cringed and felt the heat of shame rise in my cheeks. “God, Zak, I must sound like a total slut and I'm so—”
“Look, Chloe. I really like you. I mean really like you. I think you know that. So...just tell me if you still want to be with him and I'll step aside.”
Yes...yes I really do. “N-no. We're not right for each other. It's so complicated. I—”
“So was last night the last time you'll be with him?”
Huh? Why is he not dumping my ass? “Yes. The last time.”
“Are you absolutely sure?”
I nodded fervently even though he couldn't see me. “I'm sure, Zak.”
“Okay. Then let's go for lunch and talk. I want to spend time with you Chloe. And I think you like me too. So let's just see where this goes, okay? I'm not going to pressure you but...I won't be your second best either. If you'd rather be with him you should just tell me now.”
My resolve strengthened. “No. No, let's go for lunch.”
“Great. I'll pick you up in an hour.”
♥♥♥
Right on time, there was a knock on my door and I gave my appearance one last check in the mirror. I'd worn my floaty pale blue skirt and white tank with jewelled flip-flops. The sun was shining and I wanted to look good.
I opened the door and was greeted by a wide, handsome smile. “Hey beautiful. Look at you.” He whistled and I obliged with a twirl, giggling like a school girl.
Suddenly embarrassed, I felt my cheeks heat. “Do I look okay for wherever you're taking me?”
“Oh you look better than okay, honey. You look stunning. As always.”
I locked the door behind us and he took my hand as we walked to his car. I had been expecting things to be awkward in light of our recent phone conversation, but thankfully he was being very mature about everything. I was relieved to say the very least. He could've judged me. Dropped me like a hot rock. But he hadn't and it felt so good to be with someone who exceeded my expectations in a positive way for once.
He opened the passenger door of his little blue Volvo and I climbed in. I glanced around, taking in the clean interior of the normal car and breathed a sigh of relief. Normal is good. Normal is better than good...right? On the back seat was a wicker basket with the lid fastened down. Wow, this guy goes all out. Once he was behind the wheel he turned toward me.
Reaching out he took my hand. “Before we go I just want to say that I've been where you are, Chloe. I've tried hard to get over someone who just won't let go. Someone who likes to keep me hanging on and use me when they see fit. But there comes a point when...you have to just let go. You have to choose yourself and your own happiness. It's difficult for a while. But... it does get easier. And I can be patient. We haven't known each other that long and so I don't want to pressure you. But I really do like you. And if you like me too...like I think you do...well then I think we can give us a try.”
He had surmised my situation from very little information but most of what he said was right. Why the hell was he being so great about this? I just didn't get it.
“Thank you, Zak. I... I can't quite believe how accepting you're being of what I've done. I... I kind of...cheated on you.” I cringed as the words fell from my lips.
He shook his head, a solemn look in his eyes. “No. I don't look at it that way. You and I weren't official. I mean, come on, a couple of dates doesn't make us serious does it?”
I scrunched my brow. “I guess not...”
He leaned closer and slipped a hand into my hair. “But I'd like to think we can get there. Some day.”
His blue eyes sparkled as he spoke and for a moment Six disappeared from my thoughts. “I'd like that too.”
He kissed my forehead and turned to start the car.
♥♥♥
After driving for around an hour, we pulled down a picturesque trail surrounded by trees and drove until we arrived at a clearing. It was beautiful and so very peaceful. A little abandoned, tumble down, wooden shack sat a way off in the distance and I absently thought how wonderful it would be to wake up to such amazing views every day. Isolated, yes, but beautiful.
He stopped the car and opened his door. “Wait there, gorgeous.” He dashed around opened my door and held out his hand. I took it and climbed out breathing the warm air into my lungs. He collected the picnic basket and a rug from the back of the car and walked over to a shaded area and I followed.
As we laid out the rug he kept smiling up at me. I was beginning to get self-conscious that he was laughing at me. “What?” I asked nervously tucking my hair behind my ears.
He shook his head, still smiling like a goof. “You're just so damned beautiful.” He shrugged. “You make me smile. That's all.”
♥♥♥
Six
After watching the bastard pick her up in his cute little fucking family car, I'd had just about enough. I'd seen enough. And I'd sure as hell felt enough. For the first time in a hell of a long time I was going back to the club to drink myself into oblivion.
Sitting there at the bar with Cain beside me, I gulped down shot after shot. Colt had announced that we were taking a trip upstate in a couple days to take Cain to see his sister Rosa, where she'd been holed up in a safe house and he was happy as a pig in shit. But he was desperate to just go and Colt was wanting to wait until he could be sure things were safe.
My best friend slapped my back. “So come on, buddy. If I remember right you and I used to tell each other stuff. So who is she and why do you look like you lost a hundred and found a dollar?”
Cain's words filtered through my alcohol fogged mind and I chuckled. “She's nobody. Not anymore.” My stupid sing song voice sounded ridiculous and Cain punched my arm lightly. What was it with the guy and physical contact?
He shook his head. “Nuh-uh. Not taking your bull. I know you got stuff going on in your head. I can tell. Spill it douche. For no other reason than to take my mind off my own crap.”
I knocked back another shot of tequila and hissed in through my teeth as the alcohol burned its way down my insides. “You know that sweet, doe eyed library girl?”
“Chloe? Yeah, sure, man. You got it bad for her huh?”
I shook my head. “Had it bad. Past tense.” I pointed in his face. “Passssst.”
He laughed at me again and rolled his eyes. “Whatever dude. You're hooked. So what's the problem? It was clear to me she had a major crush on you.”
I laughed without a single ounce of humor. “Again, passsst tense.”
“You guys had a lovers’ tiff?”
“Let's just say I fuckin' ruined it all. Like I always do. I stalked her. Got obsessed. Fell fuckin' hard and then got kicked in the ‘nads. She fucked me and dumped me all in the same night, bro. How's that for bad romance?”
He cringed. “Whoa. Ouch, that's bad, Six. I'm sorry, bro. No chance of you two getting back together?”
I shrugged so hard I wobbled on my bar stool. “Nope. She's off with some fucking prissy guy called Zak. All clean cut and shit. Total opposite of me.”
His eyes widened and he gripped my shoulder. “No way? Wow. It seems you and I have suffered a similar fate my friend. Women huh?”
“Yup. Can't live with 'em...can't fuckin' get 'em out of your damn head.”
He leaned toward me and glanced around conspiratorially. “Do you think it was love?” His voice was low as if he was afraid to ask.
I suddenly felt sober at his question and an unwelcome clarity descended over me. “Yeah. No doubt about it.”