ESSENTIAL INFORMATION

The Nodes

When interpreting a natal chart, most astrologers have an area of primary focus. For me, that starting point is the Nodes of the Moon, which indicate the most profound issues each of us is working on in this lifetime.

The Nodes of the Moon are not planetary bodies; they are points formed by the Moon’s orbit around the Earth intersecting with the Earth’s path around the Sun. The direction of the Nodes is counterclockwise: The North Node is the ascending Node (the point closest to our North Pole), and generally exerts a positive influence in the sign and House where it is found. The South Node is the descending node (the point closest to our South Pole). Its effect can be to inadvertently drain energy from the area of its influence. The North and South Nodes are always exactly 180 degrees apart. Some astrologers use the “True Node” calculation (which takes into account the actual wobbling of the Moon’s orbit), and some astrologers use the “Mean Node” (which does not take the wobbling into account). I use the True Nodes. The True Node and Mean Node positions are never more than 1 degree 45 minutes apart from each other.

To determine the sign of your North Node, consult the tables on Frontmatter. To find the house position of your North Node, the house in which your Nodes fall in an important relationship, and the “aspects” showing the Soul contracts between you and another, go to www.cosmiclove.com, and this information will be calculated for you free of charge.

The position of the South Node will always be exactly opposite your North Node (six Houses or signs apart). For instance, if your North Node is in the sign of Aries, your South Node will be in Libra.

Other Factors that Affect Relationships

This book’s focus is on the impact of the North and South Nodes of the Moon in relationships. Therefore, only the nodal aspects are taken into account in clarifying relationship interactions. It is a strong tool in understanding why—in terms of the Big Picture—specific people have come into your life, what the contracts are between you, and what you can do to bring out the positive potential in your relationship. However, it is important to remember that there are many other factors that affect relationships.

From an Astrological Perspective

In synestry (two charts overlaying each other), many factors show Karmic compatibility—including, but not limited to, the following: When one person’s planets fall in another’s 8th House or 12th House, it indicates a past life connection brought forward into the current life. Saturn or the Moon in one person’s chart conjunct a planet in another’s chart indicates deep past life connections.

Some of the asteroids—especially Chiron, Ceres, and Juno—indicate past life influences on compatibility. Naturally, the personal physical planets—Venus (love) and Mars (sex and initiative)—and their placements in two people’s charts have a lot to do with success and ease in the relationship. Completing grand trines in each other’s chart generally indicates that the two people can “magically” balance each other in a way that builds a strong and mutually satisfying relationship.

From a Psychological Perspective

In any relationship, both people’s readiness and level of commitment to success has a lot to do with the outcome. If a person is ready to commit to making the relationship work, and is willing to give the time and energy that can make it successful, many things that might ordinarily be difficulties can be dealt with and overcome in a harmonious way.

No relationship is “unsuccessful” when viewed from the perspective of personal growth. Sometimes experiencing heartbreak leads to deep introspection, seeking counseling, or finding a spiritual path—any of which can bring us far greater success in our next relationship. The people we attract into our lives often hold the key to the next step we need to take in order to complete our own readiness to have a successful relationship.

From a spiritual perspective

Another factor that can greatly enhance the quality of a relationship is if both people have a commitment to a similar spiritual path. When two people are willing to grow and work on themselves, and have a level of awareness that allows them to put the health of the relationship above the ego need to “be right,” then better results are clearly assured. The values and spiritual maturity of two individuals must be naturally compatible in order for truly deep bonding to occur.

Karma Mate / Soul Mate

There is a difference between a Karma Mate and a Soul Mate. A Karma Mate is someone with whom there has been injury experienced in a past life—a debt to be repaid. It’s an inevitable attraction, alluring and familiar at first, although not always pleasant as events unfold. When we feel an intense and immediate connection with another, it is usually unresolved energy from a past life being restimulated.

It’s easy to fall into a close relationship, because on an unconscious level, both Souls know an interaction is possible that could result in mutual freedom from the past life issues between you. It’s an opportunity for each Soul to make a fresh start, healed from a wound you were born with. These relationships, when handled correctly, can yield a clarity and fearlessness that empowers us to rise beyond our greatest visions for ourselves. This is one face of Love.

A Soul Mate, on the other hand, gives us back a part of ourselves that we may have been born without. It’s as though in a past life, this person entrusted part of themselves to us for safekeeping, and we did the same. In the process of interacting in this life, the gifts held sacred in each other’s hearts are given back so that both individuals can become whole and more self-actualized in their own right. They do this just in the natural exchange of energy—an underlying desire to support without any ulterior motive. This is another face of Love.

Uncommon Common Sense in Relationships

Going against the grain

If the actions, style, words, values, and/or history of the person you are entering into a relationship with “go against the grain,” there’s nothing to figure out—let them go! They are not the right match for you! This is not an appraisal of appearance or rules, but of inner affinity. For example, outwardly they may be of a different height, race, or religion than we have been programmed to be attracted to, but inwardly we may feel very happy with them. Trust your inner feeling. One person may have a pattern of being late that upsets us; and another may have the same pattern, but for some reason their behavior doesn’t affect us in the same way.

The prompting to partner with each other—whether the relationship is personal or business—is based on mutual attraction and individual need. As we get to know the other person over time, they begin to reveal their inner selves: their values, the way they view others, and their history. If their words or actions disturb you on some level, what is being revealed is that who they are as an individual is incompatible with who you are.

Since we can only experience a certain number of deeply personal relationships in any one lifetime, it’s important to be selective about those we relate to on an essential level. We all know people who have been married twenty years to someone with whom they are basically incompatible. However, if it is a member of your family of origin, even if the relationship is not comfortable, there may be karma to work out between you.

Sometimes when we feel deeply attracted to another, long-term fantasies come into play and we may become convinced they are a life partner. But as we get to know them better, their actions belie our initial assessment of them. Then we have to make an important choice. Are we going to trust our internal response to this person and say good-bye to them? Or, in essence, are we going to say good-bye to ourselves by believing that we can manifest our fantasy of the other person and change them into who we thought they were in the first place? What is true is that the innate character, values, and intentions of the other person will always win out, and we will have hurt our hearts and wasted our time in the process.

Sometimes when we feel this “going against our grain” when we are with the other person, we may seek to analyze our feeling in an attempt to control the situation. But making it too complex on a mental level can distort the initial simplicity of inner spontaneous recognition that the other person is simply not right for us. They are not part of our destiny—at least not at this time.

Trust yourself

As we walk the spiritual path, the only compass we can trust 100 percent to lead us is ourselves—our inner knowing. If we try to give that ultimate decision-making power to anyone outside of ourselves, we lose. Only we know what is true for us. Others can be light-bearers who show the way, but only we can discern how much of what they are illuminating is true for us personally. Sometimes it happens that part of what they are sharing is true and practical for us to embrace now, and other parts may become true for us later.

In reading the ideas offered in this book, only embrace what “makes sense” and is practical for you to apply at that time. Just take one principle that you recognize as correct for you and focus on experimenting with it in your daily life until you become comfortable with it and are seeing results. Then, when you pick up the book again, you may deeply resonate with another principle and can start experimenting with that.

One of the motivating factors inspiring this book was to encourage others to trust themselves. So trust what you intuitively feel is true for you in reading these pages. And in seeking to understand those close to you, trust your inner experience of the other person rather than what you think you should be experiencing. Just trust your own instincts and the practical results of your experiments.

Definition of Terms

Big Picture: This perspective is gained by stepping back from current circumstances in order to see what is happening on a more objective, Universal level. This includes an awareness of what others need and want in the situation, the influence of any outside factors, and the reason why things are unfolding in this way.

Intimacy: In this book the word refers to emotional intimacy rather than sexual intimacy. Naturally, in a bonded relationship between mates, emotional and sexual intimacies are intertwined.

Karma: (see “The Karmic Wheel in Relationships,” Frontmatter)

Midheaven: This is a mathematically calculated point, just as the Ascendant (or Rising Sign) is a point. The Ascendant is where the Sun passes the horizon; the Midheaven is where the Sun is at its highest point.

Natal Chart: This is a chart of where all the heavenly bodies were at the moment of your birth.

Native: “The native” is an astrological term and refers to a member of the nodal group being discussed.

Nodal Axis: (see North Node)

Nodal Group: This refers to those having the North Node in the same sign.

North Node: When the term “North Node” is used in this book, it is actually referencing the nodal axis: the polarity of the North Node and South Node. For the sake of readability, I refer to the nodal axis by the North Node sign only.

Orb: This refers to the distance between planets, which is measured in degrees and minutes. In calculating major aspects between the nodes and planets, I use an 8-degree orb; with the Moon and Sun, I use a 10-degree orb.

Partner: For the purposes of this book, “partner” means the other person in the relationship. There are many forms of partnership and many types of partners: spouse, lover, friend, child, parent, co-worker, boss, adversary—any person with whom you are experiencing a significant relationship.

Purpose Line: This refers to the basic life lessons you are learning for Soul growth in this incarnation, as revealed by the sign and house in which your North Node is found.

Second Force: This is the natural response to the intention and action of creating something new (“first force”). A fresh idea threatens the status quo, so a “second force” of resistance meets the new energy. And within this opposition is the information needed to successfully implement the new action in a way that is compatible with the existing status quo. To overcome opposition, the most successful response to second force is different for each nodal group.

She/He: At times I’ve used “she” or “he” to refer to a person, but this is not meant to be exclusive to one gender or the other.