‘Violet?’ He steps back.
A woman standing behind Lenny turns her head. It’s Beatrix. Full of confidence, I smile in her direction. Her jaw drops, then tightens as her eyes run over my body that’s slimmer than hers. More golden. More slick. It’s been worth every minute of juicing, jogging and learning about cosmetics just to watch her cheeks turn a fiery red.
‘You?’ she says. ‘But… how… I mean…’ She stops speaking and scowls.
‘Good evening, Beatrix,’ I reply coolly. ‘How brave of you to wear that A line dress. It’s very department store.’ I look up at Casey and pull him closer. Meaningfully, I look back at her and by the way she swallows, I can tell she knows I’ve got closer to him than she did.
Despite the black stilettos, for a second she looks small. Whereas I feel like the fifty-foot woman.
Or do I? This is everything I’ve wanted. Yet Beatrix actually looks great. Professional. Like she always does. Mouth open, she stares my way.
‘Vi?’ Casey looks confused. ‘Is there something I should know?’
His words snap Beatrix out of her stupor and she rummages for her phone. Presses on an icon. For the first time I notice the distance between her and Lenny. They have no eye contact and she makes a particular effort not to get close to him. She holds up her phone and the smile drips off my face as if gravity is pulling it onto the dance floor.
It’s a photo of the old me from my out-of-date Thoth editorial profile. My hair is curly. I’m wearing no make-up and my face is framed by my old purple glasses.
‘I hadn’t realised this was a fancy dress party, Casey,’ says Beatrix in a steady voice. ‘Violet has certainly disguised herself – although I’m not sure what she’s done with all those excess pounds.’
I squeeze his hand. ‘I simply fancied a change,’ I say, keeping my tone bright. ‘I mean anyone can make themselves slim and blonde. It’s not as if it’s anything special.’ Bella’s words sounded so good when I practised them but now they just seem bitter.
Her perfectly threaded eyebrows knit together and she shrugs. ‘I wouldn’t know about that. I was born this way. This is me. It doesn’t require any work.’
Her words puncture my lungs and with them my self-esteem.
‘Please don’t tell me you’ve signed with Thoth, Casey,’ she continues. ‘Did Violet tell you that she used to date Lenny – before he left her for me?’
Casey’s arm feels slack against mine.
‘I thought not. She’s used you to get her own back. Hats off to you, Vaughan. I didn’t know you had it in you. It’s quite flattering, really, that—’
‘It’s not true,’ I stutter.
‘And if her boss put her up to it, well, everyone knows I stole the Earth Gazer series from under Thoth’s nose.’
Casey looks at me. ‘I didn’t.’
‘I guess Felicity would see signing you as the perfect payback,’ she says and smirks. ‘What’s more—’
‘Christ, just shut up,’ Lenny says to her in a low voice. ‘Can’t you tell that something isn’t quite right here?’
What does he mean by that?
I wait for Beatrix’s retort but she simply looks puzzled for a moment, looks at me again and then backs off. Lenny is just about to speak when a senior agent he works for collars him. With a backwards glance, he walks off.
No.
No, I internally scream.
That did not just happen.
Not after months and months of hard work.
I feel sick. Dizzy. Beatrix can’t crush my plans. That stupid bitch can’t be allowed the last word.
And then there’s Casey. Not the author or tool for payback, but the man who’s stolen my heart; a heart that will spontaneously combust if he gives it back.
I grab Casey’s hand and drag him out of the party room. After a quick word with a member of staff, we’re allowed to use the manager’s office. I shut the door behind us and pull Casey down onto the chestnut leather, studded chaise longue. I reassure him that I’ll explain everything. That things are not what they seem.
Does that include me?
‘What’s going on?’ he says.
I can do this. I can save our relationship. Yet I have to turn away for a moment, too ashamed to let him look at me.
Am I ashamed of the old version on the phone – or ashamed of the woman I’ve become?
‘Vi. Is it true? What Beatrix said? That Lenny left you for her? About the Earth Gazer series? That all I’ve been is a player in some sort of revenge plan?’
‘No. I mean, maybe at first.’ I can’t lie anymore. I just can’t. The words fall out in between painful gulps. ‘Beatrix was so desperate to sign you. I knew that turning up at this party with you on my arm would—’
Casey’s head drops into his hands. ‘I thought we were good together. I can’t believe that you’ve just used me.’
I pull his hands away. ‘We are good, Casey. My feelings changed. Can’t you tell how much I like you?’
He looks up. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know you. You’ve seemed like such a sweet person – and intelligent, with ambitious goals and integrity. Have I been dating a real person or has it all been an act? I don’t get it. And why change your appearance so much?’
‘Please don’t do that.’
‘What?’
‘Patronise me. You saw the photo.’
‘You looked great.’
‘Oh come on – just be honest.’ My voice trembles. ‘A man like you wouldn’t have looked twice at the old Violet.’
‘A man like me? And now I’m a liar? Talk about judging a book by its cover.’ His voice is hard-edged now.
Casey pulls out his phone. Enters Instagram. Presses on a photo and shows it to me. It’s a woman with very short black hair. She’s a little bigger than I used to be. Not a scrap of make-up. A fun-filled smile.
‘That’s my last girlfriend. We were together for almost a year.’ He puts his phone away. ‘You assumed things about me that aren’t true. You judged me by my appearance just as you seem to think people used to judge you. I’d say that makes you a hypocrite of the highest order and not the person I’ve… I’ve… Do I know you at all?’
I blink rapidly.
It’s as if I’ve gone to the cinema and ended up watching the wrong movie.
‘But… but Lenny would never have looked at Beatrix if she’d looked like me.’
‘Who or what has made you believe that?’
I think for a moment. Only one name came to mind.
I’d hung onto her every word. I needed a friend and she provided the answers I couldn’t find.
Bella.
‘Please. This is just a misunderstanding. What we’ve got… I’ve never felt like this about anyone.’ My eyes feel wet. ‘You’ve got to believe me.’
‘How can I believe a single word that comes out of your mouth?’ He shakes his head. ‘You know the crazy part? Something that all fell into place when Beatrix showed me that photo? Something that’s been niggling at me?’
‘What?’
‘It started when I washed your hair at the salon and realised it was curly. This jolted a memory but I haven’t been able to pin it down before this moment. I remember because it was Valentine’s Day. We were on the underground. You had your jumper on inside out. I loved your style. And your hair. I thought that was a woman I’d like to ask out.’
The tall man in the cap who’d worn sunglasses even though it was winter? He’d flirted with me. How striking he was.
That was Casey?
He’d liked me, the old me that Lenny had dumped?
But that would mean… everything Bella’s said…
Could she have been wrong?
‘You’d really have manipulated my career, regardless of what was best?’ Casey wrinkles his nose. ‘And here I am thinking you truly loved Alien Hearts.’
‘I did. Do. Casey, at least believe this.’ I kneel on the floor and take his hands.
Please don’t let me lose him.
‘Books have always been what it’s about for me. Not the authors. I couldn’t have encouraged you to sign with Thoth if I didn’t passionately and utterly believe it was the best editorial home for your story.’
He removes his hands from mine and stands up. I get to my feet too. My knees feel as if they might buckle.
‘I’ve been so confused these last few months – about myself,’ I say. ‘My friends. My life. Everything, apart from you. You’re the one thing I’m sure about.’
Casey straightens his jacket.
‘Don’t go,’ I whisper.