Aquarius North Node People

and North Node in the 11th House

SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS

          Generosity

          Good-heartedness

          Creative power

          Loyalty

          Determination

          A playful spirit

          Innovative insights

MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY

          “If others would just give me what I want, then I would be happy.”

          “Others should notice how special I am.”

          “If a person loves me, they’ll demonstrate it in the way I expect.”

          “Others have no right to oppose me in getting my way.”

          “If others really knew where I’m coming from, they would always approve.”

          “I have to rely totally on myself to fulfill my own destiny.”

          “There’s nobody really ‘out there’ for me who can be my equal.”

          “If I allow myself to fully receive the love that is offered to me, I will lose the passion I seek.”

COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS

          “They are so strong-willed—they always have to have their way.”

          “Everything has to revolve around them.”

          “They are emotionally unavailable.”

          “They have too many expectations.”

          “They aren’t interested in me or what I’m doing.”

          “Nothing I do really pleases them on a deep level.”

Releasing Willfullness

Aquarius North Node people are dealing with an unbridled will that allows no interference. From a positive perspective, this can take the form of the sheer determination needed to accomplish goals for the common good. However, even the best intentions can be presented in an overpowering way that won’t win approval from others. They don’t want to hurt anyone, and it’s not their intention to boss people around, but they do insist on getting their own way without bothering to take others’ wants and needs into account—and they get angry when they don’t get what they want. It’s like a tug-of-war. Usually, Aquarius North Node people get their way because the other person gets too tired to keep arguing.

Sometimes they exhibit their willful temperament overtly, or they may appear to go along with another’s plan. However, if they don’t get immediate gratification they may go behind everyone’s back and do what they want—just like a child. These people are not by nature deceptive, so if they do resort to deception they often become angry at the other person, whom they blame for the fact that they had to indulge in deceptive behavior to get what they want. Naturally, this hurts their relationships. The other person gets furious and feels that the native doesn’t really “see” them or care about them. However, Aquarius North Node people honestly think that if others knew the purity of their deeper intentions, they would approve, and it hurts them when they’re not thought of in the best possible way. They want others to always see them in a positive light, yet when these childish parts emerge, people pull away.

Their willfulness is evoked in relationships when they’re afraid of giving up control and not knowing how things will turn out. But the other person only sees: “Wow, he’s got to have his way 100 percent of the time or he’ll get upset.” It leaves others feeling that they always have to go along with the native, and this makes others want to keep their distance. One of their lessons this lifetime is to become willing to work things out with others instead of forcing others to give in to them, getting their way behind the other person’s back, or breaking from the relationship to get what they want with someone else.

These people’s belief that things should happen immediately—that they should never have to wait to get what they want—also blocks intimacy, because they aren’t taking the circumstances and timing of others into account. Their impatience rushes relationships because they are looking for the end result instead of tuning in to the process. The other person feels uncomfortable and may wonder: “What is this person in such a hurry about?” Often, their relationships blow up before they can even be explored. They aren’t allowed to evolve naturally through the elements of time and proven interaction.

If a man meets a woman and says right away: “This is the girl I’m going to marry,” her natural response may be: “He’s not even taking the time to get to know me. He just wants me to fulfill his destiny.” Others feel resentful when the native doesn’t take the time to get to know them. They feel involved in the native’s fantasy, rather than being seen as a real person whose dreams for the future also have merit. This can cause others to feel that the Aquarius North Node person only wants to be in a relationship with them for what they can get out of it for themselves.

Overcoming Attitudes of Superiority

People with this nodal position have strong past life memories where their superior positions in society set them apart. Many lifetimes of being the king or queen activate them to be in the driver’s seat, and they have no qualms about telling others what to do, often in a rather imperious manner. On one level, this blocks intimacy because the other person feels that they’re being “commanded” all the time. But on a deeper level, it interferes with the native’s ability to create intimacy because they feel that they have to be in charge and totally rely on themselves and their own vision in order to fulfill their destiny. They think that they can’t stay on track if they let anyone else in—that no one else can bring them happiness or help them discover the right thing to do. They may not even see or acknowledge how others have helped them along their path so far.

Despite these unconscious issues, Aquarius North Node people come into this lifetime with a deep longing to feel equal with others. However, they are confused about how to bring this about, due to their innate sense of superiority. Often, they feel that they can’t connect with someone 100 percent because that person isn’t smart enough, rich enough, capable enough, etc., to be their equal. There’s always some way that others don’t measure up to their unconscious standards, because they’re seeing the other person’s flaws rather than what they actually have to offer. They focus on ways that others are inferior to them—rather than the areas where another may be superior—so they are always creating a sense of inequality in their relationship that blocks intimacy. The other person feels like they are never good enough.

For example, a client with this nodal position was with her boyfriend and mentioned the movie she had seen the previous night. He said: “Oh! I wanted to see that with you!” She shrugged and replied: “Well, you weren’t here.” He said: “But I told you I wanted to see it with you.” She responded: “Well, you can go see it by yourself.” He replied: “You know I don’t like to go to movies by myself.” Then she responded: “You know, it’s not a big deal—you buy your ticket, you take a seat…” Her attitude said: “I can go to the movies by myself, why can’t you?”

The result of this interaction was that my client felt superior and her boyfriend felt like she didn’t really see who he was or care about what he wanted—it was isolating for both of them. In fact, when these folks respond from this position of willfulness and superiority, everyone loses. One way they could work to overcome these innate feelings would be to deliberately notice the ways in which those close to them are superior to them. Maybe they play volleyball better, exhibit more self-discipline, or have better people skills. By becoming aware of others’ strengths, they can more easily relate to them as equals.

This issue is most difficult with their close one-on-one family, romantic, or business relationships. With their friends, a sense of equality comes more naturally because they relax their awareness of themselves and their “role.” Rather than focus on what they want, they are concerned with promoting their friend’s happiness, and then find that they feel happier as well. This is why they have such good luck with—and are so fulfilled by—their friendships. In this same way, when they learn to be truly concerned with increasing the happiness of business partners and close loved ones, they will also experience greater joy and satisfaction in their own life.

Intimacy and caring can only flow freely through a bond that is based on a mutual sense of equality, where both parties can express their views and have a say in creating mutual goals in the relationship. Unconsciously, Aquarius North Node people often enter into partnerships with people whom they could never be with permanently. Because they believe that there’s no one out there who can be their equal, they tend to settle for less. One client with this nodal position told me: “I choose men who are very damaged—or men who are beneath me—so I always feel that I’m not being met as an equal intellectually or emotionally.”

What keeps these folks from being vulnerable and intimate is the idea that they are not with an equal, and so the relationship won’t last. But when they say, “There’s no one who’s my equal,” what they are really saying is that there is no one who is exactly like them. In truth, no one has their exact strengths, but no one duplicates their exact weaknesses either. They are learning that healthy relationships are usually comprised of similarities and individual differences. In intimate relationships, they are learning the importance of feeling affinity in the areas of common enjoyment and compatible goals as well as basically liking the other person and their style. By constantly judging others “inferior,” these people can lose the ability to accurately recognize their own healthy attraction to those with whom they could experience true affinity and create happy and successful long-term relationships.

Seeing the Big Picture—Including Others

Aquarius North Node people have had many lifetimes in positions of power, focusing on what they wanted and successfully using their will to get their way. Over time, the deliberate self-focus that was necessary for their creative will to manifest has resulted in a loss of sensitivity to the bigger picture. This includes a decreased inclination to take the wants and needs of others into account before making decisions or taking action.

In this incarnation, those unresolved habits from the past can cause these people to have a difficult time experiencing success and happiness in their relationships. They are good-hearted, but have become accustomed to ordering others around. It’s all about them and what they want, which is actually a naive quality that stems from this missing awareness of what others want. Before summoning their powerful will to go forward in a direction that affects another, they need to learn to check in with the other person. When they experience resistance, it’s an indicator that they’re not paying attention to what’s going on with that person.

For example, I had an Aquarius North Node client who told her husband: “Honey, either we find a bigger house in New York or we have to move to a different state where we can afford a bigger house. We have to do what’s best for our children.” She came across to her husband as: “I already know what I’m going to do and I’m just letting you know,” instead of “I want to discuss this problem with you so we can find a solution together.” She had even decided that her parents should move, too, so that they could continue to babysit the kids—and she hadn’t consulted them either!

These people think they know what’s best, and are positive that they can manifest whatever they have in mind. Their energy and attitude make others hesitate to give them feedback because they think the native has already made up their mind to proceed and doesn’t care about how it affects them. The other person feels like they don’t get to vote on what is supposed to be a mutual decision. And if the native hasn’t allowed the other person to help create a solution, then they feel totally responsible for fixing the problem. This blocks the joy of taking time to find a shared solution, and in this way they often miss the opportunity to seize moments for the closeness of co-creation when they emerge. In the above example, the wife could back off from her “solution” and deal more with the problem by saying: “Look, now we have three kids and a house that’s too small. What do you think we should do?” This would help create feelings of equality and intimacy as she and her husband both shared ideas for a solution and shared responsibility for making it happen.

Aquarius North Node people think they lack diplomacy in knowing how to express their wants, but actually what’s missing is this factor of first checking in to discover the wants and needs of others in the situation. This myopic tendency can bring them a lot of hurt in relationships. Even when they are helping others, it has to be their way, and they don’t always keep the other person’s limitations in mind. The person they are helping often feels the demand: “If you don’t do what I want, I won’t be nice to you,” and in fact, if others don’t agree with them or bend to their will, they can turn on them without thinking. But the end result is that when they don’t take the Big Picture into account and consider the needs of others, they meet with resistance.

Conversely, when they DO take a moment to glimpse the Big Picture that includes the wants of others involved in the situation, they are masters at creating a scenario that others will joyously cooperate with because their needs are also getting met through the plan! In this way, the natives have an uncanny ability to create win-win situations. Obstructions are part of the process of creativity, showing us how to navigate toward successful outcomes. In fact, the opposition of others can show these folks exactly where they need to pull back, reevaluate, and tune in to the individuality of the other person—their talents, strengths, and weaknesses.

When others obstruct their will, it’s only because the native isn’t seeing where the flow of energy is going and what will actually work in that particular situation. To succeed, they need to discover what others want so they can reconnect to the Big Picture. They can begin by listening to what others say they want—what is important to them, and their dreams for their own lives. By actively seeking more information from others before making decisions, they gain the knowledge they need in order to adjust their direction and take creative action that will allow the situation to manifest positively for everyone involved.

Ironically, Aquarius North Node people are uniquely gifted in being able to support others in making their dreams come true. This requires a willingness to step back, see things from the other person’s point of view, and then offer suggestions that are in alignment with who that person is and what will work for them. If they don’t take time to tune in to the bigger picture, they may inadvertently withhold positive solutions that could greatly benefit themselves and others.

The habit of viewing all relevant input as part of the Big Picture can have enormous ramifications in these natives realizing their life goals. An example of this is Albert Einstein—an Aquarius North Node person. He exhibited the gift of being able to tap into the Big Picture of what is going on.

Einstein spent his final twenty years attempting to find the “theory of everything” that unified the laws of gravity with the laws of relativity. Quantum physics sprang up during that time, but because of its basis in random motion (rather than the predictability of both gravity and relativity), Einstein discounted the validity of the findings. Perhaps if he had included in his calculations the knowledge that was emerging, he would have had the pieces of information he needed to have a “Eureka!” moment into the “theory of everything” he was seeking. These natives are learning to include “opposition” as part of the bigger picture of pieces being given to them to successfully realize their goals.

Breaking the Cycle of Expectations and Disappointment

Aquarius North node people have the idea that they know how the “script” should unfold in each situation, and if others would only do things their way they would be happy. So their whole idea of happiness is limited to this childish orientation of others giving them exactly what they want on a moment-to-moment basis. However, if this were to actually occur, it would just create a state of non-disturbance and not the vitalizing flow of energy that they are seeking. But as long as the native holds on to this notion, when the other person doesn’t do what they want they become stubborn and willful. This blocks emotional intimacy on the native’s part because they are constantly on the alert for any little thing where the other person is not meeting their expectations. They feel like they have to step in and take charge to bring the other person back in alignment with their agenda. This creates pressure in relationships because others are never allowed to simply be themselves.

These people can behave very selfishly—like royalty—taking only their own needs into account, and expecting their partners and loved ones to meet those needs. For example, the father of one of my clients had this nodal position, and when she was a teenager he expected her to come home from school every day to fix his lunch. When she didn’t perform the way he wanted her to, he wouldn’t support her—even though he was the parent. His childish self-focus blocked the development of their relationship. For instance, it never occurred to her father to use lunchtime to talk with her and establish intimacy and friendship by learning more about the current events in her life. In fact, she remembers thinking: “Who the hell are YOU?” in response to his expectations and his imperious attitude.

People with this nodal position are capable of indulging in very childish behavior. I had another client whose husband’s North Node was in Aquarius. When they renovated part of their home, things were in upheaval for longer than they expected. He couldn’t imagine it ever getting done, and was furious every day because he refused to look at the bigger picture. He went on and on about how it was never going to happen, all the months he had to put up with confusion. These folks are learning that situations in their lives become much more joyful when they shift their focus from how things are inconveniencing them to helping the other person manifest their dream.

Typically, these natives don’t believe the other person will do what they say, and forget the importance of the step of acknowledging how much progress the other person has made. This blocks intimacy because instead of being supportive, they assume that their partner will not follow through and keep their word. So the other person is constantly fighting the native’s negativity about the future. In this case, rather than support my client by helping her finish the project, her husband stayed apart and complained about how hard the whole lengthy process had been on him. Like a child, he only saw that he wasn’t getting his way on an immediate basis.

Another way Aquarius North Node people’s willfulness blocks intimacy is when they don’t acknowledge any good that happens apart from their expectations of how things ought to unfold. When others fail to perform according to their “script,” they interpret it as disloyalty and may become furious. Rather than support their partner in the process of growth and affirming the progress that was made, they tend to dramatically point out how disappointed they are because the partner hasn’t met their expectation. A shortsighted reaction to not getting their way blocks intimacy because it gives the other person the message that the native doesn’t care about them as an individual.

Not only do these people have expectations about how others play their roles, they also tend to project what action is going to make the other person happy. For instance, they may say, “This is what you need to do to make you happy,” but it may actually be what would make the native happy. This blocks intimacy and true rapport, because the other person doesn’t feel “seen”—and they’re given instructions to do something that they may know intuitively isn’t going to get them what they want.

In every aspect of their life, these folks honestly think that if others would only play their role right, everything would work out for the best. Their child ego is so strong that when something doesn’t go their way, it’s actually “crazy making,” because it feels like a survival issue to them, which is why they overreact. Of course, this mechanism further blocks intimacy, because their partner begins to withdraw—they don’t want to confront the native’s craziness and they get tired of feeling like they don’t ever measure up to their expectations. The native pulls back because they think the other person doesn’t want to please them. They create distance by holding on to ideas that others have to show their caring in particular ways. For example, they may say: “If you really loved me you’d pick me up at the airport.” But this may not have anything to do with their partner’s level of caring. The other person may feel: “It doesn’t make any sense for me to pick you up. It would take me two hours, when it only takes forty-five minutes for you to get here on the shuttle—and then I’ll have more time to spend with you.”

When others don’t do what the native wants, their first thought is always: “Why are they doing this to me?” But very seldom are others really being spiteful or mean. The other person is usually just being themselves and trying to express Love in their own individual way.

These people need to recognize that everything that happens is part of the Big Picture, and that their worst enemy is their own resistance to life leading them in this way. Opposition or a difficult interaction is their friend, because it forces them to identify the next quality they need to integrate into their personality in order to learn to interact with others on a higher level, to successfully create the results they want. They are learning that happiness is in the exchange of positive energy between two people. When they explore something outside of themselves to see what the other person wants and help them to get it, then the Aquarius North Node person experiences the vital flow of energy they have been seeking, and feels true happiness.

Learning to Receive Love

Aquarius North Node people have a strong sense of self-direction—they want to stay in control and do things that they think will make them happy. They don’t want to be subject to somebody else’s idea of how to spend their time, what to do, etc., even if it means that their partner feels left out, sad, and lonely. For example, I had an Aquarius North Node client whose boyfriend said: “Come and sit on the sofa with me and watch the game.” When she said no, he responded: “Well, gee, you’re not doing anything…why won’t you just sit and watch the game with me?” Her attitude sent a signal that said: “What I want to do is more important than what you want us to do.”

This lack of receptivity to invitations from others defeats intimacy for both parties. The other person feels unimportant and left out of the native’s world, and eventually stops trying to create closeness because the native always rejects their invitations. And the native thinks that their relationships only work when they initiate closeness. They are learning to recognize when the other person wants to be close and be more responsive to their overtures. Then they won’t end up appearing to be emotionally unavailable to those who are closest to them. Until they become conscious, their will is so strong and their attention so totally focused on what they want, often they are not deeply aware of those in their immediate environment or open to meaningful interactions with them.

Aquarius North Node people can be so caught up in the role of giving love in order to impress their partner, they aren’t, in fact, present to the love the other person is giving back. Their partner senses that it’s pointless to share their emotions with the native—there’s no receptivity, which of course blocks the flow of Love. When others do risk sharing their feelings, the native usually doesn’t respond with compassion or understanding, which definitely shuts down intimacy. Over time, this can make the other person consider looking around for someone else with whom to share an emotional bond.

These natives are learning to be more open to receiving and appreciating the Love that others are bringing them. Until they do, if things don’t unfold according to the way they think others should show their caring, they interpret it to mean that the other person doesn’t love them—and then they withdraw their heart. They end up feeling constantly disappointed and unloved, because their expectations and the role they are playing prevent them from receiving the Love that is actually being offered. For example, a suitor may go out of his way to bring exotic flowers, but because they expected roses, the native may be disappointed rather than pleased.

One of their important lessons this lifetime is learning how to receive Love—how to be open to others demonstrating their love in their own way. This means really seeing what the other person is offering and the intention behind it, and graciously accepting it. They are finding out that other people are simply being themselves, and that we all have different expectations and ways of demonstrating Love. They are learning to go beyond the limits of their own expectations so they can recognize, appreciate, and accept the different ways that the people around them show their caring and support.

This lesson can be difficult for an Aquarius North Node person. Because of their past life experiences, they carry an innate fear of “loss of self” if they don’t totally rely on themselves to create their own destiny. They feel that if they let go of the control, and let someone in, they won’t have enough creative power to manifest the things they want. And yet it is crucial that they learn to let go and open their awareness and their heart to others, because this is not a “do it yourself” lifetime for them. Their life won’t really work and they will not be able to create true happiness if they stay isolated in the center of their universe.

Although there is no vitalizing energy or love available to them when they aren’t taking others into account, Aquarius North Node people fear that if they fully open to another and receive the Love currently offered to them, they will lose the passion they seek—the ideal love partner. What is actually true is that they would lose the “high” they get from their fantasy. They are learning that a true “high”—the deep satisfaction of closeness and intimacy in a relationship—is created by also being open to the other person and what they want—working it out together and doing things together. Even when they forget and react in a way that hurts their partner’s feelings, it’s always possible to apologize and go back to get it right. This demonstrates that they do care about their partner’s feelings, and are trying to be aware of what is important to them.

In this lifetime, they need the talents and energy of others in order for their aims to be realized. Maybe someone else can see the native’s destiny and could help them achieve it. They are learning to avoid allowing their total self-reliance to block their partner from really affecting their destiny, in terms of what they do, where they live, the interests they pursue—as well as how they get from point A to point B. They are learning to let others help.

One way to begin exercising this new muscle of cooperation in their psyche is to create situations where they are fully participating with others and using their innate talents to further a mutual goal. This will relieve the resentment that results from thinking “I have to do it all myself,” and build intimacy by allowing their partner to feel that they have an impact on the native’s life. These people are learning that when others enter their world, they change their destiny—and can make it better.

Decreasing Egocentric Tendencies

Aquarius North Node people see themselves as “the center”—everything revolves around them. Subconsciously, they may even set up crisis situations in their family, professional, or romantic life in order to keep all of the attention revolving around them. It can be hard to get close to them because they are so passionately involved in the drama of what’s going on in their world that they lack awareness of—or interest in—what goes on in others’ lives. For example, one of my clients was going away for the weekend, and her Aquarius North Node daughter was worried because her mother wouldn’t be there if she needed a break from her children. Her mother’s need to get away for a few days wasn’t meaningful to her. Naturally, this made her mother feel like she wasn’t very important to her daughter except to fulfill her daughter’s needs.

These people can be so lost in their own drama that they become insensitive to the upsets or crises that others are going through. They may make offhanded remarks like “Everything will be all right—just get over it,” with no awareness of the bigger picture of where the other person is at in the situation. A lack of willingness to relate to another’s drama blocks intimacy, because the other person doesn’t feel cared about or deeply understood. They may think: “They’re just telling me what to do rather than seeing who I really am and sincerely trying to help me.”

One reason this nodal group is so self-absorbed is a strong, internal feeling hidden in their psyche that they are single-handedly responsible for creating everything that they—and those who are close to them—need on a survival level. They honestly believe that they can hold everything together—for themselves and for everyone around them—if they stay at the center of their universe. Because they take total responsibility for what is created in their life, they want their choices to be totally based on their own inner persuasion—not dependent on others in any way—since they hold themselves completely accountable for the outcome.

Over time, feeling like everything is up to them becomes exhausting. Also, this issue blocks intimacy because the focus is always on them—they are constantly at the center of the drama—and on their interactions with others. This places the spotlight totally on the native and gives them an exaggerated sense of the importance of their role in their own destiny and in their relationships. They feel that everything that happens to them—including others’ reaction to them—is caused by something they’ve done, so they take everything personally. When someone is simply being themselves, and in some way criticizes the native, the Aquarius North Node person tends to think that something they did provoked it. This blocks intimacy because they are afraid to truly be themselves and express who they really are since they don’t want to experience disapproval.

In fact, these people’s desire for the approval of those who are close to them is insatiable—they can never get enough. They view approval as a sign that others see the purity of their intentions. They normally go through life feeling that others don’t really understand where they are coming from. So they tend to act out a role—trying to be what they think will please the other person instead of showing their real self. They also have a tendency to glamorize themselves in order to appear more attractive to whomever they are trying to impress. This usually has the opposite effect, since true communication breaks down when the need for approval dominates.

The desire for approval also blocks intimacy because if the other doesn’t approve of them in a given moment, they think it means that their partner doesn’t understand and love them. This strains the relationship on both sides: The native feels rejected and unloved, and the other person feels forced to respond a certain way. Both parties end up withdrawing from trust and closeness. However, it is much worse for these people when someone doesn’t respond to them at all.

They are so accustomed to being seen as “special” in past lives, when people don’t respond to them, they feel invisible. This triggers insecurity. They can go out of control trying to force a response one way or another. In this type of situation they will push others because they feel that even a negative response is better than no response at all. Their pride gets hurt, it becomes a big drama, and it drains them. It also disorients their worldview. They think: “How is it possible that I can be operating under one set of assumptions, and someone else has a different set of assumptions?” They are likely to take the responses of others personally—as a reflection of them—and feel defensive.

All this is part of the larger issue of Aquarius North Node people believing that if others would only relate to them according to their “script” and give them what they want, then they would be happy and their happiness would then magically make all those around them happy too. In reality, however, it is when they focus on supporting others in manifesting their dreams and fulfilling their destiny that natives do, in fact, create happiness for all concerned. It is a cooperative, win-win orientation that works best for them.

They are learning that their life can, indeed, unfold in a magnificent way when they become the director of the performance, rather than the star. The star openly displays their own talent, while everyone else takes responsibility for making the performance work on a practical level. The director, on the other hand, is aware of the unique talents and specialness of other people involved, and works to highlight and blend their individual gifts in a way that elevates the shared creative performance and brings it alive.

For instance, in a family situation, the “director” would be aware of the temperaments and passions of all the family members—what makes them happy—and then will orchestrate things so that each individual can contribute in ways they enjoy and are good at. Applied to a work situation, the “director” would be aware of strengths and weaknesses of everyone on the staff, and give each one a job they are suited for by temperament and talent. This is the way in which the native’s positive intentions can be realized.

These people are, at their core, generous and good-hearted. As they learn to let people in, they are able to see the goodness in others, and give them approval and support. In return, they will receive the appreciation and acknowledgment they have been seeking. When they are working cooperatively with others toward a common goal and the creative aim is reached, everyone is happy, and the native feels vital, happy, and secure.

Succeeding in Sexually Intimate Relationships

When Aquarius North Node people enter into a romantic relationship, they respond like a kid in a candy store. They are so excited to feel the energy of romantic attraction and rediscover the potential of erotic love that the fear of loss arises instantly—before they have even really known the other person in terms of true compatibility. When they encounter romance, they want it so much that they become blinded and paralyzed with fear of losing the person who has evoked this happiness within them. So instead of their usual behavior of childishly insisting on having their own way, they become like a child who is trying to please the “parent,” so that the other person will love them and stay.

At this stage, the native goes out of their way to get the other person’s approval. They try to “tune in” to what they think the other person wants them to be, and then begin to play that role. They are dependent on the other person’s approval and become intensely watchful of their partner’s response to them. They constantly shift their presentation of who they are to try to be what they think the loved object wants. In this process, they lose themselves and end up becoming co-dependent. They are consumed by the intrinsic passion of their own nature that instinctively becomes totally involved in whatever it is creating.

One result of taking such total responsibility for the outcome of the relationship is that it creates enormous internal conflict. They want to please their partner, but fear taking action because they may not be able to control the results. They think: “What if I say or do something and my partner reacts with displeasure and disapproves of me?” So they begin to revolve around the other person’s world. Subconsciously, they think that if they become indispensable to the other person, they will stay. The native will do anything they can to please the love object, but it’s because they want to control the relationship they are afraid of losing—it’s still all about them!

A client said of his Aquarius North Node girlfriend: “She tried to please me because she wanted me to like her, when I just wanted her to like me for who I am. But I felt she never really saw me as an individual.” The problem is that the native becomes so involved in the process of creating “the perfect love” that they often lose touch with the reality of the actual person with whom they are in a relationship. They act out the “role” of being in love, and although they do things for their partner that would seem to demonstrate their love, they’re not really responding to the other person. This blocks intimacy, because the other person starts feeling like they are only a puppet of the native’s fantasy.

Indeed, the main reason these people’s love lives are often so unfulfilling is that they try to build a relationship with an “ideal”—not with the actual person with whom they are interacting. Over time, the native may finally notice that their partner doesn’t measure up to their ideal and become disenchanted. Then if their fantasy fizzles out, they may say: “That’s it, I want to leave,” and that’s the end of it; or they may revert back to the usual pattern of being very demanding.

In the end, they didn’t actually appreciate the other person—it was a fantasy of love. However, right up until that moment, they kept trying to please the partner and keep them in the game. This blocks intimacy because their partner perceives that something isn’t “right” and they feel insecure. They can discern the native’s projection onto them and sense that there is an incorrect motive underneath their behavior. Eventually the partner leaves—or the native leaves. The bond breaks because it was based on a fantasy of love, rather than truly seeing and appreciating the other person, and letting the other person see and respond to the native’s true self.

When Aquarius North Node people have been through enough painful romantic episodes in which they have felt consumed, then eventually disappointed and hurt, they come to the conclusion that what they need is a relationship where they don’t feel so obsessed with the other person. They begin to draw in people with whom they lack passionate affinity. Then they don’t have to face the challenge of mastering their co-dependency tendencies, because the other person doesn’t arouse the energy of intense passion within them.

For example, I had an Aquarius North Node client who, after numerous painful love affairs, finally met a man with whom she did not feel obsessed. She thought it was great—she was sleeping with him but wasn’t consumed by her feelings for him—so she married him. But as it turned out, she wasn’t really connected with him and didn’t appreciate him as a person. At their wedding reception, he was on one side of the room with his friends, and she was on the other with a different set of people. Their marriage lasted two years.

Intimacy is based on true affinity—an innate connectedness where something in the other person naturally resonates with something in you. Marriage is the most intimate of unions, and without true affinity it doesn’t last, although the outer appearance of union may still be there due to the tacit agreement of both people.

Instead of turning their back on strong feelings of connection, these folks can learn to avoid the pain resulting from their tendency to romantic fantasy by following up true mutual attraction with gaining more actual knowledge about the other person. The idea is to respond to a potential mate by first getting to know them better: “Do they want to be in a relationship at this point in their lives? What are their dreams and aspirations? What things inspire them?” Then they would need time to observe each other’s talents and personalities; what they each enjoy doing and each person’s individual “style.” The appreciation of each other as individuals will either grow or lessen—at least it will be based on the reality of innate affinity.

Aquarius North Node people need to be with someone who INNATELY wants the same things in a relationship that they do. Both parties would need to look at the Big Picture of what will work over the long haul for them as a couple. This requires being aware of who the other person really is, their dreams, and actively encouraging the best in them. It’s not about being “the star” and waiting to be courted in a certain way, or playing a role to please the other person. It’s about finding true affinity and then taking the creative stance of doing what is necessary to invite the best in both parties to shine through—seeing the Big Picture of how both people’s dreams can be filled in the context of the relationship. And in the process of listening to what the other person wants and their ideas for how to keep the fires of passion burning, the native will have the opportunity to see new ways of relating and maintaining a healthy relationship over the long haul that are beyond what they had imagined in any fantasy.

How Others Can Help Them Heal

Urge Them to Be Aware of the Wants and Needs of Others

Unconsciously, Aquarius North Node people are constantly seeking approval. They get hurt easily because if someone doesn’t give them their way, they tend to take it personally as a sign of disapproval. Increasing their awareness of the aims others have in the situation—and why the other person said no to the native—can help prevent this problem. Beyond their own goals, they are learning to consider what the other person wants for their own life as well. Others resist cooperating with these people when they fail to take into account the other person’s dreams. For instance, they may fall in love with the perfect partner to travel with, not seeing that, in reality, this person views their entire life as happening in the suburbs. Then when their partner doesn’t want to travel, they take it as a sign of personal disapproval.

Before they become involved in a long-term relationship—either personal or professional—encourage them to find out if the other person’s aspirations are the same as theirs. You could say: “If you expect to get your way, you have to see the bigger picture that includes the other people involved and what they want. Then you can see how to navigate the situation successfully.” People take actions that they think will further their own goals. If a person has a dream of pursuing comedy as a profession, they may move to New York, but leaving their hometown is not a personal rejection of the native.

Promote Friendship, Group Activities, and Humanitarian Pursuits

If these people are having problems with a relationship, encourage them to view the other person as their friend, an equal they want to understand and support. Then they will instinctively know the best way to approach them. This is true whether it is their boss, their child, or their romantic partner. Their strongest suit is a friendly attitude of equality, and genuine interest and concern for the other person. You do them a tremendous service when you encourage them to spend time with their friends and to make new friends. Their friendships act as a positive balance for the other parts of their life and bring out their giving nature. Friends enhance their objective view of their current situation, sustain them, and provide them with the kind of support they can most easily accept.

Whenever you can encourage Aquarius North Node people to become involved in a cause that truly engages them—such as promoting equality, animal rights, protecting the environment, etc.—it brings out the best in them and they feel excited about their life. Involvement in a humanitarian cause gives them a purpose broad enough to accommodate their energy and their fiery, creative talents. These people are born performers—they love the drama—and they are likely to be able to exercise their will and determination to create anything that they deem worthy. Also, serving a larger purpose enhances their sense of self-esteem in a healthy way.

Support Them in Helping Others Make Their Dreams Come True

When these people are helping others, they are filled with energy and enthusiasm. If they are feeling lonely or isolated, encourage them to use their creative power to help a friend or to further another person’s dream. When they activate their giving nature with no expectations except helping someone to reach their goal, they don’t experience the chronic fear of rejection. In fact, this is their path to experiencing their own personal happiness and sense of inner equilibrium. They also have a very generous nature, and if you prompt them to help out on the grounds that “it’s the generous thing to do,” they will likely feel motivated and confident enough to proceed.

Focusing on supporting others naturally prompts them to begin asking questions to find out what it is that the other person wants to create in their life at this point in time. Encourage them to gain more information about the other person, especially in their more intimate relationships. Their intention to support their significant other in having their dreams come true can give them the objectivity they need in order to interact with their partner successfully. If the other person resists them, encourage them to step back and see the bigger picture of what their partner wants and needs in the context of the situation.

Encourage Actions and Behaviors That Enhance Their Self-Approval

Support Aquarius North Node people in sharing their insights and their forward-looking, unorthodox ideas, as they are able to give others a sense of future trends. Also, encourage them to be fair with others. For instance, if someone is attracted to them romantically and they don’t feel the same way, support them in being honest with the other person. When they reveal their true self, it allows others to relate to them based on a true appreciation for who they really are. This will lead to more lasting and mutually satisfying relationships. These people value loyalty. If you say to them: “You should _______, you owe the other person that loyalty,” then they will have the inner strength to do the right thing.

If they feel mentally paralyzed in knowing what action to take in a particular situation, you can help by asking them: “What action will bring you an enhanced sense of self-approval, regardless of the outcome?” At the end of the day, if they have taken an action that makes them approve of themselves, it doesn’t matter whether or not the other person approves of them.

If they are conflicted or unclear, it is best for them to withdraw and wait until they see a bigger picture—time is their friend. When their powerful will becomes frustrated, encourage them to repeat the mantra: “I don’t know what ought to be.” That phrase will help them to disengage the dominance of their will long enough to step back and allow things to unfold naturally.

Assist Them in Taking the Time to See the “Big Picture”

When they don’t see the “Big Picture” that clarifies the intent of the other person’s actions, they often take things personally and start making demands on others. This is when you need to encourage them to slow down and gain more knowledge. For example, one Aquarius North Node client told me: “People don’t ‘get’ me. I might state something very strongly and believe it at one moment, but I could possibly change my mind if I get more information. Sometimes people are afraid of me because I have this domineering attitude, but I’m not really as rigid as I appear. I’m very able to be flexible and go in a different direction if somebody gives me more information.” Keep prompting them to see the “Big Picture” behind unfolding events.

Sometimes these people think that it’s all up to them—that what they do or don’t do can determine the results in a particular situation. Encourage them to realize that success or failure is on the shoulders of both people. For instance, if their partner wants to have children and they don’t, nothing they do or don’t do will change their partner’s innate longing.

It helps natives to receive Love when you bring to their awareness the ways in which others are demonstrating their love for them. For example, a boyfriend may not bring flowers, but he does show his caring by helping to fix things around the house. Also, encourage them in pursuits that can give them a greater objective understanding of themselves and others: astrology, numerology, the tarot, feng shui, psychology, or metaphysics. They are gifted in these studies, and through this learning they will gain self-confidence from their talents and objective understandings of the events that concern them. This will allow them to make more positive decisions about their life.

Habits to Discourage

Dramatic displays: These people seem to forget that they aren’t the king or queen in this lifetime. In fact, they are here to learn equality and mutual helpfulness with others, so exhibitions of pride and a demanding attitude are always counterproductive. You can best discourage such displays by ignoring them or simply walking away to give them time to think about it on their own.

Role-playing and “games”: When they want to impress someone—especially a new romantic interest—these people look for “the script” that will show them how to please the other person and win their love and/or approval. Discourage their habit of appeasing others by diminishing their own individuality and personal energy. Prompt them to reveal themselves as they would with a friend.

Diminishing others as a way to increase their own status: In order to establish their superiority in the eyes of someone they seek to impress, Aquarius North Node people sometimes bring up past incidents that diminish the worth of another person. Discourage this negative habit when it occurs by politely excusing yourself from further interaction and giving them a “time out” to consider their words.