Sagittarius North Node People

and North Node in the 9th House

SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS

          Stimulate an exchange of information

          A comfortable mode of communication

          A curious spirit

          A light and happy ambience

          A love of physical and mental activity

          Potential for extremely accurate intuition

          Socially adept

MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY

          “I need constant reassurance to know where I stand with my partner.”

          “If I just keep things light and happy, my partner will be happy and stay.”

          “If my partner and I accept the same ideas, the relationship will last.”

          “If I don’t have daily contact with my partner, I could lose control and they might leave.”

          “It’s okay to tell harmless ‘white lies’ in order to keep the energy positive.”

          “There is no such thing as a permanent resolution.”

          “If I can just gain enough information, I will know what’s right for me.”

          “Others tend to be too serious and single-minded.”

COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS

          “They’re so busy communicating their thoughts, they don’t always acknowledge what’s important to me.”

          “They lack a moral compass…I can’t trust them.”

          “They tell little white lies.”

          “They use logic to manipulate others.”

          “They gossip—I can’t trust them to keep my secrets.”

          “They deliberately use words to hurt others.”

Reconnecting with Conscience—Discovering a Moral Compass

Sagittarius North Node people have a history of past lives where they made decisions based solely on logic and ignored their inner spiritual/ intuitive promptings. In many of these incarnations their role was to sell products and agendas to others. So they immersed themselves in understanding how the human mind works in order to more easily persuade people to buy whatever it was they were selling.

Sometimes what they were “selling” was something positive that they thought was important to society—in fact, they had many past lives as teachers. But sometimes it was strictly for personal gain. Either way, they were seeking to manipulate others to gain acceptance of their ideas, and sometimes they had to turn their back on their conscience in order to make the “sale.” And over time, this undermined their basic sense of integrity.

As a result, in this lifetime these people are often out of touch with their higher self and may have difficulty determining the best course of action. If their conscience has become dormant from not being heeded for so long, they may lack a moral compass and tend to say whatever others want to hear—or whatever will get them what they want. They are learning to reconnect with their own personal sense of integrity, rather than just going along with whatever is considered socially acceptable. Their belief that “I don’t know the right road” is NOT the truth. Something inside of them DOES know, and with a little encouragement that inner knowing will become stronger. They can begin nurturing that small voice by taking actions in alignment with their intuition and their conscience.

Lacking a moral compass means that Sagittarius North Node people don’t have a set of ethics, morals, and/or a spiritual belief system to guide them in establishing values or interacting with others. For example, the Sagittarius North Node husband of a client litters—he doesn’t think of the larger social picture. Also, my client’s family is Mormon and doesn’t drink, so she doesn’t drink in front of her parents out of respect. Her husband says: “You should drink in front of them—stick it to them.” And he looks at other girls all the time: “Oh, she’s so hot!”…once again, unaware that ethically he should be keeping his energy focused on his marriage instead of allowing it to dissipate by having a wandering eye.

Another example of not having a moral compass is that these people sometimes lack courage and don’t show allegiance at a decisive moment, so others can’t count on the native to back them up. They may yield to peer pressure—or go along with what they feel is demanded of them as a “team player”—choosing “acceptance” over honor and Truth. This lack of integrity hurts their relationships, because if they can’t be counted on to do the right thing, others lose respect for the native and question their character.

Until these folks become conscious, those who are close tend to lack confidence in them, feel they can’t depend on them, and think that the native doesn’t really love them. For example, a client’s older brother has this nodal placement. As a child, my client was tormented by older boys and his brother didn’t stand up for him. My client never forgot it. He lost confidence in—and respect for—his brother, and shut him out from that point forward.

Until Sagittarius North Node people reconnect with their conscience and acquire a moral compass, sometimes they may also speak or act in ways that are hurtful to others. This tends to happen when they are angry, but have become so caught up in their overactive thought processes that they have lost touch with their feelings. For others, it can be like being with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, in that the native may be happy and laughing one moment, then say something unkind or abrasive the next.

For example, one Sagittarius North Node client was always hoping he would meet the right woman—someone who didn’t have a “flaw” that made him feel he didn’t want to be in the relationship: “Why isn’t she a size 6? Why isn’t she taller/shorter? Why doesn’t she have better manners?” Whatever it was that made him think the relationship wouldn’t work made him angry on an unconscious level—and he would often say something harsh. At one point he was dating a girl who had recently arrived in this country and didn’t speak much English. Finally, he told her: “You don’t understand anything. You need to learn more English.” It was an indirect way of saying: “This relationship won’t work because of your flaw.” She “got it,” and it hurt her.

Their mind tends to dwell on whatever isn’t working in their relationships. And when they vent their frustration by getting angry with their partner, it hurts the other person’s heart. They feel they don’t “measure up” to the native’s expectations. If instead the native was honest with their partner, they could work together to find solutions to whatever was bothering them. In this case, the native could support his girlfriend in taking classes to improve her English. And he might even consider expanding his world by taking classes to learn her language.

Until these people become more conscious, lacking a moral compass blocks intimacy because the other person doesn’t trust that they can count on the native to deal with them from a position of integrity. It blocks intimacy for the native because they have nothing that gives them a sense of the security in themselves that could allow them to be intimate and trusting with another. One of their missions in this lifetime is to develop this inner strength by forming an indomitable alliance with morality and ethics, listening to their conscience and intuition, and standing on a foundation of Truth—trusting in a Higher Power to help them create positive outcomes.

Finding Peace of Mind: Embracing Intuition and Spiritual Awareness

Sagittarius North Node people have had so many past lives intertwined with society that they have lost touch with their ability to tap into spiritual guidance. They usually don’t have a strong belief system or any sense of a personal connection with spiritual Truth, and little innate interest in this area. Yet the anxiety and insecurity they feel is because they rely on their hyperactive mental processes for guidance, instead of their intuition and developing patience and trust in a Higher Power.

One of the things that keep these natives from experiencing peace of mind is their tendency to think too much. They worry about whether they’re in the right career, with the right person, etc. They put a lot of pressure on themselves; if the situation isn’t right, they want to figure it out and move on without delay. Trying to be logical and scientific, they get as much information as possible before making a decision. And since their overactive minds can see things from all points of view, they end up with long lists of pros and cons for every situation.

The problem is that they tally their lists quantitatively—by the number of “points” on one side or the other—rather than qualitatively—i.e., realizing that some of the items are more important (or less negotiable) than others. As a result, they often feel uncertain about their choices and are always second-guessing themselves. Part of them is constantly looking for more “logical” options. This leads to never feeling fully committed to any situation, and intimacy cannot be created.

Sometimes if these people let their mental activity get out of hand, their behavior can become almost compulsive and they feel driven to communicate in an endless torrent of words. For instance, in the middle of a business negotiation they may start mulling over all the things they said, what the other person said, etc., and feel convinced that they “must” call to emphasize or clarify a particular point. However, this compulsive energy often stems from their own insecurity, and usually doesn’t lead them in a positive direction. Instead, it would be better for the native to quiet their mind and tune in to the person intuitively. If they “get” a sense of confusion, they could go ahead and call. But if the energy feels peaceful, NOT calling will probably produce the best result.

In fact, their lives—and their relationships—would be much easier and happier if Sagittarius North Node people would just develop patience and follow their intuition. Their innate “intensity of knowing,” which they are learning to trust, would give them the answers they need more quickly and accurately than relying on their “logic.” They also have clear intuition about other people. Since they understand how people’s minds work, they know how to deal appropriately with the counterproductive thoughts of others, and are excellent at inspiring them to reach their goals. And using their talents in these positive ways helps the native to achieve greater peace of mind.

Unfortunately, until they become conscious, these people tend to discount their intuition and base their whole belief system on a mental construct—which they view as reality. If they cling to their own personal realm of facts and logic, it keeps them “stuck” at a lower level of understanding, because really listening to other people and allowing the energy behind their words to reach us is one of the fundamental ways we can all change and grow. However, these natives can tend to memorize data and “logical arguments,” then engage in long diatribes—regurgitating information as opposed to really processing and demonstrating it.

Also, not allowing the energy of the other person’s words to penetrate their thinking freezes the ideas, not allowing them to expand into a higher form. This prevents resolution because the other person can’t work out a solution with them—it just becomes a battle of wits. Without the framework of a conscious connection with a Higher Power, the source for that “third point” that is on a higher level than either person’s original idea is blocked. As a result, the closest intimacy these natives can come to is an objective understanding of the other person’s position—creating a resolution that both people feel deeply good about is not possible.

Gaining true resolution requires a healthy, vital exchange that is not premeditated or constrained—both people freely sharing their thoughts as they arise. When the native allows this ingredient of spontaneity, it gets the energy moving and brings their conversations—and their relationships—to life. This is because in order for a relationship to progress, the energy needs to be free-flowing to create vitality. In the native’s relationship, the energy tends to get bogged down. Since they don’t trust the natural spontaneity of the process, they unconsciously try to slow things down with their overactive mind. They think they need to understand everything that’s happening in order to make sure it’s “safe.” But the end result is that both people tend to lose touch with their feelings, which of course blocks the intimacy they seek.

These dynamics lead to one of Sagittarius North Node people’s greatest relationship hurdles—their reluctance to make promises or commit to anything in the future. An overanxious mental state makes them feel that things could change, including their feelings toward the other person, so they’re always fearful about making plans. For instance, if their partner says: “Let’s go to Paris next summer,” they don’t want to commit, even if they really care about the other person and have a great relationship. Naturally, their partner feels the native’s hesitancy—it hurts their feelings and creates distance in the relationship.

Underlying this issue is—again—the native’s tendency to discount their intuition and let their overactive mental processes take over. So their best bet when they hear “Let’s go to Paris” is to trust their very first spontaneous “knowing” of what is correct in the situation. Then it’s important that they don’t second-guess themselves with all of their “logical” pros and cons.

One of this nodal group’s lessons is learning to see life more as an adventure, and to follow their heart instead of their mind. However, it can be difficult for Sagittarius North Node people to take this risk. Reliance on their mental construct usually creates success for them in the outside world, since their decisions are mostly materially based and their logic evokes logic in others. Also, unresolved patterns from past lives focusing on “selling” rather than “substance” results in confusion about how to navigate their relationships.

For instance, when they are out of touch with their intuition, they may rely on logic alone to choose a mate, and get so distracted by their compulsion to “sell themselves” to that person that they don’t tune in to whether or not the relationship will actually make them happy. But if they don’t get in touch with their own personal feelings and beliefs so that they’re operating from a higher plane, later on they may regret their choice. When these people base their lives—even their most personal family relationships—on left-brain logic, it blocks intimacy, because others don’t feel they can relate to the native on any other level.

Another factor that affects their relationships is that these people have active minds, are often very intelligent, and tend to feel that they’re smarter than everyone else. In order to manipulate how others see them, they either use logic to demonstrate their mental superiority or deliberately underplay their mental abilities so others won’t think they’re full of themselves—which is another form of a “white lie.” As a result, the other person often feels tricked into supporting the native, who may use their mental agility to appear helpless in order to gain control of a situation.

Until these folks claim a foundation of true substance on a spiritual level, playing these “mind games” is the only way they know how to gain a sense of security. When they “win,” they temporarily feel secure and think that they’re on track. But what really happens is that the other person just gets tired of the game because it’s so superficial.

There can be no intimacy without a deep exchange of significant ideas about what’s real and true for both people. But Sagittarius North Node people tend to avoid depth and substance because they fear entering unknown realms. However, it is only the realm of Truth that can bring them the peace of mind they so earnestly seek. Until they develop this personal connection with Truth, these folks may stay stuck in a superficial, materialistic realm, with a very limited perspective about what’s actually important. Intimacy is blocked because their partner can sense the native’s lack of connection to their inner core, and without that there’s a whole range and depth of personal connection with others that can’t happen. This is why aligning with a spiritual path and practicing prayer or meditation is an important part of their destiny.

Overcoming the Self-Defeating Habit of Manipulation

Sagittarius North Node people believe that if they can keep their relationships light and happy so that others are laughing and having fun, the other person will always want to be around them. Then the negative outcome they fear—the other person won’t like them or will leave—won’t happen. They’ll do anything—tell jokes, stand on their head, suggest card games—to keep the other person feeling happy.

However, the truth is that this actually blocks intimacy, because the native is playing the role of “the clown.” The clown doesn’t have any real relationships, and it isn’t who the native really is. This role is just an unconscious mechanism the native employs to keep the other person connected so they can feel secure. As a result, life becomes a series of temporary distractions from whatever is profound and meaningful, so there’s no true connection or depth in the relationship. This blocks intimacy for the other person because they can feel they’re relating to a role rather than a real person. They enjoy being with the native, but it’s difficult to develop a real bond and they don’t feel truly understood or acknowledged.

These people tend to have lengthy, “logical” conversations in their mind about the other person: “If I tell him ___, THEN he will think ____…I can’t tell them…I don’t see any way out…” It seldom occurs to them to simply reveal the truth of the situation or honestly share what it is they are experiencing. However, using their finely tuned logic to convince, coerce, or manipulate the other person so they will be “on the same page” can backfire.

For example, I had a client with this nodal position whose boyfriend, at the beginning of their relationship, didn’t want to commit to monogamy. He tried to share how he felt about it, but she responded with: “Monogamy is only logical because of all the sexually transmitted diseases going around.” Although they both agreed not to have other lovers, she never listened to find out how he actually felt about it—she just got him to accept her logic. However, because he was not at a place in his life where he was ready for a monogamous relationship, eventually he did sleep with others, and my client ended up with an STD.

Until these people become conscious, they often lack a commitment to revealing Truth and may withhold sharing their honest opinions and feelings to avoid hurting another’s feelings. They have no problem telling white lies and even make promises they don’t intend to keep, in the name of social graciousness, tact, and good manners. For example, once when I returned a rental car, I told the owner of the company: “Look, when a tire goes flat, generally the rental company handles it. When I had to pay for it, it left a negative feeling about your company.” This honest feedback from a customer gave the owner the option of reevaluating this policy. However, my Sagittarius North Node friend who was with me urged: “Just don’t say anything. It will just create a bad feeling.”

Sometimes these natives will tell lies when it’s totally unnecessary and often about something quite trivial—just to manipulate the way another person sees them. However, this type of dishonesty has a ripple effect and tends to damage more than just the one relationship that’s directly involved. A white lie told to one person often ends up creating a moral dilemma for someone else.

For instance, one client overheard her Sagittarius North Node boyfriend tell a friend who lived in another state that he hadn’t returned her many calls because he had been in the hospital with a broken arm. This put my client in an uncomfortable situation when she had to speak with this friend at a later date, and she was asked about her boyfriend’s arm. And it certainly damaged the trust my client felt for him when she heard him lying just to avoid saying he’d been too busy to call. These people are learning that even a little white lie can have huge consequences, because when the other person learns the truth, it creates twice the problems that might have been caused if they had been honest initially.

Besides the obvious issue of trust, telling white lies also blocks intimacy, because when others notice their lack of honesty, they may feel entitled to withhold the truth from the native as well. Over time, their relationships become superficial and meaningless. When neither person can count on anything as being true, neither person can risk getting deeply involved on an emotional level. This habit also shows a disregard for the other person’s right to have accurate input. These people are learning that sharing the truth with others—and being open to hearing their truth—is how both people can learn and grow.

And if all this isn’t enough, white lies create clutter in the mind that stimulates excess thinking—which is the last thing these people need! When a lie is told—or the truth withheld—that information has to be stored in case there’s a situation where the lie has to be repeated, or something else altered to be congruent with it. When the truth is told, the situation can be released. This creates space, freedom, and peace of mind. And when they’re straightforward, the karma of lying doesn’t create unpleasant experiences in their life later on.

For example, a Sagittarius North Node client agreed to have lunch with an old boyfriend she hadn’t seen in years. She didn’t tell her current boyfriend because she was afraid that he might feel bad or think something was going on. These natives try to control what others think about them, but they don’t see it as controlling. To them, it’s just a small lie that prevents potential problems. But in the end, this behavior blocks intimacy. In this situation, it showed that my client lacked trust that her boyfriend would recognize it was okay for her to see an old lover. It also undermined the development of the relationship because it didn’t give her partner the chance to demonstrate his trust in her.

I had another Sagittarius North Node client who, in his early twenties, was dating a woman he really cared about. However, when he went out of town for a couple of weeks he hooked up with another woman for a brief fling. When he told his girlfriend, she broke up with him. From that experience he concluded that there were certain things you either don’t bring up or you tell white lies about them. He took this as a life lesson—a common conclusion among this nodal group—and felt quite comfortable with telling white lies from that point on.

Even though this policy may seem to make their relationships work more smoothly, it blocks the creation of true intimacy. For one thing, a lie is always accompanied by feelings of guilt. In this situation, even if my client had told his girlfriend a white lie, it would have created distance between them. Consciously or unconsciously, he would have always felt a sense of guilt that would have kept him from being fully present with her. When the native tells a white lie, their partner senses that they can’t get close to a part of them but doesn’t understand why—so they end up feeling confused and hurt.

In this situation, the way the native handled it could have affected the outcome. Rather than a blunt disclosure, if he had used the gift for communication and smoothing things over that this nodal group developed in past lives, he probably could have been honest in a way that drew her closer rather than pushed her away. For instance, he might have shared that seeing other people while he was away helped him to realize that he wanted a monogamous relationship with her.

However, an even better outcome would have been to listen to his conscience in the first place and not had an affair when he already had a girlfriend he cared about. These people are learning to value the inner strength and joy that comes from listening to their conscience and acting in alignment with their ethics, morals, and higher principles.

Superficial Adaptations vs. That Which Is Real and Meaningful

In their relationships, Sagittarius North Node people have a tendency to look to the other person, expressing only those parts of themselves that they think will “work” for their partner. For example, maybe a man with this nodal position is looking for a wife. He knows that he likes women who take care of him—but he feels insecure. Do women prefer men who take charge, run the family, and handle the finances? Should he try harder to express those aspects of his personality?

The native doesn’t let others see the expression of their natural and authentic nature; instead, they present a superficial adaptation that they think will create harmony in that situation with that particular person. As a result, they are constantly needing to shift their position depending on the other person. This blocks intimacy because there can be no depth to the relationship if their partner doesn’t know who the native really is.

These natives also have the belief that if they don’t keep the energy with their partner light and happy, the relationship will dissolve. This fear (for them) of the unknown realms of Truth and authenticity blocks intimacy. When they feel the conversation becoming more serious or profound they tend to pull back and change the subject to bring the energy back to a more superficial level. Any distraction will do: shopping, playing cards, watching television, going to the movies—as long as they can avoid anything with depth or substance. Part of this dynamic is due to the native knowing that their minds are hyperactive and that they think too much. In fact, they tend to admire people who are more easygoing. Since they see themselves as being overly serious, they think that if they let the other person also become too serious, the relationship will get dull and dry and their partner will leave. This is one reason they joke around so much and deliberately try to keep things lighthearted and superficial.

So when these people walk into a situation that’s a little heavy, they almost always try to lighten the mood—which can cause problems in their relationships. For example, if someone comes to them with a problem and they make light of a situation that is serious, the other person is likely to be upset. Their partner feels “not seen” when the issue is discounted by superficiality that doesn’t allow for a deep exchange of Truth. This blocks intimacy because the other person’s response is usually to withdraw.

For these natives, their best bet is to switch gears and really pay attention when another person is upset about something. If they think a situation is lighter than it actually is and make a mistake in their approach, it’s best to just say: “I’m sorry—I didn’t realize how important this is to you.” If they’re tuned in, they can tell in the other person’s eyes when the matter is serious. An appropriate response might be: “I’m listening now. Please tell me what’s going on.”

They need to stop being flippant and show their willingness to have a serious conversation. If they don’t, their partner will withdraw because they feel the native doesn’t really care about where they’re coming from. For these people, going beyond the limits of light superficiality and caring enough to handle a situation differently works to create intimacy. They are learning that it’s safe and healthy to engage with others in discussing more serious issues if their intention is to actually create resolution. It works best when they don’t allow themselves to become trapped in their mental habit of perpetually mulling things over or get hung up in attachment to specific words.

Sometimes Sagittarius North Node people spark debate because they insist that others use exactly the same words they do to talk about something. Partly this is due to many past life experiences as teachers. When they share information, they want to be sure the other person has understood them accurately, so they correct them if the words are “wrong” or a certain part of what they say is “incorrect”—i.e., doesn’t exactly match what the native told them. They can become very dogmatic, which of course pushes others away. Another part of this dynamic is that the native is “teaching what they need to learn.” When the other person accepts exactly what they say, the native feels like their ideas have been validated, and they can believe their own perceptions on a much deeper level. They are learning to trust their own connection with Truth, without needing the agreement of others.

Another issue that can negatively impact their relationships is that they enjoy gossiping. These people are very personable and like other people. They want to know what other people are doing—not in a malicious way, but more as a kind of pastime. They like it when others tell them what’s going on with them, and they like spreading the information. When they share gossip and it elicits an emotional response from others, it makes the native feel important and allows them to experience an intense mental connection with another—again, on a “safe,” superficial level.

At the end of the day, this habit prevents them from establishing deeper connections because it makes others afraid to share anything meaningful with the native. They fear their secrets will be exposed—not out of ill will, but just because the native can’t keep their mouth shut. And ironically, the native thinks: “Well, if I’m gossiping about others, others are probably gossiping about me”—so they don’t reveal their private self either. Without this essential sharing of self, their relationships remain on a superficial level and a sense of loyalty and safety never develops. It is to their advantage to cease the practice of gossiping.

Creating Resolution Through Deep Listening and Honest Self-Revelation

Sagittarius North Node people tend not to listen deeply to others. Instead, they try to keep things on a superficial level of temporary mental rapport, and as a result, significant issues in their relationships are often missed. Because they base everything on logic, these folks think there is no such thing as a permanent resolution because there are always new facts coming in. As a result, they tend to go along with others even when they’re not really convinced.

They don’t think they can find a solution by discussing an upset—both people telling the truth of what they experienced with the idea of creating a positive solution that brings both parties a sense of completion. For one thing, they don’t believe that others will tell them the truth. They think that if they share what they’re experiencing, the other person will just get defensive and invalidate their perception: “No, I’m not giving her more attention than you,” “No, she’s not more important to me than you are.” So they don’t usually take the risk. Instead, they handle differences so that they seem to be resolved on the surface, but nothing gets solved on a deeper level.

For instance, the native may communicate their ideas and then make sure that the other person understands them; and the other person communicates their ideas and makes sure the native understands them—but then they both walk away without any resolution. Or the native has an idea and shares it with their family. The others listen and say: “Yeah, okay.” The native can tell they don’t really agree, but doesn’t say anything—so again, nothing gets decided.

I have a Sagittarius North Node client who has two business partners. He’s always arguing with the founding partner, and the third partner is the balance point. My client and the founding partner present their views—which are usually polar opposites. Then the third partner says: “Okay, this is what you’re saying, and this is what you’re saying…and I think this is the best choice”—and then they vote. Even though the first two partners listen to each other, and each truly understands the other’s ideas, without that third partner, very little would ever be resolved or accomplished. These people are learning to look for that “third point of Truth”—whether it’s a third person’s opinion or a new idea that is better than either of the original plans.

Especially with those who are close, the native’s belief that if both people stay “on the same page” and “understand” each other, arguments can be avoided and the relationship will endure leaves the relationship flat. If either person goes along with something that wasn’t truly a mutually agreed on resolution, it blocks intimacy on several levels. Instead of both people wholeheartedly embracing a plan or feeling excited about a new idea, it’s more like a pseudo resolution—there’s no sense of closure or accomplishment.

The native may act out of their habit of “letting things go” to keep things light. Their partner may go along as a result of the native’s manipulation. Whatever the reasons, over time, just accepting ideas rather than coming into alignment on a more profound level can lead the partner to think that the native doesn’t care enough about them to be willing to really work things out. And the native may think that since the partner doesn’t force the issue, they don’t care about really working it out either. So when issues come up, neither person is likely to trust the other to be honestly invested in resolving them. Their partner is left with a feeling of not really being deeply understood or cared about, which reduces the vital energy in the relationship. And when the underlying issues are never really dealt with, they eventually come up again.

In order for Sagittarius North Node people to achieve a permanent resolution they feel truly satisfied with, two factors must be present: honesty and directness. If they become angry and don’t share their true thoughts and feelings with the other person, the issue can never really be resolved. So the first step is for them to get in touch with what they really think and feel in the situation so that they’re operating from a higher plane than facts and logic alone. And the second step is to deeply listen to the other person.

For example, a Sagittarius North Node client encountered a difficult situation in his company when it was time to promote someone to a management position. He thought one person was the right choice, but the second partner wanted to promote someone else. When the third partner agreed with the second partner, my client didn’t feel good about the decision. However, instead of saying nothing, this time he went to the second partner and discussed it with him at length. His partner shared more about the specific position that was available and the reason why person A was a better fit than person B—from the standpoint of charisma and personality rather than experience and education—and pointed out why this position required a person who was an innate leader. Once my client listened deeply to his partner’s thoughts and allowed himself to experience the energy of his partner’s belief, it affected him on a feeling level. Then he was able to understand the bigger picture and come into alignment with the decision.

Equally important, he didn’t discount his own ability to read situations and other people with amazing accuracy, nor his intuition about the right thing to do and say in order to prevent negative repercussions in this circumstance. His intuitive awareness of the other candidate’s reaction prompted him to tell his partner: “Now that I’ve listened to your reasoning I think your choice for manager is correct. But promise me you’ll have a positive talk with the other person. Tell him how you view his future in the company, and advise him about what steps he should take next. If you leave him hanging, you risk losing him.”

This whole process was a huge personal victory for my client. He honored his own discomfort, took the time to listen deeply to where his partner was coming from, and acted on his intuition regarding the needs of the other candidate. And for the first time, he was able to experience the sense of satisfaction, completion, and peace of mind that comes from creating true resolution with another, rather than simply achieving temporary superficial accord. As an added benefit, the interaction also created greater intimacy between him and his partner, which will allow them to work together with more cooperation and trust in the future.

For Sagittarius North Node people, taking the risk to speak the truth of what they are feeling is crucial—not only in resolving specific situations, but in terms of living a happy and fulfilling life. For example, I had a relative with this nodal position who was nearing death and still felt deeply angry with her ex-husband. She blamed him for the years she had spent feeling trapped in a loveless marriage, only to have him leave her for another woman. I told her: “You’ve been through so much—you don’t want to die without finding out what the lesson is for you here.”

A week later I received a call saying she wanted to see me. When I entered, the light she was emitting filled her hospital room with brilliance. She had a smile on her face and looked more peaceful than I had seen her in years. She said: “Janny, I finally saw the truth. All I had to do back then was tell my husband that I didn’t love him anymore and he would have let me go.”

And that is an important lesson for Sagittarius North Node people. All they have to do is reveal their inner truth—in spite of their fears of what the consequences will be—and a positive path will begin to emerge for them.

Establishing Vital Connections by Honoring the Reality of Others

Sagittarius North Node people tend to only hear their own voice about the right way to live. For instance, a client said about her Sagittarius North Node husband: “He talks constantly. Sometimes I can’t even get a word in.” Since he’s always talking about his own problems, interests, and ideas, she doesn’t feel like he ever listens to her. This makes the other person feel unimportant—like their problems and thoughts are insignificant compared to the native’s—and often they just start withdrawing.

If the partner feels that the native doesn’t really “see” them and thinks that if they fully reveal themselves they won’t be accepted, naturally they don’t risk initiating any meaningful communication. As a result, intimacy is blocked and the native’s relationships become very superficial, centered on the business of daily life rather than encompassing the aspect of wisdom. When the native is always invested in keeping things light and superficial and others respond in kind, the whole deeper fiber of the other person—what’s important to them, their beliefs, and what gives their life meaning—is kept back. This undermines the relationship by blocking a deeper level of connection, growth, and vitality. For the native, it blocks the possibility of both intimacy and personal growth, because they are really just relating to their own thoughts rather than to the other person.

For example, one of my clients was going to paint her living room and asked her Sagittarius North Node friend’s opinion, saying: “I think I would like burgundy.” The native said: “Oh, no, I think you should go more toward brown.” My client answered: “I don’t want brown—it’s not a ‘comfort color’ for me.” But her friend said: “I think you’re going in the wrong direction. You should just get a little container of brown and try it.”

The native didn’t really take in or address what my client was saying. If she had, she could have responded with: “Okay, well, instead of brown or burgundy, how about ____?” The best solution for this nodal group always comes through really hearing and respecting the other person’s view, stating their own view, and then being silent until a “third insight” presents itself—often through their own intuition.

These people tend to listen on a superficial level, often not hearing what is really significant to others in terms of their own personal truth. If the other person’s input is within the native’s familiar dimension of logic, then they can hear and acknowledge it. But if it’s in a foreign dimension—like how a color feels to someone—they often miss what the other person is really saying by only listening to the logic of their specific words.

When the native does tap into their curiosity and explores another’s dimension, it not only helps them to better understand the other person, it expands their own intellectual world as well. And when they don’t take this extra step, it blocks intimacy because the other person feels that the native doesn’t care about understanding them on a deeper level. Eventually their partner may give up and find someone else they can connect with in a more meaningful way.

Sagittarius North Node people can be very assertive. They know what they need and like, and they assume that what they need is what everyone else needs too. In fact, they can’t fathom why other people don’t think like they do. If someone disagrees with them, that person is obviously wrong. These natives aren’t always open to discussions that go beyond the realm of their own brand of logic.

Although the native thinks they know what everyone else needs, often their judgment is way off, because it’s based on how they perceive reality and the other person. What’s actually important to their partner in order to grow and feel vital and fulfilled is not even acknowledged by the native. Even when giving time, energy, or gifts, the native may not take into account what it is that the other person really likes and wants. They are learning to go beyond the level of striving for temporary acceptance in the moment, to a deeper level of truly listening to the concerns of the other person.

If these people ever hope to create intimacy in their relationships, they need to learn—and accept—that it’s normal for others to have individual needs that are different from their own. For example, the wife of a Sagittarius North Node client sometimes wants to go out to see a movie by herself. She needs some time alone, and he doesn’t understand that. It blocks intimacy if the native doesn’t support their partner or help fulfill their needs—or even recognize what they are. The other person ends up feeling unseen and invalidated.

When they gain awareness and begin listening to the TRUTH of what is REALLY IMPORTANT to the other person, and inviting them to truly reveal themselves, the Sagittarius North Node person will have the opportunity to glimpse the process they are learning on a Soul level and that others already know. They will see how one’s inner Truth can be honestly revealed through integrity of expression in a way that leads to greater peace of mind, deeper connections with others, and a higher level of resolution for everyone involved.

By deeply listening and allowing others to reveal their truth, the native will feel more confident in revealing their own inner truth. In this way, the intimacy of authenticity and mutual acknowledgment can be shared, and the path to resolving deeper needs will become apparent. Then the effort of the continual manipulation required to maintain temporary mental accord with the other person will no longer be necessary. This allows both people to grow, and peace and security—based on inner Truth—can emerge as the underlying foundation for the relationship.

Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships

Sagittarius North Node people feel insecure in their primary relationship unless they receive constant positive feedback. The native usually needs daily verbal communication so they can feel assured that their image in their partner’s eyes is still secure. They want to know how their partner feels about them. They want to tell their partner how they feel about them.

This insecurity creates a preoccupation with wondering where they stand with their partner: “Does he still love me? Is he still attracted to me? Is he going to be around tomorrow? Is he seeing somebody else? How valuable am I in his life?” The native wants this information NOW—they’re not willing to allow the answers to unfold naturally in the course of the relationship. And since they don’t want to ask their partner these questions directly, this leads to a lot of manipulation and game playing. For instance, if the native feels insecure because they think their partner doesn’t see them as valuable enough, they may try to change their partner’s perception by giving them the silent treatment or threatening to start seeing other people.

They so much want the other person to say: “I’m crazy about you. Stay with me forever.” And if they don’t, the native may get anxious and do something that ends up undermining the relationship. For example, they may threaten to leave just to see if their partner will come after them and declare their feelings. They think that’s the only way they’re going to get a true reaction. But actually, when they say they’re leaving, the other person is likely to react like a child who is terrified of rejection and abandonment—shaken to the core.

Their partner may also be angry with the native for triggering such an intense childhood fear—and that alone can sabotage the relationship. Or it may indeed create a tighter bond, but it’s an unhealthy one based on trickery. Their partner may cling to the native, but it’s not a true reflection of their feelings about the native—it’s just because they don’t want to be abandoned. And when the native plays these games, it blocks the development of true mutual affinity, because neither the native nor their partner are getting to know each other’s authentic self.

However, from the native’s point of view it’s not subterfuge. They think they’re just doing what they have to do in order to find out where they stand with their partner. “Does he love me or doesn’t he? He’s not telling me, so I’ll test it.” But this blocks intimacy because then it’s no longer really a relationship—the native has turned it into an experiment. And if the experiment shows that they can feel secure with their partner, then they tend to start treating the other person differently. Unconsciously, the native thinks: “I know that he’ll fall apart if I leave—so now I can manipulate him.” But this damages the relationship because the other person feels exposed and controlled, and the trust so necessary for healthy intimacy to develop is compromised.

All of this insecurity and manipulation stems from the native’s basic lack of belief in positive outcomes—and lack of patience. These people are learning to trust that life wants them to be happy, and if they simply behave ethically and allow the relationship to unfold naturally, they will be able to see whether or not the other person is right for them. They are learning to develop the patience to allow the process to unfold, taking the other person’s timing into account as well as their own.

Once they are in an established relationship, Sagittarius North Node people feel the need to call their significant other at least once a day, and they tend to talk a lot to make sure that they and their partner stay “on the same page.” They fear that if they don’t connect with their partner daily they may lose them. However, this may give their partner the impression that the native doesn’t want them to be close to anyone but them. This extra contact brings the native temporary peace of mind, but it’s also a way of controlling how they are seen by the other person. Their behavior is calculated to make their partner feel secure and to see the native as responsible and caring. But this process can also block intimacy if it’s too calculating and not based on the native truly feeling that they want to connect.

Sagittarius North Node people also have the idea that if they keep things light, the other person will be happy in the relationship and will stay. Consequently, they may forgo any deeper discussion and focus entirely on maintaining a kind of temporary mental accord. If the other person broaches any kind of upset—revealing a deeper need that’s not being met or a preference that goes against the status quo of the relationship—the native may try to use logic to talk them out of their discontent. Or they might temporarily appease their partner’s needs until happiness is restored, and then continue to focus only on keeping the mood light and happy.

This aversion to addressing the deeper issues in their relationship blocks intimacy. The other person tends to feel discounted, sad, and angry that the native doesn’t care enough to engage with them on a more meaningful level. Also, the native hesitates to speak up about what is important to them. Especially with those who are close, they tend to just let things “pass.” This further undermines the relationship, because naturally the other person continues the upsetting behavior, since the native hasn’t pointed out to them how annoying or hurtful it is. However, when the native does finally risk telling their partner how something is affecting them, they are usually surprised at the easy, positive results.

For example, I have a Sagittarius North Node client who has serious abandonment issues. One time—as a joke—her boyfriend hid from her in a movie theater, and my client panicked. In this case she was so upset that she spoke to him directly and honestly: “Steve, I’ve got to ask you to never do that to me again. Apparently I have an issue with abandonment. Anytime I feel I’ve been left unexpectedly—the way you just did in the movie—the little girl in me panics.” Her boyfriend was very understanding and never did anything like that again.

When these people become willing to listen deeply to their partner’s needs, and honestly state their own needs, then they can take the next step and begin to deal with issues on a meaningful level: “What solution is going to work for both of us here?” If nothing becomes apparent and they have difficulty finding that “third insight,” bringing in a third party—such as a couples therapist—can be helpful. Whatever the process, these people will not be able to experience the intimacy they long for in their primary relationship until they take the risk and open the door to authentic self-expression for themselves and their partner.

How Others Can Help Them Heal

Encourage Them to Be Honest and Direct

Sagittarius North Node people often need prompting in order to give others forthright feedback, since they tend to withhold their authentic thoughts and feelings. Help them to see that others deserve an honest reflection so that they can learn and grow and have the option of changing their behavior. Point out that when they don’t share their Truth, it sabotages their relationships because the other person won’t know how to give the native what they want and need. To allow solutions to arise naturally in a situation, encourage them to reveal their OWN inner truths—in spite of their fear of how terrible the repercussions may be. Avoiding the truth will not work for them in this lifetime.

If their behavior becomes distant, erratic, or unpredictable, get them to tell you what’s on their mind. It may be a specific fear: “You don’t find me attractive.” Or they may be withholding information: “I don’t want to stay in this relationship.” By addressing THEIR inner secrets and thoughts and then truthfully sharing your own concerns, you can create an honest exchange of information, which usually brings about its own natural resolution.

Urge Them to Follow Their Conscience

In past incarnations Sagittarius North Node people could depend on their adroit minds to navigate their relationships. But in this lifetime, past techniques don’t work. When they follow the path of logic and go against their conscience and their intuitive knowing of which is the “high road,” they lose. They are learning to follow the promptings of their conscience, regardless of their fears of what the repercussions might be.

Encourage them to take the leap of faith required to follow the path of right action. It may go against logic, yet every time they take the risk and act in alignment with their conscience, the outcome is remarkably positive. Point out that they are developing inner strength and a moral compass by trusting in the goodness of a Higher Power to guide their way.

One of the ways these people sabotage their relationships is by not always keeping their word. Don’t let them get away with this. For instance, if they are on a business trip and have promised their partner they will call and check in every night, encourage them to do it even if they are tired or not feeling well.

Promote Prayer, Meditation, and Other Spiritual Pursuits

These people have such active minds, they are continually second-guessing themselves, which leads to increased anxiety. As a result, they cherish and seek peace of mind above all. Encourage them to develop interest in a defined spiritual path, as this will give them some guiding principles to apply in everyday circumstances. But whatever discipline they choose, the native needs to go beyond the “letter of the law” and tune in to their intuition to see how to apply spiritual principles and truths to their daily situations.

Encourage them to begin a practice of regular prayer or meditation as a way of calling on a positive Higher Power—beyond the mind—for support and serenity. Sagittarius North Node people love to stay busy and can’t stand to be bored. If they feel that aligning with a spiritual path will help keep the energy moving, they are more likely to do it. Remind them that taking the risk of applying spiritual principles to daily situations will be a new adventure for them, as they watch the resolutions the Universe provides unfolding.

Spending time in Mother Nature also soothes their active minds and helps to give them perspective. Prompt them to take trips to the mountains and to spend time sitting or walking in nature. If appropriate, encourage them to choose a home with natural surroundings, as this gives their mind a chance to relax and feel the natural energy of life’s unfoldment. Also support them in any foreign travel plans. When they are in environments with a different language, their mind automatically relaxes from feeling they have to mentally connect with others. They can just “be”—and it’s easier for them to see the larger picture of what’s going on around them.

Help Them Connect with Their Intuition

Encouraging Sagittarius North Node people to get in touch with their intuition can help slow their overactive minds long enough for them to experience some serenity. Also, prompting them to connect with their intuitive feeling and their spiritual guides will allow them to rise above the density of their own mental constructs and create better resolutions in any difficult situation they encounter.

For instance, if they are stewing about a decision they need to make, ask them: “What do you feel intuitively is the right thing to do?” This reminds them to be aware of—and to consult—their intuition. When they get into their worry mode about a recent personal interaction, you can help them by asking: “When you tune in to that person intuitively, do you get a sense of well-being or of distress?” Consistently point them in the direction of using their intuition as an accurate guidance system.

Welcoming their highly accurate intuition into your own life will help build their confidence. If you are facing a difficult decision, or not understanding a current relationship, ask them for intuitive feedback: “I don’t know if I should change jobs at this point. What’s your intuitive feeling?” Or “Something about my relationship with Bob is bothering me. Do you get anything intuitively?” Keep prompting them to access their intuition to provide you with insights, and don’t settle for their logic. As you consistently point them in this direction, over time their intuitive sense will become stronger.

Encourage Them to Listen on a Deeper Level

Help these people to gain the awareness that they need to listen more deeply to what others say, and seek resolution rather than just attaining temporary mental accord. These natives are born communicators. They value having happy mental connections with others and they like the energy of acceptance. If they think that by telling their truth—and asking others what is true for them—their thoughts will be more readily accepted by their partner, they will do it. It’s scary for them, but encourage them to try this.

Don’t allow them to short-circuit this process and settle for temporary mental accord by superficially accepting the other person’s point of view. The idea is for them to really hear their partner’s thoughts and allow their input to affect them on a feeling level. And don’t allow them to “not hear you.” In the context of your relationship, encourage them to open their minds to a deeper connection, so you can appreciate each other on a more meaningful level.

Help them to see that by venturing beyond a lighthearted mood and dealing with others on a level of depth and significance, they can discover answers that bring lasting serenity and create positive energy in their lives. If they think that by being open to more deeply understanding the other person’s hopes, dreams, and beliefs they will be able to connect with their partner on a more satisfying level, they are likely to take the risk.

Sagittarius North Node people also love new information. Encourage them to look beyond the facts to gain more profound information from whomever they are connecting with. Everyone is a messenger, and those who appear in our life have a special message for us. By listening deeply, their intuition will guide them to the piece of information they need to hear next in order to navigate their life successfully.

Habits to Discourage

Manipulating others to attain superficial agreements: Do not allow them to keep things “light and airy” in order to cover up a deeper concern. Discourage games and experiments that test the other person in their relationships.

Telling little white lies and gossiping: Discourage these practices. Remind them how, in the past, gossiping has backfired against them. Every time they make these choices they lose energy, and the results are not happy for them in the long run.

Overthinking: Discourage them from second-guessing themselves. Support them in not questioning their initial, spontaneous inner knowing.