Chapter Twenty-Nine

With his brother momentarily distracted, Theo snagged Jun by one of the heavy leather straps of his holster. “Come along with me.”

Jun squinted at Theo with a confused wrinkle of his forehead that reached right into Theo’s chest and hurt him with how cute it was. “Why?”

Smoothing a hand across the strap, Theo threw his hair back over his shoulder. “I suppose we could do this here, if you’d rather, but I intend to finish our conversation. I’m not letting you off the hook just because you abandoned your plan to be rid of me.”

When Boom snickered behind them, Jun took off down the corridor without another word, Theo in tow by the hand hooked in his strap.

The restless drumming of Theo’s fingers echoed hollowly in the lift, the only sound as he organized his thoughts, wanting to be as clear and coherent as possible. It was time to be blunt. Direct. Theo’s feet hurt from all this dancing around the thing that had grown between them.

Jun stood stiffly by his side, facing the door with a grim expression as if he expected it to slide open and reveal his doom.

One would think Theo had asked him to cut himself open rather than to talk about his feelings.

Though, for Jun, perhaps the two were more alike than one might suppose.

Jun led them to Theo’s bunk, and Theo couldn’t help but wonder if it was a strategic choice to ensure that Jun could have a place to escape to afterward. In case the room became saturated with emotion, or something.

After closing the door, Jun hovered, crossing and uncrossing his arms as he rocked back on his heels. It was as close to jittery as Theo had ever seen him, tough shell cracked open to reveal the turmoil within. “Well? I’m listening.”

Theo tucked his hair behind his ears, taking a deep breath to ground himself before he started. He examined Jun’s face, registering every twitch as he put up his walls and plastered over the cracks. “Do you know that the study of languages includes much that remains unspoken? Body language, facial cues, eye contact. Gestures and actions and, simply, priorities. You have been telling me how you feel all along.”

It wasn’t even subtle, the way Jun’s eyes widened in obvious distress.

Theo rushed to reassure him of his expectations. He wouldn’t ask Jun to change for the sake of Theo’s ego. Jun was perfect as he was. “You’re a man of few words, and I’m a man of many, so I suppose it falls to me to make the leap. Jun, I lo—”

Jun stumbled forward with the gasping sound of a man coming up for air and gripped Theo lightly by the arms. “Wait! You don’t—Theo, you don’t understand. I’m not safe. You won’t be safe, with me. I can’t ask that of you. I won’t ask that of you.”

Of course he wouldn’t. It wasn’t in his nature, annoyingly self-sacrificing as he was. Trust Jun to run away from the things he most wanted at full speed.

Theo brought a hand up to his face and traced over the lines of ink that crept up his jaw. The lines that decorated Theo’s dreams. “I don’t care that you’re not asking, because I’m telling you. I love you, Jun. I don’t expect to hear it back; I know you have bigger things on your mind. But I wanted to tell you.” His heart skidded around the corner and slammed into the wall of his chest at the confession.

Dark molten eyes watched him, entire galaxies swimming in their depths as Jun tightened his grip on Theo’s arms.

Swallowing against the unwelcome lump in his throat, Theo continued, “I can finish the translation elsewhere, if you truly wish for me to leave.” He drew a shuddering breath as Jun’s lips parted, face stricken. “As long as I remain on this side of the Verge, I can transfer the data to you over secure lines. My brother can take whatever you need aboard our ship to work on in his lab. Our assistance can be done remotely, if you are simply finished with me.”

It wasn’t the longest romantic entanglement of Theo’s life, but it was certainly the deepest. Uprooting Jun from his heart would leave massive, tunneling scars, but he would do it. If that’s what Jun wanted from him.

Theo had been a little bit selfish all his life, carefree and, sometimes, thoughtless of others. He had never offered such a personal sacrifice to anyone but his brother. But, for Jun, Theo would release the yearnings of his heart and accept the loss with grace.

For Jun, Theo could think about the needs of someone else before himself.

After a few more seconds of silence, he began to fear he would shake apart and float out into space if Jun didn’t give a response. Finally, the dam burst, and Theo blurted out his thoughts, everything in him focused on Jun’s troubled face. “Please say something, Jun. I’ll graciously accept whatever your choice, but I can’t wait in suspense a moment longer. So, please just, say something.”

“Copper.”

Theo drew back a bit in disbelief, wrinkling up his nose as he repeated back the word.

Jun appeared just as surprised as he was. A deep flush stole across Jun’s cheeks as he did an excellent impression of a mortified goldfish before stammering out the rest. “You asked, once. About my favorite color. It’s copper.”

A sharp, resplendent bolt of joy struck Theo right through the center as he listened to everything Jun was saying with his face, and body, and nonsensical words. “You said it was black.”

Jun wet his lips, then shook his head and fingered a strand of Theo’s hair. “It’s copper. I just didn’t know that, yet.”

It was the most romantic thing a man had ever said to Theo, and he had once gone walking with a poet who had described his toes as rosebuds.

That was, perhaps, not the best comparison, but Theo had little control over his wild thoughts. Everything was careening at double speed inside his head.

Inside his heart.

He bumped his head against Jun’s hand where he gently grasped his hair, unable to contain the joy bubbling up in his slowly spreading smile. “Jun, are you asking me to stay?”

The relief that washed over Jun’s face at Theo’s prompting made Theo want to wrap him up in blankets and hold him close. Forever, if possible.

“Yes.” Jun spoke as if he had been shoved to the end of a gangplank and faced shark-infested waters if he didn’t get his words out in time.

It took discipline, but Theo just watched him expectantly, letting the silence stretch out like taffy until it was thin enough to snap, the whole time Jun’s face creasing with the effort of expressing himself.

“Stay with me.”

Theo held his breath, still waiting even as he rocked up on the tips of his toes, feeling like he might vibrate out of his skin.

Abruptly releasing Theo’s hair, Jun shoved one of his own sleeves up past the elbow to reveal a flash of red. It was Theo’s garter, tied securely around his arm. A tidal wave of fondness swept Theo away at the sight. Had Jun been wearing it ever since? Carrying it with him like a knight’s token?

After teasing the knot free, Jun held the ribbon in one hand while he plunged the other into his pocket to retrieve a balled-up handkerchief with rusty stains and—

Theo’s initials monogrammed on the corner.

With a shaky breath, Jun uncurled his hand to let the handkerchief fall open around a tiny wire star. He then draped the ribbon beside it.

He offered it all to Theo on his palm, the silk crushed where it had been coarsely tied and the star misshapen from handling. His voice dragged soft and slow like a hand down Theo’s spine, his gaze caught so close to his there was no prying them apart. “I love you, Theo. Please stay.”

In his dreams, Theo had listened for those words a thousand times over, but never—not once—had they reached his ears.

It was indescribable, the bright flash of light inside of him, the warm glow that settled in his chest. The sudden serenity, as though the ravenous, starving beast that wailed inside of him was finally put to rest.

He laughed through the tears welling up and reached out to cup Jun’s face with trembling hands. “Of course. Of course I’ll stay. I would love nothing better than to be with you. You have me, Jun, wherever you may go. Whatever you must do.”

Jun slid his fistful of tokens into Theo’s pocket and gathered him in his arms. All traces of nervousness had vanished, his embrace strong and face raw with desire. “And you have me.”

Taking a firm hold of Jun’s shoulders, Theo stretched up tall, lifted by hope and love and the answering emotions on Jun’s face.

Would he—? Now, surely? Oh, please—

Jun’s lips fell on his like a benediction.

The kiss was barely deserving of the name, composed of sharp teeth and hot breath and very little in the way of softness.

It was bliss.

Theo had always loved kissing, but there had been nothing like this before.

This was no slow, sweet gentleman’s kiss; this was like being boiled alive from the inside and loving every second of it.

Jun’s lips were plush and gentle, brooking no argument as he used them to coax Theo’s mouth open, to let his clever tongue press inside.

He caressed the contours of Theo’s lips, then traced the edge of his teeth with a rumble in his chest that made Theo weak at the knees.

Theo gave a small, pleading sound, and Jun lifted him from the ground, then strode toward the bed.

They didn’t break apart even as he set him down on the mattress. Jun crawled after him, and they panted into each other’s mouths rather than pausing for breath. Entirely wrapped up in each other, in the moment.

Kissing Jun was amazing.

It was so good that Theo was perfectly willing to ignore the sudden blare of a ship-wide alarm. He whined in protest when Jun sat up with a heartfelt curse.

The coms buzzed on, and Boom shouted over the sirens.

“Captain, get your ass up here! Barnes is demanding to speak with you, and we would all super appreciate it if he didn’t blow the ship to smithereens.”

Jun adjusted himself in his pants with a grimace before he stood and offered a hand to Theo.

He helped him up with care, his gentle attention at odds with the blaring sirens and flashing lights all around them. The lights glinted off his sardonic eyes as he arched a brow at Theo. “This is what it means to be with me. Are you sure you’re ready for it?”

Theo dropped a swift kiss on Jun’s swollen lips and bounded past him to the door. He grinned over his shoulder as he stepped out into the corridor beneath a halo of strobing red light.

“Adventure calls, Captain. Try to keep up.”