Dear Debutante,
Are you in fear of becoming this season’s saddest of creatures, the wallflower? Is your self-confidence lacking? Did you allow too much sun to fall upon your fair cheek? Cut your curls too short? Perhaps your modiste is located on one of Mayfair’s side alleys rather than on Bond Street or Oxford Street.
Fear not. I have been in your position. I did not see it coming. I didn’t prepare for the worst. I didn’t even care if it happened. Maybe that is the most egregious thing of all—not coming to my own defense, nor even attempting to stave off the humiliation, the whispers, and the isolation. Until it was too late!
Well! My arse on a bandbox if I didn’t show them all. And you can, too.
Firstly, don’t say “arse” in mixed company. Not in any polite company, for that matter, but we are amongst friends, no? You and I are undoubtedly kindred spirits, elsewise you would not have obtained this helpful little guide. Thus, should I drop a few improper oaths, I trust you will not think me coarse, merely frank.
I caution you, however, to leave your bear-garden jaw at home in your dressing room and muffle vulgar oaths under your down pillow. As I have learned, when a reserved wallflower does finally open her mouth and speak, everyone will be listening. You don’t want your words to be lowly prittle-prattle, nor should they be lies attempting to turn your geese into swans. Speak plainly and precisely, and you shall stand out above most all other females.
Secondly, while you will be tempted to alter yourself, somewhat dramatically, into a sparkling diamond, readily prepared to take the center spot on every dance floor, don’t do any such thing. I strongly advise you against cloaking your fine attributes of reticence and thoughtfulness under the objectionable traits of simpering and obsequiousness. Neither should you become a garish peacock. Your sweet revenge consists of demonstrating what a flawless peahen you already are.
Accordingly, if you are a blue-stocking, then keep to your books and literary societies. Find those who enjoy conversing upon the intellectual passions that interest you. If you are a horse-woman, then, for goodness’ sake, take your rides through Hyde Park and St. James’s Park, allowing those around you to appreciate your excellent posture and your fine seat.
In truth, the suitor who admires you for the woman you currently are—even with all your perceived or actual flaws when compared to the season’s diamond of the first water—that man is the only one worthy of your heart and your devotion. I learned this nearly too late.
Lastly, regarding the ruder sex, recall there are wall-props amongst them, too. The male of our species is not immune to preferring his own quiet company. If you spy a gentleman at an assembly with his shoulder to the wallpaper rather than dancing merrily, keeping his arms crossed while he surveys those around him instead of making the rounds to secure dance partners, I suggest you approach him.
He may appear thunderous at first, fearing you are either a mutton-headed hoyden or a husband-hunter who hopes he is both titled and malleable. I promise if he is the considerate, discerning type, he shall appreciate your attention, when genuine, for the man he is and not for the grand estate he owns.
Obviously, I could be wrong, and he might be an absolute arse. That word again, carelessly slipping from my lips as if I have had one too many glasses of syllabub. **Confession: I have!**
Thus, I shall conclude by reminding you that you’ll find unsuitable rogues amid the wall-props, just as you’ll discover despicable philanderers and scoundrels in any group of males buzzing around females. Be especially wary of those who use wretched flummery to get under your skirts.
Take heart, dear wallflower. Amongst those single men, be they gentlemen or noblemen, wall-props or jolly dogs, there shall always be a number of stellar individuals. Some may not seem so at first, while others may be close at hand without your initial notice. Keep your eyes and ears open. Do not descend to the level of those who seek to keep you at the wall or behind the curtains. They do so only to remove you from the competition for the eligible males.
Remain true to your nature, and you will vanquish any who have rumped you. Above all, chin up and have a glass of syllabub whenever possible.
You can read about a mortified and mocked wallflower who may turn out to be the savviest of all the single ladies this season in Sydney Jane Baily’s Never Cross A Wallflower. Available for preorder now. Releasing in March of 2024.