“Darrell?”
Rhett’s voice jerked her from her trance. She nodded.
“And Amanda?” He questioned.
“Yes.” The word hissed from her lips as she bowed her head. “I drove home somehow, parked in the garage and sat in the car. I couldn’t get out. I couldn’t do anything. I don’t even think I could move. He arrived about an hour later and sat in the passenger seat to tell me he didn’t love me anymore. That he wanted to marry Amanda. She was carrying his child. Darrell. The same Darrell who’d said after Hannah was born, there’d be no more children. That same Darrell.” She shook her head and gritted her teeth. “Amanda was only twenty-six. Darrell was forty. And I was stupid.”
She blew her nose, tired of crying about it.
“You weren’t stupid, you were trusting,” Rhett said softly.
“Yeah, well, I won’t be stupid or trusting anymore. Never will I put myself through that again. There will be no second marriage for me. I’m done with that. It’s just going to be me. Me and the Lord, that’s it.”
The road created a rhythmic thumping, punctuated by her sighs. Rhett remained silent.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t dump all this on you, but you needed to know what happened. I appreciate you coming with me and fending off my mother and Lisa. You’ve been a huge help. You just can’t know.”
“I understand what it’s like to lose someone, and I want you to know, Jules, that I’ll be here. This kind of thing takes a lot of time to heal, so don’t be too hard on yourself.”
She harrumphed. “Can I tell you something horrible?” Her voice became louder and shriller. “I’ve visualized Darrell dying over and over. Isn’t that wonderful? Yes, sweet, little me. Me. I wished death on him numerous times. I was so hurt and angry I wanted to ring his neck myself. And now, he’s dead, and I wish somehow I could bring him back. He and Amanda.”
A sob rose in her throat. She glanced around in surprise. They’d left the interstate and stopped in an overgrown parking lot of a closed gas station. Rhett put the truck in park and stared straight at her.
“It just proves you really never meant any harm to them, Jules. I could tell you were in pain from the very moment my daughter brought me to you. That agony can take over your life, if you let it. Darrell made a lot of bad decisions. You could’ve been the one in that car. But you weren’t, and you can’t do anything about Darrell and Amanda now. That’s why it’s so important to stay close to God, no matter what. Let me pray with you Jules.” He reached for her hand. “Only the Lord can heal a broken heart.”
Jules stared at him. He was right, of course. Hadn’t she been trying to grow closer to God, lean upon His strength and learn to wait? Darrell chose the wrong path. She didn’t want to do the same. As she bowed her head and listened to Rhett’s prayer. A peace entered her heart. Would it last? Oh, glory. Please last.
* * *
The next week proved such a trial. Library school started out with two new children who screamed and cried through the entire story time. Jules read her planned selections through the racket. She went back to work on Tuesday, and when she arrived home, she discovered a floor full of water. Her refrigerator had died.
Then on Wednesday, she dropped a plate of food and found herself bawling in the middle of the diner, people hushed and overly helpful, wiping up mashed potatoes and roast beef. Thursday, she called her lawyer from Rhett’s house to learn Darrell’s death complicated the sale of their jointly-owned property. And she ended up dumping the whole kit and caboodle on Rhett, as if the poor guy hadn’t had enough to deal with.
On Friday, three goldfish, bloated and pale, floated on top of the pond. Rhett, who’d arrived to mow her lawn, located her on the back porch, sobbing. He removed the poor creatures and buried them beyond the old garage. And then on Saturday, she woke up at 5:02. She did the only thing possible. She had a good cry on her pillow.
By Sunday, she forced herself to attend church, swollen eyes and all, praying she could get through the service without tearing up. She waved at the Carsens in the balcony and hoped they wouldn’t join her. Thankfully, they did not. She slipped out the side door to avoid talking to either of them. Rhett was just too kind, and she’d taken advantage of him. It had to stop. She needed to stand on her own two feet.
After a long walk, she showered again. It was just plain hot. How incredibly thankful she was for the air conditioner Rhett had brought. At least the main room stayed cool. She still hadn’t paid for that little item. Feeling refreshed, she squeezed the majority of the water from her wet hair, combed it through, tossed it behind her shoulders, and decided she would take a drive in the jeep. It’d help pass the day.
After stopping and getting a fresh soda with a bit of cherry flavoring squirted in, she drove around the local lake and found an actual beach. Some folks swam in the dark water while others sun bathed on golden sand. Further down, people fished from the bank and several motored by in a boat. She cast her eyes toward the wooded area where tents sprawled across the hill.
Jules pulled in under a shady tree and threw the gear shift into park. From behind her sunglasses, she people-watched for a time, sipped her drink, and reveled in the soft breeze that tossed her hair. Bible in her lap, she leisurely read through several chapters before she closed her eyes for a moment, leaning her head against the headrest.
Her ears picked up an approaching vehicle, and she roused. The truck pulling in looked remarkably like Rhett’s. As it neared she could see, indeed, it was him with a few jumpy children in the back seat. They pulled in next to her. Great. So much for avoiding them.
She sat up as the doors slammed and squealing girls battled one another with swim noodles. Andi bounded for the jeep. Jules removed her sunglasses to greet the girl.
“This is Goldie, Jules. And this is Alexis. She’s in my class too. We’re gonna swim. You wanna come? You weren’t home ’cause we stopped. Look at my new goggles!”
Jules smiled at all the information delivered with such speed and excitement. “It’s nice to meet you, Goldie and Alexis.”
The two girls giggled, one with red hair and the other blonde.
“Lookie, Daddy, Jules is here.” She clapped her hands with glee.
Rhett came around the truck in long red swim shorts, a white tank, and sporting mirrored sunglasses with an orange-yellow tint. Heffalumps and woozels. Could the man not have a bad hair day or a rebel zit on his face? Jules slid her sunglasses back on.
“You girls go pick a spot on the beach, and I’ll try to convince Jules to join us.” The girls chattered and ran off to do his bidding, hot-footing it across the boiling sand. His wavy, thick hair, so needing a trim, caught the breeze and tumbled about. Gracious, he was a sight. She pulled her eyes from his muscled shoulders and watched the girls throw their towels down.
“I tried to get to you at church, but I swear you snuck out the back door. You’re not avoiding us, are you?” He gave her a disarming smile and tilted his head. Jules swallowed. If he only knew.
“No, of course not. You need a break from your troublesome neighbor sometimes,” she laughed.
“I don’t consider you troublesome. Feisty, maybe.” That grin. “Listen, I was going to ask you a couple of things.”
Good. Maybe she could do a favor for him for once. She always made use of his help with little return.
“All right, shoot.”
“How about swimming with us?”
Yikes. Not that. Anything but that.
“I…don’t own a suit.” She shrugged.
“Well, as you can see,” he gestured to the other swimmers dressed in various attire, “that’s not a problem here.”
His hand reached to grip the window of her jeep, and he assumed a relaxed stance. She bit her lip. It was plain everyone swam in anything. It was also plain she would not, could not, swim with him. Not at the beach or in a pool. Her brain raced. She had to come up with something better than childhood rhymes.
“I need to grocery shop.”
His eyebrow arched and humor pulled at his mouth. Oh, that wasn’t a very convincing excuse.
“Why don’t you do that tomorrow? It’s Sunday, after all.”
“Yeah, well, you know, with my dead fridge, I have to go pretty much every day.”
He laughed. “Just come out and say you don’t care to swim, Jules.”
Her mouth flew open. Then she pulled in her lips to keep from smiling. She couldn’t even fake being offended.
“It’s all right. You don’t want to swim. So that means you have to say yes to the next question.” He pulled off his glasses.
Gulp. What was the next question? She found herself fixated on his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Could you come over tomorrow, say lunchtime? I’ll order a pizza. I need to talk to you about something.”
Huh? “About Andi?”
“It does involve Andi.”
Jules’ brows came down. Why didn’t he just ask her now? “What is it?”
He straightened , slid the sunglasses back on, pushed his hands inside the pockets of his shorts, and glanced to where the girls had gathered at the shallow water.
“Just say yes. Tomorrow, twelve o’clock?”
“Okay, fine, yes.”
“See ya then.” He patted her hood and took off to join the girls.
Jules chewed her lip as she fired up the jeep. It must be about watching Andi since school was almost out. Jules had limited hours to help out, but she’d do what she could. Wait a minute. Tomorrow was Monday. Andi would be in class and he should be at work. What was the deal?
* * *
“…and please bring me a mommy. A really nice one. ’Cause I need one to buy me panties and stuff. A–men.” Andi bounded into bed.
Rhett cleared his throat. If he had to hear that prayer one more time he might punch a wall. He set his teeth and stretched his neck. No problem. The plan would work and grant Andi her wish. He adjusted the covers around his daughter.
“Do a fake story, Daddy. One with a white horse and a purple horse. And don’t forget to put ribbons in their manes. One can have spots on her bottom”—she giggled and covered her mouth with her hands—“and one can have pink hearts all over.”
He chuckled. “Sounds like you have the story under control.”
Her eyebrows shot up, and her large expressive eyes widened. “And they have dresses on. Princess dresses. And high heels.” Her face sobered. “Did Mommy wear high heels?”
Wow. Like a line-drive to the head. He tapped his foot a couple of times and nodded. “She was known to.”
“What kind?”
Great. This Mommy-inquisition could last a good long while. “How ’bout you close your eyes and dream of fancy shoes.”
Andi sighed and lay back against the pillow. “When God gives me a mommy, I hope she lets me wear her high heels.”
Yeah, about that. Rhett scrubbed at his scalp. “All right. Let’s have that hug.”
He leaned down, wrapped his daughter in his embrace, and planted a kiss on her forehead.
Andi yawned. “Daddy, how long does it take God to answer?”
Rhett let a stream of air through his stiff lips. “God answers in his own timing.”
The child yawned bigger and rubbed her eyes. “Does God have a different kind of clock?”
A smile stretched across his face. “You might say that.”
“Is it a really big one?”
Rhett settled on the edge of his daughter’s bed and ran his fingers lightly over her forehead. “I expect we won’t know till we get to heaven.”
Her eyes drooped at his feather touch. “I got a lot of questions to ask God when I get there.”
Andi’s breathing evened and her mouth parted as she drifted to sleep. Rhett removed his hand and stood. He stared at his beautiful daughter and crossed his arms.
“Me, too, Peaches. Me too,” he whispered.
He clicked the lamp off and strolled to the door. After one last look, he exited and shut it with a quiet snap. Every night, the child barraged him with questions. She chased one rabbit after another. He smiled as he stepped down the hall. But it always circled around a new mother, and he was weary of it. Tomorrow, with some luck, he’d iron it out.
He walked to the sunroom and plopped on the couch. After sitting for a few moments, he leaned over, pulled open the drawer of the small end table, and drew out his wife’s picture. Andi resembled her in appearance. Beautiful dark eyes and thick hair.
What would it be like if she’d survived? Grimness drooped his shoulders. He knew. They’d be divorced, she’d be wherever, and Andi would be longing for her mother’s visit. He’d be stuck trying to explain why her mother had no time for her. And his daughter would question everything. Then, she’d grow bitter.
Perhaps it was best this way. In her final hours, his wife had accepted Christ, and Andi clutched only a distant memory of her presence. He only hoped Andi’s likeness to her mother was solely physical. A heaviness settled on his chest. God, guard Andi’s heart. Let her serve You and not herself. Let this plan work and satisfy her.
* * *
Jules hurried home after library school, thankful it had ended early, dressed for her meeting with Rhett, and was pacing the floor by 11:30. This was just a little weird. Surely this meeting centered about babysitting Andi. Maybe something big was happening. Maybe they were moving. Gross. Please, Lord, not that. Perhaps they were planning for company. What did that have to do with her? Maybe…endless possibilities popped into Jules’s mind. Rhett was probably tired of her troubles and wanted her to step back. No, he’d invited her to swim. Now pizza? She shook her head vigorously. Lame. What lame thoughts. Just a horrible big circle. Remember, God’s strength, not hers. Wait, wait, wait.