It’s Friday. I feel a massive sense of relief since speaking to the book club yesterday. I’m free now. Free to do what I want without inquisitive eyes. Hopefully Farah’s got the message too. I wake up to a blue sky and jump out of bed. I drink a juice and feel an adrenaline high in the shower as I sing one of Bella’s favourite pop songs, which she said I should learn because it’s so uplifting.
After having my say with Kath and the others yesterday, the euphoria of having stood up for myself enabled me to get back to Casey. We didn’t talk about Wednesday night. Instead he invited me to a friend’s house party in Soho tonight. We’ll meet at Tottenham Court Road underground station at eight.
I hurry out of the shower and get dressed for work. I’ll need to go shopping again as I must have dropped almost another size. When I head into the lounge to look for my handbag, Bella is playing Unapologetic Bitch by Madonna.
‘Here, catch!’ She shoots me a mischievous smile and throws over a banana. She looks amazing, having had her hair tinted pink and wearing lipstick to match. We each use our fruit as a microphone. I know all the words. Bella always turns off my jazz and puts on her CDs. I don’t mind.
I’m still whistling that tune as I stride into work. Hugo waves and asks if I’m okay. I give the thumbs up and say how much I like his cheerful yellow tie.
I walk into the office and nod at Irfan.
‘Feeling better?’ he says. A chill hangs in the air. I don’t blame him. Farah is his wife. Loyalty’s important. I wonder if Lenny will ever learn that.
‘Yes. Sorry I couldn’t come in yesterday. Anything I should know?’ I pass him a takeaway coffee. I popped into a cafe on the way over. ‘It’s your favourite hazelnut latte.’
He doesn’t reach for it. ‘You know Farah doesn’t like me drinking those now.’
‘Okay. Have mine. A straight black with an extra shot. I’ve not drunk out of it yet.’
After hesitating, he accepts my cup. ‘So yesterday…’ Irfan takes a sip and puts down the drink. His brow smooths out. ‘The meeting with Felicity went well. Lots of ideas thrown around. You can read the minutes. They should be emailed out to us all today. And Me and Mr Jones, the young adult novel by Kathy Freeman—’
‘How’s it doing? Did it make the Guardian review pages?’
‘That happened last week,’ says Felicity as she walks past and shoots me a quizzical look. Her gaze moves to Irfan and he shrugs.
‘Of course, I mean…’ What’s their problem? I can’t be expected to keep track of every fucking book.
‘We’ve just found out it’s also been shortlisted for a school library award,’ says Felicity and heads into her office.
‘That’s fantastic,’ I say to Irfan. ‘But then Kathy deserves it, the way she’s dealt with such a sensitive subject.’ The story is about a schoolgirl who is groomed by her teacher. Irfan and I suspect it is based on personal experience.
‘Violet, come into my office,’ calls Felicity.
I follow her and perch on one of the chairs opposite her desk. I’m still holding the latte and put it down next to her phone. She hangs her light jacket on the back of her chair, sits down and leans back.
‘Sorry about yesterday,’ I say, ‘I wasn’t well and—’
She holds up her palm. ‘It’s okay. I’m more worried that you seem to have taken your eye off the ball recently. Irfan, he mentioned—’ She cleared her throat. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Yes,’ I reply brusquely. ‘I’ve just been tired and…’
Felicity nods and stares for a moment. ‘Okay. Well, perhaps get some earlier nights.’ She gives a stiff smile. ‘Too much reading into the early hours?’
‘Something like that,’ I say brightly.
‘I hear you and am surprised I’m so chirpy today. I haven’t had a single minute’s sleep. I read Alien Hearts by Casey Wilde. I received the submission yesterday and couldn’t put it down. Before I knew it, my clock said four am.’
‘I’ve read it too.’
‘Irfan mentioned that as he was leaving last night. That’s why I want to chat.’ She grabs the latte and takes a mouthful. ‘How come you got an early look?’
‘Lenny works for his agent. When we were still together, he was so excited and emailed it to me confidentially.’
‘His?’
‘Casey’s a man.’
‘Wow. This author gets more and more intriguing. My gut tells me Alien Hearts is going to be massive.’ She takes another sip of the drink. ‘We need to do everything we can to sign Wilde. What can you tell me about him?’
‘He grew up in a female-dominated environment. He works as a hairdresser. He’s popular with and loves the opposite sex. He’s got nothing but respect for women and I think you’ll agree that comes across in the manuscript.’
She nods.
‘And, of course, it’s not just a romance – it’s science fiction. Casey’s travelled widely and I think that’s put him in a strong position to create an alien world that is very different to civilised western society.’
‘And that alien world is so deep and intricate – dare I say his thoroughness reminds me of Terry Pratchett.’
‘Are you going to put in an offer?’
‘I need to think about my strategy. You sound as if you know him fairly well.’
‘Our paths have crossed a couple of times and Lenny told me things…’ I try to keep it light. ‘You should know that Beatrix Bingham has approached him.’
Felicity’s face darkens.
‘We need to play clever, then.’ She picks up a biro. ‘Although it’s questionable as to whether Alpaca or Thoth are going to be able to compete with the big advances I’m sure the larger publishers will offer.’
‘Casey’s a man of integrity. If he senses our passion, who knows? Perhaps invite him to next week’s party.’ This could work well. ‘Say no pressure, it’s just to give him a taste of how Thoth works. I could pass on the invitation tonight, as it happens – I think he’s going to a do I’m attending.’ I hope she doesn’t press for details about the house party.
‘Oh? A book launch?’
‘Um… it’s a poetry reading,’ I say, knowing Felicity isn’t a poetry fan. ‘It’s a monthly event I go to in—’
‘Great, well that’s an excellent idea. Otherwise he won’t get it until next week and might have made plans. I’ll slip in a personal note. Pass by my office this afternoon and it’ll be ready.’
She opens her laptop, which is my cue to leave. When I get back to my desk, Irfan is on the phone with an over-anxious author, by the sounds of it, who wants to know what we are doing to improve their disappointing sales. I sift through my paperwork and consult the week’s diary. This afternoon I’ll be doing the structural edits on my favourite author’s latest work-in-progress. Before I know it, lunch time is here. Bella can’t meet me for shopping because the spa is too busy. But she’s texted me a list of the kind of outfit she thinks I should wear.
I’ve come to rely on her opinion so much. Sometimes it feels suffocating, but then I remind myself of how low and directionless I was before I met her.
I buy an off-the-shoulder top for tonight and white jeans from the children’s department, just to get that tight fit. Bella had told me to try the girls’ section and said fitting those clothes proved that I had reached the ultimate size. Succeeding gives me a high like no other, as if I’ve achieved something that would be impossible for your average woman. I text Bella to tell her and she congratulates me with a suitable gif.
I manage to get back to Thoth with five minutes to spare.
‘Out tonight?’ Hugo says. ‘Where’s the old Violet? Won’t Flossie miss you?’ He digs my ribs in jest and I flinch. I wonder if his finger left a bruise. There’s no flesh to protect me.
‘How about you? A date?’
‘Brace yourself. I’ve been seeing the same woman for a few weeks. This might get serious.’ He fills me in on the gossip from yesterday. A reality celebrity turned up to discuss Thoth ghost-writing her life story. ‘The camera really does put on ten pounds. There was nothing to her.’
That’s what my book club friends didn’t understand. Wallis Simpson really was right. You can never be too thin.
I spend the afternoon in edits. Half past four and I’m done. I don’t have time for a coffee with Farah and Irfan tonight. Not that she asks. But I still get a hug. She asks if I’m feeling better. Then turns to go.
‘I love your top,’ I say. It’s a beautiful silk.
‘Thanks. It’s comfy, if nothing else.’
‘That shade of green really suits you.’
She doesn’t reply. The couple depart. Inwardly I sigh. So Farah thinks she can tell me a few hard truths but won’t accept them back? She feels she can comment on how slim she thinks I am, yet doesn’t like it when I suggest that maybe she’s carrying a few extra pounds? Well, I’ve done all I can. It’s up to her now if she wants to continue this awkwardness. It’s the same with my retirement home friends. They don’t like to be made to feel old. I don’t like to be made to feel like a child.
I’ve discussed it all with Bella and she’s right.
‘You don’t need to justify yourself to anyone, Bae.’
Bae. Before all else. That word means a lot.
‘In fact, why don’t you delete those friends’ numbers from your contacts list?’ she continues. ‘Because true friends wouldn’t constantly throw negative vibes your way.’
I’m thinking about it.
I tidy my desk and clean the keyboard. I can’t wait to get home and try on my outfit. I go by Felicity’s office and pick up the party invitation. I only ate my microphone banana for lunch, but I don’t need any more calories. I feel energised enough by how things seem to be falling into place.