Capricorn North Node People

and North Node in the 10th House

SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS

          Empathy

          A caring spirit

          A desire to nurture

          Emotional attunement

          Tenderheartedness

          Fairness while managing

          A desire to protect loved ones

MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY

          “I need to wait until I feel secure before taking action.”

          “Avoiding taking risks is the best way to maintain my safety.”

          “Family members should be there for you no matter what.”

          “If others depend on me, then I’m important and needed.”

          “I don’t trust that others see the real me.”

          “I don’t know how to take charge and set goals.”

          “It’s not safe to be spontaneous—I have to stay in control.”

          “I must go out of my way to avoid making a scene.”

COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS

          “I feel controlled by their overemotional reactions.”

          “They blame everyone but themselves for their problems.”

          “They are overly influenced by their mother.”

          “They are unaware of what OTHERS need to feel supported.”

          “They get too bogged down in details to accomplish anything.”

          “They don’t take charge in an effective way.”

Releasing Unhealthy Patterns of Family Dependency

Capricorn North Node people have had many past incarnations playing a subservient role in family relationships during times when close family bonding was essential for survival. As a result, in this lifetime they are overidentified with their family of origin. In fact, their greatest obstacle is a tendency to shrink everything down to the perspective of “family” rather than viewing their family within the larger context of their whole life.

These natives see themselves as dependent on, protected by, and protective of the family unit instead of as a separate entity, responsible for creating their own destiny. Because their concepts of “security” and “family” are totally enmeshed, they often compromise themselves. If they think that pursuing their own dreams would in any way undermine the security of their family ties, they may unconsciously sabotage their own efforts to create success.

Their constant involvement with family, home, and personal security creates a myriad of issues that block intimacy. For one thing, when their focus is the family, they tend to develop an urge to dominate. They want to protect the family—and they want to do it on their terms. This keeps them in a constant state of anxiety, because on an unconscious level, they believe that they have to control everyone in the family in order to keep the family secure.

It’s as if they see their family as a medieval clan, always acting as a united force in order to ensure survival. So when a family member in any way offends the native’s rigid expectations of family relationships or ideals, they tend to overreact emotionally. They may “go into a mood” or throw a tantrum to coerce the other person back into alignment with whatever it is the native thinks they need to ensure their personal sense of safety. This blocks intimacy because others often feel smothered, and feel like they have to walk on eggshells so they won’t trigger one of the native’s emotional outbursts.

However, regardless of the circumstances, Capricorn North Node people are extremely loyal to other family members. They feel family members should always be there for one another, uphold the family’s values, and maintain the traditions. Even if they disagree with some of these specific concepts, their family loyalty will override their personal opinion. The native may even feel like they can’t be who they really are because of their family. But this is true only as long as they cling to the belief that family members should all behave according to the same values. By holding others to that standard they become subject to it themselves.

Because these people put family first, they have the unrealistic expectation that every family member should put them first. And when this doesn’t happen, they feel let down—like their family doesn’t understand them or support them. The native has a sense of entitlement within the family. They don’t go out of their way to make other family members feel special, or show their appreciation for what the family gives them—they just take it as their due. They believe that family members should treat them better and give them more just because they’re family. As a result, the native often comes across as dependent, demanding, and somewhat of a whiner—exactly the opposite of how they want to be seen.

These people can make other family members a bit nervous, because it feels like the native thinks the family is somehow responsible for meeting their needs. Family members may feel they have to compensate for the native’s vulnerability, and they don’t know why the native reacts so emotionally. This makes the native feel even more strongly that their family doesn’t understand them.

Often, the basis of this dynamic is that the native has gotten stuck in an early developmental stage and has a hard time growing up. Regardless of their chronological age or position in the family, their need for attention and protection seems endless. Even if they are the parent or grandparent, on an unconscious level they still feel like an infant and want the whole family to unite to care for them, tell them they’re the best, treat them as the most loved, etc.

These natives just assume that their family will listen to them, cheer them up, entertain them, lend them money, and see them through every crisis. And, like an infant, the native doesn’t use words to communicate what they need and want—they just expect others to automatically take care of them. Naturally, this frustrates other family members who are trying to relate to the native as an equal, not as a needy child.

This orientation blocks intimacy because it makes other family members resent the native and want to push them away or force them to take responsibility for their own needs so that everyone can relate as an equal. It blocks intimacy for the native because, when family members don’t meet their needs, it feels like a survival issue. However, if the family does cater to their needs, it actually postpones the native becoming more independent and taking charge of creating successful outcomes on their own.

Capricorn North Node people often resist taking this step, because on an unconscious level, they feel that they need the support and encouragement of their family before they can pursue their goals. In fact, they are always looking for that support before stepping forward to take charge and create success. But this holding back is a major mistake on their part, because others can never give them enough support for them to feel confident. Their lesson is that it’s ultimately up to them to take responsibility for achieving their own goals—with or without their family’s support.

Ironically, even though these natives want their family’s support, if they think that the family is making demands on them, they tend to resist—even if it’s in their best interests. For example, a Capricorn North Node client is being denied family inheritance until she completes her tax returns for the past three years. Even though she needs the money badly, she has so much resistance that she hasn’t been able to do it. She is sabotaging her own financial independence because—unconsciously—she is rebelling against her mother’s “rules.” And she wants her family’s understanding and sympathy; she wants them to just “take care of her.”

To get around this kind of illogical resistance, these people are learning to experiment with adopting a different mind-set. For instance, my client could tell herself: “This has nothing to do with my family. This is the Infinite telling me that it’s time to demonstrate that I’m a responsible person who can take care of business.” In fact, one of their lessons this lifetime is that the more self-discipline they exhibit, the less is imposed on them.

Another part of this issue is that another family member’s image of them—especially if it’s someone they see as being in a position of authority—can deeply affect the native’s self-image. Even if they honestly think the other person is wrong about them, on an emotional level they may begin to doubt themselves. Until they can separate themselves from the family’s image of who they are, going out on their own is difficult.

Their expectations that family should be different can lead these folks to treat relatives more harshly than they do others. They may hang on to resentment and punish a family member who they think was not there for them in the past. So even if they show up when that person needs support, they may act angry or distant. As part of releasing these unhealthy family dynamics, these natives are learning that they have a choice. They can continue to teach through punishment, or they can move to a higher level by being a personal example of caring emotional sensitivity and support.

Sometimes when Capricorn North Node people are ready to let go of clinging to their family, the family doesn’t want to let go of them! They may find that their desire to take care of the family has created dependencies that have become a burden to the native. The way out of this dilemma is for the native to come from a position of being in charge, and use their skills to figure out how to organize situations so that everyone’s needs can get met—including their own.

These people are learning to see the concept of “family” from a broader perspective, which will make it easier for them to detach from their family and take responsibility for reaching their own goals. Once they realize that they can create success on their own, they will find that they can transform tendencies to unhealthy dependency into genuine emotional empathy. Then they can consciously reestablish their family ties on a much healthier level.

Triumphing Over Insecurity and Fear of Failure

Capricorn North Node people can be paralyzed by insecurity and fear of rejection. Maintaining their sense of physical and emotional safety is the underlying motive that drives them. They tend to live in a constant state of anxiety: “What if this happens…what if that happens…”

These people deal with underlying insecurity in their relationships, in their position in life, and within themselves. They’re often fearful that they can’t perform, they won’t be able to come through for others, they won’t know what to say, and that others will see their insecurity and judge them in terms of not being important, useful, competent, or ambitious. And the truth is that until they gain awareness and make some changes, they often are too vulnerable to be really competent—and they appear to be unambitious because they are afraid to set goals and take risks.

Their fears are so intense because they stem from past incarnations where survival was precarious, and so the native came to equate fear of failure with fear of death. This lifetime they hesitate to take any kind of risk that could upset the status quo and possibly threaten their security. They are learning to recognize that sometimes taking a risk would be the best way to INCREASE their security. One Capricorn North Node client had a chance to buy a nice home that would have cost him about the same monthly payment as his rent, but his fears kept him from taking advantage of the opportunity. He was worried about taking on the responsibility, paying the taxes, maintaining the yard, etc.

One of their biggest fears is that others won’t see who they really are—and the way they interact with other people makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy, because unconsciously the native presents a facade in order to protect themselves. They are usually not even aware that they don’t let others see who they really are. However, they feel the effects. For example, when they’re with a group of people having fun, after a while they may begin distancing themselves. Rather than enjoy the moment, they see it as a false connection: “It’s the circumstance, it’s fleeting, and it doesn’t mean anything.” If someone says: “Gee, I think you’re terrific,” the native doesn’t quite trust that the other person has perceived them accurately. This dynamic blocks intimacy. Since the native has already judged that the other person isn’t able to see the “real them,” they use this as an excuse to not make the effort to create a situation where they could more naturally be themselves.

Because these people are so sensitive to rejection, in social situations their “real self” isn’t usually available until they’ve had some kind of chemical assistance, such as a few too many drinks. Then they don’t care how they are perceived, and can be spontaneous. A better idea is for them to learn how to give themselves permission to always be themselves. One way to get started is to set a time-limited goal: “Tonight at the party, I’m going to just be myself and see who is attracted to the real me.”

If they don’t take this risk, the self-fulfilling prophecy kicks in: “No one will ever understand me, so I’m just going to show them what I think they want to see.” This guarantees that the other person will never see who they really are, and blocks intimacy for both people. The native feels misunderstood and the other person feels that there’s not really anyone there for them to connect with.

However, this is often what the native chooses because they are so sensitive to their own emotional state that they are driven by their fear of being hurt. They want to avoid disapproval and rejection at any cost. For example, they may not even take the risk of trying to initiate a relationship. The native might like someone a lot and have this whole lovely scenario in their head about what the relationship would be like. But if they’re not sure the other person is interested, they don’t call, out of fear that their scenario won’t work. They give up before anything even happens.

Often, they’re just too afraid of making a mistake that’s so big, they can’t correct it or that calls attention to their shortcomings. Due to their lack of past life experience with taking risks and creating success on a personal level, these people don’t recognize that even if they take a risk and it doesn’t work out, they still learn something that can help them create success in the future.

As a result, they may not learn certain life lessons because they don’t allow themselves to explore uncharted territory—to learn and grow beyond their current limits to a place that could make them much happier and more secure. Instead, they tend to get stuck in their fear that the lesson may be so painful or so costly, they might never recover from it. To break free from this pattern, these people must stay totally focused on “going for the goal,” or they become immobilized by their fears.

Capricorn North Node people are learning to accept that there is no ultimate security on planet Earth—everything is subject to the law of change. Their lesson is realizing that the only thing they can depend on for security is their own willingness to actively take charge of their current situation and create a sense of security in the context of the existing circumstance. Once they take the risk, they will unlock an energy within themselves that can rise to the occasion and create success. It works best when they are clear about their goal in any situation, and then make attainment of that goal—one step at a time—their top priority.

Gaining Respect: Creating Realistic Expectations, Being Honest, and Keeping Commitments

Capricorn North Node people have a deep fear that other people won’t respect them. They are very concerned with what others think of them, and often overestimate what’s within their reach in order to live up to what they perceive as the other person’s expectations. They are so fearful that they will let others down and be seen as incompetent that sometimes they’re not completely honest and hide things from people. And this usually leads to the very thing they are trying to avoid.

For instance, rather than just saying: “I may be late to tomorrow’s meeting because my day is already overbooked,” they say: “Of course I’ll be there on time,” because they want to live up to what the other person expects. Then, about an hour before the meeting, they finally realize that there’s no way they can be there on time. It’s only when they fall short that they realize it would have been far better to let people know ahead of time rather than set up a false expectation.

This dynamic blocks intimacy, because when the native doesn’t come through, others lose respect for them and pull back because they can’t depend on them to keep their word. And the native keeps setting themselves up for failure and then feels ashamed when they fall short of their goals.

This nodal group is learning the absolute necessity of keeping their word. For this to happen, they need to have a realistic sense of what is possible for them. A smart move is for them to always overestimate the time they think it will take them to finish something or to get someone what they need. No one can meet everyone’s desires and expectations all the time, and only the native knows the details of their own situation. If events unfold in a way that makes it impossible to keep their commitment—as happens to everyone from time to time—they are learning to pick up the phone and communicate honestly with the other person. This establishes the native’s credibility in others’ eyes, and strengthens their own sense of self-respect and confidence in their ability to maintain their integrity.

A related issue is that Capricorn North Node people tend to confuse vulnerability with incompetence. Another person might openly say: “I tend to be frivolous” or “Sometimes I’m immature,” without fearing that others wouldn’t respect them. This is because they respect themselves and accept that being human means being less than perfect.

However, these natives would never willingly reveal their weaknesses, because they fear that if they appear in any way vulnerable, incompetent, irresponsible, or unambitious, others will think less of them. This can prevent them from asking for help when they need it. Actually, asking others for help would allow them to succeed and appear more competent; whereas by not asking, they just set themselves up for failure.

They are learning that when they aren’t honest or they manipulate their image in order to look more competent to others, it usually backfires—and it often occurs with family members. For example, a Capricorn North Node client told her mother that with $500,000 from her inheritance, she could maintain her ranch for ten years. She didn’t really believe the money would last that long, but she thought that’s what her mother wanted to hear. In actuality, the money only lasted three years. By trying to appear “super competent,” she created an unrealistic expectation and ended up losing credibility with her family, which was the thing she most wanted to avoid.

This preoccupation with trying to manipulate their image is very unhealthy for these natives, and makes them passive and rather dependent—it’s like they’re giving up control of who they are. They are learning that simply being themselves and telling the truth is actually their best protection. If they say: “I get cranky from time to time,” then when that behavior emerges others are prepared and can accept it. But if they pretend to always be on top of things, when they “slip,” others may feel let down, because that’s not who they said they were. Also, when they are hiding some part of themselves—or some information—the other person can sense it. And since they don’t know what the native is hiding, it creates distrust in the relationship.

For Capricorn North Node people, the only real position of strength is to start making choices and behaving in a way that gives them a sense of self-respect, regardless of others’ opinions. They are learning that by pursuing a goal that is important to them personally, and just being themselves in the process, they are much more likely to achieve the success they seek. Then their “image” is simply a natural outgrowth of whatever they have succeeded in manifesting.

And ironically, when these people demonstrate success in any area, others automatically give them the respect they have longed for and that is so nurturing for them—because now they respect themselves. They may even find that they become a role model for others in the process.

Ceasing to Blame Others: Taking Responsibility for Overcoming Emotional Detours

Capricorn North Node people see themselves as being emotionally empathetic, but really they are just highly sensitive to others’ emotional fields. If someone else—especially someone close to them—feels sad or angry, instead of maintaining their own emotional state so they can be supportive, these people tend to take on the other person’s emotions. Then the native blames the other person because THEY got upset!

Their emotions are so easily triggered, the native will do almost anything to avoid experiencing criticism or any kind of negative energy from others, because they are afraid that they will have an overemotional reaction, hurt the other person, and then will have to deal with the ramifications. With those who are close, they try to be supportive, but if the other person says or does something that doesn’t fit their picture of how the relationship should be, the native may stomp off or use some other type of emotional escalation to bring that person “into line.” Their message is: “If I get upset with you, it’s your fault!”

This blocks intimacy because others don’t want to become involved in this kind of co-dependent emotional manipulation. The other person ends up feeling like they can’t have their own feelings or share what is going on with them because the native may become enmeshed in their mood, or take what they say personally. Then the native may go off and lick their wounds for a few days, or cry, or pick a fight in order to release the emotional charge and regain their equilibrium.

When these people think that someone in authority—especially family members—doubt them in any way, instead of taking charge of the situation and proving their ability—or being objective and thinking: “They may be right”—they tend to feel deeply hurt and take a time-consuming emotional detour from pursuing their goal. And it can be a long time before they’re ready to try again. One reason for this self-sabotaging dynamic is that since they take everything so personally, in their mind they have lost face with the other person.

Accomplishing any goal requires objectivity and the practical ability to see everything that occurs as an opportunity to create success. But when the native’s emotions get triggered by any perceived obstacle, or a reminder of unresolved family issues, they tend to get bogged down by focusing on “this is painful” rather than just taking the next step that will allow them to reach their goal.

Because of this dynamic, these people may not take responsibility for meeting their own needs, and sometimes create situations where others have to step in. In this way they tend to have relationships that involve the other person being in control. Usually the native just goes along with that person to ensure that their needs get met—and as a way to keep that person tied to them. So in a way, the native is controlling the other person by submitting to control—it can get pretty convoluted. It also blocks intimacy, because when they’re not in control of themselves, it doesn’t feel safe to let their barriers down and be close to others.

One way they deal with feeling controlled is through passive-aggressive behavior. One moment they can be open and supportive, and the next moment—if they feel in any way slighted or rejected—they may deliver an angry tirade that makes the other person withdraw. This blocks intimacy, because those around them may decide not to get too close in order to protect themselves from these emotional outbursts.

These people also tend to not take responsibility for their decisions, so if they do risk taking action and it doesn’t turn out well, it won’t be their fault. They may blame their lack of success on their ex-wife or past employer, and don’t own up to their own part in creating the results. Also, when they feel scared or upset, they often seek to blame someone else for their discomfort—the president, their boss, their partner—it’s everyone else’s fault but their own.

These folks are learning to take more responsibility for making their partnerships successful. Their tendency is to see this as the other person’s job and then blame them when things go wrong. However, this resistance to being accountable for the outcomes in their life blocks intimacy, because when their partner sees that the native usually blames others for their feelings, decisions, and mistakes, they can no longer trust them or respect them.

Until they become conscious, they don’t take the risk to set any goals of their own, and this can leave them feeling controlled when others who are close pursue their goals. For example, one client’s family—whose mother had this nodal position—moved to California because my client and her father both wanted to go. The mother went and she hated it, and was very bitter about it. However, she hadn’t taken responsibility to tune in ahead of time to how she felt about moving, or express what she wanted to do.

This pattern of not participating in decisions and then blaming others for the results undermines relationships. This is actually a form of emotional manipulation, because once the decision has been enacted, others can’t make it up to the native, and they feel beholden and guilty. In the above example, the family couldn’t fix it for the mother—they all ended up feeling futile, which created distance in their relationships.

Perhaps the most serious problem created by these dynamics is that by blaming others, the native isn’t learning and growing from their experiences. As a result, they never gain awareness of the causes they are putting into motion. This makes them virtually powerless—repeating the same mistakes and complaints over and over again, which leads to the same inevitable hurts. After a while, others often begin pulling away because they don’t want to continue to feel the native’s pain and negative energy.

Once the native finally gains awareness, they can start making some changes. For instance, if they get a speeding ticket, instead of blaming the mechanic for not fixing the speedometer correctly, they can face up to the real problem and state: “I created this situation, and by changing my behavior I can avoid creating it again.”

Creating Success: Learning to Take Charge and Set Goals

In past lives, Capricorn North Node people tended the home fires and nurtured family members so they could grow strong enough—inside and out—to survive in the world. Others in the family went out into the world to earn a living that could ensure the clan’s survival. In order to really become attuned to the emotional needs of others and support them, the native neglected to develop that part of themselves that was capable of taking charge and creating success in their own right.

This unconscious imprint from past incarnations has left them with an underlying sense of apprehension—that at any moment they will find themselves feeling totally incompetent, or that something beyond their own personal control will disrupt their security. And since they don’t feel safe, there can be no intimacy in their relationships.

They tend to go through life feeling like they don’t know how to take charge and be the one responsible for creating a successful outcome. They don’t want to be the one responsible if things don’t work out, and they’re afraid to let anyone see their imperfections as they make mistakes along the way, because the native believes that this will cause others to think less of them. What has happened is that since these people turned their back on their own competency in so many lifetimes, that part of themselves went into sleep mode, and now they are not even aware that it exists. But their ability to take charge and succeed in the world is fully functional—once they make up their minds to take responsibility and access it. So their notion that “I don’t know how to take charge” is not the truth. This part of themselves just needs to be acknowledged and brought to the surface in order to emerge as a completing factor in their personality. In fact, it is only when they learn to come from a position of taking charge that their life will work and their relationships can be successful.

These people are competent achievers, but until they gain this take-charge awareness, they usually just wait for those in authority to give them what they want. In order to change this dependency dynamic, their desire for self-respect needs to be stronger than their fear of failure.

These natives are learning that the only way to reactivate their competency and gain the ability to reach their own goals is by taking the risk to do it! It’s by going ahead and taking charge that they will rediscover their capacity for creating success. And then they will find that their imperfections—which everyone has—are just invitations to personal growth that they can work on through the process of attaining their goals.

Once the native has a clear goal in mind, their best bet is to enlist the help of others. Capricorn North Node people are great managers, and when they’re pursuing a goal their energy inspires others to want to help them. They are learning to give other people a chance to support them, by taking charge and letting others know what they need to get to the goal, and then keeping their attention focused in that direction.

One issue that can hinder their success is a tendency to shrink everything—especially their business, career or job—down to the perspective of “family,” which causes them to revert back to their unhealthy family dynamics. Then they can become so focused on micromanaging the details, and so enmeshed in the emotions of their co-workers or employees, they forget that they are the person in charge.

Capricorn North Node people are learning to let those around them be responsible for handling the daily business details and for dealing with their own emotional problems. When they consciously take charge and oversee the whole operation, things run much more smoothly, and everyone—including the native—is much happier. One potential issue is that if they hire others to help them because of an internal urge to avoid responsibility, it can trigger their dependency issues. So when they enlist others’ assistance, they need to remain conscious and do it from the position of being the one in charge.

Developing Healthy Emotional Sensitivity to Others

When Capricorn North Node people focus on their own fears and insecurities, it blocks their innate sensitivity to others’ emotional needs. As a result, the other person doesn’t feel cared for or supported. For example, when a client got the news that her father had just died, she called her boyfriend—who had this nodal position—to let him know why she couldn’t meet him for dinner and had to fly home right away. Instead of nurturing her at this time of grief, he focused on his own issues and started talking about the bad weather that was predicted and how terrified he was of flying in a storm.

These people can indulge in negativity, and don’t think of how they may be affecting the spirit of the other person. It blocks intimacy when they don’t tune in to others—the emotional nurturing and support they need in order to develop themselves and reach their goals. Part of this issue has to do with the native’s tendency to look at everything through a “me” filter. And this, in turn, is related to their subconsciously feeling like an infant, where everything is about them.

The native does usually get around to asking the other person about themselves, but even when listening to others, their attention always has “me” as the reference point. Until these natives gain the realization that others are actually separate from them and have their own wants and needs, the other people in their relationships may tire of not feeling any energy coming back to them and begin to withdraw.

Because these folks are so easily upset by others’ negative energy, they are aware of people’s feelings on the level of making sure they avoid upsetting them…so they won’t have to endure the consequences. Also, by adulthood they usually realize that they tend to overreact emotionally and have a temper, so they try to repress their own emotional responses. They worry that if they ignite negative emotions in others, they might say or do something in response that they will regret and that could cause them more pain later on.

More than any other nodal group, these people are afraid of being overwhelmed by their emotions. They are so overidentified with their moods that if they get hurt emotionally, they feel like they have been physically wounded. They may pull into themselves and cry for days. Since they are so aware of not hurting people’s feelings, when someone hurts them, they assume the other person was aware of the hurt they were causing and they feel wronged. The closer their bond with the other person, the more deeply the native feels the injury.

However, what has usually occurred is that—since most people don’t have the same “emotional sensitivity chip” as the native—the other person just wasn’t aware of the native’s feelings. When others don’t behave with emotional sensitivity, the native experiences a sense of disappointment that’s irrational and out of proportion. It’s like expecting a person who comes from poverty to have the manners of a person born into aristocracy—it just isn’t going to happen on its own.

In fact, part of the native’s job in this lifetime is to figure this out and begin helping people learn how to become more emotionally sensitive to one another. When the native uses their emotional attunement to gently coach another and help them to develop in this way, it creates a win-win situation. As the other person gains awareness and sensitivity, they experience more success in their relationships; and in order to help that person to grow, the native must learn to rise above their tendency to take everything personally.

It can be difficult for Capricorn North Node people to find the courage to take this step. They tend to block their own process because they will rarely say: “Why did you do that? It really wasn’t very kind.” Later they may think: “Why wasn’t I brave enough to say what I really felt?”

One reason for their reticence is that the native doesn’t want to take charge. Also, they fear that if the person who’s being rude or mean turns on them, then they will be subject to that person’s negativity, and if the native loses their temper, it could start a fight that would generate even more negative energy.

In order to gain the confidence to take this risk, their best bet is to make the goal of helping others more important than protecting themselves from negative emotional energy. For success, the idea is to assume the objectivity of a teacher bringing insight to someone who is unaware of how they are affecting others. On some level, their Higher Self realizes that there’s great power in participating with others in this way if it’s done without emotion or judgment.

Capricorn North Node people have a tremendous gift for seeing where someone else is off track, and their sensitivity allows them to guide another in a way that doesn’t diminish them, so the other person is usually grateful for their help. However, it’s important that the native come from a place of being completely non-judgmental and totally in charge. Otherwise, they will lose the objectivity that allows them to be successful, and everything that transpires will feel too personal for both parties.

The key is for them to share what they’re feeling in an impersonal way. For instance: “Are you aware that what you said could be construed as a rude comment?” rather than: “That was a rude thing to say!” They can also acknowledge the other person’s good intentions: “I know you want us to have a wonderful dinner tonight, but I think the way you spoke to the waiter might have made him feel like he wasn’t doing a good job. Maybe if you tell him____, it will help him feel more comfortable.”

If the native doesn’t overcome their fear of emotional discomfort so they can share their observations, it blocks intimacy, because the native is constantly censoring themselves in the relationship. The other person senses this, and it prevents them from being spontaneous and natural around the native. On an unconscious level, the other person feels there is a gift that the native is withholding, and this creates a deep sadness that they don’t understand.

And not sharing their insights also blocks intimacy for the native. When their partner behaves in a way that’s insensitive to others, the native’s subconscious, automatic response is to see them as being “coarse,” and they lose respect for them. But rather than feeling judgmental, they are learning that a higher path is to consciously help the other person grow. And the more energy they put into getting to know and understand their partner, the more successful the outcome will be for both people.

Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships

It’s very difficult for Capricorn North Node people to truly attach to a mate because—even after they get married—they tend to think of themselves as primarily belonging to their family of origin. So if “the family” tells them to do something or expects them to be somewhere, they will probably choose to please them over their own personal nuclear family.

For example, the native’s spouse may want to spend Christmas in Monaco, but the native feels that they have to be with their “own” family in Lake Placid. The native may not even want to go to Lake Placid, but they’ll do it because of their unhealthy, immutable sense of family loyalty. And what’s worse, if other family members don’t like their spouse and speak ill of them, the native may come around to the family’s view.

Another related issue is that these people are often preoccupied by their relationship with their mother, even far into adulthood. Their mother’s opinion and the way they perceive her expectations tend to be major factors in their decision-making process, one way or the other. On some level the native may still be rebelling against their mother—or their father, if he was perceived as the main nurturer. This blocks intimacy, because until they gain awareness and release their mother, it’s tough for them to work things out with their primary partner.

Men from this nodal group who have not resolved these issues tend to unconsciously transfer them to their partner and then rebel against her. If their mate does anything that even slightly reminds them of “Mom,” they have a conflict. They want their partner to take care of them and they want him/her to be a “better mother,” because growing up, they weren’t happy with their own mother. Or if they were happy with her—or maybe sexually attracted to her—they don’t want to admit it.

When Capricorn North Node women are in a bonded relationship, the issues are somewhat less complicated but still interfere with intimacy. These women tend to become more like their mother and continue to rebel against her. In both sexes, the native tends to remain attached to their mother in an unhealthy way, that interferes with intimacy, and their partner never feels that they’re really number one in the native’s life.

Until these natives become conscious and activate “their adult,” their relationships tend to be disappointing and weigh heavily on them. Although partly due to their unhealthy family issues, this also stems from unresolved patterns of dependency from past lives. As a result, they unconsciously seek mutually dependent relationships.

In order to create this, initially the native usually assumes the role of caretaker and protector in a way that creates dependency in the other person. When they know their partner needs them, the native feels respected, important, and secure, even though it’s a false intimacy.

In fact, it’s so important to these people to feel needed that they often nurture others through cooking. Providing their partner with a big breakfast before they go to work and a good dinner when they come home is the native’s way of supporting the other person in being successful and showing that they themselves are a dependable part of the team.

Even though their partner may initially think this scenario is strange, after a while the other person comes to like this support and depend on it. They can sense the native’s desire to nurture them. This makes the native feel important, and they also feel loved because their partner is accepting their nurturing.

However, if their partner doesn’t accept the food, the native tends to feel rejected. Maybe their partner comes home late and says: “Oh, I’m not hungry—I’m going to bed.” The native may respond: “But I went to all this trouble…” and their feelings get hurt. This can lead to their partner eating when they don’t really want to—one Capricorn North Node client had this trait, and his wife gained 120 pounds! Also, through this impulse the native is focused on feeding the other person’s success rather than feeding themselves the energy they need to be successful.

These people are learning to ask their partner how to best support them instead of trying to coerce the other person into taking what they want to give. The native’s desire to nurture can end up blocking intimacy when they impose their own values, without taking their partner’s individuality, talents, and tastes into account. Sometimes this happens due to their fear that the other person will see them as incompetent or unambitious. Then they guard against appearing vulnerable by constantly working to gain their partner’s respect. However, this just ends up preventing their mate from feeling close to them, because it’s hard to be affectionate with someone who is always demanding to be shown respect in some way. Also, when the native is trying to appear competent and not vulnerable, their partner may feel—on an unconscious level—they can’t be spontaneous and vulnerable around the native either, which further inhibits intimacy.

On another level, part of the Capricorn North Node person’s complex relationship dynamics is that subconsciously, what the native really wants is to be totally dependent on their partner, expecting them to know exactly what they want and need—even if the native never tells them. Then, since this is an impossible expectation, they see their partner as “falling short.”

In order to break this pattern, the native needs to start letting their partner know what they need in terms of support. If they don’t, it blocks intimacy, because if the other person doesn’t reciprocate in exactly the way the native wants, they feel resentful.

For example, when the native insists on feeding their partner, they may also have an expectation that if they’re running late, their partner will reciprocate by preparing food for them. In the native’s mind, this is what they need in order to feel the mutual dependency—even when they know their partner can’t cook! They may totally discount the fact that their partner warmed up the car for them and drove the kids to school so they could be on time.

When dependency is the foundation of their relationships, these people can’t be intimate, because they think that if they risk being themselves, there’s too much to lose. This dynamic is a major factor in the dissatisfaction that both partners end up experiencing. When they gain awareness, the native can finally start to step beyond their fears, and set goals that can make their relationships more vibrant and alive.

For instance, maybe the native has been wanting to set aside one night a week for a romantic “date,” but hasn’t risked suggesting it for fear their partner wouldn’t want to and they would feel rejected. By finally taking the risk, both parties can begin to experience the nurturing, trust, and intimacy that may have been missing from their relationship.

How Others Can Help Them Heal

Prompt Them to Set Goals

When a Capricorn North Node person is upset or confused, ask them: “What is your goal in this situation? What are you aiming for?” Once they have defined the end result they want to create, help them set smaller goals that, accomplished one at a time, will lead to their larger goal. As they reach each one, the feeling of success will energize them and give them the confidence they need to keep going.

Security is of utmost importance to these people, so frame the habit of setting goals as a way to attain greater security. For example, if they feel insecure about a business meeting with one of their parents, ask them what their aim is in that relationship and what they would like to have happen. The overall goal would be to approach their parent in a way that gives them a sense of self-respect—regardless of how the meeting turns out. A smaller goal might be to stay within their own boundaries, or to share information about a success they are achieving in some area of their life. Point out that by focusing on their goal rather than on the process, they become less vulnerable to experiencing an emotional overload.

Take the time to acknowledge their accomplishments, point out how far they have come, and remind them that they attained those successes through their own efforts. When you validate their achievements, it builds their confidence, gives them a sense of self-respect, and empowers them to attain even greater goals!

Encourage Them to Take Responsibility

If an opportunity arises at work that requires them to take on more responsibility, encourage them to do it. When they assume responsibility, they tend to rise to the occasion and then realize how competent they really are. As they prove—to themselves and others—that they can successfully handle additional responsibility, they put themselves in a position to manage others, which is a strong role that builds self-esteem for them.

Discourage their tendency to sabotage themselves by not taking on responsibility. For instance, if you hear them say: “I know that house is a good buy, but I don’t really want the responsibility,” immediately prompt them to buy the house. When they avoid taking responsibility, they short-circuit their own personal power. Help them develop a greater comfort level with being the person in charge.

These people will never feel ready to take on more responsibility, but it will support the best in them if you prod them to go ahead and take the risk of demonstrating their ability to others. Because family and home are so important to them, if you say: “If you take responsibility for being the one in charge, it will bring greater security to you and your family,” they are more likely to step forward. And when they do, life will reward them with abundance, and most importantly, they will have security they can count on because they have created it themselves.

Support Them in Taking Charge and Being “The Boss”

These people are learning to accept the position of the person in charge, demonstrating to themselves and others that they have the courage to do this. One of their biggest obstacles is their emotional insecurity. Remind them that reaching their tangible goals has nothing to do with emotional readiness. In fact, it is often through the process of attaining the goal that one gains the emotional maturity to handle the outcome. So, regardless of their perceived inadequacies, remind them to focus on the goal rather than dwelling on their fear of failure.

These people have a deep need for security. If you frame suggestions in the context of “By taking charge, you can create results you can depend on,” they are more likely to take the risk. When they are in charge, they can easily succeed, since they have the ability to be sensitive to the feelings of those they are directing. Remind them to stay focused on the goal, and to support others in keeping their minds on the goal as well.

Remind Them That Self-Respect = Empowerment

Capricorn North Node people need to follow the path of self-respect in order to reclaim their sense of personal power. Encourage them to make decisions that allow them to feel good about themselves. For example: “If you call your mother about this, will it give you a feeling of self-respect?” Help them get in touch with their underlying motive. If they’re doing something because they think they need another’s support to take action, they will lose. If it’s to increase their sense of self-respect, they will win.

Help them understand that self-respect and the regard of others comes by reaching a goal that in some way requires growing beyond their normal comfort limits. It may be attaining their ideal weight, successfully running a business, or leaving an abusive relationship. For these people, creating success requires taking charge, displaying competency, and not allowing themselves to be distracted from their goal by negative thoughts that stimulate self-sabotaging emotions.

Help Them to Avoid Overemotional Reactions

Capricorn North Node people tend to have overemotional reactions. They often interpret things personally—for instance, interpreting an honest sharing of feelings as criticism. They can become very defensive if they feel in any way attacked or rejected.

These people may use their moods to get attention, gain control of a situation, and/or coerce others into supporting them. Discourage this self-sabotaging habit. Point out that when they indulge their emotions in an unhealthy way, it distances others. And because they become so stirred up in their own negativity, it also robs them of their power. Encourage them instead, to really listen to how others feel without taking it personally.

Habits to Discourage

Spending too much time in their home: Discourage them from spending excessive time at home—bringing people home to eat (rather than meeting in a restaurant) or becoming overinvolved in maintaining their home—as this is one way they avoid the challenges of expanding beyond their personal limits.

Blaming others: Do not allow them to get away with blaming others for their circumstances. If they do this, do not be sympathetic or indulge them.

Making excuses: Do not allow them to get away with making excuses for not taking charge and creating success. They’ll never feel that they are “ready”—prompt them to just do it!