Chapter Twenty-Four

THEY WERE ON THE road by sunup the next morning. Laura turned the big convertible away from the coast and headed due east to connect with the highway that ran up the center of Oregon.

Laura looked over at Bennie. “I hate to leave the beautiful scenery of the coast, but this road is the fastest route to Portland. You can sleep if you want. I know you must be exhausted. You tossed and turned all night.”

“I couldn’t sleep. Let’s have some music.” Finding a station with a strong consistent signal proved impossible, and Bennie switched the radio off in frustration. “That’s driving me mad.”

They stopped at a roadside diner for coffee to go, and once they were back on the road, Laura pressed the gas pedal to the floor. “We’ve got a straight road and light traffic. Let’s see how much distance we can make.”

The panicky sensation of being out of control made Bennie want to grip the dashboard. She fought to stay calm and was almost relieved when a highway patrolman pulled them over. Without a word, Laura followed the patrolman to a small town in order to pay the fine.

A little after noon, they passed a road sign marking the southern Portland city limits, claiming the title, City of Roses. Within sight of downtown, Bennie directed Laura to turn west into an area of steep sloped roads winding through leafy terrain.

“How in the world do you know where we’re going? These streets double back on themselves so often, I marvel you keep from getting hopelessly lost,” Laura said.

The houses were set back from the street and represented a mish-mash of architectural styles.

“This is the most eclectic neighborhood I’ve ever seen. When were the houses built?” Laura asked.

“Around 1910, when families first started to have cars. Driving a horse and buggy up these hills must have been tricky. Until they could motor up here, these hillsides were inaccessible for building. We’re only ten minutes or so from downtown, but separated by elevation from the more modest neighborhoods, so people could be close to town yet exclusive.”

Laura pointed out and named the various architectural styles—English Cottage, Foursquare, Colonial, Tudor, Arts and Crafts. “What style is your father’s house?”

“You tell me. It’s this one on the right.”

A white shingled, three-storied, rambling house came into view.

“Cape Cod,” Laura said, as she turned the big convertible into the steep driveway and pulled to a stop by the front steps.

As they climbed out of the car, Bennie’s father opened the front door and bounded down the steps, two red and white Australian Shepherds at his heels. The dogs danced and barked as Bennie’s father swept his daughter off her feet in a huge hug. He admonished the dogs.

“Settle down, girls. This is Lady and this is her daughter Daisy,” he said as he petted the dogs’ heads. They sat obediently, still squirming with barely contained excitement.

Bennie held on to her father and buried her face in his chest. The two stood together for a long minute before she pulled away, remembering Laura.

“Father, this is my special friend, Laura Clayborn.”

“Yes, we spoke on the phone. I see you found Bennie in San Francisco.” He offered his hand.

“Call me Abel, Laura.” He encircled each woman’s waist. “Let’s go right in. I’ll get your bags later. We’re set up for lunch on the porch. There’s a great view of Mt. Hood today. Not a cloud in the sky.”

Bennie was tempted to put off dealing with the telegram and the package for a while, but she knew that her mind, and probably Laura’s, would be hopelessly distracted until she could measure the extent of the problem she was facing.

“Did the package come, Father?”

“Yes, it did. By special messenger first thing this morning. What’s this all about, Bennie?” Abel asked, concern tinging his voice.

“I want to tell you about it when we can sit and focus, but I will say that Will and I are talking about a divorce and have been for months. He’s been dragging his feet because he wants to stay married, but now, suddenly, when I’m three thousand miles away, something urgent has come up.”

“The package and the telegram are on my desk in the study. Laura and I will sit on the porch and get acquainted.”

The door to the study was slightly ajar. Bennie stepped into the room and smiled as she surveyed the warm, well-ordered, masculine room that had always been her father’s sanctuary. The air held the slightly sweet aroma of her father’s pipe. Covering one wall were shelves filled with an eclectic mix of books—philosophy, astronomy, engineering, alongside the latest novels and even a few volumes of poetry. Scattered among the books on the shelves was her mother’s collection of Native American baskets and pots. Behind the desk, in front of a bay window, was a stand-up draftsman’s table covered with blue-line drawings of an airplane.

In the exact center of the otherwise clean desk was a thick manila envelope stamped SPECIAL DELIVERY with large red letters. She hesitated a moment before tearing it open. It was a divorce petition, filed in Manhattan, with a hearing date set for two weeks.

She scanned the first page and read, “Plaintiff – William Wolff Grant; Defendant – Bennie Elizabeth Grant, Grounds for Divorce – Adultery.” She thumbed through the pages to the section about child custody, where she found confirmation of her worst fear. Will was asking for sole legal and physical custody of Livie. Bennie dropped into the desk chair, her head in her hands.

“Bennie?” Abel tapped on the door before coming into the room and sitting in a chair in front of the desk.

“Father, thank you for being patient about all this.” She looked around the room. “It’s comforting just to be here with you. I think I have memories of you sitting at this desk when you and Mother and I all lived here together. That’s not possible, is it?”

Abel shook his head.

Bennie motioned toward the drafting table. “I noticed the blueprint you’re working on. I thought you completely retired when you sold the business.”

“They ask my opinion every once in a while, I think just to humor me.”

“Father, I need to talk to you about this divorce business with Will. He and I have both been unhappy in the marriage, almost from the beginning.” She stopped and tried to think of how to describe the disappointment that had come between them. “We both had expectations of the marriage and each other that didn’t happen. He expected me to settle into a role as his wife that completely reflected and complimented him, his family, his social circle, and his business. He didn’t want me, he wanted what he could change me into.”

“And you? What did you expect?”

“I expected what you and Mother had.”

Abel shook his head. “Your mother and I found each other by accident, probably much the same as you and Will, and it’s true that over time we grew close as a couple, but it didn’t start out that way. We were different temperaments. I can be bull-headed, but your mother was smarter than me. She knew we were best when we valued our differences, instead of trying to change the other. We worked on that as long as we were together.”

He stared out the window before going on. “I do have regrets, though. I regret that we didn’t spend more time together as a family, the three of us. I believe we would have come to that, but your mother and I thought we had all the time in the world, and we were building the business together. It just didn’t work out as we had planned.”

“I feel so lost, Father.”

Abel went around the desk and knelt to embrace her. “I’m so sorry, baby. What about Livie in all this?”

“I thought having Livie would bring Will and me closer together. Instead, it’s as though he gave up on me as a lost cause and turned his attention to molding her. I know we both love her and want what’s best for her, as we each see it, of course. Agreeing on how to manage that was standing in the way of completing the divorce. Will thought we should stay together, no matter our feelings for each other. His threat was that he’d sue for full custody otherwise, and now he’s carrying through with the threat.”

Abel raised his eyebrows. “I can’t imagine he’ll be successful with that.” He paused. “Unless there’s more than you’re telling me.”

Bennie searched her heart for the courage to tell her father all of it, about her affair with Alice and her feelings for Laura, but she could not find it. “He can be ruthless getting what he wants,” she said instead. “What do you think I should do?” Bennie looked into her father’s eyes.

Abel shook his head. “I can’t answer that for you, Bennie. I’ll just say that you’re my child, and I want you to be happy. Could you imagine yourself happy in a loveless marriage?”

“No. But won’t Livie hate me?”

“However, this comes out, stay as close to her as you can, and give her time. She’ll come to understand.” Abel put his arms around Bennie and rocked her. “How can I help you?”

“I don’t even have a lawyer. We’ve been using Will’s to try to work things out amicably, but that’s all changed now.”

Abel opened a desk drawer and pulled out a black leather-bound address book.

“I’ll get a name of one in your area from my attorney.”

As he spoke to his attorney on the phone, Bennie couldn’t help smiling, listening to his clear, organized explanation of the reason for his call. He wrote a name and phone number on a sheet of paper before thanking the attorney and hanging up.

“Jim said this attorney was a classmate, practices in Manhattan, and has exactly the experience and temperament you’re looking for. Jim will make contact so that your call is expected.”

Bennie wondered if this attorney could possibly be experienced with a wife and mother wanting to be with her child in spite of having committed adultery with one woman and being involved with another one. Unlikely.

Bennie remembered that Laura was sitting on the porch waiting for them. Bennie gave her father a quick hug and led him by the hand out to the sun porch. She sought Laura’s eyes and shook her head almost imperceptibly, trying to convey, “Don’t ask anything. I’ll tell you later.”

“Let’s have lunch, I’m starved,” she said.

After lunch, Abel led them upstairs to adjoining bedrooms with a shared bathroom between. As soon as she was alone, Bennie flopped on the bed and lit a cigarette.

“Come in, Laura,” she said when she heard a soft knock on the bathroom door.

“What was in the package?” Laura asked, as she sat on the side of the bed.

“Divorce papers. He filed on grounds of adultery and he’s asking for full custody. The hearing is in two weeks. I have to get back to New York right away to meet with a lawyer. Can you believe I don’t even have my own lawyer?”

“Do you know why he filed now with you three thousand miles away?”

“He must have found out that I was visiting Alice and jumped to the conclusion that she and I were involved again. Something I had promised not to do. The most troubling part is that Will’s not even pretending to be reasonable.”

“Does it have anything to do with me?”

Bennie sat up and looked at Laura. “I don’t think so. He’s focused on Alice and me if you’re worried that some part of a scandal may rub off on you,”

“I wouldn’t be too sure. That mother of his doesn’t miss a trick. She certainly looked me up and down at the country club, and she may have picked up on my snide purpose in writing that note I left her. My intuition is that she has had struggles of her own, maybe even with the same issues as yours.”

“I’ve had that feeling too sometimes.” Bennie looked down at her hands. “Are you afraid that being associated with me will besmirch your character?”

Laura picked up a china figurine from the nightstand and turned it in her hand. “You’ve never asked me about the details of my life with Charles and the image that we’ve maintained of a normal married couple.”

“I’ve wondered.”

“I’ve always thought that my sexual preferences were nobody’s business but mine. At the same time, I’ve known that people, and I’m talking about both business people and society in general, fear what they don’t understand. When I met Charles at the beginning of my career we became such close friends, soul mates really. He and I both thought getting married would be a solution, a way of not having to explain or make excuses.”

“Have you had long term relationships with women?”

“If you mean have I lived with a woman and excluded Charles, no, and neither has Charles presented me with any rivals, if you want to look at it that way. It’s part of our unspoken pact. I’ve had periods of monogamy with some women. I suppose you might call me a serial monogamist.” Laura smiled ruefully at her own joke.

Bennie hesitated and then asked, “Have you been satisfied with that?”

“As long as the woman in question was satisfied, I suppose I was.” Laura placed the figurine back on the bedside table. She took Bennie’s face in her hands and gently traced her cheekbones with her fingertips. “Let’s get you back home and through this next part.”