Chapter 12

Colt

Keeping Aubrey comfortable and safe was the least I could do, and yet they were two of the hardest things I’d ever been asked to do.

“We can’t stay here,” I whispered to Jace once he’d finished patching her up as much as he could. “He left her in the trunk with a syringe of heroin but, for whatever reason, she didn’t take it all.”

“There’s no low he won’t sink to. You keep chasing this idea of revenge or justice or whatever, and you’re going to end up no different than he is.” Jace packed up his bag and sat it on the floor with a sigh. “A guy I went through residency with has a cabin out by Lake Pipin. They only go out during the summer. It’s in the middle of nowhere, so Devlin shouldn’t be able to find you there.”

“I assume I should have a lock pick handy.”

He shakes his head. He’s offering out, but the burning condemnation still sits just behind his eyes. “For you, that’s a no-brainer.”

“You’re sure it’ll be empty?”

“Who in their right mind would want to be out there this time of year? There is a fireplace though—and when I was there last year, a good stack of wood by the shed.”

“If not, I guess I have to make it work.” I hated the idea of taking Aubrey, in her current condition, to a freezing cold cabin in the middle of nowhere, but there weren’t a lot of viable options left on the table. I had no energy left. I just had to keep moving and stay out of Devlin’s reach until I figured out a new plan.

“How’d you find her, anyway?”

I yawned. If I didn’t get moving soon, we wouldn’t be going anywhere. “Remember those tags I had you run on those two snooping around?”

Jace nodded.

“They’d been tracking Devlin—even though they had no idea about Aubrey, they knew where he’d been spending his time. I’m pretty sure they’re cops.”

“The longer it stews, the thicker it gets.” Jace shook his head. Then arched his back, stretching his chest up toward the ceiling and popping his back. He’d been hunched over Aubrey for nearly an hour. “Whatever the hell is going on, you should get her out of town. She’s going to need—”

“I know.” I stared down at her, clenching my jaw. I understood more than anyone else what the next days and weeks would bring. I already knew she needed more than I could give her.

“I have a vitamin cocktail for her, but it needs to go in a muscle, and I don’t want to wake her up, yet.”

“Leave it. I think I can manage.” One perk to being a druggie—you became adept with a needle very quickly. I inched away from her so I could start packing a few bags, but she grunted and grabbed for me.

There were too many memories and too many emotions wrapped up in lying next to her. Everything I’d buried under drugs and revenge. She was the embodiment of everyone I had ever failed—and that list was still growing. Every erratic breath, every twitch and moan, was my fault.

Devlin would have tormented her whether or not I ever got involved. I had no doubt of that. But it wouldn’t have been to this level. Only Devlin deserved that kind of pain and suffering. Hell, he and Merc deserved a hundred times worse.

“I need to pack,” I whispered, but Aubrey sensed every movement and stirred.

“Keep her still,” Jace said. With little noise, he dug through my closet and started stuffing clothes into an old bag. He rounded the room, collecting things from the dresser and bathroom, before he sat the bag at the corner of the bed, then laid out a thick hoodie and sweatpants next to Aubrey and another pile by my feet. “I’ll go pack up some food and bring more supplies when I come to check on her tomorrow.”

I patted the bed for Isabella to slide up next to Aubrey—hoping the dog’s presence would keep her from stirring too much while I dressed. Aubrey rolled to her side, tightened her hand against Isabella’s fur, then quieted again. I let out a long breath and slid off the bed, quietly tugging on the jeans and shirt.

Aubrey whimpered, then opened her eyes a sliver. “Where are you going?”

“We’re going somewhere safe.”

“Are you sure?”

That kicked the air out of me. There were no certainties in this war. “No, but it’s our best bet.”

“Does it have a beach?”

“A frozen one.” I quietly slid my lock picks into the bag of clothes, then dug a disposable phone out of a box under the bed, knowing that if either of us took our real phones, Devlin could have them traced just as easily as I had tried to trace his.

Aubrey sighed, and the corner of her mouth twitched. “I think I ran out of questions.”

“Well, that’s a first.” I rounded the bed and sat down on the edge where Jace had been working to unhook the tubing from the saline so I could dress her. “Think you can sit up long enough to pull a sweater over your head.”

Aubrey nodded, and I eased her up, gingerly working the hoodie over her head and pulling her arms through. Then, I helped her into the sweat pants, remembering the first time she’d been helpless in my hands. Bringing her drugged and unconscious body home from the club, stripping off her revealing top and G-string and dumping her, unceremoniously in my bed.

Fucking ironic how things had come full circle. I brushed her hair from her face, and she leaned into my touch. Now she wanted my touch. She wanted more than that. But, why?

That part I could never understand.

This was all because of me. She should have hated me. Blamed me. Wanted as far away from me as possible. But she wanted to be next to me. She trusted me to protect her again. To keep her safe.

It didn’t fucking make sense. I brought her into this as a pawn. Used her as leverage. She’d be better off without me. I was the one she needed to be running away from.

Jace returned and grabbed the bag of clothes, slinging it over his shoulder. “I already loaded the food into your car, and I’ll text you the location of the cabin. Anything else you need?”

I shook my head—nothing he could help with. Wrapping a blanket around Aubrey, I lifted her into my arms. “Come on, Isabella.”

After loading everything into my car and turning the heat up, I watched Jace pull away.

Then I reached under my seat for my gun. I had one clip of ammo—I hoped I wouldn’t need more, but there was also something else inside the house calling my name. I needed a smoke. I needed something or neither of us was going to make it through the weekend.

“I need to run back inside.”

“No.” Aubrey lifted her head and grabbed my arm.

I handed her the gun and closed her fingers around the handle. “You’re going to be fine.”

My hands shook as I twisted the knob on the front door. I was so close to the edge and about to collapse.

Every time I looked at Aubrey, I saw Katrin.

Exactly what Devlin wanted.

Almost.

Still short.

I grabbed a second gun, extra ammo, and the bag of weed from the kitchen drawer, stuffing it all into various coat pockets, but as soon as I stared down the front door again, I stopped.

I turned back on impulse, threw the cushions off the couch and grabbed the vial of powered.

Leave it.

I need it.

I grabbed the back of my hair and yanked.

Don’t let it win.

I can’t make it through this without it.

I had to make the thoughts shut up.

I had to make the feelings stop.

I was better off numb.

Stronger numb.

I left Aubrey and Isabella in the warm car while I popped the lock on the cabin and started a fire. Then, I carried Aubrey in and laid her on the futon couch in front of the fireplace. Isabella followed close behind and immediately climbed up next to her while I put away our supplies. The cabin’s pantry had an assortment of dusty cans and jars. As I explored, I slipped my hand into my pocket.

Fuck.

I should have left it.

Now it just taunted me all the more from inside my pocket. I stashed it on the highest shelf behind a jar of sauerkraut and hoped beyond reason that I might be able to forget it was there. Knowing I wouldn’t.

A joint would have to do the trick, unless I could also find a bottle of scotch in one of the cabinets.

I peeked around the corner. Aubrey and Isabella were motionless on the futon. The two things immovably standing in my way of getting shit-faced. Dropping back against the wall, I closed my eyes. How long could I keep this up?

How long until we were all completely destroyed?

I needed to get Aubrey as far away from me and my family as possible. But I couldn’t.

I had to.

What the fuck am I doing?

Helping her? I couldn’t fucking help her. I couldn’t fucking fix what Devlin had done. I couldn’t protect her, take away the pain, save her from the agony to come.

And why the fuck did I feel obligated to do any of that?

She was intended to mean nothing to me. I felt nothing for her.

Nothing. I kept repeating it to myself.

But I was responsible for this. I fucked with Devlin, and he took it to a whole new high. Striking back wasn’t a surprise, but the drugs, the tattoos. I had no doubt that he intended for me to find her dead. If she’d emptied that syringe into her arm, she might have been.

Dead or not, Devlin got what he wanted. I was screwed. Maybe this was worse—god damn it—I actually considered her survival as being worse. But it was. For both of us.

I took her body. And Devlin poisoned her soul. Morphed her entire existence into a faded replica of the woman I’d loved. The woman he’d already taken away from me.

Aubrey took a sharp intake of air, jostling me out of my thoughts.

“Colt?”

“I’m right here.” I stepped forward. “Are you warm enough?”

“Warm enough,” she repeated, then made a sound in her throat. She squirmed a bit, then, held up her arm. “Can you take this out now?” she asked, gesturing toward the IV.

“Jace packed another bag of fluid, you need to have it first.” I blew out my breath through clenched teeth. That also reminded me of the vitamin shot he’d packed.

I dug the bag of fluids and syringe out of the cooler and set up a makeshift holder for the fluid bag with a floor lamp and string. Aubrey kept her eyes closed while I worked, but I couldn’t be certain whether or not she was asleep again. I attached the tubing, then covered up her arm again. The fingers of her other hand traced Isabella’s collar and twisted through her thick white fur. Then, a tear escaped out of her closed eye and ran down her cheek.

My chest tightened. I’m not supposed to care. I’m not supposed to feel.

I squeezed her shoulder, but she rolled away. “Don’t.”

Finally, the kind of response I expected. “I have a shot of vitamins, too. It’ll go best in your hip.”

Her shoulder moved subtly. “Do what you have to do. Then, leave me alone.”

She was already on her side, so I lifted the blanket and pulled down the loose sweat pants. Wiping the site with alcohol before I jabbed the needle into her thin skin.

She winced, and her breaths became quick and ragged. I tried to think about anything else. Escape was the only option.

I capped the empty syringe and dropped it back into the bag. My legs carried me into the kitchen, and I picked up the Ziploc filled with marijuana. My escape—a single joint—was already waiting. Ready. I lit the end and sucked in the hot smoke, holding it in my lungs until my chest threatened to explode.