Carla had woken to an empty house and lay in bed for a while going over the stupid argument with Bradley last night. They rarely disagreed and it hurt that they’d not settled things before bed. He hadn’t come to the bedroom and she wasn’t convinced he’d even stayed in the house for long. His obsession with work at the moment wasn’t the reason but it didn’t make anything easier.
The need for coffee drove her downstairs, not bothering to shower and still wearing her dressing gown. Another day stretched ahead with this heaviness in her heart the only constant.
There was a note on the counter.
Sorry about last night, baby. Let’s go out for dinner tonight. Have some us time. Love you.
Her lips curled up and some of the sadness lifted.
Going out for dinner didn’t appeal. It would be a long time before she could sit in a restaurant and not think of that night. But she could make something nice for them to eat here. Go shopping. Set the dining room table and buy nice wine.
She set about planning a menu and then wrote a shopping list.
After washing her coffee cup she wiped over the sink with a paper towel and opened the bin to dispose of it.
Really, Brad?
The reason they’d argued last night was in the bin. An empty cigarette packet she’d found in his jacket pocket. She’d smelt the smoke on the jacket when he’d taken it off and wanted to dry clean it. He often smelled of smoke after being at one of his dinners with clients. But there’d been the packet and he’d shrugged and blamed stress.
This was a small betrayal. They wanted a baby and he’d promised not to start smoking again after giving up twice. She pushed it down and slammed the bin shut.
Vince sat in the waiting room outside Doctor Raju’s office.
Melanie had already had a physical check up with Doctor Lennard who was happy with her progress. He’d drawn a kitten on her cast which made her giggle. The next stop was a session with the therapist, one of several Vince had booked after the original visit. He might not like shrinks but Mel was too young to navigate the loss of her parents with only him to help. As if he could help anyone.
He sent a message to Liz.
The answering machine was as close to a dead end as he could imagine and would be a low priority with the workload on the Melbourne team. But the car. The coroner’s report. Those were due soon. The funeral home had called early to advise the funeral was scheduled now. He had yet to talk to Melanie about it and dreaded doing so.
He leaned back in his seat, eyes closed, fingers curling into his palms. If his heart beat any louder the receptionist would hear it. Years ago he’d been given a list of ways to manage stress, none of which he’d taken notice of apart from buying a stress ball. It was still in its plastic wrapping in a drawer somewhere.
Carving the birds helped. Tending to the pony did as well.
His phone vibrated and he opened his eyes to a message from Liz.
Not yet. He loved Liz but wasn’t ready. The phone went into his pocket, the message unanswered. But he’d have to deal with it soon, once he had a bit more information and needed her help.
The door to the office opened and Melanie rushed out to show Vince another drawing on her cast. ‘It’s a lion! To give me courage when I feel afraid.’
‘A lion and a kitten. Is there a theme here?’
‘Maybe.’ She puzzled over it, touching one then the other.
‘Mr Carter, may I have a moment?’ Doctor Raju asked.
‘Are you fine to sit here for a little bit, Mel?’
The receptionist glanced over. ‘Hi Melanie, would you like to come here with me and draw some pictures? I’ve got some new coloured pencils waiting to be used.’
Apparently that was an invitation worth accepting. Vince followed the doctor into his office.
‘Please, take a seat.’
At least the social worker was absent this time. Vince sat in one of the tub chairs.
‘How are you doing, Mr Carter?’
‘Please, it’s Vince. I’m more interested in how Melanie is.’
‘She’s where I’d expect about now, not that grief and shock can be measured. Her understanding of the changes in her life are overwhelming so I’ve given her some little tricks to help her manage one at a time. I’ve got copies of everything I’ve suggested so will get you a copy.’
‘Okay. Do I need to do anything special?’
What if I stuff it up?
‘No. Familiarise yourself with the techniques I’m teaching her, so you understand her process. She might, for example, ask for you to sit with her so she feels secure. Or want to be alone, which is fine in small doses.’
I can do that.
‘What do I say about her mother?’
‘The truth. But filter everything and let her ask questions. Has she settled in at home? How is she on a day-to-day basis?’
‘Fine,’ Vince said.
‘Would you like me to arrange some home visits by someone who can—’
‘I don’t mean to sound rude, Doctor, but Melanie is my grandchild and we’re doing okay. She’s a bit scared and misses her parents. I’m doing my best.’
‘And she’s lucky to have you,’ Doctor Raju said.
Lucky was the last thing he felt and knew Mel would swap him for her parents in a heartbeat. So would he.
‘She misses her Auntie Carla.’
‘She’s not her aunt,’ Vince said.
‘To Melanie she is. And familiar. Think about taking her to visit them if she asks.’
Vince got to his feet. ‘I think she likes kittens.’
‘Next she’ll be wanting one.’ The doctor grinned.
‘Yeah. Not sure about that.’ Vince managed a smile in return.
‘Might not be fair to give her something to love which might be left behind. Should she move again.’
Vince’s smile dropped. ‘She’s not going anywhere.’
The doctor gazed at him for a moment then nodded. ‘Good for you. Good for you.’
Melanie was quiet all the way home and the second Vince parked, she opened the door and took off to the cottage. By the time he caught up she was hopping from foot to foot outside the front door. ‘I’m cold, Grandad!’
‘Are you too cold to be outside for a couple more minutes? I’d like to introduce you to someone very, very special? We won’t be long.’
‘Well, I guess so.’
She took Vince’s hand, and he led her around the other side of the cottage where the grass was a bit long and there was a clear view of Lyndall’s house higher up the hill. But it was the paddock behind the cottage where he headed.
The pony was grazing at the far end and when Vince whistled, her head shot up. She trotted across with a welcoming nicker.
Melanie hid behind Vince and his heart sank.
‘She’s come to meet you, so how about…’ he grunted as he lifted Mel so her legs wrapped around him, ‘you say hello. Do you remember Apple?’
Apple leaned over the fence, her ears flicking back and forward as she tried to reach Melanie’s feet. Melanie shrieked and pulled them up and Apple snorted.
‘She is curious about you. Do you think she’s a red apple or a green one? Grannie Smith or Red Delicious?’
Melanie giggled. ‘She’s a horse. Not an apple.’
‘She’s a pony. And she’s an old girl.’
Apple tried again to snuffle against Melanie, who buried her head against Vince. ‘I want to go inside. Please can we go now?’
After rubbing Apple between her eyes, Vince trudged away from the paddock. ‘You know, your mum used to ride Apple everywhere. Every day when she was your age.’
‘She did? Mummy rode that pony?’
‘Not only rode Apple, but groomed her, fed her, and was her best friend.’
Although there was no reply, Melanie peeped over Vince’s shoulder to take another look.
Little steps. Next time they’d take some carrots.
Vince was sitting on the front steps when a car drove up. Thanks to her phoning first, he was expecting the visit from the social worker. She’d assured him it was nothing but a follow up to their meeting in the hospital, but he’d had a million thoughts run through his mind since she’d rung and was prepared to stand his ground if she wanted to move Melanie.
She climbed out of her car, opened the back door, and extracted a heavy coat. After putting this on, she collected a briefcase and locked the car.
He went to greet her.
‘Ms Burrows. You found the place okay?’
‘Mr Carter, please call me Dawn. And yes, your directions were easy to follow.’ She gazed at the front of the property with its sparse grass and struggling plants, then turned her attention to the cottage. Her expression barely changed but how could she not find it run down and wanting?
‘Would you like a cup of tea or coffee? Bit cold out here.’
‘I wouldn’t mind some tea, thank you.’
‘Melanie is doing drawings in her room.’ Vince led the way up the steps and opened the door, gesturing for the woman to go first. ‘Kitchen’s at the end of the hallway. As long as you don’t mind sitting in there?’
As he boiled the kettle, he told Dawn about the visit to the hospital earlier in the day.
‘And I’ve made some appointments for her. Just until Doctor Raju thinks she doesn’t need to see him. How do you like your tea?’
‘White with three sugars. He is a kind man. Excellent with difficult situations.’
She didn’t need to add ‘like this.’ He knew what she was thinking. Little girl left with nobody other than a grandfather well past his prime, living in a shack in the middle of nowhere.
Vince brought the tea to the table and sat opposite. ‘I met with Susie’s lawyer and he’s sorting out the will and stuff. The house is owned outright… was owned outright. Imagine it will be sold and I’ll set up a trust for Mel. There’s a lot of unknowns at the moment.’
‘Is it worth considering moving into that house? Closer to Melanie’s school and friends and activities. It would keep her life a bit more normal.’
Never happening.
‘Anything is possible but as I mentioned, there’s a lot to be done by the legal people first.’
‘I did a search before I drove up. Public transport is a fair distance away and almost impossible for an eight-year-old going to an Eastern suburbs school and back. I understand she’s doing well there so moving her might not be the best option.’
He sipped some tea to give himself a chance to think of a reply. He’d been through this with Susie after her mother died. Visits by social workers. Well-meaning but asking questions he had no answers to. Same as now.
‘We’ll work through it all. Melanie and me.’
‘There will be some resources made available to you both. I can see how much you care for her. Just one thing. I spoke with Carla and Bradley Pickering.’
What the hell for?
‘They mentioned how much they would like to see her. I understand Melanie is close to them.’
‘Hmm.’
She titled her head in question.
‘I’ll think about it. But after the funeral.’
He must have used the appropriate tone of voice to convince her it was the end of the discussion because she smiled and changed the conversation to the weather.