Libra North Node People

and North Node in the 7th House

SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS

          Independence

          Authenticity

          A motivating influence

          Directness

          High energy

          A courageous spirit

          Self-discipline

MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY

          “Independence and autonomy support my survival.”

          “By keeping myself in good physical shape, I will attract the perfect partner.”

          “If I commit to a partner, I will lose my integrity.”

          “If I give others what they want, it could interfere with my doing what I want to do.”

          “I have to be solely responsible for taking care of my own needs.”

          “I can only depend on myself and my own wits to survive.”

          “What I instinctively feel is ‘right for me’ is most always correct.”

          “I must always be aware of myself, even when I am with others.”

COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS

          “They are always holding part of themselves back.”

          “They’re selfish.”

          “Although I know they love me, I don’t feel it on an emotional level.”

          “They don’t care about what others need to feel harmonious.”

          “They aren’t willing to compromise their position.”

          “They are stingy with their time and energy.”

Relaxing Self-Sabotaging Independence

Due to many past lives as warriors, Libra North Node people place a high value on individual strength. Warriors never show fear or reveal their vulnerability. Subconsciously, in this lifetime they still believe that independence and autonomy are necessary for their survival, and that self-reliance is always their strongest position. The image they convey to others is also very important to them. They think they have to look good and stay in control. So if they are having a problem, they will most likely pull back into themselves to handle it. They don’t want others to know what’s going on because they’re afraid they will be seen as weak or incompetent.

These natives unknowingly sabotage themselves with this excessive independence by shutting out those who would be able and willing to support them. They can be so preoccupied with their image, others don’t really know who they are. Since the other person only sees the superficial, “have it together” facade, they can’t relate to the native in any meaningful way. And the native knows that there’s part of themselves they are hiding, so they aren’t able to be with the other person 100 percent.

Until they become aware of this pattern, it creates tension and blocks intimacy, because these folks aren’t allowing themselves to be vulnerable with anyone. For example, a Libra North Node client was having a tough time at his new job. Normally, he would have tried to work things out on his own rather than risk “appearing weak” by telling his partner about his difficulties. However, he chose to share his frustration with her, and, to his surprise, rather than thinking less of him, she responded by being totally supportive. This interaction was very healthy and healing for him, and it fostered intimacy in the relationship because it allowed his partner to feel included in his world.

Another area where an exaggerated sense of independence creates distance in their relationships has to do with their definition of “integrity.” To Libra North Node people, “integrity” and “being true to themselves” means always doing what they think is right for them—regardless of the circumstances. The native doesn’t believe they can take anyone else’s needs into account and still maintain their own integrity. In fact, they often feel that they have to assert themselves to avoid being dominated by others’ demands. As a result, they may speak in a loud voice or use a lot of intense energy to get their point across. From their warrior lifetimes, they have subconscious competitive energy: “dominate or be dominated.”

These people have a great awareness of self, and what they need to thrive on their own. This sabotages intimacy because they often don’t notice the ways in which others are willing to help and support them. For example, if they need carrots to survive, they take responsibility for obtaining the carrots they need every day. But if they hold the belief that they—only and always—have to fend for themselves, then there’s part of them that holds back in their relationships because they’re always concerned about having the time and energy they need to get their carrots. They may not even notice that their partner grows carrots and is willing to be responsible for providing them every day. They are learning to be aware of what others are offering them.

The habit of being preoccupied with being sure they’re always doing what’s best for them as an individual defeats the intimacy they seek. Others feel blocked from forming a true partnership with them because the native isn’t open to being supported, nor are they aware of the other person’s need for support. In fact, learning to share—especially in the context of daily interactions with family and friends—is one of the challenges for Libra North Node people. And this issue is further complicated by a lack of communication. For instance, if the native fears that the other person won’t meet their need in a particular situation, instead of disclosing the need to their partner, they may just go about meeting the need themselves. The other person doesn’t know what’s going on, but they feel uneasy because they can sense that the native is not revealing their true agenda. Learning to share is one of the challenges for Libra North Node people.

Another factor that damages their relationships is the belief that if they give another person what they want, that person might start expecting to get it, which could impinge on the native’s freedom in some way. For example, I have a Libra North Node client whose girlfriend likes to touch base and share about her day every evening. His response is that if he engages with her this way it takes time away from doing what he wants to do. Naturally, this attitude blocks intimacy, because the native is not giving any thought to supporting the other person’s harmony. They are learning how to experience the joy of wholeheartedly supporting another. Their sense of self is so strong that they can give fully, without fear of losing themselves.

However, until they become conscious, it can be very difficult for these people to go against their own instincts and do something other than what they want to do in the moment. Even if it’s something they know intellectually is not in their best interest—like smoking, drinking too much, womanizing—they have a hard time saying no to themselves. And if someone else tells them no—i.e., the doctor says: “Quit smoking”—it triggers their competitive sense of independence, and that thing is the very next thing they’re going to do. However, they also have abundant self-discipline and an overly developed survival instinct. So if they think of the bad habit as something that’s counterproductive to their survival, and that exercising their self-discipline in this area will promote their survival, they are likely to align with their best interests and overcome the self-sabotaging behavior.

Since Libra North Node people carry subconscious memories from past lives when they were totally self-sufficient, their first instinct is always to do what they want to do—regardless of their partner’s wishes. But the truth is that in this lifetime they are happiest when they are sharing with another. So if their partner doesn’t object when they want to do things independently, eventually the native will realize that, whatever the activity, it isn’t as much fun by themselves as they thought it would be. For instance, the Libra North Node husband of a client wanted to go off on his motorcycle for a week to “do his own thing.” Rather than resist him, I suggested she support him. When he got home, he said: “You know, I really missed you, and it was just too long to be away.” After that, each time he took a trip, he came home a little sooner.

These people are learning to be more aware of how they can work it out with their partner so that both people win and the door to intimacy can be opened. And when they relax their excessive focus on independence and start to give more wholeheartedly to others, they are able to feel the energy of appreciation coming back to them.

Overcoming the Habit of Self-Focus

Although being in relationships and having others to share things with is very important to Libra North Node people, they tend to have serious difficulties in this area. Partly this is due to their naive belief that others are attracted to people who “have it made” and “have it together,” which leads to an intense self-focus. They think that if they just maintain the proper image, others will want to be around them. They can have a lot of self-discipline, so this often translates into spending time and money to make sure they are attractive, keeping their body in shape, and presenting the appearance of “having it together”—no matter what.

These people are constantly aware of themselves. They are never just “with” another—part of them is always detached, observing themselves in relation to the other person. As the interaction progresses, they tune into their own reactions and whether or not they feel comfortable in the situation. There’s no real awareness of others, because they’re so focused on trying to sustain their relationships by constantly improving their image.

When there’s a disturbance in a relationship, their tendency is to immediately shift their attention to themselves. Their first thought is: “What can I do to be more attractive to the other person in order to eliminate this sense of distance?” Instead of focusing on their partner in order to discover the problem, they just work harder at maintaining their perfect image. However, in reality this actually blocks intimacy because—at the end of the day—it’s a narcissistic, superficial approach that actually repels others on a deeper level.

These natives are learning that a more effective approach to problems in their relationships is to focus outward and extend themselves to the other person with genuine caring and concern. Sometimes just the act of being interested in their partner—asking if something is bothering them and then really listening to their response—is enough to restore harmony. And although this is the path to intimacy and lasting success in relationships for Libra North Node people, it can take them a long time to get to this point because of the habit of being so self-centered. Even in their conversations with others, everything ends up relating back to them: “Oh, I had that too…” “A similar situation happened to me…” And when the native seems to be listening, often what they’re really doing is waiting for a chance to interject something that will put the spotlight back on themselves.

In fact, these people can be so totally self-absorbed and unaware of others that they sometimes demand attention and help from someone even when it’s clearly inappropriate. And if they don’t get the total energetic involvement they want from the other person, they may get angry. It doesn’t occur to them that they might be taking advantage of the other person’s time and energy, or interrupting their plans—and then they wonder why they get rebuffed!

On a deep level, Libra North Node people long to share and enjoy one-on-one relationships. But they want to share something that will make them happy and won’t put them out too much. They want to bring others into their world, yet selfishly resist stepping into the other person’s world and doing what they want to do. This blocks intimacy, because the other person feels unseen and unimportant, and over time, they may become resentful that they have to constantly abandon their own direction to feed energy to the native. Libra North Node people are learning the importance of establishing a true sense of reciprocity in their relationships.

Even when these natives do seem to be putting another person first, it often has to do with them getting what they want. The native may be considerate of the other person in one situation in order to manipulate things so they can get their way in another situation. Others feel this, and it’s hurtful. Their partner doesn’t feel loved and supported for who they are, because on some level it’s still all about the native.

Experiencing True Awareness of Others

Even when Libra North Node people are with others, their awareness of themselves is always in the foreground. As a result, they don’t see others clearly. They may see the other person’s talents—the things about them that make them shine—but they’re not aware of them on a personal level. They’re not interested in extending their energy in order to discover who others really are—where they’re coming from, what motivates them, their inner qualities, or how they view themselves in terms of their own strengths and weaknesses. Instead, these natives try to stay inside themselves, even while they are relating. This makes the other person want to shake them: “Wake up! I’m a person too!” But the native is generally just not in tune with other people’s feelings and sensitivities.

Obviously, not recognizing where others are coming from blocks intimacy. And those who are involved with the Libra North Node person will continue to feel controlled and taken advantage of until the native starts learning to put themselves in the other person’s shoes. This will help them to recognize that others also have their own goals, and ways in which they wish to spend their time. If the native wants energy from someone, they have to give back and establish a natural flow of reciprocity.

It’s not that these folks don’t care about others, it’s just that they don’t know that it should be any different. They think that everyone else is just like them: walking around totally self-contained, doing their own thing. They are learning that if their partner indicates that they’re unhappy, it’s a signal for the native to be more sensitive, listen to them, and find out how to better support them. They shouldn’t assume that the other person doesn’t want to be seen as not being self-sufficient—for instance, if their partner is sad, the native may leave the room so they won’t embarrass them. Or they focus on themselves: “I’ll lose ten pounds, buy some new clothes or a new car, and then I’ll be more attractive to my partner.”

Until they become conscious, people from this nodal group resist going out of their way to support others, and are lax about giving their partner what they need in order to feel harmonious. For example, I have a client who really enjoys signs of physical affection. His Libra North Node wife will occasionally walk by and touch his arm or become more physically caring when he complains enough, but then she goes right back to her usual state of non-awareness. Another client has a new home and three young children. She would like her Libra North Node father to visit on a regular basis to spend time with his grandkids, but he comes only rarely. He has many excuses: “I have to bring my other granddaughter and she gets bored;” “I can’t stand the traffic,” etc.

The truth is that he could miss the traffic if he got up earlier—and he would do it if it involved his job. But he won’t go out of his way to visit his daughter in order to show her that he cares and to make her happy. This attitude blocks intimacy, because the other person feels hurt and resentful. They can sense that when the native does give them what they want, it’s only because they feel they “have to”—not because they genuinely want to contribute to them.

This lack of awareness that prevents them from accurately seeing others and responding to them appropriately can lead to distressing—and even dangerous—situations. For instance, one Libra North Node dad took his three young daughters skiing. But he took them on a hill that was way too hard for them, because he wanted to ski it. They were only six, eight, and nine, and they were terrified—crying and screaming all the way down.

For the native, the absence of an accurate perception of who the other person is can lead to unexpected betrayal. For example, Libra North Node people very rarely lie. If you ask them a direct question, they will give you an honest answer. Since they project this quality onto others, they always trust what the other person says—and sometimes they shouldn’t. They take the other person at face value rather than expending the time and energy to discover their actual identity.

Due to this habit of projection, these folks don’t really have a true picture of the other person, so they can’t accurately assess the situation if problems arise. When a small behavior belies their beliefs about someone, they tend to rationalize it instead of checking it out to see what’s going on. They explain away anything that’s inconsistent with their projected image, then they’re surprised and hurt when someone betrays or leaves them. Their projections also block intimacy because there’s no room for the other person to share who they really are. The native has already “filled in all the blanks” from their own perspective.

Libra North Node people are learning to take an “empathetic voyage” into the other person so they can really understand them. Then they will have accurate information with which to more correctly interpret the other person’s behavior and avoid unpleasant shocks. They will also know how to better support the other person in ways that make them feel truly valued and create acknowledgment and appreciation for the native.

Expanding Beyond Self—Appreciating Others

Most Libra North Node people get a tremendous thrill from perilous activities that challenge their survival skills. It gives them a feeling of pride and heightens their self-esteem when they conquer these types of situations. On an unconscious level, these activities—racing motorcycles, climbing perilous mountains, etc.—push them past the stagnant energy created by their habitual focus on self and expand the boundaries of their emotional body. However, in terms of their relationships, it can keep their focus on themselves; others may feel excluded because the native usually wants to meet these challenges on their own.

These folks are afraid that if they include someone else in these pursuits they will lose the stimulating sense of vitality that gets activated in their life, or that it will diminish the thrill of individual achievement. And while it’s true that sharing these experiences with another will change the energy, it is also likely that the adventures others expose them to will broaden their horizons in altogether new directions.

For example, I have a Libra North Node client who loves to combine foreign travel with hiking, and his girlfriend also enjoys these activities. He was attracted to a hiking trip in northern Spain, while his girlfriend wanted to go on a hike in Bulgaria. Consciously going against his habitual reaction, my client took a risk and agreed to his girlfriend’s choice. Later he realized that he had been attracted to northern Spain because there was a certain energy about that trip that was similar to what he’d always done before. So sharing his girlfriend’s destination gave him the opportunity to expand into an adventure with different energy and have a totally new experience.

These opportunities to expand beyond their current boundaries—and enjoy the revitalizing energy this brings—present themselves on a daily basis. In order to be aware of them, the native only needs to begin learning to pay attention to others and be willing to explore the options they bring. Even something as simple as dining out can broaden their horizons. For instance, they might let a friend choose an ethnic restaurant in an unfamiliar part of town, and have a remarkable adventure. Just by taking time to find out about another’s world, they can learn new things that allow them to access different dimensions of their individuality and gain a clearer sense of their place in the world.

However, until Libra North Node people see the light, they tend to be so self-absorbed that they don’t even notice others, much less listen to their input. This is also why they usually aren’t giving other people the attention they need. They can focus on themselves for hours, but focusing on their partner usually feels like “work” to them. In a group, they may even forget to introduce their spouse to others. Such a lack of appreciation and consideration for the other person blocks intimacy and undermines their relationships. The other person feels like they’re always in the background—excluded, unprotected, and unimportant.

In addition, these natives don’t usually acknowledge others for who they ARE—only for what they DO. They notice if their child achieves good grades, their friend has a specific talent that allows them to shine, their spouse experiences success on the job, or their business partner makes a lot of money. But often they DON’T notice when these people need their support. As a result, the people in their lives don’t feel “seen” or cared about. They may sense that the native doesn’t know and love them for who they really are, which makes them feel lonely and disconnected. And until Libra North Node people learn to expand their emotional boundaries so they are capable of seeing and appreciating the individuality of others, they will continue to have partners leave them.

A good example of how these dynamics come together to block intimacy involves a client and her Libra North Node boyfriend as they were climbing a very challenging mountain. When they had almost reached the summit, my client couldn’t go any farther without a rest. But her boyfriend wasn’t willing to wait to experience the thrill of completion, so he went on ahead. At the top he found a group of other climbers who were having a party to celebrate their achievement, so he joined them. Hours later my client finally made the summit. Her partner immediately congratulated her and gave her a lot of praise for rising to the challenge—then he turned back to his new friends without even introducing her! Finally fed up with his narrow self-focus, my client ended the relationship when they returned home, much to his surprise and sorrow.

Ironically, although these folks are self-absorbed and only interested in what’s going on in their own life, they are also happiest when they are sharing their experiences with someone else. This is a catch-22, because they want to be the center of everything, and often get angry if they think they aren’t being seen that way. This makes successfully including others a challenge, since the other person is afraid that the native will lash out if they don’t always put them first.

People in this nodal group often carry a lot of anger from past lives that were focused on competition and combat. In those situations, anger probably helped them survive. In this lifetime—until they gain awareness—they still tend to use anger to “conquer” others and get their way. And this rigid, competitive orientation is one of the greatest stumbling blocks in their relationships. There’s no influencing them when they’re not open to hearing another point of view.

In fact, a Libra North Node person’s whole view of life is usually not very flexible. Even in their relationships, these folks tend to set up things in a way that is rigid and well defined. “This is your role and your responsibilities, and this is my role and my responsibilities.” So there’s no real cooperation and blending—it’s either their thing or their partner’s thing, rather than “our thing.” They are learning to run the experiment of being more flexible and responsive to helping each other out when appropriate.

In order to experience success with others, these folks are learning to be more open to creating win-win situations that work for both people. And by being willing to compromise and see life through another’s eyes, the native can experience how others function in relationships and learn new skills of relating. They will have the opportunity to glimpse the process that most people inherently understand but the native is learning on a Soul level in this lifetime—how to expand their boundaries into the realm of true partnership and use the art of sensitivity to tune in to the other person and relate in ways that create a healthy and nurturing bond of interdependency.

Becoming a Team Player—Embracing Partnership

Libra North Node people are not natural-born team players. They feel that it is important to do what is “right” for them, and they only consult their own inner impulses when making their decisions. But the truth is that by being willing to develop their awareness and skills to become a team player, they will also be able to sense what is “right” in terms of benefiting others as well. And when they embrace this position wholeheartedly, the results will far surpass anything they might have experienced by keeping their focus solely on themselves.

A lack of experience in how to partner with others effectively creates difficulties in every area of their lives, including their relationships and their ability to succeed professionally. On an unconscious level, these people can be so attached to their own charm and independence that they may turn their back on opportunities that others make available to them. They don’t realize that they could move up the ladder more easily by becoming a team player. That they could have a job that is more financially rewarding, and also more energizing, because it involves interactions with others.

For example, I had a client whose father’s North Node was in Libra. He was smart, charming, handsome, and people liked him, so he always got jobs easily. And before long, his boss would promote him from manual labor to an office position. However, he would repeatedly end up doing manual labor again. He liked office work and getting a better paycheck but he couldn’t handle meetings with the other employees, going to lunch with them, etc. He didn’t know how to just relax and socialize—to show interest and be supportive. He thought he was smarter than everybody, and his self-absorbed attitude always sabotaged him.

In a group, these people usually either keep apart or they think they have to really assert themselves in order to feel included. Their belief is that they have to be very strong-willed and forceful to have any impact. It’s a me-VERSUS-you rather than a me-AND-you mentality. As part of their growth in this lifetime, they are learning how to see the integrity of the group—or the other person—and come into alignment with that flow, either by supporting it or by shifting it in a more positive direction. For example, if the group’s intention is to save the spotted owl, then that is their focus and their direction. If the native recognizes the group’s direction, he can either decide to support it or go do something else. If he decides to support it, then “assertion” isn’t necessary—it’s simply a matter of being a team player by seeing what they can do to further the common cause.

Especially in their close personal relationships, Libra North Node people are learning to move beyond their thinking and embrace the “us” that creates a team, the entity of the relationship itself. However, the notion that they have to be solely responsible for taking care of their own needs gets in the way. They don’t believe that anyone else can help them. They think: “Other people aren’t mind readers. They don’t know when I need something.” And while it’s true that in a healthy relationship both individuals take responsibility for making sure their own needs are met, these natives take it to extremes. This blocks intimacy, because it gives their partner the message that everyone has to look out for themselves.

Libra North Node people often miss what partnership is all about—looking out for the other person and picking up the slack where the partner isn’t strong, so that common goals can be attained and pleasures exchanged. It’s like doubles tennis: Both people need to work together in order to win the game. They not only cover their own part of the court, but also gladly step in to cover for their partner as needed, because they are part of a team. By giving to each other—not in self-interest, but because the other person needs it—both people demonstrate their investment in the relationship.

For example, maybe the native needs to make lunch every day, and they’re having trouble getting everything done in the morning and being on time to their new job. Partnership is when the other person says: “I have extra time in the mornings so I’ll prepare your lunch. Then you won’t have to get up any earlier.” It’s not “mind reading,” it’s just being aware of where the other person is struggling and seeing how to best support them.

Part of what these people are learning is how to stop operating from the belief that no one else can meet their needs—which creates a barrier—and give others a chance to support them. The next step is to notice, and to show their appreciation. Sometimes these natives are so preoccupied with the idea that “I have to make myself happy” that they aren’t even aware of what the other person is doing to make them happy.

When they are willing to try it, verbally communicating their needs can definitely facilitate this process. For instance, I had a Libra North Node client who—as many in this nodal group do—felt a strong need for time alone. He was afraid that if he let himself get too close to his new girlfriend, he wouldn’t be able to meet this need. Finally, he agreed to try my suggestion, and told her: “Look, I tend to get easily upset and scattered if I don’t have an hour by myself for meditation every morning.” He was very surprised by how willing she was to help him meet this need. In fact, she decided to go out for her walk each day while he meditated. This nodal group is learning that if they share what they need with their partner, it gives the other person the opportunity to support them and makes them feel more a part of the native’s life. And, for both partners, it makes the relationship happier by allowing for greater intimacy.

Letting Others In—Healing Fears of Self-Disclosure

Libra North Node people are high energy and are lots of fun to be around. They have good hearts and would never deliberately hurt anyone—they just like to have fun and do their own thing. Unfortunately, when they’re younger, their thing is the only thing that they’re willing to focus on. So before they can be a good partner, they need to get some of that impetuous energy out of their system. As they get older and can’t constantly do as much, they realize that they need to start relating differently, and begin taking the time to get to know people. Then they can appreciate their lives—and other people—more, and learn to temper what they want with what others want. They experiment with letting other people in.

Everyone has a “shadow side.” This is one of the reasons they tend to stay detached and don’t share themselves fully with others. They can sense a darkness about themselves that they think is unattractive, and they think that if others see it they will withhold themselves out of fear. Libra North Node people know they have this dark side; since they’re always watching themselves, they can see themselves trying to hide it. However, if they turned their attention to the other person instead, they would be able to relax that self-judgment and relate with others more easily.

Another reason these people are needlessly secretive is that they are so self-absorbed from their past life experiences that now they hold too much of themselves back from others. In their relationships, the other person feels frustrated because they can’t really connect with the native on a deep level. Their partner wants a “real” relationship based on mutual self-revelation and sharing. And if the other person senses that the native is always holding part of themselves back, they may think: “He doesn’t trust me, that’s why he’s not opening up.” Or their partner may fear that the native has reservations about the relationship. It’s hurtful to others to not feel trusted. Paradoxically, another reason these people hold back is that—due to their past life experiences—they don’t really trust anyone. Also, other people seem unpredictable to them until they go through the process of getting to know who those people really are.

These dynamics block intimacy since the Libra North Node person is not totally in the relationship. Others want a partner who is fully present, but they end up feeling like they’re doing all the giving, and taking all the risks of self-disclosure. Their partner attempts to make up for the fact that the native isn’t sharing in this way, and gives more of themselves to show the native how to be a whole person. They hope that over time the native will “catch on” and begin creating reciprocity. However, what usually happens is that it takes too much energy for the other person to continue to do all the giving, which is why these natives tend to lose their partners.

Another issue is that Libra North Node people tend to be so self-contained that they don’t allow their energy to leave their body. They keep all of their energy for their own use, rather than allowing it to flow outward and nurture others. Since many of these natives have an exuberant personality, it may appear that their energy is expansive, but when they do extend their energy, their underlying motive is usually to pull others’ attention back to themselves. It’s still all about them. These people know how to receive energy and how good it feels when attention is focused on them. They are learning to give energy and attention to others—with no strings attached. When they begin tuning in to others and giving them energy unselfishly, they’ll find they don’t have to manipulate people in order to get energy. It will just happen naturally as part of the reciprocal flow.

A different dynamic that can happen in relationships with Libra North Node people is that they are so clear on what is best for them and what they want to do, others may hesitate to show these natives who they really are and how they feel. For example, another client has a Libra North Node father. Her parents divorced when she was a child, and her father would call up on visiting days and say: “I can’t come today, I have to work.” She and her sisters would respond: “Oh, okay…no problem.” But afterward they’d be angry and crying. Their mother would call him back and say: “You have to come to see them. You can’t put other things first.” He’d reply: “But they said it was fine.”

The truth was that my client and her sisters hesitated to reveal their true feelings to their father because they knew he wanted to do something else and they didn’t want to make him feel bad. Others are aware of the native’s needs in this way, but these people aren’t usually aware of the needs of others. This blocks intimacy because if the partner feels their needs aren’t ever seen, they begin to put up barriers to protect themselves, and they eventually just give up and look for a real partnership with someone else. They think the native doesn’t care—after all, they don’t see them anyway. The native just keeps doing their own thing. They usually don’t even notice that their partner is emotionally absent and is looking for a new partner.

When these folks choose to remain isolated in their own little world, they don’t care about what’s going on with others—until someone gives them a rude awakening. So they’re shocked when the other person abandons them, and they wonder: “Well, aren’t I attractive enough? Aren’t I——?” They still make it all about them rather than understanding that they never really bothered to see and appreciate their partner. But instead of taking responsibility for the part they played in creating the outcome, they tend to use the experience to justify their original belief that they can’t trust others. Until these people become more conscious and learn to partner in ways that are truly reciprocal, they most likely will continue to end up alone—either literally or on an emotional level.

Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships

The whole point of investing time and energy in a primary relationship is that you create a situation where two people are sharing and looking out for each other in a special way. Each cares deeply about the happiness of the other. So it’s natural that in a sexually intimate relationship, their partner expects the native to be aware of them, consider their feelings, and want to make them happy. The other person relates to the native this way—giving them special consideration and attention.

However, Libra North Node people habitually put themselves first, without much regard for their partner. In their youth, they usually just flat-out refuse to even consider what the other person wants. Often the result is that their partner leaves, or distances themselves emotionally as the relationship progresses.

At a certain point in their maturity, these folks begin to realize that it’s in their best interest to try to address their partner’s needs and find ways to still do the things they want to do. They finally “get” that if they appear to be completely focused on themselves, the other person will lose interest in them. So they usually start experimenting with compromise to see how they can balance their desires with their partner’s—at least to some degree. But sometimes the native may seem to be compromising when they really aren’t. Their partner can feel like the native has a selfish motive—more like a business deal where “I’ll give you this if you give me that.”

In personal relationships, you willingly support your partner with no ulterior motive. Until they become conscious, Libra North Node people want to be sure they get their full share—plus a little bit more—in return. This blocks intimacy because their partner doesn’t feel that the native cares about their happiness. No one wants to be close to a person who has no consideration for their needs.

These people are learning the value of simply giving for its own sake—to see joy on their partner’s face—which opens the door for intimacy and other good things to occur. Until they understand this, they are more likely to try to convince the other person to go along with what they want. They often twist things around and use their ability to understand others to manipulate or coerce their partner in order to get their own way. “It will be fun,” “It’s the right thing to do”…etc. They like the other person’s company, but they want it to be something they want to do—and they want their partner to be happy about it!

The other person usually yields because they like making the native happy. They want the relationship to work and they understand that compromise is necessary. But often their partner senses that they can’t really trust the native—that if they allow themselves to become too close or vulnerable, the native won’t be fair with them. So the other person feels sad and disappointed that they have to hold back and look out for themselves. Eventually their partner is going to realize there’s more to life than making the native happy. Then, in order for the relationship to survive and become mutually satisfying, these folks will have to create reciprocity by finally going out of their way to make their partner happy.

However, until Libra North Node people become aware of how their behavior sabotages their relationships, they will continue to independently pursue their own desires. They also encourage others to follow their own impulses and become more self-sufficient. Because of this, they often attract people with co-dependency issues who need to gain a stronger sense of independence. Initially, they would revolve around the native’s narcissistic tendencies. But over time, as the partner realizes that the relationship is totally one-sided, they seize the opportunity to get in touch with their own strength and learn true independence. And once they do, they often move on to a relationship with someone who is more willing to share with them equally.

It’s difficult for others to stay in an intimate relationship with Libra North Node people when the native isn’t really emotionally available. They also tend to hide their feelings behind a set response. For example, if their response is humor, whenever things begin to get “heavy,” they hide behind jokes. Another challenge is that, by nature, these people aren’t very demonstrative—in terms of physical affection, saying “I love you,” etc. Being so ego-centered prevents them from exchanging energy with their partner on this level.

Their partners often feel that they’re not dealing with a whole person—like there’s a barrier between them and the native’s energy. And on a deep level, this is true. Until they become conscious, these folks tend to hold back part of themselves in their intimate relationships because they are selfishly preoccupied with seeking pleasure. Their past incarnations as warriors did not include the benefits of partnership and marriage. So in this lifetime they resist allowing anyone to really link with them, as they don’t want to lose the possibility of experiencing pleasure with others outside their primary bond.

While this is always a consideration for anyone committing to a monogamous relationship, it’s a particularly strong issue for this nodal group. Of course, this blocks intimacy, because the other person senses that the native is not fully committed to the relationship and begins to feel very unimportant, sad, and lonely. Eventually they stop sharing with the native—they’re not listened to anyway—and finally they stop listening to what the native has to say. If the native doesn’t care about who they are, why should they care about the native?

Another part of what is happening is that the Libra North Node people are always watching themselves. They think they need to behave in a certain way to be attractive enough to keep their partner. They don’t understand that it’s by noticing their partner that they will keep them. Their partner doesn’t feel loved when the native focuses on themselves and isn’t emotionally available to the other person. The other person may even feel that the native is being dishonest with them in some way, or having an affair. And really, they are. It’s due to their excessive self-love that they don’t want to extend themselves.

These natives need partnership for their Soul’s growth in this lifetime. If they don’t find a way to successfully create this, they are likely to end up lonely and resentful—blaming others for the outcome. They are capable of changing self-sabotaging relationship dynamics by becoming more conscious of them, and being willing to expand into a more mature vision of life’s possibilities by putting their significant other first instead of themselves. In doing this, their motive will determine the outcome. If they are begrudging—just doing what they have to do to keep the relationship intact—their partner will sense that their giving is not heartfelt and genuine. It won’t translate as a true desire for closeness and intimacy. If their intention is to selflessly support their partner, they will be amazed at how appreciative the other person becomes.

A good experiment for Libra North Node people is to give to the other person wholeheartedly and see what happens. Most likely, they will find that when they give in this way, their partner’s happiness and appreciation fills them in a way that’s very nurturing. The idea is for them to relax and enjoy this energetic exchange with no expectation except to share feelings of love and joy with the other person. They are also learning to become more aware and appreciative of when their partner is giving to them. Then, instead of thinking that one glass has to be empty in order for the other glass to be full, they can have the experience of pouring water between two glasses, and letting the fullness of giving keep both people feeling joyous!

How Others Can Help Them Heal

Prompt Them to Discover the “Rules” and Expectations of Others

Libra North Node people project that everyone plays by the same rules, and they become hurt and disappointed when another’s behavior doesn’t meet their expectations. To help them avoid this outcome when an upset occurs, prompt them to approach the other person with curiosity and find out why they took that action or reacted in that way. Encourage them to discover the other person’s rules and expectations so that their own expectations in the relationship can be more realistic.

Support them in understanding that when their partner gets upset, it’s because the native has broken one of their “rules” or not met their expectations in some way. Remind them that the courageous action is to ask their partner why they are upset. In the process of discovering more about the other person, the native will grow and learn more about how partnerships work.

Regardless of the situation, always encourage the native to see who the other person really is, the kind of person they are, because then they can better determine the type of relationship they want to have with them. It will also help them to more correctly—and successfully—navigate their relationships with friends, family members, and co-workers. They can even begin applying these new skills to their relationship with you.

Inspire Them to Notice Others and Give Them Support

When Libra North Node people feel self-conscious and lack confidence in knowing how to approach someone, encourage them to focus on the OTHER person, with the intention of being helpful. It may be simply commenting on the weather in order to get the conversation going. Getting to know someone with the goal of being supportive takes their focus off themselves, and they feel more confident in the process of asking questions to better understand another—what they think, what their life is like, what’s important to them. Help the native to notice the areas where the other person could use some encouragement. Suggest they try putting themselves in the other person’s shoes to better understand how to give them the kind of reassurance they need and will appreciate.

These people can be awkward socially—not knowing how to win acceptance from others. By prompting them to focus on the other person with the idea of being supportive, you can help them to succeed in this area. Another way you can encourage them to support others is to compliment and promote their ability as a peacemaker. In the process of helping others become more objective about another person’s position, the native also gains objectivity.

Libra North Node people will be willing to experiment with approaching others in this way if you help them see that it is the courageous thing to do. By being willing to help another, they also demonstrate the power of their innate independence.

Encourage a Diplomatic Approach

Since these people are so protective of their independence, they often state things in a way that makes it clear they are going to do what they want to do, regardless of how it affects the other person. Instead, encourage them to employ a style of communication that the other person can cooperate with. For example: “I’m going on a camping trip by myself” may elicit resistance from their partner. However, “I feel distracted and really not here for you right now. If I go off by myself in the mountains for a couple of days, I’ll be able to be more present when I return” is likely to elicit their partner’s support.

Prompt them to become more aware of the other person when they speak and how what they say may affect them. If in doubt, remind them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and imagine hearing the statement from their partner. How would they feel? These people actually have a gift for diplomacy—the challenge is for them to slow down long enough to use it. When they frame their communication with consideration for the other person involved, they are less likely to encounter resistance to their plans. And since they love to assert themselves, if you remind them that they can do so more successfully by being diplomatic, they will probably do it.

Stimulate Them to Be a Team Player

Support these people in learning how to integrate themselves with other people and to see others as their partners. This means finding out who the other person is by asking them questions—not by making assumptions—and then seeing how they can help make the team stronger. It’s like in sports—being aware of your teammates’ strengths and weaknesses and supporting them as needed. Point out that when they put the interests of the team above their self-interest, everyone wins—plus they have someone to celebrate with!

These people really value their life force. If you help them understand that by supporting others and becoming part of a team they are enhancing their vitality and ensuring their survival, they will do it. And part of being a team player is sharing themselves fully—including those parts of themselves that are not yet “totally together”—so that their partner can get to know who they are at this point in their development. Remind them that it’s a matter of integrity to be honest about themselves in a relationship, and that a willingness to be vulnerable and allow others to support them builds intimacy. One-on-one relationships are actually this nodal group’s strongest suit when they become aware that their need for partnership can lead to mutual gain.

Assist Them in Putting Others First

In past lives as a warrior, if a comrade fell, these people would continue forward into battle instead of stopping to care for their friend. However, you can encourage them to remember that this is a different lifetime, where they are scheduled to learn the joys that come from putting others first. Point out that when they give to another without the motive of self-interest, it displays their innate independence in a way that others will welcome and appreciate.

Frame the habit of giving wholeheartedly to others as demonstrating that their inner strength is renewable and self-sustaining. Remind them that they have an abundance of energy and positive support to share with others. When they use their power to support other people, Life supports them! And as they give freely to others they also become open to receive the feeling of love they are longing for.

Habits to Discourage

Selfishness: Libra North Node people are preoccupied with their own survival and often act from a base of self-interest that does not take others’ best interests into account. Don’t allow them to get away with being selfish. Strongly promote reciprocal sharing and help them understand that when they give freely—without an ulterior motive—they create an opening for Life to give back to them.

Competitiveness: Due to past life habits, these people are unconsciously competing against everyone for their own survival. When you see them engaged in competition, ask them to observe how others react, how they feel about themselves, and how they usually end up alone. Point out that by supporting others they can experience a feeling of shared victory.

Being self-absorbed: These people are generally keenly aware of how a situation affects them, and unaware of how others are impacted. Discourage them from becoming lost in themselves by directing their attention to the circumstances of others who are involved in the situation. The “it’s all about me” syndrome is a bottomless pit for these natives. Don’t allow this. Just excuse yourself, walk away, and do your own thing. This will allow them to immediately see the consequences of their excessive self-focus.