Gemini North Node People

and North Node in the 3rd House

SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS

          Honest, direct speech

          Awareness of spiritual realms

          An adventurous spirit

          Willingness to help

          Potential to think logically

          Patience

          Good intentions

MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY

          “I am responsible for having solutions.”

          “I must be true to my own beliefs at all cost.”

          “Others don’t understand where I’m coming from.”

          “It’s my purpose to enlighten others by standing up for what I believe.”

          “People should practice what they preach.”

          “Maintaining my freedom makes me more attractive to others.”

          “If I listen to another point of view, it could invalidate mine.”

          “What other people think is often incorrect.”

COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS

          “Sometimes I can’t get them to be quiet long enough to listen to me.”

          “They think they know everything and are not open to listening and learning.”

          “They have their defenses up and aren’t interested in options.”

          “They think that their thoughts are so much more important than anyone else’s.”

          “They don’t see me—they accuse me of being everything but what I am.”

          “They always need to be right.”

Activating Soul Growth Through Social Interaction

Gemini North Node people are on the planet this lifetime to master the art of social interaction. They have had so many spiritual/philosophical past lives—many of them in monasteries—that they have lost touch with the skill of participating appropriately in the mundane interactions of daily life. The issue is so profound for this nodal group that as children, some of them are actually speech delayed. Now their special challenge to continue their soul’s growth is to learn to connect with others and create successful relationships that lead to mutual understanding and acceptance.

Gemini North Node people may experience resistance in social interactions. They have a strong need to be “right,” and on some level don’t care about what other people think. So it doesn’t matter what the subject is—they have difficulty listening. As long as they have the last word, for them the issue is resolved. This nodal group is unaware of the importance of truly listening and validating others’ thoughts and feelings. Naturally, this blocks opportunities for growth and intimacy and leads to isolation.

The need to be right is so dominant that they may even change something another person has done without asking. For example, I have a client whose son has this nodal position. If a book is on the table facing one direction and he doesn’t think it should be that way, he will place it the way he wants it. And if his mother tries to move it even a little bit, he has a total fit. Often these natives will use as much emotional energy as it takes to get the other person to concede. Other people may end up feeling bullied. They can sense the wall of resistance to anything they might say—so often they just give up.

Many of these issues stem from an unconscious fear that if they become involved with others they will lose their own ego-based sense of self and transform into someone different. They intuitively know that in this life their ego needs to make some shifts in order for them to grow, but they resist because they’re more comfortable with their old familiar structure. Sometimes they don’t want to interact with others because they fear that the other person won’t be accepting, or may judge them, when they are actually the one pre-judging the situation. They psych themselves up thinking that they have to fight to maintain their personal boundaries and their beliefs. But, their rebirth into society will expand and revitalize their sense of self if they are up for the challenge of overcoming their resistance and learning to create intimacy with others.

Another obstacle is the assumption that to be in harmony with another they have to share a similar belief system. It could be religious, professional, the way you live, etc. But they think that sameness needs to exist in order to connect. This hinders their growth because they miss out on ideas and insights that they will only get if they risk communicating with those who think differently than they do. When they surround themselves with people who are just like them, it results in a flatness of the mind—and the emotions—that is not happy for them. They can only grow by truly embracing the differentness in others and being open to the new and varied ideas that they bring.

Gemini North Node people feel they don’t know how to communicate effectively unless they’re reinforcing a shared belief system. Their biggest hindrance in this area is that they’re not accustomed to small talk or interacting with others just to share what’s on their mind. They think: “What’s the purpose of small talk? Why tell someone, ‘Gee, those are pretty earrings’—it doesn’t accomplish anything.” This attitude creates a barrier between themselves and others. They are learning that Life’s journey involves many purposes, which may include your job, your family, the cause you believe in, and the daily interactions you have with others, through which we all have an opportunity to gain new information and grow.

These folks tend to not communicate if they can’t say something positive—they don’t want to initiate a conflict or bring the other person down. Yet when they don’t share what’s going on, others feel rejected and left out. Then the native feels misunderstood and hurt and may decide that the other person doesn’t care about their good intentions. They can become insecure, or even bitter and resentful, especially if the other person is someone they care about emotionally. Then they may end up pushing the other person away even more by being defensive.

Gemini North Node people can get stuck in negative situations. They are learning to talk to others who could help them consider their options. They may stay in unpleasant conditions and complain. Others know the native isn’t learning and growing in their current circumstances, but also sense their resistance to any outside input. The native thinks they have to put up with the situation until “the time is over”—when they retire, when the lease is up, etc. Sometimes they seem to be waiting for something special to lift them out of themselves instead of acknowledging the specialness of what they already have. This blocks intimacy because just as they are rarely content with their own circumstances, they are often unsatisfied with the people around them. Others sense this and pull back because they don’t feel accepted for who they are.

Despite all this, these folks don’t think they have a problem with communication, because they express their opinions so directly. However, when they interact with others as if their point of view is “absolute truth,” it’s not really communication, and it doesn’t create the rapport and understanding that could lead to a higher truth. That requires being more concerned about what others think so they could connect in ways that open the door to intimacy instead of slamming it shut. As they become more aware of how they affect others, they can learn to develop the tact and social consideration that allow intimacy to be created, and is so essential for their Soul’s growth in this lifetime.

Appropriate interactions with others are important for a number of practical reasons as well. For one thing, it’s difficult for them to gain information and knowledge in any area if they won’t listen. Another benefit is that taking time to understand the other person’s point of view—and being willing to accept it as true for them—allows the native to present their ideas in a way that takes their partner’s needs into account as well. As a result, the other person is more likely to respond positively. They are learning that to grow and thrive they need others’ ideas, and by sharing information, everyone involved can live more effectively—and more fully—with a greater sense of adventure, connectedness, and accomplishment.

Lifting Resistance to Input from Others

Gemini North Node people give the impression of always having to be right. It doesn’t matter what others say or how much evidence they have to back up their point of view. Others often feel they are not heard or acknowledged in any way. This disinclination to listen to others is a big block to creating intimacy. The other person doesn’t feel he has any way to connect with the native and he doesn’t know how to change it. So after a while others just give up trying to share their thoughts and feelings or to get close to the native.

It’s difficult for others to be loving with these people when they put up a wall and refuse to hear what the other person says. They get tired of being discounted and just start tuning out the native and doing their own thing. And then the native feels hurt. These people are often very loving and they don’t mean to hurt others; they honestly don’t understand the connection between their need to be right and those around them always distancing themselves.

These people usually feel the most resistance to communicating with someone who has a different view of the matter at hand. Besides the need to be right, they are also afraid that if they really hear another point of view they may lose their own truth, since they have a tendency to follow what they listen to. Also, when others have an opinion that’s not the same as theirs, they tend to take it personally. They don’t understand that the other person is just communicating their own ideas—which happen to differ.

For example, I had one client whose Gemini North Node mother-in-law would drop by unexpectedly to see her three young grandchildren on school nights. The kids always got so excited that they wouldn’t go to bed. The mother-in-law berated my client: “These kids should go to bed at 8 P.M. every night, just like my kids always did.” My client tried to explain: “Ma, most nights they are in bed on time—they just get too stirred up when you’re here.” But the mother-in-law wouldn’t listen. “No, they’re never in bed on time!” The native believes that what they say is Truth, and what the other person says is either discounted or not even heard. And from there they jump to their own conclusions: “These kids are always sick because they’re never in bed on time.” This creates a lot of struggle and blocks intimacy because the other person has to constantly defend their position. Sometimes they just give up.

Also, since the native isn’t listening to what others tell them about themselves, they tend to form their own opinions about who the other person is. The classic example is the woman who still sees her mate as exactly the same person on their twentieth anniversary. Instead of a twenty-year marriage with all the growth and change that has occurred, she experienced a one-year marriage repeated twenty times! When others try to reveal themselves, these natives usually discount their input because they think their opinion of who the person really is is right. For example, I have a client who is at least 100 pounds overweight; she has a Gemini North Node mother. Her mother thinks she never has any money because she has a drug problem. My client tells her: “Mother, look at me! I don’t have a drug addiction. I have a FOOD addiction—that’s where my money goes!” But the mother ignores any information her daughter tells her about herself. Until they become conscious, Gemini North Node people will stay true to their opinions, regardless of any new information that changes the overall picture.

Sometimes their allegiance to principle—combined with their resistance to accepting input from others—can override their common sense. When others give these folks alternative ways to view life or solve problems, they usually won’t consider them. Eventually, others get tired of being ignored and just quit trying to help the native.

Gemini North Node people tend to get stuck doing things one way and it can be very difficult to get them to try something new. For instance, when one client with a young Gemini North Node son would pick up her daughter at school, the son would insist they go through the same door each time—she couldn’t bring him in any other way. These natives rigidly attach to what is familiar and what they deem is “right” and they’ll fight to keep everything the same. And if they have to do something different—i.e., the door is locked or a rockslide has blocked the road—they may panic. It’s like a superstition that if they don’t do things a certain way something bad will happen. But things are constantly changing and people are constantly growing, so until the native overcomes this reaction, they are blocking intimacy.

It’s as if these people have a room in their brain marked “social interaction,” but with so many lifetimes isolated from others, they have just bypassed that door. Now they have a lot of resistance to opening it—and even when they try it’s difficult because the hinges are rusty. However, in this life it’s their destiny to open that door. And when they do, they’ll find that this room has all the tools they need to create successful social interactions. These natives actually have more talents than most in this area—it’s a matter of intention: finding the awareness and courage to walk into the room and begin experimenting.

Embracing the Natural Flow of Communication

It isn’t that Gemini North Node people don’t talk—they can talk up a storm. But they don’t communicate in the sense of a two-way conversation. When they aren’t in tune with the other person’s words or ideas, it often ends up being a one-way flow of communication, like a monologue or sermon. Sometimes, when another person is talking, they look at the native and can see that nobody’s home—they aren’t listening or taking in the information. When this happens, the best bet is for others to just keep talking, and try to get the native to respond, to establish some interaction.

Gemini North Node folks often withdraw as a means of avoiding conflict. They don’t want to argue, and they think that by not communicating, the problem will clear up by itself. They don’t realize they have natural sales abilities. When they don’t know how to connect with someone, becoming aloof is often their defense. They begin to make assumptions about the other person—“He did this, so he thinks that”—and assumptions are always a red flag for these folks—an indication they are off track.

This is all due to their underlying fear that what they have to say won’t be understood and accepted. There are times when they want to be open, but they hold back because they are so sensitive to any kind of negative response. However, this blocks intimacy and creates tension.

For example, a Gemini North Node client was helping her cousin, who was ill. However, when she was in her cousin’s house she felt anxious because of the history of withheld communication surrounding the situation. My client thought her cousin needed a lot of support in order to get well, while the cousin’s husband felt the best thing for his wife was to just get out of bed and resume her life. These natives can almost always get through such blocks and establish rapport by first asking the other person what they’re thinking and feeling. When they understand what’s going on with that person, from their point of view, they will know how to connect successfully with the other’s energy so they can have a positive interaction. For instance, my client could have asked: “Do you feel that the way I’m taking care of your wife is constructive in terms of the bigger picture?” Or “What are your thoughts about the best way to support her recovery?”

When Gemini North Node people try to communicate without first finding out where others are coming from, they don’t feel a safe space to share their position. So the key for them is to get some conversation going and create a connection with the other person so they know what “channel” to tune in to. They are learning that the essence of communication is not a battle about who’s right, but understanding the other’s point of view and accepting it as being true for them. And they are finding out that it’s okay for two differing points of view to exist simultaneously.

Thoughts are like water: Allowed to flow, they find their own natural path, but being blocked creates tension that can be destructive. That’s why it’s so important that these people overcome their resistance to communicating—just verbalizing their position can reduce the tension in any situation. Ideally, both people gain a broader perspective through hearing each other’s thoughts, which may also allow them to find a more effective resolution together. But even if both go back to their original position, positive energy is created in the relationship because each expressed their views and felt heard and understood by the other.

It’s a challenge for Gemini North Node people to get to this point with others. Due to past lives in the priesthood, on an unconscious level they always feel that they are supposed to have the answers and be able to resolve other people’s problems—even when they can’t find answers for themselves. They fear that they won’t be able to live up to the other person’s expectations. And if they can’t provide what the other person is looking for, instead of just saying, “Sorry, I don’t know,” they feel inadequate and become aloof. These people even fear that if they ask a question, they may not know what to say to the other person’s response. It might be another question that they can’t answer. Thus their fear of not having the answer can inhibit their asking the question.

Even though they feel they should know, the responsibility for having solutions is not part of their destiny in this lifetime. Now their job is to ask questions, gain information, and relate to others more equally by sharing thoughts and opinions back and forth. They are learning that communication is a vital exchange, a two-way street leading to mutual understanding and rapport. The native’s interactions with other people are a key to resolving their own issues. Talking it out with another brings in new information and more options. Through the process itself, new insights and answers naturally arise that can benefit both parties. Nobody has to have the answers; nobody has to be “right.”

Another situation where Gemini North Node people tend to withdraw is when they have a problem, they may not communicate because they are afraid that the other person will want to help. Their mind tells them that they need to rely solely on themselves, but on an unconscious level they really prefer to deal with things on their own, due to their fear of social interaction. For example, if they have a health problem, they may not call their friend, since they know the other person will say, “Is there anything I can do to help?” Actually, dealing with the other person appropriately is the next thing they need to learn how to handle. First, the idea is to validate the intention behind the other person’s offer: “Thank you for offering.” Then they can share information and honestly say what they want in the situation: “I’m doing all right, but I’ll check in with you tomorrow.” They don’t have to accept the help—it’s accepting and acknowledging the goodness of the other person that completes the loving connection.

Gemini North Node people are learning the value of communicating in a way that keeps the mood light and positive. And with this intention, the quality of tact—which they need to learn—will naturally be activated. In fact, in the process of listening to the other person’s ideas—what they are interested in, how they view life, and stories of their interactions with others—the native will become more comfortable in their own relationships. And their best bet when connecting with another—even with their partner or best friend—is to start by asking a general question: “How is your day going?” Then, after the person responds, they can ask a more meaningful question: “How did you feel when she said that?” After that, they can become more personal: “I like your hair today.” Somehow, when they start off at a very benign level and gradually work through these steps, it is easier for them to breach their internal wall and develop openness and intimacy with another.

Another benefit of investigating the thoughts of others is that it activates the native’s own potential for mental flexibility. They will begin to see that life is about more than just conclusions and right answers—it’s also the energy created through sharing varied points of view. Through understanding others on the mundane level of daily life, the harmonious energy that is created will be able to support a positive discussion of larger truths.

Learning to Demonstrate Their Good Intentions

Gemini North Node people often keep their defenses up because they feel like an outsider in everyday circumstances. Their perception is that they do things out of the generosity of their hearts, and almost always they are misunderstood. They generally deal with this disappointment by remaining aloof. They may also have the belief that others don’t care about what they think. When they say something bold, they may chastise themselves later—not because they’re second-guessing their opinion—they are quite sure they’re right—but they fear that what they said might not be received in the generous spirit in which it was offered.

They also experience this misunderstanding in other situations. For example, if they are having problems, they may not reach out to others. Then, when they do call, the other person says: “Why are you ignoring me?” The native knew that the person was busy and didn’t want to bother them with their own mundane problems. But when they’re out of touch they seem aloof, and others naturally try to figure out the reason for their lack of communication. They may decide: “They don’t care about me,” or “They’re hiding something.”

These people will experience more positive outcomes when they go out of their way to connect, even if it’s just to say: “I’m dealing with a lot of mundane problems right now, but I’m thinking of you and will be in touch again soon.” The idea is to keep the connection going and show interest in the other person. They are learning that they don’t have to “have it all together” in order to communicate with others in a meaningful way.

Another issue for this nodal group is when they get so focused on creating what they perceive to be “permanent solutions” that they ignore opportunities to demonstrate their good intentions in immediate, concrete ways. For example, during the holiday season of 2005, huge earthquakes resulted in a gigantic tsunami that laid waste to coastal settlements in much of the Asian world and caused a horrific number of deaths. In the wake of this disaster, people needed immediate help in order to survive. They requested three basic things: water purification tablets, rice, and medicine. U.S. President George W. Bush—a Gemini North Node person—did not respond immediately to these requests because he felt he needed time to ponder a long-term solution. The tsunami hit on Sunday and he did nothing until Wednesday, when he solemnly guaranteed that the United States would be there for the long haul to help these countries “rebuild their infrastructure.”

President Bush promised billions of dollars toward a long-term goal, when he could have responded immediately to their urgent needs for far less cost. And while it’s true that offering food to a starving person is a “temporary fix,” it gives the person time to recover, gain strength, and then begin to rebuild their life. And had President Bush responded to the actual need presented, he would have created the sense of goodwill that he so greatly desired. It’s a temporary fix, but out of that gesture the next appropriate step would become clear. And since the immediate generosity is heartfelt, it is genuinely appreciated. Gemini North Node people are learning that when they ACT on their good intentions by handling things as they arise, they are much more effective and others see their generous nature.

However, this insight may not come easily to these people. When others do not accept what they give, rather than asking themselves whether their offering is appropriate in the situation, they tend to take it personally and think that others don’t understand their positive motive or are questioning their integrity. But really, it’s just that the other person doesn’t want or need the particular item, information, or opinion at that time. For instance, if they offer someone advice about cell phones when that person already has a cell phone they’re happy with, the native may become fervent in pitching the new phone’s advanced technology. And when the other person isn’t interested, the native may feel misunderstood.

These people are learning that when others don’t accept their input, it’s simply because they have a different goal or value in the situation. But until they get this, their reactions block intimacy because if they feel that the other person doesn’t understand their intention, they withdraw from that person, become aloof, and then they don’t know how to reestablish the connection. Their idea of how to go about it might be: “Who the hell do you think you are?” rather than seeking a common ground through sharing thoughts and feelings.

By using communication to work things out with others, these people can also begin to distinguish between the validity of their information or belief, the appropriateness in the current situation, and their motive for sharing it. This nodal group is motivated by a tremendous sense of integrity, morality, and ethics. However, their motive can be correct and their conclusion may still be in error in terms of appropriate application in a particular situation. For these folks, resistance from others can be a useful barometer that lets them know when their conclusions may need some adjustment. If someone is resisting them, their best approach is to ask questions. “What’s your feeling about this?” or “What are your thoughts about how we should do this?” They need to keep the exchange on an informational level to maintain rapport. And for successful results, their motive needs to truly be gaining a deeper understanding of the other person’s position. They don’t have to agree with that position, just understand that it’s true for the other person.

Healing Self-Righteousness

Gemini North Node people tend to be opinionated and very certain that their opinions are correct—and their self-righteous attitude often evokes anger in others. They are usually not aware of how other people react to them or how their self-righteousness can put others off and block true and open communication. In fact, they don’t think they have a problem with communication because they are so direct in expressing their opinions. But this is not true communication of exchanging information and understanding one another’s point of view.

These people can have a very cerebral approach—like a lawyer in court presenting “truth” that is cut and dried, black and white. But this mind-set damages their relationships because it locks them into their mental framework and distances them from their feelings. Often when the native takes a position, they do it with such a sense of righteousness that it intimidates others. Their enthusiasm for their own “truth” can block the input of more sensitive souls; others can see that there’s no room for their point of view. Rather than hearing another’s communication, these folks tend to immediately overlay it with their own assumptions about that person and the situation.

Family members know the native and love them for who they are, but they usually don’t let themselves get too close or become too vulnerable. People who do become involved with them soon discover that it’s all about what the native thinks, and what they expect the other person to be. And if they risk giving the native honest feedback about their authoritarian style, Gemini North Node people are likely to respond in a dramatic way: “Well, I guess I’m just not allowed to have an opinion!”

They place no value on what others say and often just ignore them. Other people end up feeling like their ideas aren’t important, and therefore they aren’t important. They get tired of being invalidated and dealing with the native’s fiery rampages, so they start to censor what they are willing to share. Naturally, there can be no intimacy without openness, and after a while the other person may think: “Why even try?” They get that the native isn’t invested in listening to them and learning to understand them, and start to distance themselves.

Gemini North Node people tend to give strong advice. They give the impression that they have “traveled the journey”—that they are connected to “rightness” and spirituality. When they think they have already “arrived,” they’re not open to hearing about other philosophies and viewpoints. And even if they do seem to listen, they may use what they hear to reinforce their own opinion. Until they become conscious of this, they may act as if they don’t really care about the other person’s opinions or what’s on their mind, and others don’t feel accepted—or even seen—for who they are. In fact, it is likely that the native doesn’t really see the other person—they see them as they think they are.

And once they make a judgment about someone—“they’re cheap,” “they’re weak,” “they’re a bully”—they tend to hold on to it forever. The person may change, but they won’t see it. They will continue to look for any sign that the “defect” they saw still exists. And when they spot it, they often display an unpleasant energy of self-righteous arrogance. Their judgments—which are based on their own interpretations of events—become self-fulfilling prophecies that invalidate the growth and progress of those close to them. Others soon realize that if they become part of the native’s world, it is unlikely that they will ever be related to as who they really are in the moment. This alone makes trusting intimacy with Gemini North Node people very difficult to risk.

This nodal group also tends to have their own private rulebook—their “Universal Truths”—about how life works. As an example, one of their rules may be: “Everyone operates from their own frame of reference.” While this “rule” may, in fact, be true, the way these people use it can further interfere with intimacy. If someone says: “I like the color blue,” instead of hearing their preference as something personal, the native will likely process it as part of that person’s rules. It’s another layer of “mental conclusions” that they interject between themselves and others.

Gemini North Node people often feel that their path is to share their truth with others. Sometimes this can take the form of religious zealotry, where the native thinks they have been “chosen” to convert others—especially their partner—to their newfound Truth. In the process, they may berate the other person: “I can’t continue to see you if you don’t believe this, because you’ll drag me down.” From the other person’s point of view it’s an infringement on their own personal beliefs, and they feel violated. When the native feels so strongly about something, they may become rigid, abrasive, and egotistical. But this is really a defense mechanism, because internally these people fear that if they listen to the other person’s point of view, it may contaminate their belief. This blocks intimacy, because the other person feels rejected and their input is completely invalidated. They are learning that it’s okay for people to co-exist having different points of view.

People in this nodal group are very much into living their life according to their principles. They take pride in being an example to others, and they can be pretty judgmental if others don’t always act in alignment with their own beliefs. This self-righteous position blocks intimacy, because if they think that someone doesn’t always live the Truth they are espousing, they don’t want to be associated with them. This seriously limits their circle of friends, and blocks intimacy, since few people are “perfect.” But when others don’t practice what they preach, it’s hard for the native to feel respect for them, and they become aloof.

When the native sees a discrepancy between what someone is aiming for and what they are demonstrating, their best bet is to ask questions to better understand where that individual is on their personal path. Tolerance and patience with others are two of the things these natives are learning this lifetime.

Overcoming Isolation

Due to past lives in the priesthood, Gemini North Node people feel responsible for having the solution. In this role they maintain a certain aloofness because they feel it’s inappropriate to relax and be spontaneous. To them, there are so many problems that others expect them to handle that they even limit the time they spend around people they truly love because the “role” feels like such a burden. This false sense of responsibility blocks intimacy because they are afraid to get really close to someone and then not “have the answers.”

These people also have internal programming telling them that they’re responsible for furthering any causes they believe in, and this creates an even greater pressure. The cause is of prime importance, all-consuming. They know that others involved in the “cause” rely on them, and they accept this responsibility even though they often feel that these people don’t really care about them as an individual, which creates a sense of loneliness for the native. Then, if they make the “cause” so important that they neglect spending time with the people who are important to them, their loneliness increases and eventually creates an inner “wall” that makes it even harder for them to connect. On an unconscious level, this isolation feels right, due to their past lives as priests and holy wo/men, where it was appropriate to keep a certain distance between themselves and others. But in this lifetime it hinders their growth.

The belief that others don’t understand them further blocks intimacy, because the native thinks: “Why bother to communicate, they’re not going to get it anyway”—but internally they feel angry and isolated. Often when they don’t share their thoughts it’s because they’re shut down from fear of many different things. They’re afraid of not being accepted; but their greatest fear is that others won’t see the good intention behind their interactions. They hesitate to risk letting anyone get close enough to try to understand them, because they feel too vulnerable and are afraid of getting hurt. So they keep building the wall that blocks any opportunity to create the closeness and intimacy that they so deeply desire.

In order to break this hurtful pattern and get past their inner wall, Gemini North Node people need to learn the art of small talk. They are finding that it doesn’t work for them to just jump into a conversation—they need to set the groundwork first. By engaging in small talk, they create the opening for others to care about what they think on deeper levels, and it helps them to lower their wall.

They can succeed at small talk by first asking the other person a question. Even something as benign as: “Are you having a good day?” can get them started. This is because the other person’s response opens a “channel” through which the native can sense where they’re coming from, and then they automatically know what to say next. Even in public speaking their best bet is to first ask the audience questions in order to make the connection they need to create success.

Another factor that contributes to isolation is that part of them really doesn’t want others to know their thoughts, because they’re afraid of losing their freedom. In past lives they had to be free in order to pursue “Truth,” and now that aspect of their personality is like a muscle that’s been overused—a tape in their head that says: “I’ve got to be free.” Just becoming conscious of the tape allows them to choose to ignore it. Their best bet is to risk sharing what’s going on with the other person: “I really want to be close to you, and I realize I’m also afraid of not being free to pursue other things that are important to me.” When they openly state both sides of the issue at hand, the answer will become clear, and the other person will better understand them. Using logic for debating from different sides is a good thing for them, to more thoroughly understand differing points of view. It makes life interesting.

Gemini North Node people tend to remember any past incidents where others have used things they knew about the native in a negative way. They then draw the conclusion that they become more attractive to others by maintaining their freedom and being almost an “illusion.” They may hesitate to share their thoughts and feelings for fear of becoming too familiar and losing their allure. These folks often believe that what others think is none of their business. To others, it appears that the native just doesn’t care, and they feel hurt. But from the native’s point of view, it’s just respect for the other person. However, what’s really going on is that the native doesn’t want other people in their business, so they stay away from asking about the thoughts of others to set an example. Naturally, this blocks intimacy and pushes others away, because the other person ends up feeling like the native’s freedom is more important to them than they are.

Until they become conscious, this nodal group doesn’t really care about what others think and this is a big part of their isolation. If they are not open to other people’s points of view, their world becomes narrower. It shuts down their options and limits the space to bring in the vitality of new energy and ideas. Then their expectations end up being less than the possibilities that could be available to them. Sometimes they just become totally isolated in their own beliefs and assumptions. Their life becomes routine, lacking the spontaneity and sense of adventure they need to feed their spirit and create intimacy in their life.

Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships

In general, Gemini North Node people have not had much experience with personal relationships in their past lives and tend to lack confidence and expertise in this area. They don’t know how to overcome the barriers that they inadvertently create between themselves and others—including their significant other—so they often shut down emotionally in their most important interpersonal relationships. The fear of not knowing how to respond in personal relationships is so profound that a potential partner could be trying to flirt with them and they may ignore it, or be so blocked that they don’t even notice. These people think they don’t have the tools to handle this part of their life, but the “tools” are really just showing interest in the other person and being curious about them. Often their habitual aloofness sabotages them by not allowing the openness for this to happen.

Thinking that others always expect them to have the solutions also blocks intimacy in their primary relationship because the native fears that they may not be “enough” for their partner. They know the motives behind their suggestions are pure, but if their partner doesn’t accept their idea (or other ways of giving), the resulting feelings of inadequacy can create tremendous anxiety. Then the native may respond by pressing their point more strongly or by becoming aloof—blocking intimacy either way. Their need to feel adequate may even lead a Gemini North Node person to become involved in a relationship just to be able to solve another’s problem. But if they are the dominant problem-solver in all situations, the relationship isn’t balanced, so they lose the opportunity to create intimacy by interacting with their partner as an equal. There can’t be intimacy unless both people’s thoughts and feelings are heard and accepted by the other (as true for them), since the energy created by this type of interaction is what allows issues to be resolved on a higher level that takes both partners’ needs into account.

However, instead of pursuing equality, these folks may tend to have one-way conversations in order to control the situation, because they’re afraid of being hurt or hurting the other person. They think this makes it easier because they don’t have to watch the other person cry, or talk about their feelings, or have to go to counseling with their partner. But they are learning that if they don’t communicate with integrity as they go along, their problems stay with them and they suffer later on. It just makes the situation worse, because neither person can work out the issues that created the underlying problem in the first place.

For example, I had a Gemini North Node client who realized early in her first marriage that it probably wasn’t going to work out. However, she kept silent and ended up leaving abruptly without any input from her husband. She never let him know how unhappy she was or discussed the issues with him. To this day, it’s one of the few things in her life that she regrets—not talking it out with him to reach a mutual understanding, one way or the other.

Of all the issues this nodal group faces in their sexually intimate relationships, the one that usually has the greatest negative impact is the primary position of their “cause.” This is always something that is “justified”—that genuinely needs to be corrected, and that the native feels very strongly about. In many areas of their life they often feel like other people don’t care about them in a personal way, aren’t interested in what they think, and don’t understand them. But they know others do care about their ideas in terms of whatever cause they’re involved in. They may rationalize: “They don’t understand me, but as long as I can further the ‘cause,’ it doesn’t matter.” Their energy gets totally focused on the cause—the one thing that makes them feel effective, important, and unique—and personal considerations are overridden. This blocks intimacy because they’re not really aware of—or interested in—how they are affecting their partner. As a result, the other person often feels like they aren’t important or loved. They say: “How about us?” But the native says: “We’ve always got us, we can do that later.” Consequently, their relationships are often short-lived; their partner thinks: “They aren’t even trying to connect with me, so what’s the point?” and may just walk away.

Anything can trigger the “cause mechanism” for a Gemini North Node person. The issue may be political, social, environmental, spiritual, or it can even be something directly involving their partner or someone else who is close—i.e., they want their partner to lose weight, their child to learn about money, or their best friend to avoid hurtful relationships. But even if it’s an issue focusing on their partner, it blocks intimacy because the cause becomes the key for the connection. Their partner can sense that the native isn’t really relating to them, so in the end, their “cause” prevents them from experiencing true intimacy with their partner and adds to their sense of isolation.

Hopefully, over time the native will come to realize that the only way to break through their isolation is to take the risk of truly interacting with their significant other. Just by asking: “What do you think about ____?” and really hearing the other person’s answer, they can start seeing who the other person is and making a connection. They often hesitate to openly question their partner for fear they won’t have a response to what the other person says. If the native asks, “Honey, do you feel that we have a great relationship?” and their partner says, “Yes, but I would like it better if we would ____,” they are afraid they won’t know what to say. The native is learning that it’s okay to just take in the information and say: “Oh, okay!” They don’t have to have an immediate, profound response. Their partner will feel cared about just because they asked. They are finding out that communication is about more than answers and solutions. It’s the interactive process of exchanging thoughts and perceptions that allows the intimacy to flow through the creation of mutual understanding.

And it’s greatly to the native’s advantage to want to know how their partner thinks and what they’re going through. Maybe they just need someone to listen, or maybe there’s something helpful the native can say. If they care about their partner, their best bet is to step up to the challenge of finding out how the other person perceives life and be interested in their opinions, ideas, hopes, and dreams. Then they will naturally see how to establish the bond of intimacy that they crave and that can be so satisfying—for them and their partner.

How Others Can Help Them Heal

Influence Them to Understand That the Opinions of Others Are True for Them

Gemini North Node people have experienced so many past incarnations submerged in religious doctrine that their definition of Truth can be abstract and theoretical. They need help in learning how to incorporate the personal aspects of Truth that allow for connection with others. For example, if a friend is very careful with money, these people may respond with: “There’s abundance everywhere! They’re wrong to be so cheap!” However, the Truth for their friend may be that they come from an impoverished background and have had to be cautious with their resources. The native needs to be interested in WHY their friend displays this particular behavior. Then their naturally benevolent spirit may be able to help their friend expand beyond perceived personal limits.

You can inspire the native to embrace the habit of asking about other people’s points of view by framing it as a matter of integrity—to discern the “truth” of where the other person is coming from. If someone was in the military for twenty years, they may have conservative political views. In this case you could encourage the native to ask about the person’s experiences so they could better understand the connection between their past and their current opinions. These people need to SLOW DOWN, FOCUS on the other person, and LISTEN. As they learn to accept that the input of others is true for them, given their own personal life experience, the native can benefit by gaining new information and being exposed to exciting ways of viewing life that they hadn’t thought of before.

Encourage Them to Use Logic

Gemini North Node people tend to take a leap of faith and jump into things without really checking them out. Remind them to engage logic before making decisions. What is the track record of the stock they are thinking about buying? What are the life goals of the person they’re engaged to? Have them check out the facts of any situation and list the pros and cons objectively. They will do best when their choices are based on the facts of the situation, rather than acting on intuition or blind faith.

These people are often so unaware of others that they tend to call at the last minute to see someone, and often the other person isn’t available. If they want to spend time with someone, encourage them to call in advance to make plans. If they become upset with a friend’s behavior, encourage them to approach the situation logically and find out what their friend was thinking before they take action. In a relationship that is difficult for them, suggest that they view the other person as though they were a brother or sister, and they will automatically know how to relate to them in a way that will feel easy and natural and will help them to establish the rapport they want.

Prompt Them to Ask Questions

They say “curiosity killed the cat,” but for these people healthy curiosity is to be strongly encouraged. You can help them become more comfortable with the process of asking questions by asking them questions: “Why are you so strongly set against going to this new restaurant? What do you think will happen if we go there?” Ask them questions that help them uncover the specific thought, superstition, or belief that led to their decision. This awareness can support them in operating from a more conscious level, which—for them—is a better position for interaction and creating rapport. These people need to gain as many facts as possible before making decisions or coming to conclusions. Facts give them a strong base that supports accurate intuition.

The values of freedom and adventure are important to Gemini North Node people. If you present the challenge of asking questions and seeing more options as an “adventure” that could lead to more freedom for them, they will be willing to try it. If a friend doesn’t show up for an appointment, suggest that they call the person and seek factual information by asking questions in a non-blaming way: “I thought we had an appointment at three. Did I write down the wrong time? Is everything okay?” After their friend responds, the native can more intelligently form an opinion and will know what action to take.

When they are feeling socially insecure, encourage them to show interest in the other person by asking them questions. Being curious and asking questions is a way of connecting: “It was tough for me to find this place…was it easy for you?” “What kind of business are you in? Do you like it?” Genuine curiosity about others, coupled with a desire to share a spirit of lighthearted connection, is the key that will allow these people to move beyond their anxieties.

Help Them to See Their Options

When Gemini North Node people become set on something, they often need help in seeing their options. They have an intense need to be “right,” so first validate their stance: “Yes, you are 100 percent right. And, from another point of view…” Using these words relaxes the mechanism in the native’s psyche that has to be “right,” and then they may be open to seeing other possibilities. Encourage them to consider optional ways of viewing any incident—“Well, I can understand how you came to that conclusion. What are some other possibilities? It might be that ____”—and bring in other factors that could be affecting their situation. This will help them form the habit of staying open to more than one insight and develop greater mental flexibility.

When these people are making a decision, they generally tend to remain silent until they are “clear” on the solution, and then take sudden, irrevocable action. This process bypasses the input of others and the possibility of gaining more information that is pertinent to the situation. On a daily basis, encourage the habit of seeing their options. For example: “Well, you could go to the dry cleaners after work, or another option would be for me to pick it up when I’m out running errands.” Using the word “option” helps them become accustomed to seeing life from various points of view.

Urge Them to Communicate

Often Gemini North Node people avoid communication in order to avoid conflict. Naturally, this blocks intimacy because without communication there can be no understanding or mutual acceptance. Sway them to see that it’s a matter of integrity to communicate, to be curious about the other person’s views, and to share their own. These people are motivated by their sense of integrity, and if they see that withholding communication is a form of unethical behavior, they will be more willing to take the risk.

Those with this nodal position are solidly pledged to Truth, ethics, and morality. They are learning that in their interactions with others around the mundane matters of daily living, Truth is expressed through honesty and fairness with the other people involved. And through the process of honestly sharing what they are thinking and feeling with the other person, they will learn how to state their opinions more tactfully, in a way that doesn’t evoke negative reactions from others. Risking authentic communication in this way will also help them gain understanding of others’ attitudes and ways of viewing life.

Habits to Discourage

Discourage assumptions about people or situations: When these folks use the word “assume,” it’s a red flag. Encourage them to get more information and seek out the facts of the situation. Help them to understand that when they assume anything, they are on the wrong track.

Discourage attitudes of self-righteousness: This person is a born believer in ethics and integrity, and will go all out to promote any cause they believe in. Discourage them from making the “cause” more important than the people they are relating to in various situations.

Discourage blunt speech: Gemini North Node people tend to speak with such direct certainty that it almost feels like law—whatever they say, it must be right. An acquaintance who has this nodal position told my brother and his wife: “Don’t have another child—it will eclipse your life, it will be a mistake.” Though she hardly knew them, she said it with such authority that it made them doubt their decision. However, they did have the child, who has proven to be a true blessing to their family. To discourage this trait, whenever the native says something that is abrasive or hurtful, say it back to them and ask: “Did I understand you to say ____? Is that what you really mean?” Help them to see how being too direct in their interactions hurts their relationships and is a disservice to others.