Sara sucked in her breath, trying to steady her nerves. Could Herschel’s showing up at the flower shop today be a sign that I should tell him about Mama’s note? She stood frozen to the spot, unable to form any words.
Herschel moved closer to the counter. “It’s been a while since I’ve visited your shop, and since I had some errands in Strasburg today, I thought I’d drop by to see what summer flowers you have available.”
Sara swallowed hard, hoping she could speak. “Umm … what kind of flowers are you looking for?”
“Nothing in particular. I’ll know when something catches my eye.” He tilted his head, looking at her with a curious expression. “I’ve never mentioned it before, but you remind me of someone.”
“Oh?”
“A young woman I used to know. Her hair wasn’t blond like yours. It was red, and she had the prettiest hazel eyes.” Herschel stared off into space, as though he’d been transported to another world. Then looking quickly back at Sara, he said, “It’s your facial features that remind me of Rhoda.”
“Rhoda?” Sara touched her swollen throat. “Did you say Rhoda?”
Herschel moved his had slowly up and down. “Her name was Rhoda Lapp, and I had hoped she would be my wife someday.”
“Oh, really? Then why did you marry someone else? Mattie—wasn’t that her name?”
“For a long time Mattie and I were just friends. We’d known each other since we were babies.” Herschel got that faraway look in his eyes again, and to Sara’s surprise, he even teared up. “But I never had any interest in her as a potential wife until Rhoda broke up with me and ran away.”
Since there were no other customers in the store at the moment, and Misty wasn’t here to tend the store, Sara walked to the front of the building and put the Closed sign in the window. “We need to talk, Herschel.”
He reached under his straw hat and scratched his head. “I thought that’s what we were doing.”
“Mostly you were talking, and I was listening, but now I have something important to say. Please, go over to my desk and take a seat.” Sara pointed in that direction.
Herschel did as she asked, and once he had taken a chair, she grabbed the stool that sat behind the counter and seated herself on it.
Herschel leaned forward slightly with one hand on his knee. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Rhoda Lapp was my mother.”
“She … she was?”
“Yes, but she passed away a few years ago.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Herschel put his hands on Sara’s desk and folded them, looking at her with a grave expression. “If you’re Rhoda’s daughter, then it’s no wonder that you remind me of her.”
Sara now knew without a shadow of a doubt that Herschel Fisher was her father. It was time to tell him the truth, no matter how he reacted.
She cleared her throat and swallowed. “There is something you need to know, and I may as well start at the beginning.”
Herschel sat quietly, his gaze focused on her.
“Shortly before my mother died, she said there was a note she’d written for me inside her old Bible.” Sara paused a few seconds to collect her thoughts and make sure she didn’t leave anything important out.
“But it wasn’t until after Mama passed away that I found the note.” Her eyes began to water, and she sniffed a couple of times. “Mama’s note said her maiden name was Lapp, and that when she was eighteen, she left home and changed her last name. She also stated that her parents lived in Strasburg, and she included their address.”
Sara shifted on the stool and continued. “Mama said she hoped I would get the chance to meet them and asked me to let her parents know that she loved them and was sorry for the things she said and did to hurt them.” Sara paused to steady her nerves. “My mother’s note said that she was too ashamed to let her parents know about me, and that she was concerned about what they would think of her being unmarried and pregnant. So several months later I came here to Strasburg to meet my grandparents for the first time. I was surprised to discover that they were Amish. Mama had never told me of her Pennsylvania Dutch heritage.”
Herschel continued to listen as Sara went on to tell him how, during the time she’d visited her grandparents, she had discovered two old jars filled with slips of paper. “At first I had no idea who had written the Bible verses, prayers, and notes that the jars contained. Then, after my cousin Lenore found one of the jars, she showed it to our grandmother and—”
“Lenore Lapp?”
“Yes.”
“Is she the same Lenore who was courted by my niece’s husband, Jesse, for a while?”
Sara nodded. “But that’s beside the point. The issue is that until Grandma saw the notes and recognized the handwriting, we had no idea who had written the messages and put them inside the jars.”
Herschel pulled his fingers through the ends of his thick beard. “Was it Rhoda?”
“Yes, my mother obviously wrote all the notes.” Sara stopped talking again and rubbed the bridge of her nose. The headache that had begun earlier had increased. Talking about this was stressful, but the fear of Herschel’s reaction to what Sara was on the verge of revealing was nearly her undoing.
“I suspect there is more you wish to tell me.” Herschel tipped his head.
All Sara could do was nod. The words she wanted to say seemed lodged in her throat.
“Go ahead. I’m listening.”
Sara sucked in a deep breath and forced herself to continue. “Yesterday, when Lenore and I were pulling weeds in Grandma’s garden, we found a third jar buried in the dirt.”
“More notes from Rhoda?”
“Uh-huh.” Sara reached for her purse, sitting on one corner of the desk. She unzipped it, slipped her hand inside, and pulled out the all-important note. “I think you should read this.”
Herschel put on his reading glasses and squinted as he read Mama’s message. When he finished reading and looked at Sara again, his head jerked back as he slapped both hands against his cheeks. “I’m your father?”
“According to Mama’s note, the answer is yes, and I see no reason why she would lie about it.”
“But … but—I don’t see how. I mean … if Rhoda was carrying my baby, then why didn’t she tell me about it?”
“Because she found out from someone that you didn’t care about her and had made plans to marry another woman.” Sara’s hand trembled as she pointed to the note. “Did you not read that part?” At this point she felt like shaking Herschel. Was he going to deny what he’d done to her mother?
Herschel’s mouth twisted grimly. “I had no idea. If I’d known …”
“What? If you’d known about the baby, you would have broken up with the other girl and married my mother? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Sara was one step away from shouting at the top of her lungs. She wasn’t setting a Christian example, but she couldn’t get control of her emotions.
He shook his head vigorously. “I wasn’t going with Mattie at the time. I loved Rhoda and only had eyes for her.”
“Then why did she think otherwise? What made Mama decide to keep the truth of my existence from you and her parents?”
“You already answered that question. Someone, and I believe I know who, lied to your mother about my feelings for her.”
Sara jumped when Herschel pounded his fist on the desk. “It was Emanuel’s fault! He told me Rhoda was seeing someone else and that she wanted nothing more to do with me.” His face flamed. “And later, after Rhoda went missing and didn’t return, Emanuel confessed that he had wanted Rhoda himself so he’d told her I was planning to break up with her because I was in love with Mattie.”
Sara rubbed her forehead, trying to take in everything Herschel had said. “If all of that is true, then it’s no wonder Mama left. She felt hopeless, thinking you didn’t love her and believing her parents would turn their backs on her if they knew she was carrying an illegitimate child.”
Tears slipped from Herschel’s eyes and coursed down his cheeks. “I honestly did not know your mother was with child, but one thing I do know—and did back then—is that I loved Rhoda and planned to ask her to be my wife after we finished our crazy rumspringa and joined the Amish church.”
Sara felt some measure of comfort knowing Herschel had loved her mother and planned to marry her. But she still did not know how he felt about her being his daughter. Was he embarrassed by this? Did he want to keep it a secret so as not to bring shame on him or his family?
Herschel got up and came over to where she sat on the stool. He placed his hands on her flushed cheeks and said, “Mattie and I were not able to have any children, and I always wished for a son or daughter. Now my deepest desire and prayer has come true. Although I can hardly believe it, this is truly a miracle from God.”
“I think so too.” She leaned in and gave him a hug. “I’ve waited and prayed for many years that I would find my biological father. And now an empty place in my heart has been filled.”
Herschel rubbed Sara’s back between her shoulders. “It just goes to show that even when people make terrible mistakes, God can take a negative situation and turn it into something good.”
“You are so right about that.” Her eyes misted. “I’m sorry for shouting earlier. I let my temper and emotions take over because I was upset, but it’s no excuse.”
“It’s okay. I understand.” Herschel pulled away slightly, looking lovingly at Sara. “I can hardly wait to introduce you to my mom and dad. They will be surprised to learn that they have a granddaughter they knew nothing about, who lives right here in Lancaster County.”
Sara’s whole body tingled with anticipation. She hoped Herschel’s parents would accept her as easily as he had.
Lenore shook her horse’s reins. Dolly was being a slowpoke today, and she needed to get to the store soon so she could go home and help Grandma do some baking.
Lenore thought about the news they’d received from Ezekiel this morning. How exciting to know Michelle and Ezekiel were now the happy parents of a baby girl.
With the way things were going, it was doubtful she would ever have the joy of being a wife or mother. Lenore didn’t want to sink into self-pity, especially when she truly was happy for Michelle and Ezekiel. But the hole in her heart left from Jesse’s rejection made Lenore wonder if that wound would ever be healed.
The words of Psalm 147:3 came to mind: “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”
Dear Lord, please heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds. Help me to focus on other things, like helping Grandma and being a good schoolteacher. If it’s not meant for me to get married, then take away my desire for a husband and family.
When Lenore reached the grocery store, she secured her horse to the hitching rail, grabbed her purse, and went inside. She’d only been shopping a few minutes when she spotted Mark. She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet and hoped he hadn’t seen her, but it was too late—Mark was heading her way.
“Did you get my phone message?” he asked, pushing his grocery cart next to hers.
“Yes, I did, but I was waiting to talk to you in person.”
His forehead wrinkled. “How come? Couldn’t you have called and left me a message?”
Lenore shook her head. “I’m sorry, Mark, but I don’t want to go up to Hersheypark.”
“Why not? It’ll be fun. You’ll see when we get there.”
“Maybe for you, but not for me. I wouldn’t enjoy going on all those rides.”
“Well, okay then. I guess we could do something else.”
Lenore looked around to be sure no one was close and could hear their conversation. “The thing is, Mark, I don’t think we should see each other socially anymore.”
“What?” His eyebrows rose. “Why would you say that? We’ve been courting a few months now, and I thought we were getting along pretty well.”
Lenore made sure to keep her voice low. This was not the place she would have chosen to have this conversation. “We don’t have much in common, Mark, and—”
“Sure we do. We’ve done several fun things together, right?”
“True, but they were things you wanted to do, and I went along with them, thinking I might enjoy them myself.”
“And you didn’t?”
“Not really.”
“I see.” Mark folded his arms and scowled at her. “You’re just like my ex-girlfriend, Debra. Nothing I did was ever good enough for her. She accused me of being too pushy and always wanting things my way. That’s why, when she broke up with me, I decided to move back here and start over. I thought you and I were getting close and that my future was going to be with you.”
Lenore reached her hand toward him, then pulled it away. “I’m sorry, but I think we should go our separate ways. I should have said something sooner, but I kept hoping things might be different and that—”
His eyes flashed angrily. “Fine then, I’ll look for someone else who will appreciate me for the fun-loving guy I truly am.” Before Lenore could say anything more, Mark grabbed the handle of his cart and practically ran down the aisle toward the checkout counter.
She stood watching him go, wondering if she’d made a mistake. It wasn’t in Lenore’s nature to say unkind things or intentionally hurt someone, but that was exactly what she had done. It’s my fault for allowing Mark to court me. I should have said no in the first place. Now he’ll probably never speak to me again, and who knows what he will say to others about me?