Scorpio North Node People

and North Node in the 8th House

image

SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS

image           Loyalty

image           Perseverance

image           Thoroughness

image           A willingness to work hard

image           Dependability

image           A warm and loving spirit

image           Sensuality

MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY

image           “If people would only do things my way, their lives would be better.”

image           “If I ask personal questions, others will be offended.”

image           “If I do what makes me feel good about myself, others will want to bond with me.”

image           “Others who give me positive attention are a good match for me.”

image           “If I fully trust someone, they will betray or abandon me.”

image           “If I commit myself to another, the relationship will be a whole lot of hard work and I will feel trapped.”

image           “No one can be as special as the image of my ‘perfect partner.’”

image           “If I meet others’ needs, my needs won’t be met.”

COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS

image           “They don’t work things out, they just wear me down until I give in.”

image           “They are so stubborn.”

image           “They don’t really ‘get’ who I am.”

image           “It’s all about them, all of the time.”

image           “I don’t trust them to look out for my interests.”

image           “Their needs are a ‘bottomless pit.’”

Learning to Recognize and Value the Individual Nature of Others

Scorpio North Node people always know what makes them feel good about themselves. It may be following a special diet, working out at the gym, handling their money a particular way, or acting on their political or religious views. The problem is, they believe that because a certain way of doing things works for them, if the other person would follow the same path they would also feel better and be more successful. The native often pressures others to approach life their way. They think they are being supportive, but really they are trying to make their partner fit into the box that they live in—and then they don’t understand when others resist them.

These people can be very helpful, but often it’s in a way that reflects their own values, not the needs and style of the other person. For example, I once hired a Scorpio North Node man to clean up the yard and haul trash away from a rental unit. Without consulting me, he cut down four trees in the process of “cleaning up.” His motive was helpfulness but he did the job he thought I needed, rather than taking the time to find out my preferences.

The native not only fails to take the other person’s goals into account, but also their individual temperament, needs, and values. Everyone has their own way of doing things—their own personal techniques for getting from point A to point B—that they feel comfortable with and that work for them. Understanding this requires the native to listen to the other person’s response when ideas are presented, without hearing it as opposition that they need to overcome. Then they can see how to support their partner in a way that doesn’t elicit resistance.

For example, one Scorpio North Node person needs to work out with weights at the gym four days a week to stay in shape. Since this helps them look and feel great, they might pressure their partner to lift weights with them. The other person may not want to lift weights, but could be interested in taking a yoga class at the gym. If the native doesn’t really “hear” what their partner is saying, they will continue to pressure them about lifting weights and will likely encounter resistance and resentment.

These people are learning to sidestep their self-focus and actually listen to others. Then they can encourage the other person in doing what they want to do, in accordance with their own individual nature. In the above example, if the native encourages their partner to take the yoga class, both people win. The partner will happily go to the gym with them because they’re doing what they want to do, and they appreciate the native’s support. This allows for the empowerment of true bonding, based on recognizing and respecting each other’s values.

However, this approach is difficult for Scorpio North Node people until they develop an appreciation of others’ unique qualities. It’s almost like other people are all the same to them. For instance, they may use a lot of stereotyping phrases like: “You know how men are,” or “Women are all the same.” There’s a laziness in not wanting to invest the time and energy to discern others’ individual differences. They tend to see them as “all the same” as a way to simplify things in their mind.

Obviously, relating to others this way blocks intimacy. The native can’t feel close if they never really get to know who the other person is, and others feel like they’re just an object to the native if their uniqueness is never acknowledged.

The native may not show interest in the other person’s talents and validate what makes them shine. They don’t offer to help them just to encourage them or make them happy. This hurts their relationships because their partner can feel that the native isn’t really interested in supporting them and that the full scope of who they are isn’t seen or valued.

One client said about his Scorpio North Node sister: “It actually surprises me when she shows any curiosity about my life. She doesn’t really know who I am. She thinks she does, but if I try to correct her misconceptions or give her additional information, she’s just not interested.” Because of this dynamic, others don’t risk being vulnerable and connecting with the native on a deep level—they keep things superficial. As a result, the other person may eventually lose interest, and once again the native experiences what they see as betrayal and abandonment.

This pattern can only be disrupted when these folks become more interested in who the other person is rather than in getting them to meet their needs. Actually, the native’s ideas about how their own needs must be met are quite limiting. In fact, if all their needs were met in exactly the way they imagine, it would not result in the happiness they envision.

Scorpio North Node people are learning that relationships go beyond the fulfillment of their personal needs. It’s the powerful bond between two people who recognize and validate each other’s uniqueness that allows intimacy to be created. And this, in turn, is what can bring about the revitalizing flow of energy that they are seeking.

Releasing Self-Defeating Narcissism

Scorpio North Node people are very much concerned with self. Their focus tends to be on “me, mine, now,” because they are dealing with a heavy overlay of narcissism. For example, a client’s Scorpio North Node father got married unexpectedly to a woman my client had never met, just two weeks before her own wedding. Her father said: “Hey—Alice and I got married yesterday, and I want her to come to your wedding.” He knew that the only people invited to the ceremony were the two sets of parents and the groom’s best friend from childhood. My client responded: “I’m sorry, but we don’t even know her, and this is a very intimate time for us.”

On her wedding day, within minutes of the couple being pronounced husband and wife, her dad told her: “Alice has a meeting with a caterer for our dinner party at 2 P.M., and I need to be there, so can you hurry this up a little?” She couldn’t believe it; it was so hurtful. A few days later he said to her: “You have fence-mending to do with Alice. She’s upset, and I had a really bad weekend.”

When these people focus so completely on themselves, it blocks intimacy and creates issues of trust in their relationships. My client couldn’t be open and vulnerable with her father, because he acted like he didn’t even see her. In turn, he felt her holding back and continued relating to her on a superficial level. It becomes a catch-22 that leaves both people feeling lonely and isolated.

Scorpio North Node people are hyperaware of their own needs. In order to get their needs met, they seek attention by displaying their wealth, status, talents—or any other area in which they shine. It’s all about them: “This is who I am—aren’t I great?” And they do get noticed by those people who find their display attractive. However, this dynamic blocks the possibility of depth in the relationship, because instead of disclosing who they really are, the image they present is superficial and fragmented. And when the native is caught up in showing how “worthwhile” they are, they can only relate to others superficially, because they can’t focus on the other person and keep “the show” going at the same time.

Interestingly, these people often have a childhood history of being invalidated on a personal level by one or both parents. So in order to feel good about themselves in that environment, they learned to sing their own praises. However, what worked as a coping device in childhood will not bring them the relationships they long for in adult life. But until they become conscious, the native will continue to “entertain” others instead of really connecting with them.

Even though the other person can’t create intimacy with the native because everything is on such a superficial level, it is still very pleasing when both people get caught up in the euphoria of “the show.” Also, at that point, the native can be easily manipulated. For instance, if the other person wants to stay connected to the native, and they know that the native wants a partner who thinks just like they do, they may say all the right things to make the native think that’s who they are. And the relationship may work for a while, but it breaks down when the native finally discovers who the other person really is. Even if they like the other person, after a while the relationship will begin to seem like “work” to the native because there is no authentic connection from which intimacy and vitality naturally flows back and forth.

There are times when someone is attracted to the native where there may be the potential for a real bond. So rather than discount that potential, these folks need to find out more about the other person—not just entertain them. They need to hear their input and ask them questions so that the energy flows in both directions. For instance: “What do you see in this idea?” or “What makes that so much fun for you?” Then the relationship can start moving in the direction of reciprocity, and possible intimacy. If they don’t make the effort to get to know others, their relationships will be based on “shining” for others instead of creating a real connection and bond, which is why they so often end up alone.

In describing her Scorpio North Node boyfriend, one client said: “It’s all about him, his needs, his possessions, his interests—all the time.” This one-way focus is very hurtful for the native’s partners, because the partner is supporting the native, but the native doesn’t reciprocate and show interest in supporting them. The Scorpio North Node person may help with specific tasks, but even then there’s an energy of obligation about it rather than a loving desire to help. Even their giving is all about them—what they think is important and needs to be done.

In fact, Scorpio North Node people are so focused on their own needs that their partners often feel they can’t even trust the native to look out for their interests. For example, one client purchased a condo by the ocean so she could live near her Scorpio North Node boyfriend part of the year. He was thrilled because it would be so much more convenient for him. At first, in order to make the payments, she rented her unit for the summer months. Her boyfriend was furious! He wanted her to be there; he wasn’t at all concerned that she had taken on a huge financial responsibility in order to be near him.

If these folks remain oblivious to caring about their partners’ best interests, it hurts their relationships, because in order to survive, the other person has to maintain a certain level of self-protection. They can’t be 100 percent genuine, spontaneous, and giving to the native if they can’t trust them to “watch their back.” This unhealthy boundary blocks intimacy and leaves both people feeling isolated.

The irony is that if the native would stop being absorbed in fulfilling their own needs and focus on supporting the other person (the way the other person wants to be supported), their partner would give back and take care of their needs. But instead, they try to set up all the details of the relationship to guarantee that their needs will be met. They may do this with tangible boundaries in terms of their space, making rigid agreements regarding responsibilities such as cleaning the house, etc. Angry displays are another way they get others to take care of their needs—and sometimes they can be very irrational.

In this lifetime, Scorpio North Node people are learning the dynamics of reciprocity. When they finally realize that relationships require this process in order to thrive, they will be able to shift their focus to supporting their partner. And this will allow them to open themselves to transformation, empowerment, and the joy of deep bonding and intimacy.

Dissolving the Stagnant Energy of Stubborn Rigidity

In past incarnations, Scorpio North Node people attained results only through their physical force. They became so accustomed to the repetition of effort required to do this that their approach to achievement in this lifetime is repetitive and persistent. They will “hammer the point home” over and over in order to accomplish their goal. For example, if a man with this nodal position wants to buy a certain car at a discount, he will keep returning to the dealer until he gets it.

And these natives may deal with their partners this way as well. It’s like a reflex; they wear the other person down until they get their way. If this happens, it blocks intimacy because their partner feels bullied into giving the native what they want—and also, they don’t have a chance to be generous with the native in their own way.

Scorpio North Node people also have the idea that if they are happy, those around them will be happy. For example, maybe a native feels that purchasing a new pair of shoes will make her feel good about herself, but her husband objects due to mounting credit card debt. She is likely to stubbornly insist on buying the shoes because she thinks her happiness will make him happy, even if she acts against his wishes. In the end, she will probably get her way, but her husband will feel run over by a bulldozer and will not be happy.

People with this nodal position generally do well in their job or career. They excel in crisis situations and can be counted on for strength and dependability. However, with anything having to do with the emotions, it’s very different. It’s as if they are unwilling to take another’s values and concerns into account. They seem to be totally unaware of what others need in order to create a bond with them. Even in their relationships, they insist on structuring things the way they envision it, regardless of who the other person is or what their goals and values might be.

In general, these natives resist going in the direction others want to go. Despite any success the other person demonstrates, the pressure for them to do things the native’s way is unrelenting. And they can be extremely dismissive and rejecting of anything outside their own narrow interests, beliefs, and values. As long as things are going their way, they’re fine. But as soon as the situation requires them to accommodate the other person’s concerns, they feel resistant and may become angry.

As a result, others feel that they can’t really speak their mind. It’s as though the native’s first reaction to another’s idea is “No!” Naturally, inflexibility blocks intimacy in their relationships and severely limits their circle of friends. Not many people want to be close to them if they spurn any interests outside of their own narrow scope.

The other person may feel they have to “build up their strength” just to be able to talk with the native about a problem. They don’t want to hurt the native’s feelings and they certainly don’t want to evoke the anger that comes from a direct confrontation. The native’s stubbornness creates a barrier that is so powerful that sometimes it’s impossible for others to break through. However, if the other person gives up and goes along, after a while they feel like they’re just an appendage to the native instead of a person in their own right. Often, they begin to distance themselves emotionally, and sometimes they feel that they have to leave the relationship in order to maintain their own values, regain their vitality, and be free to pursue the activities they enjoy.

In nature, when two flowers cross-pollinate, both are transformed into something new and different. In relationships, this growth occurs through a combining of energy and interest in each other—each person expanding into the other’s world. These natives are learning that stubbornness prohibits them from blending with another’s energy and keeps them feeling stuck. It also prevents their relationships from growing—so the energy tends to become stagnant.

A lot of this has to do with the issue of boundaries. Scorpio North Node people’s boundaries are TOO RIGID, and isolate them from the natural give and take of mutual support necessary for successful relationships. They think they’re “taking care of themselves” with these boundaries, when actually they are keeping themselves in such a tight box that they don’t know how to respond when someone asks them to step out of it. So sometimes they use anger as a way to maintain their boundaries—and their comfort level.

One of their lessons this lifetime is to incorporate the concept of putting others first. But again, the native’s subconscious habit of narcissism and projection can get in the way. Ironically, they may think it is the other person who is being narcissistic, just because they want some attention and support. But when they suspend their own projections and see who the other person is, they can understand that their partner is not narcissistic—they truly aren’t as self-sufficient as the native, and they really do need their support.

If these natives would focus on fulfilling the other person’s needs, the stagnating energy of rigid stubbornness would begin to dissipate. By really listening to what the other person is saying, the native can allow the content of the communication itself to dissolve their resistance. They are learning that partnership means releasing their rigid boundaries and embracing reciprocity on a personal, emotional level. When they act on what makes their partner happy, the native’s needs will be taken care of through the natural flow of give and take that has been created. And through this process, the native will find the revitalizing energy they have been seeking.

Avoiding Disillusionment: Discerning Reality vs. Projection

Scorpio North Node people long to experience the vitality of bonding with others, but often miss the essential step of accurately discerning who the other person really is. More than any other nodal group, they need to see the true identity of the other person in order to avoid disappointment. However, they also have the strongest tendency to project their own values, needs, goals, and fantasies onto others.

These people spent many past lives alone, so preoccupied with their own physical survival that they didn’t have the opportunity to form relationships. As a result, they learned to satisfy even their needs for bonding on their own by creating an ideal partner in their imagination. In this lifetime, they are usually so idealistic and romantic that it’s easy for them to spend their time daydreaming. Especially when they’re attracted to someone, they tend to project their image of the perfect partner onto the other person. Then, up the road, they are surprised and hurt when that person’s behavior doesn’t fit the image they’ve created. When they finally realize that the partner they’re fantasizing about doesn’t exist, they feel disappointed because they think that their imagination is greater than reality. But it’s their image of the “perfect person” that is limiting. It’s a small, inanimate box into which they’re trying to fit a real person.

Actually, Scorpio North Node people are very psychic and can tune in to another person’s true identity quite accurately when they are willing to invest the time and energy. In fact, they would prefer to limit the verbal exchanges and simply experience the other person. Their discernment comes from focusing on psychic cues rather than verbal ones. But either way, it is essential that they discover the other person’s true nature so that an appropriate, reliable bond can be created.

Every person they meet brings a different potential for relationship. However, they can’t know what the potential is unless they take time to get to know them and see what actually emerges as the potential. If the native shares what’s important to them first and the other person seems to go along with it, the native will be more likely to project their fantasy onto them—then they’re just back to relating to their projection. Instead, the native needs to find out what’s important to the other person. Then, if it truly excites them, it will be easy for them to support the other person and work with them to achieve mutual goals.

These people not only tend to project who others are, but also how things will unfold. And they do this without taking the other person’s unique nature—their wants, needs, personal timing, and style—into account. Until they become conscious, they determine what they need to be happy, and then try to bend their partner’s will to get them to fulfill their needs. Also, when the native psychically senses that the other person is upset, instead of asking them what’s wrong, they just assume they know the reason and go about “fixing” it. They try to change the energy in the situation rather than checking with their partner to clarify the problem. Actually, it is arrogant of them to act on their assumptions rather than just asking the other person: “Am I on target in thinking you’re upset because of work?” And when they do ask, they need to be willing to really hear—and empathize with—their partner’s response.

Even when Scorpio North Node people feel the other person is drifting away, they project reasons for the distance rather than asking questions. To some extent, this is because they don’t want to hear anything negative. Part of them thinks: “I want to know why things aren’t working out.” But they don’t want to sound critical—or be criticized. And if the criticism happens in a blaming way, it isn’t productive. So when there’s a problem, their best approach is to ask the other person: “What do you think keeps our relationship from really flowing?” By putting it in the context of desiring union, it creates the space for a non-blaming exchange of information.

Figuring out how relationships work is essential for this nodal group, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passports to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime. Even though they tend to lack emotional and psychological sophistication due to past life emphasis on physical survival, they do have the potential for psychic attunement and emotional depth that could allow them to find—and bond with—a Soul Mate. This is another reason why accurate discernment regarding others is so important. When these people allow themselves to empathetically “tune in” to the other person—their feelings, desires, what motivates them, their very spirit—then they could find a true Soul Mate. It’s rare, but they’ll know it: “There’s something in this person that I really want to bond with. I can feel it.” It’s like a calling.

Subconsciously these people know it’s possible for them to bond with others on a deep level, but often their beliefs about relationships get in the way. For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work—which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they’re with the right person, it doesn’t feel difficult. But if they’re caught in their projection, the relationship will feel like too much work and they will begin to feel restless and resentful.

On one level, these natives tend to prevent deep bonding because they never really pledge themselves, even if they think they do. They may commit to their projection of who the other person is, but not to the actual person and the process of mutual growth and development. Sometimes this is because the native finds that—on a deeper level—the other person doesn’t really excite them and prompt them to grow. If they didn’t see who the other person really was and have pledged their loyalty to an illusion, both people get hurt. So once again, it’s a question of accurately discerning the other person’s true nature. But even if a particular relationship doesn’t endure over time, the benefits of blasting the native out of stagnant patterns will become clear with hindsight.

Expanding Receptivity to What Others Are Offering

In past lives, Scorpio North Node people have a history of being solely responsible for their own survival. For instance, an isolated farmer eking out a crop that would sustain him over the winter, or a nomad whose survival in the desert depended on knowing how best to utilize their scanty resources. As a result, in this lifetime unconscious fears regarding survival can cause their accumulation needs to seem like a bottomless pit. One of their lessons is that “more is not necessarily better.” In fact, they can be so focused on accumulation that they miss opportunities for true abundance when others offer them the chance to step into a broader, more bountiful world than what they are experiencing on their own.

Until they become conscious, these people’s receptivity to others is usually very narrow. One client said about his Scorpio North Node sister: “She’s not interested in meeting anyone who isn’t directly involved in her line of work or in one of her favorite pursuits.” They seem to only be interested in other people who they perceive can benefit them or fill their needs, or who think like they do and have the same interests. This hurts their relationships and increases their sense of isolation because others can only connect superficially, on subjects that are on the native’s “list.” Even those who are close resist being vulnerable. It doesn’t feel like a true friendship when the native is so closed and judgmental about anything that isn’t in direct alignment with their own world.

Scorpio North Node people don’t want any feedback that they consider negative. However, there are Universal Laws that govern the interactions between people and make things work. There is also a “transmitter” in each of us that is aligned with this system, and when someone is ignoring the rules, we automatically signal this other person that we feel violated. But with this nodal group, when their partner signals that the native has done something to upset them, they don’t tune in to the CONTENT of the signal. They just notice that their partner is upset, and tend to rationalize it: “She’s tired; she’s had a tough day at work;” etc. After a while, if the native doesn’t get the message, their partner may signal them in a more drastic way—perhaps by leaving the relationship. When these natives are not receptive to honest input from others, they miss the opportunity to learn how to create more successful results in their relationships.

Another serious relationship issue for Scorpio North Node people is that they hesitate to interact on a personal level unless the other person initiates. This is because they know they tend to become overinvolved in other people’s business, which can lead to anger and resistance. With these natives it seems to be all or nothing. They either get totally involved and try to take control, or they don’t get involved at all. This blocks intimacy because the other person feels they can’t share about their lives or ask for support without being taken over.

These people are learning how to be helpful in a measured way—a word of encouragement or ideas and suggestions that are in alignment with the other person’s needs—rather than their normal bulldozer approach. By being receptive to another’s input and remembering that other people have ownership over their own lives, the native can contribute and emotionally connect without violating others’ boundaries.

In fact, these natives have a tremendous ability to support others and contribute to their success if they guard against their tendency to think that they know the best way to do it, and instead allow the other person to lead. They may believe that if they’re sensitive to what others need they’ll lose their power to create success—when, in fact, just the opposite is true. They can link with another and help create success for both people, but they need to stop projecting and be open to the other person’s vision and timing. By acting on what their partner tells them they need, the native will receive appreciation, validation, and love in return.

These people can be quite rigid when focused on their own needs. However, in the process of helping another reach their goal, they will automatically learn the quality of personal flexibility, so vital to success in all areas of their life. Another benefit of tuning in to what motivates the other person and supporting them from that position is that the native will have the opportunity to glimpse the process they are learning on a Soul level that most other people inherently know: how to interact appropriately with others to merge their resources and create a powerful joint venture.

Another part of their lesson is to start making wholehearted commitments. These natives need to totally invest in another person or shared project according to what the other person values. They can start by experimenting with this for specific periods of time to see what happens. Then if the partnership energizes them and broadens their world, they can start making other commitments.

When these natives focus on themselves, their needs seem endless and feel like a huge void within them. This is also true when they make others fill their needs by doing it their way. But when they invest in partnerships and support others, the positive energy and attention they receive through the natural flow of reciprocity truly does meet their needs, and they feel satisfied. When Scorpio North Node people experience this, it is a sign that they are on track. And it is in this way, by supporting another wholeheartedly, that they can finally open themselves to being supported.

Deepening Empathetic Bonds with Those Who Are Close

Scorpio North Node people have experienced so many past lives with a heavy survival focus that in this lifetime, material accumulations can be an issue that bogs them down. Their possessions can be like an albatross around their neck, as they spend time and energy accumulating more things, rearranging things, upgrading things, storing things, etc. Unconsciously, their possessions give these people a sense of substance and security, when they really serve as a distraction from interacting with other people. Their focus on “things” consumes their time so they don’t feel the emptiness of their own inner stagnancy.

In order to experience true and lasting satisfaction, these natives are learning to look away from their preoccupation with material things and toward the challenge of profound one-on-one connections with others. However, due to their past life overemphasis on the physical and sensual dimensions of life, they may lack experience with the emotional and psychological sophistication that would allow this to happen naturally. In this lifetime they are learning to stretch themselves to appreciate the richness of deeply connecting on an emotional level by being genuinely interested in the other person and feeling the flow of their energy. This requires them to emerge from their own rigid context and empathetically step into the other person’s world so they can understand what’s important to them and how they view life. Then they can truly appreciate, acknowledge, and support their partner.

Scorpio North Node people are learning how to give to the other person and make them feel special. When the other person responds by making the native feel special, then the reciprocity of love and support can begin to flow, bringing revitalizing energy to both people. These natives will discover that they actually have a gift for initiating successful Soul Mate relationships—as soon as they start making people more important than their “stuff.”

Another issue they encounter in relationships is that these natives tend to shy away from becoming involved in the psychology of others, and are fairly naive when it comes to social interaction. Because of so many lifetimes keeping their own counsel, they often project that others also want the privacy of strict self-containment. So they don’t “intrude” on others by asking personal questions. They think that if they do ask about personal things, the other person will get upset. But what really happens is that if someone has negativity about a situation that they have not yet resolved, they may feel uncomfortable when they talk about it. The native interprets this as a signal not to approach that topic, when in fact, the other person may feel relieved that someone cares enough to ask them about it.

These folks want to find out more about other people, but may feel they don’t know what questions to ask, or how to give another a lot of attention in a way that won’t make them feel embarrassed or repel them. And when they do ask questions, sometimes it’s with so much focused energy that it’s too intense for the other person. To avoid giving too much concentrated attention, these people are learning to first tune in to the other person with small talk: “How is your day going?” etc. This can get the emotional energy moving and establish rapport.

Their best bet is to start by asking questions about something that’s important to the other person but not of a too personal nature. For example, if they ask about their work, pets, or hobbies, and then really focus on seeing the picture they portray, the native will automatically get a feel for the person. The native doesn’t have to know anything in advance. They just need to have the willingness to listen and learn about the other person—what’s important to them, where they’re investing their energy, what their problems are, and what excites them. Then they will know how to ask more sensitive questions in an appropriate way: “How is your relationship with ____ progressing?”

Scorpio North Node people are psychically tuned in to others and can feel when someone isn’t in a good space. However, the native may respond with a “who cares” attitude because they don’t feel like investing the time and energy to deal with the other person. Or they may decide to just give them space to work it out on their own. But unless the native overcomes their laziness and personal discomfort to engage with the other person, their relationships will be far less profound and satisfying than they could be.

When the native does take time to ask questions and find out about the other person’s dilemma, they can offer a suggestion they think will help. Even if the other person rejects the idea, the native’s best bet is to stay engaged and continue to gather information about how the other person feels and what will make a positive difference for them. Through this process the other person often gains the gift of deeper psychological awareness of themselves and their situation. Whether or not they act on the native’s suggestions, they will feel grateful that the native cares enough to be concerned about them. And the priceless bond of empathy—which has a healing power of its own—will have been established.

However, if the Scorpio North Node person doesn’t overcome their reticence to investigate the other person’s psyche, it blocks intimacy—especially with those who are close—because revealing deep inner feelings is an essential part of any authentic bonded relationship. The native is learning to overcome their fear of the emotional process. They tend to feel uncomfortable about getting into those realms because it brings up so much sadness and intense emotion—they would rather avoid it. But if they do, their relationships remain superficial, with the other person skirting any deep emotional spaces because the native tries not to go there. Sometimes these natives may even become inappropriately angry or be “short” with a loved one to prevent dealing with deeper levels of emotion. The result is that their partner begins to shut down, and both people miss the opportunity for mutual vulnerability and nurturing.

Until Scorpio North Node people become aware, the native tends to choose comfort over what is vital and alive. But without the deep exchange of emotions to help transform each other and the relationship, there’s no growth and excitement. It is only by being willing to explore together deep, unresolved feelings from the past that the intense emotional exchange necessary for true healing can occur. Through such interactions, natives can gain the emotional richness that has been missing from their lives. It also adds a whole new level of depth and intimacy to the relationship, and the resulting bond of love creates energy and joy for both people.

Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships

Scorpio North Node people have been so concerned with the material aspects of life in past incarnations that now they have a tendency to relate to themselves and to others as objects. Subconsciously, they strive to be “the object most worthy of being accumulated,” and are apt to see others as objects to accumulate, discounting their unique emotional and spiritual natures.

One client said of his Scorpio North Node girlfriend: “She just likes what I bring to the relationship in physical terms. But she doesn’t recognize who I am on an emotional and psychological level, or appreciate my generosity. Sometimes I feel like I’m just here to satisfy her needs.” When the native remains unaware of their partner’s internal worth, it creates distance. Others want to be seen for themselves—a real person with their own unique nature.

Another common complaint of Scorpio North Node people is: “They’re so possessive, they always keep track of me.” When these natives become attached to someone, they usually want to know where they are. This is because instead of taking risks that would encourage true intimacy in their relationship, the native creates a superficial bond based on frequency of connection, rather than depth. As a result, their partners may hesitate to get too close because the native’s behavior interferes with their sense of personal freedom.

Although these people take very good care of their “partner-possession,” there’s no intimacy if their partner doesn’t feel free to be themselves—and if they don’t feel understood or supported. If the native doesn’t acknowledge their partner’s unique energy and allow it to blend with their own to generate mutual empowerment, the relationship becomes stagnant. The cross-pollination that creates a new and transformed life cannot occur. As a result, the relationship drains the other person’s vitality. Eventually they either give up and live their life feeling trapped in the native’s world, or leave to find a reciprocal relationship where they can co-create vitality and intimacy. But this stagnancy only happens when the native stubbornly insists that the other person bond with them and come into their world. When the native experiences mutual attraction with someone whose world is broader—and whose energy inspires the native to step into their world and support them—then the relationship works.

Even when the Scorpio North Node person finds a partner whose energy attracts them in this way, they may still hesitate to make a commitment. They have had so many past incarnations where their survival depended on being free to take care of themselves, in this lifetime they carry the belief: “commitment = being trapped.” This unconscious fear is a catch-22: It blocks intimacy and prevents the native from getting close enough to another to make the agreements that would allow them to feel safe in making a commitment.

Also, due to all their past lives relying on their own efforts, these people tend to assume that if they link with another, it will still be all up to them. They want their life to be fun and exciting, but they hold the belief that a committed relationship will be “a lot of hard work.” They’re learning that this is only true when they try to pressure their partner into meeting THEIR needs, THEIR way. But when they link with another, with the intention of expanding beyond their current limits, it generates so much vitality that the union doesn’t feel like hard work. They are learning that one of the benefits of partnership is that the other person brings their own style of creating success that can make life a lot easier as a joint effort. In fact, merging talents often results in accomplishments that are mutually more successful and more lucrative, while being easier and more fun.

Because they’re so afraid of losing their self-reliance, these natives are conflicted. Their heart longs for a committed bond, while unconsciously they may be holding on to their sense of independent self-sufficiency. Part of them thinks they can create what they want on their own, but in this lifetime, true satisfaction depends on finding a special partner with whom to build the supportive, emotionally renewing experience they long for.

Timing can be another issue for these natives, because they tend to make decisions and take actions at a slower pace than others. And if they feel someone is trying to force them to move more quickly, they can become very stubborn. But by the time a Scorpio North Node person decides they do want to commit to someone, they may find they have missed their chance. They were so focused on their own timing that they ignored the readiness of the other person. To prevent this, they are learning to drop their resistance and be aware of the opportunity inherent in their partner’s timing. It’s only by going beyond their own comfort level that they are scheduled to grow in this lifetime.

Another way these natives need to take action beyond their comfort zone is to verbalize their desire for a deeper commitment if it arises within them. For example, a Scorpio North Node client told her boyfriend: “Having a monogamous relationship makes me want to be with you more.” He responded that although he cared about her, he wasn’t interested in a deeper commitment. Even though she felt disappointed, she needed to know where he was in order to avoid being seriously hurt later on. If these people don’t reveal their feelings and the other person is a Soul Mate, they may miss the chance for union. And if the person isn’t a true potential partner, they miss the chance to move on and find someone more appropriate.

These people really enjoy being in a successful committed relationship. They like doing things with their partner and creating a sense of community. They truly feel that having a partner completes them. Even so, their fears can create resistance to commitment, sometimes in subtle ways. For instance, the native may choose partners who can’t commit due to their own fears. Until they become aware of these dynamics, they may continue unconscious behaviors that sabotage their relationships.

This is why this nodal group likes sex so much. They are so comfortable in the physical realm that sexual involvement allows them to form a real connection with the other person without resistance—and the transformational energy invigorates and expands them. If the relationship is monogamous, it makes them want to know their partner on a deeper level and be with them. They automatically become emotionally bonded—but it’s a commitment to the energy and transformation, and they may not even be consciously aware that it’s happening.

Because of this, these natives need to be more discriminating than some of the other nodal groups in terms of their sexual partners. Bonding in this way with partners who are not appropriate can lead to deeply hurtful experiences and disillusionment. So it is important for them to take time to accurately discern the other person’s true nature, instead of acting on a projection of their own ideal image.

Bonding with someone just because they are attracted to the native will only lead to stagnation—a situation that repels them. It’s especially important that they bond with a suitable partner because Scorpio North Node people are loyal to a fault—even staying in a relationship that doesn’t work. So they need to pledge themselves to someone who genuinely values the vitality of mutual change and growth. And the native’s commitment must be to creating something with their partner, not just to the person themselves. What the two of them agree to create together is the commitment that will generate reciprocity and feelings of closeness over time. It could be a family, a business, a project, a cause, etc. The result will be a relationship where the native doesn’t feel trapped, and where the vitality and intimacy creates happiness and fulfillment for both partners.

This is a promised Soul Mate lifetime for Scorpio North Node natives. Special people will come across their path who offer this potential, but the native has to be paying attention. If they are constantly focused on themselves and projecting their own values and ideals onto others, they may not recognize the right person when they come along. So when someone is attracted to them, these people need to bypass their projections and tune in psychically to the other person. Then they can discover whether they feel the same innate vitality that the other person feels around them. It’s rare, so if they find it, they need to take that person very seriously. As the relationship progresses, if the energy continues to build and the native is excited by the other person’s values and their world, then they will be willing to do the necessary work to make sure the relationship succeeds.

The Soul Mate relationship is such a gift. It’s like the infinity sign: an intense flow of energy from one person to the other and back again. It is this reciprocal gift of support and acknowledging each other’s specialness that leads to mutual transformation. That’s what these natives are searching for—and are scheduled to experience—in this lifetime.

How Others Can Help Them Heal

Remind Them to “Tune In” to the Energy of Others

Scorpio North Node people often get blindsided in relationships. They become totally invested in a partner, then the partner leaves and they are devastated. Actually, they saw it coming but chose to discount their intuition. Encourage them to be aware of the emotional states of others. If the other person seems upset or distant, remind them to ASK what’s going on rather than assuming they know what’s wrong.

These natives have to be almost forced to “give,” in terms of paying attention to others. As a result, the other person may start distancing themselves because the flow of energy isn’t reciprocal. Their hearts close when they feel unseen and unappreciated. Then the sensual pleasure and open affection, so important to the native, begins to leave the relationship. Help the native to understand that when this happens, it’s a sign that they need to move beyond their own self-focus and give the other person understanding, validation, approval, and wholehearted support as a tangible demonstration of their partner’s worth in the relationship.

Encourage Them to Investigate Others’ Motives

Prompt the native to become interested in others—to ask questions, get to know them better, and find out what’s important to them and what they want to create in their life. If they do this from a place of non-judgmental openness and support, the other person will feel their good intentions and appreciate their interest. Initially, in a relationship encourage the native NOT to verbalize too much about their values and needs, but rather to probe and listen and gain an understanding of the other person’s psychology—and their motives. Then they will be able to see if the other person’s values and needs are compatible with theirs, and if they want to grow closer to them.

Help them to stop expecting that their happiness will come from another person fulfilling their needs. Instead, encourage them to determine if their needs can be met in the context of what the other person needs and values. When they care enough to link with someone in order to support them and try to make them happy, they demonstrate their own warm and loving spirit. This adds vitality to the relationship and also sets the stage for maintaining a dependable flow of reciprocity.

Help Them Appreciate the Value of Others

These people tend to pay too much attention to themselves and their own needs. Help them to notice what is uniquely valuable about others by pointing out the good qualities in their friends and family members. Encourage them to deliberately notice one good thing about everyone they meet—it may be the color of their blouse—to start a new habit that can help them create more comfortable relationships. This is important for Scorpio North Node people because relating to others frees them from the stagnation they tend to experience when they’re on their own.

These people are born with a strong attachment to an ongoing, stable situation. They are willing to make changes if they think it will increase their level of comfort or maintain a dependable, happy status quo. So if you say: “By doing ____, you will feel greater comfort in the situation,” they are more likely to do it. Encourage them to see others as their partner. Even if it is their boss or a subordinate, seeing them as a partner with whom they can experience mutual empowerment brings out the best in them.

Keep Talking—Make Them Tune In to You—Don’t Accept “No”

Scorpio North Node people are stubborn. Their first response to a new idea—to change—is “NO!” However, this can make their life pretty boring, and they know it. In fact, they are as much a victim of their own stubbornness as their partners. When approaching them with an important idea, choose an environment they are comfortable in and touch them (take their hand, put your hand on their arm, or rub their shoulders) while presenting your idea in terms of how it will increase money, security, comfort, closeness, or another of their values. Keep talking until they can really feel where you’re coming from. Then they will be able to see your idea more objectively. The sensual connections—touch, a comfortable restaurant with good food—will help them relax and be more open.

Prod them to stretch their boundaries and become aware of what the other person needs. These natives value loyalty, dependability, and trustworthiness. If you frame a change of behavior in that way—“Listen to what’s important to your partner because it’s the loyal and trustworthy thing to do”—they are more likely to go along with it. These people get so rigid—they’re afraid to step out of their isolating self-sufficiency. Encourage them to put personal needs on the back burner and experiment with investing their full power for a set time period into another person or project that inspires them to see the results. They will be amazed at how much greater the benefit will be than if they had done it “their way.”

Remind Them That Transformational Energy Is a Barometer of Being “On Track”

To rid themselves of the stagnancy of patterning resulting from past lives, Scorpio North Node people need to make choices that lead to personal transformation, growth, and expansion beyond their current limits. In order to do this successfully, they need a partner—someone they can support, bond with, and work toward a joint goal with in a situation of mutual empowerment. Embracing this kind of transformation is their personal key to fulfilling their destiny. It’s scary, but there’s no other way.

For these people, the vital energy of transformation is a barometer that they are “on track.” If they start to get stubborn and resist, remind them: “You’re learning, you’re growing, you’re becoming more alive!” Encourage them to embrace change. Since these people are motivated by the desire to be self-sufficient, if you make a suggestion within that framework, they are more likely to do it. For instance: “If you combine resources with this other person, it will increase your level of self-sufficiency.”

Habits to Discourage

Stubborn resistance: When these people react with stubbornness, use the word “comfort.” For instance: “I’m sure you’ll be very comfortable doing it this way.” Keep talking and showing them your thoughts on the matter. As they absorb your energy it will begin to melt their inner resistance. Another good clue: Gently touch them—their shoulder or arm—since the power of touch relaxes them and allows them to really hear you.


Invalidating others: Help them to focus on the value of others. Discourage their practice of putting others down. Help them to see that everyone has valuable qualities in their own right, and to appreciate the unique specialness of others.


Preoccupation with their own needs: These people can get so absorbed in what they need that they fail to take others’ needs into account. Remind them that when they take care of others’ needs, that person will reciprocate by fulfilling the native’s needs.