Bella would have been impressed if she’d been home an hour ago when I got back. She must have spent the night sleeping over at her new boyfriend’s, whereas I left Casey to wake up alone. I wasn’t going to. I wanted to stay in bed and relish every second I spent in his arms. But I’d finally woken up, bleary eyed, around nine o’clock and gone to the bathroom. Fate did me a favour. The dirty linen basket was in there. A pair of Casey’s socks lay scrunched on the floor. Without even thinking, I bent over to tidy them away. But when I lifted the basket’s lid, all I saw in the bottom was a pair of pink lace knickers.
I lifted them out. The label said Victoria’s Secret. I thought back to the Facebook message I’d read between Lenny and Beatrix.
Quickly I got dressed and called a taxi. I left Casey’s invitation from Felicity on my side of the bed and scrawled a note on the envelope saying I forgot to give it to him last night. I thanked him for a great evening.
I thought we’d had something special. I was wrong. Thank goodness I hadn’t let on to him about what I was starting to feel.
I curl my fists, fighting the tears. I won’t ever put myself in a position to be made a fool of again. I sit on the sofa and hold my head in my hands. Just one week to go to the party. I can’t back away from Casey right now. I still want him to sign with Thoth for the book and Felicity’s sakes. Even though things are going to be awkward now between us.
I drag my hands away from my eyes and notice a piece of paper on the coffee table. Someone else has been leaving notes. I lean forward and pick it up.
Dear Violet,
I had to use the spare key to come in last night. I hope you don’t mind, but a neighbour was complaining that Flossie was caterwauling. If you remember last time that happened, she’d got locked in your bedroom. I assumed Bella was out. I think Flossie was upset because the litter tray wasn’t in its usual place. I found it on the kitchen unit, empty and next to a bag of litter. I filled it and put it on the floor. She was bursting.
Love from
Kath x
Poor Flossie. I’d just cleaned out the litter tray and meant to put it down before I left. I look around. Eventually I find her curled up on Bella’s bed. I crouch down and tickle her ears.
‘Sorry girl. Really sorry. It won’t happen again.’
She stretches and pats my arm with one paw. That’s her signal that I’m allowed to give her belly a rub. I run my hand across her stomach and her purr intensifies.
Eventually I pad back into the lounge and study the note again – and the scrawled kiss. I toss it back down and decide to curl up and go back to sleep when I notice a piece of white material on the floor. I bend over and scoop it up. It’s a handkerchief with a K embroidered into the corner surrounded by flowers.
Kath used to embroider before her hands became stiff. She’s often talked of night shifts where instead of going to the canteen, she’d sit with patients in intensive care and talk to them even when they couldn’t hear. Her embroidery filled in the gaps that should have been full of their words. She’d work on handkerchiefs with the initial of their first name in the corner. When they recovered, it provided the perfect personal gift.
I sigh. If I don’t return it, Kath will only come back, probably at a most inopportune moment when I’m in the middle of a facial or waxing. And I should really say thank you for sorting the cat. I don’t need to discard my manners just because we aren’t seeing as much of each other. Reluctantly, I get to my feet and tie my hair back. I slip into my trainers without bothering to wash or apply make-up – or rather, remove last night’s. Normally I’m scrupulous about that. At least I’m wearing my new jogging suit, the one just like Bella’s. I put on a fleece as well. My body misses the natural insulation I used to carry around.
I think back to how warm I felt last night, snuggled up to Casey before it all went wrong. I try not to think about Beatrix and what I found in his bathroom.
Trying not to think of them together, I take the stairs up to Kath’s floor even though I’m shattered. I can’t remember the last time I used a lift at work. That’s one of Bella’s tips on how to fit extra exercise into your day without putting in too much effort.
I knock at Kath’s door and wait. She always takes time to answer. Eventually it opens.
‘Here’s your handkerchief. I found it on the floor.’
Kath doesn’t act surprised and for a second I wonder if she left it there on purpose.
‘Thanks,’ I say and give a tentative smile. ‘I don’t know how Flossie would have coped without you.’
Sometimes I miss the chats we used to have. The coffee and cake sessions that have petered out. I wonder how she’s managing to apply her shoulder cream.
Kath opens her mouth but then shuts it and stares. Her arms stretch out and she leans forward. They slip around my neck. What’s this about? She squeezes tightly before stepping back.
Kath’s crying? Why? I’ve never seen her do that. Not even when her nephew threatened to evict her or when her arthritis was particularly bad last winter. She motions for me to come in and we sit down on her compact green sofa.
‘Sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me,’ she says and blows her nose into the handkerchief.
‘What’s the matter? Is it Norm? Has he tried to up your rent again?’
She shakes her head.
‘Is… is everyone at Sunflower okay?’ What if it’s one of the friends I made feel old and unnecessary? Nora is getting on in years. Perhaps I really upset her. My chest tightens.
‘It’s just… I’m always here, you know – to talk to. I won’t judge. I can help. When you’re ready, Violet. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise things had gone so far. I knew something was up. I shouldn’t have just stood by and let it get worse.’
What is she talking about?
Kath takes a deep breath. ‘I know about Bella.’
Heat floods into my face. ‘Know what? Have you been snooping around my flat?’
‘No, of course not. But I couldn’t find Flossie after she’d done her business. I wanted to double check that she was nicely settled before I left. I found her in Bella’s room. I couldn’t help but see—’
‘See what? Bella’s got nothing to hide.’
‘All this time you’ve kept it secret. I can’t imagine how much you’ve suffered.’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’ My hands feel sweaty. She can’t know the truth. ‘Me and Bella get on fine.’
Kath touches my arm but I pull away.
‘You need to get rid of her, sweetheart,’ she said. ‘It’s the only way. You must know that. She’s bad for you. Let me help. I’ll—’
No. No. This was Mum and Flint all over again. Someone else thinking they knew best when all they’re doing is looking in from the outside. Mum didn’t really know Flint and Kath doesn’t know Bella. How she’s the reason I get through each day. Without her, I’d still be wading through the swamp of self-pity I ended up in after I found out about Lenny and Beatrix.
‘It’s none of your business,’ I say in a raised voice and get to my feet. ‘There is no need for you to worry. Just leave me and Bella alone. She’s a good friend and I won’t have anyone tell me otherwise.’
‘She’s a friend? Really?’ Kath stands up and stares me straight in the face. ‘Because I don’t agree. I can see her exactly for what she is. Her room and its contents told me everything I need to know. And I know that’s hard for you to hear, but she’s dangerous. Enough is enough, Violet. Can’t you see how she’s running and ruining your life? Let go of this parasite before it ends in the worst possible way.’
‘That’s not true. I don’t want to hear any more of your false accusations. You don’t know her like I do.’
I hurry out of the flat, ignoring Kath’s calls. I descend the stairs two at a time and rush out into the garden. I start running, slowly at first. I cross roads and swerve around bins and people. My pace becomes quicker. It starts to rain. I hardly feel it.